havent read all the replies just yet but 3 is really young to understand all of this. I would keep it very simple and very short and just say that they don't have a daddy. I wouldn't get into the bibical reasons of why just yet.
havent read all the replies just yet but 3 is really young to understand all of this. I would keep it very simple and very short and just say that they don't have a daddy. I wouldn't get into the bibical reasons of why just yet.
You are right, it is too young to get into the biblical reasons. I was worried though, in responding with something like "there are all different types of families." that it would be giving the message that all choices are equally ok, and if we live according to the bible, the choices we make are not equal. but tif did a great job at explaining that I can say that and still say (one day) that yes, they have different families because they made different choices, but that we only need to worry about our own choices.
Last edited by i.<3.cheesysmiles; 12-30-2011 at 08:45 AM.
No, I wasn't trying to be sarcastic at all! I really think your answer makes total sense.
I don't like the idea of telling a child that something (divorce) makes Jesus sad. Hello guilt! I think that it is too much for a child to handle to think that they (or their family) has made Jesus sad. Especially if it something that they can do nothing about.I think Amanda's explanation is a good one for children, that it makes Jesus sad.
As far as biblically, it does allow divorce for some situations.
I really hope no one is telling their children that being gay makes Jesus sad. How can you know what your child's sexual orientation is? I have many adult friends who remember knowing they were gay at a young age but feeling so guilty and like they were letting their family down by something they could not change. I cannot imagine feeling like Jesus is sad because of who I am. That is the complete opposite of my understanding of Christ. He loves and knows me better that I do.
I personally believe a better way to go is to answer young children matter of factly and leave religious and legalistic beliefs about these family issues out of it. Such as "David's family looks differently than ours. He has two mommies. He does not have a daddy. There are many kinds of families."
Last edited by Kylix; 12-30-2011 at 09:06 AM.
Divorce is always a sad thing, even if it is necessary. That doesn't assign blame, it just means that it is something heartbreaking. God made clear that His desire was for a man and a woman to come together as one, and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. When a marriage is broken, I do believe it pains Him. Its a painful situation for everyone, even when one spouse is not at fault.
And again, your belief on homosexuality and others on here are different. Just because God loves us all does not mean he is not grieved by some of the things we do. He is our Father. Similarly, when my child disrespects me, lies, goes against the rules, etc... I do/will say "That makes me sad." Because it does. Children learn empathy by knowing how their actions affect people's feelings, even when the feeling is not a nice one. Guilt (aka conviction), when it affects us to change in a positive way, is not a bad thing. It helps us discern right from wrong. I would rather my child learn to want to please God out of love for Him, and a desire not to hurt Him, than other motivations such as getting reward or punishment. Love and reverence for God should always be our ultimate motivation for anything we do.
Last edited by KC's wifey; 12-30-2011 at 10:02 AM.
~ Polly ~Married to my perfect match!
Loving my growing family!
I'd say it's time to lock this up before it goes south....
Amanda, DH
I do not think the intention of the OP was to have this dissolve into a discussion on homosexuality. It is not a level "playing field" since one side is not free to go into their beliefs on it. I think it would be best to keep more to the OP's original intent.
~ Polly ~
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Last edited by Cosmosmom; 12-31-2011 at 01:55 PM.
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
But love and friendship does not necessarily mean one has to agree with everything that the friend says, does, or how they live. I think the OP was trying to figure out how to teach her son acceptance of people but stress their different family values while doing that.Originally Posted by Cosmosmom
You saying that how we teach our children is the cause of suicides is inflammatory for the people in this thread, and we are not able to reply to your accusation.
The book is fine to post about, although the OP did say she does not want to teach her children that it is equally acceptable (which it seems is what the book teaches), even though she does want to remain kind and loving.
~ Polly ~
It is all personal belief-dependent; but I think moving forward we all need to be more careful as to how we apply the term "Christian." It is meant to be an inclusive term, not one to exclude people. It should encompass anyone that believes in Jesus Christ as their savior, with no regard to sex, race, denomination, spiritual practices, or sexual orientation. You can believe what you want, teach your children what you want, but use something in place of the word "Christian" if you are trying to describe something with exclusions.
and that is why i debated posting. honestly, it could have been questions about unmarried parents, step-parents or atheist families or any other family situation that is different than ours. it's just this is the first situation we've had that i feared him asking why and my not knowing how to respond. I know as he gets older, he will continue to encounter different families, and I wanted to know how other moms of Christ-centered families approach this. What Tif said, about only worrying about our own choices is very helpful. I am, glad that I posted this because that was the advice I was looking for since I want to teach my children that we can accept and love others regardless of what they do. I am a firm believer that the only one we have to stand before is God, and that it is not my responsibility to worry about what other families or people do, but we are responsible for what we do. And with my children, I will guide them as they grow up to seek God and to pray about choices that they make. And I think Tif's advice is a good way to approach this.
Last edited by i.<3.cheesysmiles; 12-30-2011 at 12:21 PM.
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Last edited by Cosmosmom; 12-31-2011 at 01:55 PM.
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
Ladies, this is not the place to debate the correctness of another's beliefs, which is unfortuntately what this thread has digressed into. The OP asked for advice and gave a particular situation but she was not asking if her feelings on the topic were correct or not.
Last edited by DucksLikeRain; 12-30-2011 at 01:09 PM.
Awesome that you got some good insights from posting!
Senior Member
Constant Presence
I don't know the names right now, but there are several good children's picture books about families being different but all having love for each other - usually there's a same sex couple in there, often a single parent or children being raised by grandparents too. I think it's very important that we teach our children that all family units deserve recognition and respect even if we disagree with the adults' choices. Your local librarian I'm sure could tell you some of the titles they have in their collection. My kids have picked these up just randomly at times, and when I was in school we had to keep lists of books on topics like this.
As for addressing the questions when they occur, I think it's important to respond first with love. That's always the right answer isn't it?What you say and how you say it depends on your own belief system and your child's maturity level. Keep in mind that children see things as very 'black and white' - so any indication that something is 'good' or something else is 'bad' is going to mean a lot more to them, rigidly, than it does to an older child or adult. When my own family members have lived lifestyles that we do not agree with and my daughter has asked (such as, 'Why is Aunt Kristi not married to Uncle Matt, but they live together?') I have had to resort to, "That's the way some people choose to live. That's not how we chose to live, and it's not how we know God wants us to live. But everyone has the right to make their own choices. That's what is so great about living in this world." Focus on the positive - that you love the people, that it's their choice. I do not think it's wrong to tell your children what you believe God's opinion to be on various subjects. It will not create guilt or emotional disability in them! We as parents must teach our children right from wrong. But there is a way to teach correct principles without shunning or degrading people who make different choices.
And that really sums up why I started this post. I need some help figuring out exactly how to do this, because I do not want to degrade or shun anyone. Thanks for the reminder that children do see things as black and white. Thank you for your response!!I don't know the names right now, but there are several good children's picture books about families being different but all having love for each other - usually there's a same sex couple in there, often a single parent or children being raised by grandparents too. I think it's very important that we teach our children that all family units deserve recognition and respect even if we disagree with the adults' choices. Your local librarian I'm sure could tell you some of the titles they have in their collection. My kids have picked these up just randomly at times, and when I was in school we had to keep lists of books on topics like this.
As for addressing the questions when they occur, I think it's important to respond first with love. That's always the right answer isn't it?
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Last edited by AbbeysMom; 12-31-2011 at 04:03 PM. Reason: not worth it
lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010
Just to clarify, in case its needed, I will not be going out of my way to criticize or point out things that are in opposition to my beliefs. I do not think it is ever right to be cruel or rude or intentionally hurtful to anyone. Nothing we can do makes us less lovable to God. I want to instill that in my children, also.
But the hard thing is that what the Bible says is just fact. God says it, therefore it is so. It is not the same as a preference, or a style or an opinion, where I can tell my children "That's just the way they do things, and that's ok, but we do it differently here." (Especially as they get older and are able to understand more). If my family, for example, was very focused on eating organic natural foods, I could highlight the benefits of our lifestyle and just say that other people choose to live differently and that's ok. And there will be many situations like that that will come up, where it is simply a difference of lifestyle with pros and cons.
But when it comes to what the Bible says, I cannot do that. The Bible is the road map to my life. It is the final say on my moral compass, and I will teach my children that also. I don't want to teach moral ambiguity to my kids, so if the Bible says something is right, its right. If it says something is wrong, its wrong. I know to many people that is harsh, and like I said I will do my absolute best to teach discernment in love, but I still have to draw the line where the Bible draws it. The Bible doesn't just highlight the good and ignore the bad, it teaches both. These kind of situations will come up in real life, and they will come up when we read the Bible together, without me going out of my way to find it.
Lisa - I'm glad you got some good advice on here.
~ Polly ~
The problem is that not all Christians (many in fact) believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible. Also, not all believe being gay is a lifestyle or a choice like choosing to eat organic food. These two major differences make it hard for us to see eye to eye on this issue. Furthermore, it makes it hard for me to see anything about what you are saying in this thread as loving.But the hard thing is that what the Bible says is just fact. God says it, therefore it is so. It is not the same as a preference, or a style or an opinion...
Of course. I was not speaking for everyone, only my own beliefs. Without common ground on what the Bible is, there can be no agreement on the issue. And again, it is easier for someone with your stance to talk about your views. Mine, not so much. I was trying to speak about being discerning in general, without going into specific issues.
But if the definition of love is to condone and respect everything a person is doing or believes, then no one, including you, can be loving, since you obviously believe me to be wrong and do not like my views. We all have things we believe are right and wrong. This is why the OP has this issue, because discernment is often viewed as condemnation and being unloving.
~ Polly ~
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Last edited by Cosmosmom; 12-31-2011 at 01:56 PM.
Jennifer, 34, DH 36
Beautifully spoken, as always.Just to clarify, in case its needed, I will not be going out of my way to criticize or point out things that are in opposition to my beliefs. I do not think it is ever right to be cruel or rude or intentionally hurtful to anyone. Nothing we can do makes us less lovable to God. I want to instill that in my children, also.
But the hard thing is that what the Bible says is just fact. God says it, therefore it is so. It is not the same as a preference, or a style or an opinion, where I can tell my children "That's just the way they do things, and that's ok, but we do it differently here." (Especially as they get older and are able to understand more). If my family, for example, was very focused on eating organic natural foods, I could highlight the benefits of our lifestyle and just say that other people choose to live differently and that's ok. And there will be many situations like that that will come up, where it is simply a difference of lifestyle with pros and cons.
But when it comes to what the Bible says, I cannot do that. The Bible is the road map to my life. It is the final say on my moral compass, and I will teach my children that also. I don't want to teach moral ambiguity to my kids, so if the Bible says something is right, its right. If it says something is wrong, its wrong. I know to many people that is harsh, and like I said I will do my absolute best to teach discernment in love, but I still have to draw the line where the Bible draws it. The Bible doesn't just highlight the good and ignore the bad, it teaches both. These kind of situations will come up in real life, and they will come up when we read the Bible together, without me going out of my way to find it.
Lisa - I'm glad you got some good advice on here.
Amanda, DH
I know one thing I plan to teach my girls (in time) is the truth that the bible says. Not just in requards to homosexuality but in all sexual relationships. While our society tells us one thing God is clear on what He says. Who am I to argue with my creator? I will also teach my children to be a light to others, try not to judge and to love everyone. We all sin -none of us are perfect.
Not sure if that helps but that's how our family will handle these things. It's very hard to try and teach your kids certain values when our world is going in a different direction.
The Bible also says that women should remain silent in the church and cover their heads, but do you all do that...? How do you decide what is to be taken literally and what isn't?
ETA: Also to cut off your hand if it sins...and there are many passages that state that slaves should obey their masters, and to have your city stone your wife if it is determined she wasn't a virgin when she married you....
Last edited by Palee; 12-31-2011 at 12:30 PM.
and that is what we plan to do, too.
I really agree with that last part. I was listening to a sermon just the other day about sexuality and youth in our nation. The pastor gave some stats on porn and pre-marital sex and boys, and it really scared me. It is difficult when our belief systems go against the popular culture.
I do not think this is the thread to address this question fully, since it is already convoluted and off point of the OP.
But as briefly as possible, the question of taking the Bible literally or not, is a question that inherently causes confusion. What I mean when I answer is probably not what you mean when you ask. What I can say is that I try to read the Bible with the intent that the author wrote it. In addition, I also believe that it is the infallible Word of God, meaning I don't pick some passages as God inspired and others as not. Its either all true or none of it is.
I'm not going to get into each verse you posted, but what I can say is that as with any passage, it must be read in context, accepting God's sovereignty, and keeping the whole picture of God's character and purpose in mind. I don't claim to understand everything in the Bible. I learn more every time I open its pages. But I have full trust in God and I believe the Bible is His.
~ Polly ~
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