Am I overreacting? (long)

[impatient]

My kids are rather active and not always quiet. During services, DD goes to the nursery and DS goes to Sunday school. I would never even think to bring the kids to the service. We also do not have a "cry room" - there is a TV in the lobby if you need to step out with a child. But it is really just a "hallway" and there are only 3 chairs.

We just had 2 "family events". One was a Christmas musical in which DS was singing. The 3 and 4 year olds only sang one song. The nursery was closed as our children's ministry director emphasized that this is a "family event". DD was up and dancing. Eventually I was told to go watch it on the screen. I was not happy about it but I went into the lobby. I would have been really upset if DS was in the whole musical and I would not have been allowed to watch.

A week later, we went to the family service on Christmas Eve. Again this was advertised as a family event (there were 2 more regular services after that). This time nursery (kids under 2) was offered but DD had a runny nose so I did not think that it was appropriate to take here there. We sat in a section on the side and there was no one else sitting in this section. My kids were again up and running around in the back corner. I was told that "this is still church" and that I had to leave. I went to the lobby which was FULL. I was too upset especially after seeing so many families in the lobby.

Why it the world would you call this a family event if children are not welcome? I just broke out in tears and went back to get DH and we left. I felt like our church is rejecting my children. What happened to "let the children come to me"?

It was the same person who asked us to leave both times.

I am really heartbroken and I am only posting this 2 days later because I can finally write this post without crying. We are connected to the church beyond Sundays. The way I feel right now, I do not want to set my foot in the church again. But I have already committed to leading 2 Bible study classes next year and I also serve on MOPS steering. I am not sure what to do. I feel like I need to do what I commited to and then we find another church.

Am I overreacting?

[DucksLikeRain]

Who was it that asked you to leave? Just some other congregation member or someone in some sort of leadership/hierarchy position?

If the former, I'd next time politely decline to leave and reply that it was my understanding that this was a FAMILY event and that you would be staying with your FAMILY. If it was the latter...I'd probably do the same thing and then offer to discuss it with them after services. But I come from a background where children of all ages are welcome and expected at all worship services. Sunday School in our church is a completely different meeting than the worship hour and there is no cry room or tv room for during our worship hour. A nursing lounge with speakers, and a foyer with speakers. But no expectation that you remove your children from the chapel unless you choose to. We have always reserved that for meltdowns and diaper changes.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

I would be upset. If your services your advertised as family events, then, children should be included.

One of the important things for DH and me was finding a church that was family friendly. When talking to our pastor, he told us that if anyone has a problem with children being "loud" then they can talk to him. He says that children bring joy and has no problem preaching with a child running up and down the aisles. We still take our boys to the nursery when they need to. We do not allow them to run around or make noise, but we always feel welcome when we set up some cars and bring snacks for DS in the back since he struggles to stay in the nursery at times.

[impatient]

Who was it that asked you to leave? Just some other congregation member or someone in some sort of leadership/hierarchy position?

It was one of the ushers, to my knowledge, she is a volunteer and not a church employee. I do not know her very well.

[katie]

I would be upset, DH would be very very upset. I personally would have tried to contain the kids in seats or my row at least to try and help them learn how to behave in Church & I personally wouldn't have wanted them running but I have no issues with the dancing! Our former pastor before we moved made a remark about a crying babe one service and DH was fuming! He apologized later but still children should be welcome no matter what the service!

[caligirl07]

I would have been upset about the dancing (my girls love to stand right in front of their chair and clap/dance to the music), however I would try really hard to have the kids sit right next to us (I usually bring books or coloring things, even snacks) standing/playing the the corner wouldn't have been appropriate in our environment either, however small noises or restlessness is usually ignored overall I'd say kids are really welcomed in our sanctuary.

[Sakura]

I'd be upset about that, too! I find it ridiculous to remove children from those situations.

Can you talk to your pastor about what you were told?

[impatient]

I'd be upset about that, too! I find it ridiculous to remove children from those situations.

Can you talk to your pastor about what you were told?

I will probably talk to the director of children's ministries. I know her well and she was the one personally stressing that they want the musical be a family event (she cancelled nursery for that day). Although I need to wait, I am still too emotional about it.

I think that part of the problem of me having hard time keeping the kids seated in that particular room is that the only other time they ever go there is a weekly dinner. There are tons of kids there and they all eat and then run around and play. It is like a little informal playdate. I think they would do better in the sanctuary. Also, when they are together, they feed off of each other. So when I just had DD, she was really just dancing, clapping and twirling. People sitting around us were having fun watching her (I did not get a single "stare" from anyone) - yet I was politely asked to leave. The kids were definitely livelier than that during the Christmas Eve service. But it really put me over the edge when I saw a room full of parents and kids who were unable to stay during a "family service". DH was already walking out when I came back to get him. He said he was glad the usher did not speak to him as he does not keep his opinions to himself as well as I do.

Any other time, I would not consider the kids being up and about acceptable at all. We never bring them with us, they go to nursery and Sunday school.

I am going to visit a friend who was there for both events shortly, I will get her take on the situation.

[kenzie]

I would talk to someone in a leadership role at the church. It could be that this woman was exercising her own views on how children should be in church and not necessarily the views of what leadership would want her to exercise. Try not to be too upset with your church over the actions of this one person! Talk to someone in charge and see what their views are.

[LinosMama]

I would have told her a firm NO, and given her the stink eye..lol. But then I don't put up with that at all. We have a kids room at our church, however they aren't required to stay there. If Lino isn't feeling it, he will come and sit with us and fart around on my phone. I would speak to your Pastor. I am mad for you.

[momofone]

I would be very hurt. In my church our pastor loves having the children there and she holds children's sermons where all the kids come up and she talks with them. I think it is important to have children involved in the church. There is one lady in our Church that does not like my kids (but I think she suffers from mental problems) cuz she has told me how bad of a parent I am and how we let our kids cry through the whole thing....totally NOT true. IMO children need to learn how to sit/stand in pew with parents (or dance if that is the theme going on) in church...how else will they learn? I would be pretty pissed if someone told me to take my kids and leave. I always ask the question: Would Jesus do that?? Would he ask you to take your children away from his messages?

[Palee]

I don't think you are overreacting at all! I would be upset as well, especially since you had no other "option" to care for your children during worship. You should definitely bring it up to the Children's minister that you know!