Teens/Tweens

[missychrissy]

Uh oh, I think we lost our NET.

How are the kids doing? My oldest just got her official letter letting her know she got a dorm for the Spring semester. They couldn't promise her because they didn't know how many students would be leaving, and then the dorms are offered on 'first come, first serve' basis. She was ecstatic to receive that letter!

[LaundryQueen2011]

We are doing great here!

Savannah is running track and doing well with it. It has forced her to keep her grades up and focus.

All through Christmas break she did 2 hours of track a day and then 2 hours of soccer a day. Everyday. She was being so dedicated!

Soccer season is almost here and so is 2nd semester. She has a HEAVY course load this semester. Biology, Algebra, German and oh heck I forget the other class...LOL. Anyway - she is going to have to be really heavily dedicated to her school work and whatnot. More so than this semester.

My family has been here visiting and she went out with my brother and SIL last night and she really opened up to them about her future and her want for college. She really wants to go to UMASS Amherst and is leaning towrds Criminal Justice. I think watching our older son throw away a college education (he had a Full Ride ROTC Scholarship to Umass Dartmouth and threw it away!!!) and she doesn't want to make that same mistake. Mass is our homestate so she can get a decent tuition (and maybe soccer scholarship!!) and my brother and SIL last night offered for her to live with them for her Freshman year! I couldnt' believe they offered that since it's a huge undertaking but I was so thrilled they did. She wants to start looking at colleges this summer...but UMASS is really her goal.

So that's us for now! She still has her teenage issues...attutude and whatnot...LOL But that's to be expected

[kadas33]

We are hanging in there. Dd still isn't fond of me, go figure. Her left the marital home on the 30th of December, not by choice. According to the court order I have custody of both her and ds. I told her she couldn't go with her dad, but she could call family if she wanted to leave too. She decided to go stay with dh's aunt. She was with her aunt for a week and came back home on Monday. The house she came back to is not the same one she left. I have made it abundantly clear to her that she will respect me or she can leave. This was after she hung up on me. I have put in place clear and reasonable expectations (clean up after yourself, do chores to contribute to the household, be respectful) and so far so good. It's SO much easier parenting her when she doesn't have her dad around to run to, she knows she has to play by my rules. I imagine when she can have contact with her dad she will leave and move in with him, which is fine with me. Of course I want her around but I also don't want to force her to be around when she doesn't want to be. I continue to show her love and support and that's all I can do right now. The divorce has gotten pretty nasty but I'm hoping when it's all done and over with that she comes back around.

[missychrissy]

It sounds like Savanna is really doing good. I hope it continues.

And I hope your daughter comes around soon. It sounds like her father is letting her get her own way in an attempt to pay you back. He knows it'll make her 'hate' you (at least for now). It must be an impossible situation.

As for us, we just had a big blow up because Jesi (17) dropped the bomb that she intends on getting a GED instead of graduating high school. This is a problem because NY makes it virtually impossible to get a GED unless you've been out of school for a solid year or it's after the last year you were registered with has graduated. Officially, she's considered a 10th grader even though she could graduate next school year if she passed all her classes (she should be in 11th right now but has 2 10th grade classes, if that makes sense). So NY wouldn't allow her to take the GED test until after June 2014, unless she were to quit school right now. Then she could apply to take it in 2013, I think. If the school kept her registered in Sept of this year, then she would still have to wait till 2014. I've heard of people 'officially' quitting their school but the school going ahead and scheduling them anyway because they're a minor living in the district. I do not know of anyone that was able to get their GED until after their class graduated. Including myself.

The other exceptions would be if she were in a drug and alcohol in-patient program, mental health facility, or incarcerated. None of them seem like good alternatives to me. She's in tears and frustrated and saying we don't understand. Ugh.

[LaundryQueen2011]

Ack Bobbie - why doesn't she want to finish up school??? She is pretty close right? What about finishing up her classes on-line with an on-line home schooling program? That way she could still have a diploma vs a GED? Sounds very frustrating on everyone's part.

Kadas - I am so sorry about your DD. I know I would be really upset if Savannah did that. I couldn't imagine her leaving and living elsewhere. I am also sorry the D is getting ugly. DH's divorce was pretty ugly but we never had to worry about the boys because their mother didn't want them, she only wanted cash and "crap" she had in the house she left. One of them smartened up to her crap, the other allowed himself to be bought out by her 'gifts' that she would buy. Guess which one grew up faster? Hopefully your daughter will begin to see soon that the grass will not always be greener on the other side and that dear ole Dad is not always going to let her do whatever she wants when all is said and done with the D and he has to start really being a Dad. When he has to start dealing with her acting out at school or sneaking out or whatnot...he'll realize too that being the "fun parent" really backfires 9 times out of 10!

Semester ends here this week...Savannah's hard Semester starts Monday. Bio, Algebra, German and English II. 100 kids just failed the first Semesters EOC for English...I really hope Savannah sees how much she is going to have to be on top of things.

[missychrissy]

How is Savannah doing so far? 100 kids failed? wow. Good luck to her!

We dropped Bobbie off at her dorm yesterday (oh, it was Jesi that wanted to quit high school, by the way). It was very emotional for me. In part because of all the reasons moms struggle to fully let go of their 'babies' but also because I wasn't expecting the institutional 'feel' and smell of the place. I'm not sure if I told you guys or not, but my own mother spent most my childhood in and out of the state hospital. Leaving Bobbie there brought back a flood of memories I didn't even know I had about leaving my mom there. The cinder block walls, the smells, locked doors that needed a card swipe to access. It made little difference to emotional me that my daughter's student ID would let her in and out. It was quite overwhelming for me.

As for her, she was sad and anxious to see us go. I texted her throughout the day and she was definitely in better spirits later. She was excited and had all these plans for her room and to go to various places on campus to see what was going on. I only have 2 complaints about the place. 1-they don't have cleaning service, which we knew and were ok with. They're supposed to be adults, they can clean up after themselves. But apparently they don't even clean the apartments/dorms between semesters either. There was milk left over from last semester in the fridge. It was awful. and 2-, kinda minor but internet is included in their 'rent' but they don't tell the students until they get there that Ethernet is not provided. The modem is there for cable internet, but no Ethernet?

We ended up going back up last evening to help her clean up and bring her Ethernet cable. The other 3 girls she's roommates with all lived there last semester together so Bobbie will be the new girl. She moved in yesterday and they return today. I hope they all get along well. Bobbie's RA just said, "I'll be honest with you. They're ok." about her roommates. Um, all right. What's that mean? I'm glad Bobbie didn't ask for more details. She's going to form her own opinion about her roommies, which I think is smart. Their dorms are actually really cool...they're apartments with 4 bedrooms. So although Bobbie has to share living room, bathroom, and kitchen with them, they each get their own bedroom. I like that.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and as for Jesi wanting to quit school-she was just frustrated. We've talked and I think we have a plan to help her get through high school. She's going to do the best she can this year and access all the help she can get (I wrote to her guidance counselor and she should get getting more help with math). If she doesn't get in any more trouble, I'll allow her to return to her charter school where she felt she got more help. The only reason I pulled her out of there was because she had problems making it from where the bus dropped her off to her school building and missed a lot of time. She has roughly 7 months to prove she can be trustworthy and we'll try it again. It wasn't the school's fault she was skipping.

[LaundryQueen2011]

Oh heck how did I mess up the names...DOH!

That's great on Bobbie! The dorm room sounds good (other than not having been cleaned - ick) I like that she has her own bedroom - does the door have a lock so she can lock up her belongings?

It took me a minute to read and reread what you said on the bus and her not getting to school. She was skipping...not that it was the buses fault...LOL I think you made the right decision taking her out - she has to learn that it's not up to her when she feels like going to school. And letting her know that if she stays on the straight and narrow that she can go back to the other school should give her incentive!

How quiet is the house now with Bobbie gone? Too quiet? How far from you is her college?

[missychrissy]

Goodness I haven't been very good at keeping up in here, and I probably could have used thoughts from other moms of teens.

Bobbie's bedroom does lock. Her roommates are wonderful to her. They're excellent cooks and have kept her well fed. They all contribute to the groceries. They're really very sweet, funny girls. They did catch their kitchen on fire and had to stay 2 weeks apart. No one was hurt, not even the hamster they've snuck in as a pet.

The house is exceptionally quiet now because not only did Jesi ultimately quit school, but she's moved out. She was talking and talking about it and she turns 18 in Sept. When I found out she hadn't been going to school and we caught her with a bowl (for smoking pot) I said, "If you wanna go, just go. You're going to do what you want anyway." I guess I hit my limit with her. She packed two bags and road the bus to Ithaca yesterday. She was supposed to contact me with a phone number but hasn't. I was really tempted to giver her her cell phone back, but I'd always said that I'd help them with cars, car insurance and cell phones as long as they were in school. I didn't want to reward her for quitting school and leaving home so I let her go without any means of contacting her.

Either I'm cold, in shock, or numb because it really hasn't sunk in yet. Actually, if I'm quite honest it was nice only having Sydney and Conner last night. No drama, no arguments, no frustrations.

[Jai]

Oh Chrissy.. HUGS. I don't really even know what to say.. just HUGS. I'm here if you need to talk, even if I might not have a lot to say.. I'm a good listener.

[LaundryQueen2011]

Oh Chrissy...I am so sorry. That had to have been such a hard decision to make.

It hard when there is dissent on the house coming from one person. We had a lot of that in our house. Everyone else got along except one. When it came down to follow our rules or else - he chose the or else. Wound up moving from Germany back to the states with none of his things except clothes really. It was so hard - but DH said he couldn't have him ripping the family apart.

I hope she calls you soon. Communication is going to be the key to rebuilding...which will take time on both sides. Hugs Mama. (Oh...I can't really share life issues too much on here anymore because of my stalked DIL. She was stalking me on here and so I just don't put much out there anymore *sigh* Stupid B*tch. She was so bored with her own life she had to get all nosy in mine after she deleted me from her FB because I didn't wish her a Happy Birthday on there...seriously???)

So if you need to chat - my FB is Katrina Lee Letourneau

[missychrissy]

Thanks, I sent you a friend request.

I did see Jesi briefly today. She looks good and seemed in bright spirits. I told her to call her sister and her dad because they miss her. She's seeing a tutor for her GED test.

[missychrissy]

How are all the teens doing?

Jesi has returned home finally. I don't know what her plans are for school because I'm pretty sure she burned her bridge at the charter school she loved. I'm not going to fight for her to be accepted back there either because I don't consider her trustworthy yet. Not after all the promises to stick with it and do her work last time. She's missed so much school at this point that passing this year is hopeless. I don't even think they'd offer her summer school at this point. She's 17 and is looking at another 2 years of high school. This coming school year should have been her last.

But...I'm glad she's home and I hope she stays. There's a chance she can participate in a GED program.