Does daddy have a say?

[Bridget]

I was showing dbf the controversial cover of Time Magazine yesterday and I also showed Savana and Kai when they asked. Savana was like, "Cool! Will you PLEEEEEZE breastfeed Sawyer when he's big standing on a chair?"
Dbf said, "Um. No."
I let it go because just his tone let me know that it would not be a productive convo.

Now I have no idea how long I will breastfeed Sawyer. If there is one thing I have learned as a 3rd time mom it is to plan for nothing. But this got me thinking that I wonder when/if it will get to the point that dbf is uncomfortable with it. I'm curious as to how he will bring it up with me and what reasons he will have to back it up.

So my question to other EBF mamas is that if your child's father thought is was time to stop would you take that into consideration or do you really feel it is between you and your child when you stop?

[Hippychick]

Well to be honest, no , since the main reason was that he saw that dd was not willing for a while. (dd1 was BF till she was 11 months, weaned on her own dd2 was almost 2 and same and dd3 was 2.5 and weaned herself too) I could tell dh was not comfortable after the 2 year mark(really after 1 year since his parents made stupid comments , tho they did in the beg as well since they were against it even as a newborn babies) but he learned I was very sure that this was what was best (tho he really was ok with it since it was free, he is a cheapskate)

[kendra76]

I get the feeling that my DH really wants me to stop after a year. He wants to travel and have our bed back. But that being said, if I refused, I know that he would support me.. But he did say that 3-4 years old was WAY too old in his opinion.

[HisWifeHerMom]

DD EBF until She was ready to give it up, There was times it was uncomfortable for DH and myself but We had to put our pride to the side it wasnt about us anymore It was about her.

[Bridget]

DD EBF until She was ready to give it up, There was times it was uncomfortable for DH and myself but We had to put our pride to the side it wasnt about us anymore It was about her.

That is well said.

[MommyShannon]

I agree with the plan for nothing. BF was never a debate for us, but when I had DD I was in the mainstream idea of 1 year is it, if they can ask for it with words they are too old. DH was the same. I stopped nursing DD at 1 and DS at 13 months. They were in daycare and used to getting milk in a cup so they didn't care if I weaned. Over the years we have become much more attached parenting. DD2 was in daycare too but never took bottles well. I cut back my hours after she was born and became a SAHM when she was 1. She was still nursing a lot. Every now and then he would comment I should wean her (especially after I got pg and was so run down) but mostly he joked about how she would never let me stop and that she would likely beat me up if I said no more. We joked that the new baby would need protective gear to nurse since M is very attached to me. Our views changed about the limits of bf as M got older. She self weaned after my milk dried up around 20 weeks pg (right when she turned 2). Even if I had started out determined to EBF, arguing about it when she was a nb would have been pointless since his view changed through watching her cues too.

[Smplyme89]

I guess I will be the oddball and say that I absolutely would take DHs feelings into consideration.

If it got to the point where it made DH grossly uncomfortable we would discuss it and come to a resolution. My husbands happiness is very important to me and I strongly believe that a happy, healthy marriage is of the utmost importantance for a family.

[JJorn]

I'll be the other oddball that would seriously consider my DH's opinion and as with all parenting decisions come to a joint agreement.

[Inca]

Dbf started questioning a little bit when Remy was around 1. But ultimately it was not his choice. He knew I'd kept going until we were both ready (meaning, Remy and I)

[Hippychick]

I should say if he had a valid reason, i would be more likely to give him more take, but that his mom thinks its gross is not a good one.

[macksmom]

I would definitely take DH's feelings into consideration as I do with all things we decide to do for our children. BUT his reasoning would have not consist of things like "it's just gross" or anything having to do with what others think about it. If for some reason he felt it was just not helpful to the child or not beneficial in some way we would discuss. I would not just flat out dismiss his feelings. But I also wouldn't just accept any reason he comes out with especially if I don't think they are valid reasons to discontinue nursing.

DH is VERY supportive but I can tell I have lead the way to that. There have been a few times where I think he might be about to say something negative but keeps his mouth shut after he hears what I say. This TIME photo is a good example. I think his first reaction was to be like "omg gross" but I mentioned how I found the pic offensive to BFers and that it didn't help the EBF issue and he just didn't say anything.

I am also in the "no planning" mode with baby #3 and have a feeling I will nurse this one the longest since s/he is definitely my last but who knows. I know with DD2 she was very distracted by her sister and wasn't much interested so we stopped at 15M. Hardly EBF but still. I weaned DD1 at 18M because I needed oral surgery and I am glad I did because I needed some serious drugs for that pain. With this one I could see going until at least age 2 but I really don't know.....

[haydensmom]

I guess I will be the oddball and say that I absolutely would take DHs feelings into consideration.

If it got to the point where it made DH grossly uncomfortable we would discuss it and come to a resolution. My husbands happiness is very important to me and I strongly believe that a happy, healthy marriage is of the utmost importantance for a family.

I agree with this. I breastfed Ava until 26 months and Brett was totally fine with it. So he is absolutely supportive of ebf! But if he started to feel uncomfortable with it and I could wean without it negatively effecting Carter, then I absolutely would take that into consideration.

[dunegirl]

If dh wants me to wean and wants to/can deal with dd screaming and crying for boob then go for it!! I will not out up a fight with dd to wean her and if dh has a problem with that then oh well. Before having dd, dh said he was onboard for BF for a year....when we were approaching a year I asked him again and he said 2 years....

[Mamarazzi]

I should say if he had a valid reason, i would be more likely to give him more take, but that his mom thinks its gross is not a good one.

This. I would take his opinions into consideration, but if he had no other reason than he thought it was gross, I would not wean based on that. I'll always listen to his ideas, but breastfeeding is something that I have the final say over.

[misfit]

I would take his feelings into consideration. He commented once he thought it'd be weird to nurse a 2 year old, but was fine if I chose to do so.

[MomOfAnOnly]

Honestly I don't really take it into consideration, but he doesn't give me a reason to. He has a very healthy view of BFing- it would never even cross his mind to say it was gross, just like I don't think it would occur to him to be uncomfortable with it for any reason. My nursing relationship with our DD is between her and I, it does not effect him in any way. That's not so say he hasn't suggested weaning, because he has. Just recently even. But not for any of the reasons I mentioned above. DD has been having a really difficult time with sleep lately and therefore *I* haven't been getting much sleep either. Because of this he said maybe it was time to wean (one thing she wants to do when she wakes up at all hours of the night is nurse). He seemed to think if she weaned she wouldn't wake anymore. I think her issues go beyond waking just to nurse, and "invited" him to be the one to get her back to sleep when she does wake up. He quickly declined the invitation, and we carry on as usual.

[pants]

I guess I will be the oddball and say that I absolutely would take DHs feelings into consideration.

If it got to the point where it made DH grossly uncomfortable we would discuss it and come to a resolution. My husbands happiness is very important to me and I strongly believe that a happy, healthy marriage is of the utmost importantance for a family.

here here I totally agree with this.

[Adhafera]

Obviously I'm not BF'ing yet, but once this LO comes I plan to for as long as I can. DH and I discussed the Time Magazine and EBF in general and he said he's totally fine with it and would support me BF for as long as I wanted to.

[MomOfAnOnly]

Obviously I'm not BF'ing yet, but once this LO comes I plan to for as long as I can. DH and I discussed the Time Magazine and EBF in general and he said he's totally fine with it and would support me BF for as long as I wanted to.

That's half the battle right there! It's great your LO isn't even here yet and he already has an open mind about it. Unfortunately, these days, his view is a rare one.

[caligirl07]

Yes I would and have considered dh's opinion regarding bfing... However he's never been on the 'you need to stop because they are too old or its gross' its been more of a "can we talk about the family dynamic because things aren't working for all of us anymore?" And honestly he was right at the time, T was 23 months old and I was devastated because I wasn't pregnant again yet, and nursing was stopping that, he was hurting watching me hurt and wondering if encouraging her to wean would help all of us... it did a month later I was preggers! And then with K she was 20 months old, but I was over it and just didn't know how to stop, T was miserable feeling like she wanted to be a baby because K got mommy time, and I was ready to do more things without nursing every 2 hours (k never weaned out sessions)... so again it was "hey lets make a plan the entire household isn't running smoothly anymore"

I think for a healthy marriage/relationship dads opinion needs to be considered if they are asking for it to be.

[MaryJane]

I can't say because it's a non issue here. My dh doesn't see breastfeeding as something that needs to be negotiated. For him, it's just feeding our children. It's not even something he thinks needs to be discussed. It just is. Formula feeding on the other hand he would have something to say about, I'm sure. He wouldn't just be ok with that. We've had to make decisions together about vaccinating and cosleeping but breastfeeding was never something we had to discuss. Breastfeeding involves my body, not his, so ultimately the decision would be mine if it had been an issue. The thing is, and I don't mean to sound snarky, but I married my dh because he and I think the same way and feel the same way and rationalize the same way. I would never have married a man that saw breastfeeding as something to be uncomfortable about. That's not the kind of person I would ever share my life with.

I do have to say he brought up weaning the twins when we were TTC Anakin, but it was more of a this is probably why you aren't getting pregnant right away, not this is what you should do.

[moosh34]

I've never seen any discomfort in dh over breastfeeding...whatsoever. I can't even imagine him using the word "gross" in reference to breastfeeding. That being said, I absolutely would want to talk with dh about any issues he had. His feelings are important to me. If he had concerns about the health/well-being of me or the children I would take those concerns seriously. We also all have unreasonable feelings sometimes (like embarrassment over things that should be perfectly normal) and if that was the case I would try to help him work through those as much as he'd let me. If he was completely resistant I'd have to consider how it was affecting our relationship and make a judgement call. Luckily, dh is usually very reasonable.

[HisWifeHerMom]

I have to say If my DH came to me and really had a heart felt talk about it affecting our FAMILY Its different but affecting ME or HIM and looking at it as embarrassing IS NOT good enough for me. I signed up for this long term when I got pregnant and decided to Breastfeed and luckly for me (I know this isnt the case for most) I got to be a SAHM and she was an only child at the time. However this never did become and issue.

[Irish-Eyes]

Dh has mentioned that he wouldn't want me bfing a 3yr old. I only weaned with Lilly because I was 7 months pregnant and I think he was very happy with that (she was 27 months at the time). That said, he thinks Logan will give up the boob on his own. We were just discussing it yesterday and Logan can go hours and hours without nursing. He has never been a comfort nurser, always a nutritional one. I'm pretty confident if I were give him a sippy of chocolate milk (ovaltine), he'd never look for me again.

[NHKate]

I'm lucky that my DH has always been very pro-breastfeeding. He sees it as very natural to breastfeed into the toddler years. In fact, I recall once mentioning to him that a friend of mine had just weaned her 16-month-old, and his reaction was, "Isn't he a little young to wean?" He sees our society's view on breastfeeding as weird, and sees "extended" BF'ing as normal. (Only, he doesn't think of it as extended, because it's just normal and natural.) So he's never once mentioned that I should try to wean DD. He thinks it's perfectly normal to nurse up until age 4 or so. While I know that it's perfectly natural to nurse up to 6 or so, I really hope we don't end up doing that!

[runningmomofmany]

I can't say because it's a non issue here. My dh doesn't see breastfeeding as something that needs to be negotiated. For him, it's just feeding our children. It's not even something he thinks needs to be discussed. It just is. Formula feeding on the other hand he would have something to say about, I'm sure. He wouldn't just be ok with that. We've had to make decisions together about vaccinating and cosleeping but breastfeeding was never something we had to discuss. Breastfeeding involves my body, not his, so ultimately the decision would be mine if it had been an issue. The thing is, and I don't mean to sound snarky, but I married my dh because he and I think the same way and feel the same way and rationalize the same way. I would never have married a man that saw breastfeeding as something to be uncomfortable about. That's not the kind of person I would ever share my life with.

Ditto all this! The longest I nursed was about 2.5yrs, and I don't remember dh saying anything. But this time, dh is a big reason I'm still nursing at all at 7m. I really wanted to give up it was so, so painful and hard this time around. Dh was adamant that dd not be formula fed full time. I was mad about it at the time, but so glad now that I stuck it out. So, I guess dh does get a say, but being "uncomfortable" is not a "say".

[yrrico]

Olivia's dad (we're not together and haven't been since she was born) started being uncomfortable with me nursing after about 5 or 6 months. prior to that he was supportive after that he would leave the room, never look and generally act uncomfortable. he's brought up weaning a few times, sorry i'm not doing it until me and Olivia are ready. if we were in a relationship, i don't know if i would feel differently about it. i feel like its my body, my decision.

[Ashleen]

I know that my Dh wants me to wean Jude sooner then Paige weaned (She nursed for 26 months and only stopped because I was pregnant and there was no more milk). I do take that into consideration but I just don't think he has the right reasons, he wants me to be able to spend a night or two away from him (which I really don't have ANY desire to do at this time). If it really comes down to it I may eventually try to night wean him to appease dh.... but I won't push the issue if Jude really isn't ready. Also even though Dh might talk all big and stuff when he sees that Jude is being cranky because he wants to nurse he is the first to be like "give him some boob already!". So all said and done, I will totally listen to him and take what he has to say into consideration, but I will also listen to my son as it his needs that we are ultimately discussing, and to me that is what it really comes down to.

[heatherk]

If he had a good enough reason other than "she's too old for that" I'd take his feelings into consideration. DD nursed until a day shy of her 3rd birthday and DH was more than ready for us to be done a year before. It didn't necessarily make him feel uncomfortable, although he did say he was embarrassed to tell his friends that I nursed our almost 3 year old every night before bed. My reply...don't tell them - it's none of their business.

[caitlinsmommy]

While I would take his feelings into consideration, I wouldn't use that as the sole decider. Just like if he told me he wasn't comfortable with some other aspect of parenting, I would want legitimate reasons as to why it should be any different. To me, my child's health/comfort are way more important than embarrassment on his behalf or being grossed out. However, it is also a non-issue for us. Early on, we decided I would make most of the parenting decisions because I am the most involved, do the most research on health/safety issues, etc., and honestly, probably care the most. If he took a more hands on approach or even had legitimate ideas not based on what he has heard from someone somewhere, then I'm sure we would discuss things more.