Really sad, need to vent....

[DeDee]

I really have to vent this out. I had a really fun day planned and this is a black cloud over me. I hope I can get this out and move on today.


Had a really bad night at work. One of our little ladies started to aspirate at supper and then coded. K and I did CPR on her until the paramedics arrived. Her DH was there while all this was happening. My heart just ached for him. After the paramedics arrived I took him aside to called his son. He didn't want to leave his wife so I took him back to where we were. I knealed next to him and held his hand while he sat in a chair watching. He started to cry and I about lost it, I had to look away from him. He knew, he heard us say there was no pulse, no respiration. He heard the paramedics say the same thing. Even after the machines were on there was nothing. It wasn't peaceful, it was chaotic, messy and he couldn't touch her. When your in the moment and having the adrenaline rush , you just do and don't think.
But today is a bit different. I watched as a persons heart stopped beating,I looked into her eyes.(the changes in a person appearance during all of this is horrible) We worked so hard to help her. I play it back in my head of what we could have done differently but I don't think there was anything.

I think it might have been easier if her DH was not there. As a Christian I believe we leave this world and enter a greater one with Christ. It's hard to be sad for him but on the other hand be happy for her. No more of this lifes suffering. Death of a loved one is just so hard. I watched as he crumbled as his wife slipping away.

On the way home I thought how when people die there, that there is a calm in the air, a silence that is comforting. You hear of near death storis of a loved one or Christ coming to take them home. I often think that the peace I feel when death happens is just that. The feeling of love and peace as the gateway is open from this existence to the next. There is very few people, at the moment, in long term care that don't believe. I make me happy to share of the greatness of God with them and that someday I'll see them again.

So that is my novel. I just had to get it out.Right, wronge I don't know I just needed to vent it again. DH is always great to lend a ear but he's not here right now.

[Sakura]

That must be so difficult.

[rye]

I understand what you are going through, to an extent. I work in a prison, so I have personally dealt with some what similar situations.

Though not Christian like, I disconnect some emotion from inmates, so as I said, I can only relate to a partial extent.

I will pray for you to find peace. I know that you did everything that you could have done. I know that we always will second guess just how we could have done something different, but know that you did do what you could have done.

You are more than welcome to pm me if you need to vent more, or post on this board. I am newer here, but I do understand the "resucuer's remorse" that you are going through. If you didn't have these emotions, that is when you really need to worry I am going to pray for you to find peace with what you did to help.

I know this sounds "harsh" but if you still feel like you are completely torn up in a couple of days, lack of sleep and what not, I really recommend seeing if your employer provides any kind of counseling.

((HUGS))

[twinmom34]

I don't know if you can afford or if you would get in trouble if you did this but...if it were me I would get a copy of the book Heaven is For Real and send it to him along with a sympathy card.

I started a thread in here about the book today.

[KC's wifey]

[JJorn]

That must be hard!

[DeDee]

I understand what you are going through, to an extent. I work in a prison, so I have personally dealt with some what similar situations.

Though not Christian like, I disconnect some emotion from inmates, so as I said, I can only relate to a partial extent.

I will pray for you to find peace. I know that you did everything that you could have done. I know that we always will second guess just how we could have done something different, but know that you did do what you could have done.

You are more than welcome to pm me if you need to vent more, or post on this board. I am newer here, but I do understand the "resucuer's remorse" that you are going through. If you didn't have these emotions, that is when you really need to worry I am going to pray for you to find peace with what you did to help.
I know this sounds "harsh" but if you still feel like you are completely torn up in a couple of days, lack of sleep and what not, I really recommend seeing if your employer provides any kind of counseling.

((HUGS))

Thanks I believe that is what I was feeling. There is not a lot of request prolong a persons life where I work. Basically it's long term care. We're mostly elderly, terminal cancer or sever brain injuries were the resident is rendered completely dependant for cares I don't often pray for life to continue but for it to be painless as possible and for their passing to be soon. We, especially in last days of life cares, hold their hands and kissed their foreheads, comforting them in their last moments. We have a great staff there and our residents know that they are loved. Not only during time of passing but everyday. We get very attached to our residents. It was a complete turn about to actually try to prevent a passing. We are all in Gods hands and he knows what is best.

[anonsouthernbell]

[proudmommaof5]

[DeDee]

Thanks ladies


We got the officail diagnosis why she got so sick so fast.. She had a heart attack