Every Sunday is the same thing. Every single Sunday I get extremely angry and resentful, sometimes depressed and hopeless.
I have to get ready for church with kids running around me, screaming, crying, going through my stuff (outfit, make up, etc) while DH is in bed not helping a bit!
I get frustrated because I not only have to deal with all that at home but also at church, trying to keep them happy or the very least quiet.
Thankfully we go to the same ward and his parents so they help me with them, but still is hard when both of them are cranky and both wants mommy and start fighting over me in the middle of sacramental meeting.
IDK how to get pass this, DH shows no interest AT ALL to go back. He just got released from his calling as a stake "tech support" and it was just after an incident at the stake conference. He didn't even set it up, he said he couldn't do it because he had to work (he didn't have to work he just didn't wanted to do it). So now he's saying he wasn't good enough for the church and that he was released because of what happened last week at the stake conference. I told him not to think that way, because he didn't even set it up but he's convinced that that's what everybody is going to think. ONE MORE REASON FOR HIM NOT TO GO!
Now he doesn't even need to make up an excuse not to go. He's mad at the ward/stake/church/whatever. And that made me angry at him because I know those leaders and that NOT how it looks. It makes me angry that he's not even trying to make up for not going or trying to join us.
All I know is that every Sunday we grow apart...I get resentful and everything goes to he||.
IDK how to deal with this. I thought that marrying a returned missionary would be a blessing and my family would be going to church and doing everything, but it turned out a fiasco. He has terrible memories about his mission, he hated, and when he talks about it seems like he's gonna have a heart attack. I'm so afraid the kind of message he's going to send to DS.
He doesn't drink, or smoke or do anything against the church doctrine, but we don't read the scriptures together or have prayers or family home evening (he also dislike FHE). He does wear his "Gs" but that's it.
IDK what else to do, his parents won't do anything to help me, his other 2 brothers also are inactive, one of them actually asked to get his records canceled in the church and he drinks and go to orgies and stuff....It's horrible. His mom doesn't know about it tho. She doesn't like to know that any of her sons drink or drank or had pre-marital sex. They don't tell her ANYTHING. Because she ASKED not to know this things.
Anyway, it's messed up. His parents act as "we respect the decision you make" and that for me is a lazy way to parent.
I'm just worried with the future of our marriage. God is supposed to bring a couple closer but now I feel the opposite is happening
He does like that I'm going and working towards renewing my temple recommend (I had mine expired because I was inactive with him from DS's birth to his 2nd birthday).
I'm not perfect, the sundays I don't teach I stay home, but I hated it because I feel it's DH's dragging me down. And it really does. I don't feel like going....ever! And I'm so thankful for my callings that MAKES me go to church.
Is you read this far thank you for "listening"