I really have to vent this out. I had a really fun day planned and this is a black cloud over me. I hope I can get this out and move on today.
Had a really bad night at work. One of our little ladies started to aspirate at supper and then coded. K and I did CPR on her until the paramedics arrived. Her DH was there while all this was happening. My heart just ached for him. After the paramedics arrived I took him aside to called his son. He didn't want to leave his wife so I took him back to where we were. I knealed next to him and held his hand while he sat in a chair watching. He started to cry and I about lost it, I had to look away from him. He knew, he heard us say there was no pulse, no respiration. He heard the paramedics say the same thing. Even after the machines were on there was nothing. It wasn't peaceful, it was chaotic, messy and he couldn't touch her. When your in the moment and having the adrenaline rush , you just do and don't think.
But today is a bit different. I watched as a persons heart stopped beating,I looked into her eyes.(the changes in a person appearance during all of this is horrible) We worked so hard to help her. I play it back in my head of what we could have done differently but I don't think there was anything.
I think it might have been easier if her DH was not there. As a Christian I believe we leave this world and enter a greater one with Christ. It's hard to be sad for him but on the other hand be happy for her. No more of this lifes suffering. Death of a loved one is just so hard. I watched as he crumbled as his wife slipping away.
On the way home I thought how when people die there, that there is a calm in the air, a silence that is comforting. You hear of near death storis of a loved one or Christ coming to take them home. I often think that the peace I feel when death happens is just that. The feeling of love and peace as the gateway is open from this existence to the next. There is very few people, at the moment, in long term care that don't believe. I make me happy to share of the greatness of God with them and that someday I'll see them again.
So that is my novel. I just had to get it out.Right, wronge I don't know I just needed to vent it again. DH is always great to lend a ear but he's not here right now.