Our young women aren't "allowed" to charge for babysitting for the Temple or for things like adult sessions of stake conference, meetings, etc. Not allowed might be a bit over the top, but none of the parents will let them take money-and each of the girls are the ones to say that they won't so it's not just that their parents won't let them. Our YW presidency spends a lot of time talking about how it's a service and it can be the difference between some of the parents in the ward making it to the temple or not (having a willing and free babysitter vs not). That said...I think it's been about 2 years since we have had any of the YW babysit. Not for any real good reason, I just always feel like they are always posting on facebook about their social life and etc and then there's the random "I have to watch so-and-so's kids tonight instead of going to the movies" and I sure don't want to be that so-and-so that probably pays crappy (and doesn't know it!) and is hindering their life
I haven't seen the RS broadcast-I was flying home from vacation when it went on. I'm almost afraid to watch it because I've heard over and over and over at church yesterday how it was just what everyone needed to hear...and honestly, I don't think I WANT to hear what I need to hear. I'm in such a funk and it really stinks. I did renew my Temple Rec. yesterday. I haven't been in probably a year. Not because I'm "not going to the Temple" but because I'm just...not making it there. How many times I've met John up there for ward temple night after he gets off work (it's almost and hour away and so he doesn't come home first) and one or the other of us-or both of us-has a migraine, or I'm pregnant and whatever comes along with that. I told the stake president yesterday that I think we're at a point where we each jsut need to decide to go, and do it-and some of the times maybe we'll go together. I've never gone alone and honestly, it terrifies me to go alone. Not sure why.
I'm in a real bad icky place right now emotionally and spiritually. My due date was last Monday. I was hoping and praying that I would get a BFP that day-somehow I thought it would help that day be a bit better. Instead it was a BFN and my period started. On vacation. On my due date. On the day I got a BFP with Keira. It all just hit me super hard-and typing it all out it just seems so dumb!
And then at church yesterday I had no less than 4 people do the "How are you doing?" I'm fine. "Really? Are you REALLY ok? You look....well, how are you REALLY doing?" routine. Which just gets old. I know I look tired. I AM tired. All the time. I don't sleep well, I have crazy kids with crazy schedules, oh, and did I mention that we just got back from a week vacation late on Saturday night and had 9am church? But of course I burst into tears every time anyone pushes that with me. I know they mean well, but seriously, if I say I'm fine, leave me alone!
At our monthly RS meeting (we call it ALOT which is A Little of This, A Little of That) on the 14th I had some super insensitive comments made to me (I posted in Ranting about it). Things like asking me if I was pregnant-or rather coming right out and saying that they figured I was because I was looking like it. And responses to that by someone else saying that they can't believe John and I would try to have another baby. And then yet another girl asking me "so what's wrong with your girls, anyway? I've been wanting to know but haven't wanted to just come right out and ask"
Things like this make me just want to crawl in a hole. I know it's just people. But when you're around these people week in and week out it can be so very hard to see through the people to the center of why we go. And honestly, right now the only reason I go is because I feel a sense of responsibility since I'm in the RS presidency, and because the girls know when we don't go and ask why and complain if it's been too many weeks in a row without going. Which I guess is as good a reason as any for right now. As long as I can figure a way to get me out of this funk.