LDS Moms

[DucksLikeRain]

Yes, how did the visit go? How's Ev doing?

Church today was...church. The girls have been soooo good for the last 2 or 3 months that I think I had forgotten how it felt to be on the verge of tears the entire time because of their behaviour. I think the problem was that instead of sitting in the typical 2nd row on the side we sat in the 3rd so that we were right in front of another family. Normally that's not a big deal except the kids in that family are 2 and 8 months. And they still (obviously!) bring snacks to church. We quit doing that in July and that's when our girls' behaviour had it's major positive turn around. Anyhow, apparently my girls aren't mature enough to understand why those boys got snacks and they didn't. Which just lit off horrid horrid behaviour. We haven't had to take Keira out of the chapel in like 4 months but today she was in a major meltdown over cookies.

And other than that...meh. I've decided that the #1 reason I'm not too into church going right now is how uncomfortable I am in my own skin and clothes. I just feel big and like no clothes fit and like I need to be constantly readjusting them. And that's a real stupid reason to not want to be at church, but I think it's a big issue for me right now. i've got to either go shopping and get like at least 2 or 3 dresses/outfits I'm ok in or else just get over it.

For the first time in my life I'm in a state where my weight depresses me. And I don't really weight that much more than I ever have before. I'm only 9 pounds over my pre-Scharae weight, which means 19 over my pre-Keira and pre-Taela weight. I think what depresses me is I had lost so much weight after I had Taela. In the 9 days afterwards I went from 180 to 155 and I was 165 when I got pregnant with her. And then in the last 10 months since she died I've crept back up to 176. Depressing. And I excercise, I eat great. I think stress is causing my cortisol levels to freak out or something.

And that had nothing to do with church. Well, except I think that's why I'm uncomfortable at church. I can't focus on what's being said because I'm so focussed on how fat and nasty I feel.

[EvandAl]

Heather I totally get you on the "Jesus" thing. I think I notice it a lot just from not being raised in the church, which would be the same for you I'm sure
It Alison but I reply to both HAHA.
The visit went really well. John didn't even cry when I left, he just blew me kisses and said bye. I was gone 8 hours and it felt really good to just help Evan and relax in a chair and watch tv. Plus I came home to a happy kid and washed dishes AND dinner in the oven. I told my in laws that they need to move in HAHA.
Today I went up for a few hours alone and then they brought John up so he could see daddy. We are hoping that he comes home tomorrow. They took out his epidural and catheter (sp?) today and just have to get his pain managed now. I know he's ready to be home and be able to be out of the horrible hospital bed, it's WAY to short for him

[LuTruPeMo]

Tif - if you bought yourself a church outfit you feel smokin' hot in, would that help? I think it's worth a shot. I went through periods of time with weight gain where I felt frumpy in everything that fit me - like oversized dresses you'd only see a 1st grade teacher in her 60's wear! I feel happier when I feel like I look ok and I'm not all the time worrying about how I look.

Al I'm so glad you had 2 good visits! And I do hope he's able to come home tomorrow. I could never relax well in a hospital bed. And hospitals are so noisy and they always wake you up in the middle of the night to take your temp and ask you stupid questions. I'm sure he'll get better faster at home.

[DucksLikeRain]

Alison! How's Evan doing? Did he come home?

So I'm playing the organ for Sacrament on Sunday. I haven't played in like3 years. I went this evening while the building was open for mutual. John had an EQ meeting and so I got stuck with the girls in the chapel with me. And it sucked. I got almost no practicing done. They were running around shrieking like fools Oh well. Hope they can handle me playing on Sunday. We "practiced" having them sit in the front little row while I went up to play, but I highly doubt they'll be able to keep their butts on the seat when it comes to the real thing!

I leave in less than a week for Holland! I can't believe it's so close. I'm getting a little nervous about leaving the girls with my dad and grandparents and John. I shouldn't be. They're all perfectly capable. But still...

[LuTruPeMo]

I understand. I wig out when I'm away from one child for 8 hours (Lucy at school 2 days a week). Her first day I even made up an excuse to come in and see her in the middle of the day. I hope your trip is great! How long will you be there? We need to know how much Tif withdrawal to plan for...

Yes Al where ARE you??? How are things???

I went to a "Get A Project Done" group today. I guess it's one of those Relief Society sub-groups. It was fun. Mostly. There were about a half dozen of us there. I cut out a bunch of pieces for my Halloween costume. Then Penny kept climbing on the piano bench (it was at a ward member's home) even though I kept saying no and redirecting. Ultimately, she fell off and bit her tongue pretty bad. Blood dripped on her shirt and all that. So we left, grabbed some Happy Meals and are back at home with them plopped in front of the T.V. Some days this is the best I can do.

Are you ladies going to the RS Broadcast Saturday night? It doesn't start til 8 p.m. here but we're having a dinner beforehand and somehow I got roped into bringing 2 items so I'm forced to go. It won't be over til 10:00!

[EvandAl]

I'm here. I've just been super busy helping Evan and chasing John around.
Evan is home and doing pretty well. Of course now John is sick so I had to take him to the doctor and found out that he has an ear ache So we've been having a family day on the couch. In fact it's time for John to have some medicine so I need to run. I just got on the computer to order a pizza and thought I would check on you guys

[EvandAl]

oh yeah...have you guys read the Twilight Series?? It's written by an LDS author. I read it before Evan had surgery and can't get it out of my head

[LuTruPeMo]

A ton of ladies in my ward are obsessed with Twilight. One drove up to Chicago to meet the author. I was surprised when I found out they are intended for 12 year olds or something (I saw it on Amazon ). I have been tempted to try them, but.... my only reading time is on the toilet!

I'm glad he's doing ok but sorry you are dealing with TWO sick guys at once!

[DucksLikeRain]

Twilight...I love them! I have them all. Heather...you'll be spending a TON of time on the toilet if you start them! They're that great!

I feel you on the happy meal day. Today was destined to be one, but instead I just got myself an XL Dr Pepper and gave the girls leftover banana pancakes for lunch. I'm lucky they went for that. I was forseeing a disaster but I just couldn't justify the $ for the happy meals...esp because John likes to go to McD for Thursday dinner because of some meal deal they do and almost always Thursday is my "I can't handle the day, it's time for McD's" day!

Oh, I'll be gone for a week. I'm playing with bringing my laptop-either me or mom needs to-but I'd hate for my adapter to be a crappy one and blow my computer! Even though I DO have that "full coverage" insurance on it...

I'm going to the Broadcast. Which reminds me I need to get a table center ready for it. I'm not excited...but oh well I guess.

[BrandiB]

Hey girls!
Alison I'm so glad that Evan is doing good and home. So sorry that John is sick now though.
Oh I LOVED the Twilight series!! Even my husband read them, he finished his book before I was done with the series and while I was at girls camp I challenged him to read them and he read the first 2 and we read the last 2 together.
Tonight I have to coach the YW volleyball game. My really good friend is the coach but she cant get off work so she asked me if I would do it for her. I'm not looking forward to it at all, I've had one of those days that I just feel ick and dont want to even get out of my jammies.

[moosh34]

A ton of ladies in my ward are obsessed with Twilight. One drove up to Chicago to meet the author. I was surprised when I found out they are intended for 12 year olds or something (I saw it on Amazon ). I have been tempted to try them, but.... my only reading time is on the toilet!

I'm glad he's doing ok but sorry you are dealing with TWO sick guys at once!

Amazon is wacked! They are meant for high school age/young adults. There is way too much sexual content for a 12 year old IMO. The sexual content all takes place within proper bounds, but it's still a little mature for young readers (especially in the final novel.)

[BrandiB]

Amazon is wacked! They are meant for high school age/young adults. There is way too much sexual content for a 12 year old IMO. The sexual content all takes place within proper bounds, but it's still a little mature for young readers (especially in the final novel.)

I totally agree with you!

[EvandAl]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only Twilight Junkie. I got sooo sucked into the books. I read all 4 in 4 days I agree about the content of Twilight, it didn't phase me but I think it's more for ages 16+. I was suprised after reading them that both of my SIL's let their 12 yr old daughters read them (well they are both turning 13 in the next month), but I still thought it was a little "mature" for them. Any of you planing to see the movie? At first I said no, but now I'm curious. I told DH that he has to take me while we are in FL for Thanksgiving as a Thank you date for taking care of him HAHA Otherwise he would have said No way. I also really love all the music that insipired her. I printed them out so that I can download the songs I don't already have.
Since I was having to take naps and stuff with John the last few days and spend a lot of couch time with him I just read her other book, The Host and really liked it too.
Luckily John is finally feeling better and actually slept in his bed all night. I really needed to sleep alone for a night. Evan is starting to feel a little better too. We've been worried that he might have an infection so he's on meds for that now, just another pill to add to the rotation.
Needless to say we didn't go to church today HA. But I'm hoping next week Ev should be fine to leave alone and John will hopefully be 100% by then.

[BrandiB]

Ladies I totally want to ask to be released from my calling, is this aweful? I'm the sec in YW and I do NOTHING. I still have morning sickness and it normally does not start to go away until after 2pm. so some mornings I do not make it to church. I can not eat anything before then or I throw up. So they have these meetings and they plan everything and I cant go because I'll hurl my guts out and they do not even update me at all on whats going on. Whenever I go I feel so lost, I'm supposed to put the activities in the ward bulletin but I cant because I dont know what they are doing. I do not go to the activities because I feel totally left out. Like today the leaders normally sit on the back row so the YW can sit up front and pay attention and considering its fast sunday we had a combined lesson. So I'm sitting on the back row and all the other leaders come in, one sists on the front row, 2 sit on the middle row and 2 sit on the back row but on the opposite side of the room so I sat all by myself. There were 3 empty chairs next to me. I just hate it and I hate feeling like I'm not doing anything. Whenever I give suggestions I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other. UGH I dont know what to do and if I should ask to be released I've never asked to be released from a calling before so I dont even know how to go about doing it. Thanks for letting me vent.

[DucksLikeRain]

Honestly, Brandi...I would talk to someone. If you're not comfortable talking to the YW president about it, talk to the Bishop. I asked to be released from my YW calling in December after my daughter died. I felt totally useless and overwhelmed. And when I was asked if there was anything they could do to help me out as far as me feeling comfortable at church, etc, I didn't hesitate to tell the Bishop that I would really appreciate being released.

I think you're in a hard position-you're pregnant, and most people kind of take that "suck it up, woman. People are pregnant every day and make it through life" unless you've got a high risk issue going on, and then they want to do everything they can to help you. But the reality is that being sick day in and day out for most the days is pretty miserable and draining. And if the calling you've got is causing you to not even want to go to church or activities when you do feel ok, something needs to be done. Whether that's a release or sort of a wake-up call to the president to keep in touch with you, I don't know.

[LuTruPeMo]

Brandi I think you should talk to the bishop about it too. They probably would have no problem releasing you. I was the YW secretary for about a year and I didn't like it either. In my case, the presidency had been without a secretary for so long that they'd just kind of taken on those responsibilities for themselves, and I never felt like there was much for me to do. And I couldn't go to the weeknight activities because my husband was teaching night classes and it was right at our daughter's bedtime - ok so technically I could have dragged a very grumpy two year old and my big pregnant body out, but since I wasn't over a particular class like the president & her counselors, I didn't have much reason to be there anyway! It was really uncomfortable for me. Also since I didn't grow up in the church (I joined when I was almost 19) I felt really dumb and out of the loop about a lot of the things they talked about (and assumed I understood what they meant). My point is... maybe it was the right calling for you at the time you got it, but now it's not. Have you prayed about it? If you feel like it's the right thing for you, then you should ask to be released. And the YW presidency doesn't even have to know you asked, it's just the bishop's decision yk?

So Tif when are you leaving again? I should make a "tif leaves in...' ticker.

Al I'm so glad things are on an upswing. I hope Evan's medicine kicks in and the infection goes away. When are you heading to Florida?

We had a good Sunday. Tru's nursery teachers kept gushing about how good he was, and Pen's teachers say she is the sweetest kid in the class (I guess she doesn't bite them). This evening an old friend of ours came over. Well he's actually 20 but we've known him since he joined the church when he was 12 years old. It was actually not too long after David and I had gotten married. His mom and sister joined at the same time but they quickly went inactive. This boy, Travis, wound up being legally adopted by a family our ward when his mom couldn't afford to keep him (and maybe didn't want to, IDK). He's spent time living with several families from the ward (where we used to live) and then he came up here to where we are for his freshman year of college. He was undecided about going on a mission and worried about the $ but the families in the ward pooled together and with what he'd saved on his own, came up with enough. So he leaves in December for the Tempe Arizona mission! I am just so happy. He's like our really old, tall, black son. Really he's the whole ward's son. I was telling David they should do a story on him for the Ensign. He's incredible. Such a good kid.

[DucksLikeRain]

I leave in 2 days, Heather My grandparents just got in town yesterday and came to church with us today. Then came over for lunch. Just got them out the door to my parents' house after going over and over with grandma on how to do Scharae's neb, her inhalers, when to use them, when to call John and let him make the call on if she needs to go to the doctor. That's really the only part of being gone for a week I'm worried about-she's not really recovered from the minor cold she had 2 weeks ago-at least not in the respiratory sense-and is at the start of a new one and wheezing up a storm. But not enough for me to take her in ya know? I'm thinking I might call her pedi tomorrow and see if I can get her looked at preemptively tomorrow just to put myself at ease. I'd hate for her to need prednisone or something like that and not take care of it only to have her need it in 4 days after getting really really bad! I'm a bit nervous about grandma and the neb. But grandpa's a mechanic so he should be able to handle it right? And John'll be around in the evenings and my dad most the days...argh. I can't believe I'm leaving them for a whole week I've left for 2, even 3 days at a time. I've left Keira for a whole week while taking Scharae to Utah when she was a baby. But the only time I've left them this long was when I was in the hospital last year, and that was pretty much not my choice.

Brandi, again I think you need to talk to someone. Never turning down a calling is sooo different than keeping your leaders posted on your you're doing in your calling, ya know?

[BrandiB]

Thanks Ladies I really needed some advice. My husband has said that he'll stand behing me in whatever decision I make. I really should pray about it, you know thats the first thing that comes to mind to tell everyone until its you that needs to hear that advice. I just feel soooo uncomfortable in YW. I'm the youngest one in there, everyone in there has several kids or grandkids and here I am just starting out. I do not feel comfortable talking to anyone in the presidency but maybe one of the leaders and what is she going to do about it. I feel like she's the only one who acknowledges anything I say. I kind of feel like I was put in YW just so they could use my grandparents cabin for girls camp because they did not have to pay for it. I'll keep you ladies updated on what I decide to do. Thanks for listening to me vent, *hugs*.

Tif enjoy your much needed trip! I hope you have a blast and you better show us pictures when you get back!

[LuTruPeMo]

I guess our little shortysally is on her way to Europe!

Hey IDK if you ladies have seen this but I just found it - it's hilarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPRe1NiGPcc

[EvandAl]

So ladies I know I posted about this in NM but I really need some hugs/prayers something, anything. I just feel like I am failing at motherhood. John is acting out/screaming so much lately and I just feel like I've lost all control. To where by the end of the day I feel like I'm going to break down.
I broke down and spanked him for the screaming (please no bashing ) and well now added to the screaming he is hitting me . We had to take DH to the dr today because we were worried about infection (fine btw) and he started screaming so I took him out to walk around and of course when he didn't get his way he started screaming again, so I picked him up to carry him somewhere we could talk and he slapped me in the face . It just went on and on all day.
I really don't know what to do. If I put him in time out he just keeps screaming and screaming. I take away things for his screaming and he does it more. We have a playdate tomorrow and I'm scared to take him. It's so embarassing (sp?) and he does it to other kids too. I'm afraid the other moms are going to think I don't know how to control my child. We've only been to a few playgroups here so they don't know how he ususally acts.
okay sorry but I really needed to talk to someone. I tried asking my mom for advice and she's the one who got me to spank him so obviously that's not helping.
Thanks for listening!

[LuTruPeMo]

Well you know how I feel about spanking. No bashing, but just saying that if it's something you suddenly spring on him, he's not going to respond to it the same way as a child who has always had this as a consequence. Not that I think kids who are spanked respond in the way a parent wants either.... BUT. I do know that John and you both have been under a ton of stress in the past couple of weeks. Your husband was gone for what - a week? Or more? That has had to seriously upset John's little world. Now he's home but I bet he's not the same. Is he able to do all the things with J that he normally would do? Kids pick up on this stuff so easily. And you did say he just had an ear infection.

My bet would be that it's a combination of factors -
his dad being away
his dad being less active/involved with him
having been sick and in pain
sensing your stress over Evan and him both being sick (and you being tired)
he's just turned TWO!

As for how to address it when it happens - I can't say for sure. I know that when my kids have gone bonkers like this, the LESS I say and do, the better. If I ask too much "what's wrong???" or if I make too many threats (like "stop it right now or we're leaving!") it just upsets them more.

Just try and remember he's only two and he has a limited vocabulary for expressing his feelings, but yet he's capable of really complex, intricate emotions.

And try not to worry what other moms at the play group are going to think of him, or you. If he gets out of hand, just leave. Don't make a big deal out of it. It just might not be a good time for him right now. Praise his good behaviors and ignore the bad. Don't get angry, because I think that just confuses them more (kind of like if you were trying to ask for help and the person who could give you help got mad at you instead).

I don't know if any of this helps. I feel like I've been through hellish times with Truman. And I know that sometimes I can't figure out why he acts the way he does, but sometimes I can pinpoint some change in his daily routine, or his diet, or his sleep pattern. And for a two year old, one little change is enough to set them off.

[EvandAl]

Thanks Heather!
I stayed up late last night thinking about it and just feeling like total crap for the spanking. And decided to start the day better and really focus on john and make him happy.
I do think a lot of it about Daddy not being as active. Although they didn't do much together before but I do agree that it's probably really strange for him to have daddy home so much now but for him not to play at all. I've been trying my best to entertain john and keep him busy but I realized that I wasn't really putting that much effort into it and I'm sure he could totally read that.
So today we have been up for 2 hours and he hasn't screamed or hit me once . Not that I'm thinking it will be a perfect day but hey it's a start.

Thanks for not bashing me I know your feelings on spanking and I agree. Last night when I was thinking about everything I heard myself say to John please don't hit mommy, right after I had spanked (hit) him and it just made me start crying. What a great example I'm being huh :imfoolish:. I prayed a lot about and I just kept thinking of the good ole, treat others as you would want to be treated and spanking does not fall in that category, kwim.
Thanks again for the support. I really hate it when I fall on my face as a mommy. So here's to better times ahead

[LuTruPeMo]

I fall on my face on at least a daily basis. No worries! I think (or at least, hope) that our kids will forget most of our bad moments if we smother them with good ones. I'm glad today is going better.

We've had some behavior issues here as well, and I realized it only happens on Tuesday or Thursday when Lucy isn't here (she goes to all day preschool those 2 days). Lucy is the GLUE that holds Truman & Penny together! They are basketcases without her. They fight a lot more, then it quickly escalates to hitting or biting. So I'm having to think of really interesting & unusual things to do with them. Today we rode the city bus to the library and then back home. Took us about 2 and a half hours but they enjoyed it, and it got them out of the house and kept their minds off attacking each other.

David and I once did a small bit of reserach into spanking and the Church. There's nothing official of course, but I did find a talk by Henry B. Eyring from the 1970's where he mentioned spanking his son, but the point of it was that his son trusted and loved him so much, that when President Eyring said, "Do you want me to spank you?" kind of in a threatening way, the little boy really believed his dad could make him feel better (I think he was crying in his bed) by spanking him, so he said, "Yes." It was heartbreaking. Basically I think the talk was about how much our children trust us to know what's best for them, it wasn't really about spanking. I did read once some quote from Marjorie Pay Hinckley, where she said she always tried to say "yes" to her children if she possibly could, and she never hit them, when someone asked her how she raised her children.

I admit, I've lost my temper. I've smacked hands. I've been rougher than I needed to be while carrying a contrary child up to their room. And I do feel awful afterwards. It's like the anger creeps in and the spirit is chased away.

[BrandiB]

WOW can you believe that they are building a temple in Rome Italy? I think that it is soooo awesome! I loved how Pres. Monson announced it and you could hear the audiance almost gasp!

[EvandAl]

I am missing conference since my parents are visiting (non members) but I plan to watch it next week

[BrandiB]

So far so good. I've missed a few talks but its been really good. Enjoy your time with your parents!

[LuTruPeMo]

I haven't been able to watch any of it today. I'm sick with a horrendous cold, and I can't take any antihistamines because I am having allergy testing done on Tuesday. So I'm stuck with herbal tea and ibuprofen. And David has been working most of the day on school projects so it doesn't even feel like Saturday... just any other weekday.

So why is it such a shock that there's going to be a temple in Rome? Did I miss out on something? (again? )

[BrandiB]

Rome is the headquarters for the Catholic church. So to find out that we are now going to have a temple there is pretty neat at least I think so. Pres Monson announced 5 new temples. Calgary Alberta, Cordova Argentina, Kansas City, Philedelphia Penn, and Rome Italy.

I sure hope that you start to feel better and I'm sorry that you have to suffer until tuesday before the allergy testing. I've never had one of those but my little brother has had several and they do not look fun.

[LuTruPeMo]

I am so mad at my husband right now.

We thought priesthood session would be online. I know normally it's not, but last week the site said "all sessions of general conference will be broadcast online," so we foolishly believed them. Like I said, I've been sick ALL day and he's been gone much of the day doing school work. So I was really looking forward to a hot shower and going straight to bed as soon as the kids went down.

But when we saw it wasn't online he decided to take a shower himself and high-tail it out of here. The kids weren't even all asleep yet. And he knows I can't shower or sleep if he's not home. I am totally paranoid. I was so angry. He knew I was angry. He knows I'm sick. I just do not understand why it's so important for him to go sit and listen for an hour (by the time he got there it was almost an hour into it) to something he can read in three weeks!?

Sometimes I think if I ever went inactive, he'd leave me. Sometimes I think the church means more to him than I do. Not frequently, but there have been a few times in our marriage when it was apparent I didn't want to do or didn't want him to do something and he ignored my wishes. I just don't get him sometimes.

[DucksLikeRain]

aw, Heather, I'm sorry he made you so mad. If it's any consolation...John does the same thing. Exactly the same thing. He's finally sort of pulling out of it. But it's like he's soooo Peter Priesthood that it's hard for him to miss something. This past year he's really really been working on balancing his church life and his home life and I can really tell a difference...now if he'd just hand over some of the teaching of some of the EQ lessons we'd all be happy!

I'm totally missing GC...but I think I have a good excuse. I'm in Holland. They don't get it until next week. I mean, I guess I could be online watching, but it's 8 hours different, and, well, it's just not happening! But I know John's got it going at home for the girls, so that's good at least.

Right now I'm feeling like the most horrid mother because I'm just now, 5 days into my trip, feeling the tug of missing my family. How bad is that? On Friday JP (former fiancee in Belgium) asked me if I missed them and I burst into tears. He got all freaked, apologizing, assuming I did and I was crying because I DIDN'T!!!??? I know they're in great capable hands. After last year I know John and my dad are 100% able to handle them, meet their needs AND keep them happy and not have them wondering where I'm at. And yes, sometimes it makes me sad. But more often it's relieving. I don't know how I would have made it last year if I was worried, on top of my pregnancy, about my girls at home, ya know? I know so many of the ladies on here that would have been besides themselves about the kiddos at home in addition to the baby in the oven. And I had the luxury of knowing that my mom/dad/grandparents/husband could handle it, and my girls would be fine. But this trip...I guess I sort of have felt like as a young mom I'm "supposed" to miss my girls. It's not "supposed" to be this easy!

So I'm feeling like a failure. Like I'm not needed back at home. Like maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to run back to JP, even though the spark isn't as bright as it once was. Not because I don't love John. Nope, not at all. But because I must be doing something wrong at home to not feel like I'm necessary there. Good thing I'm not in Belgium anymore and am back in Holland I guess.