Yes, how did the visit go? How's Ev doing?
Church today was...church. The girls have been soooo good for the last 2 or 3 months that I think I had forgotten how it felt to be on the verge of tears the entire time because of their behaviour. I think the problem was that instead of sitting in the typical 2nd row on the side we sat in the 3rd so that we were right in front of another family. Normally that's not a big deal except the kids in that family are 2 and 8 months. And they still (obviously!) bring snacks to church. We quit doing that in July and that's when our girls' behaviour had it's major positive turn around. Anyhow, apparently my girls aren't mature enough to understand why those boys got snacks and they didn't. Which just lit off horrid horrid behaviour. We haven't had to take Keira out of the chapel in like 4 months but today she was in a major meltdown over cookies.
And other than that...meh. I've decided that the #1 reason I'm not too into church going right now is how uncomfortable I am in my own skin and clothes. I just feel big and like no clothes fit and like I need to be constantly readjusting them. And that's a real stupid reason to not want to be at church, but I think it's a big issue for me right now. i've got to either go shopping and get like at least 2 or 3 dresses/outfits I'm ok in or else just get over it.
For the first time in my life I'm in a state where my weight depresses me. And I don't really weight that much more than I ever have before. I'm only 9 pounds over my pre-Scharae weight, which means 19 over my pre-Keira and pre-Taela weight. I think what depresses me is I had lost so much weight after I had Taela. In the 9 days afterwards I went from 180 to 155 and I was 165 when I got pregnant with her. And then in the last 10 months since she died I've crept back up to 176. Depressing. And I excercise, I eat great. I think stress is causing my cortisol levels to freak out or something.
And that had nothing to do with church. Well, except I think that's why I'm uncomfortable at church. I can't focus on what's being said because I'm so focussed on how fat and nasty I feel.