I fully agree with everything Tif and ulovettfox said. Thaby you need to get help and you need to leave, I would tell any of my friends the same exact thing. Lots of we are here for you and can be your support but you need to take care of yourself!
I'm afraid of leaving him. I have no where to go, no one to count on...Everything I have was given by him. I'm certain he'd take all I have (phone/car/computer/house/furniture) he'd leave me with NOTHING just to prove I can't take care of my kids and myself....He'd try to take the kids from me...I'll have NOTHING to start from.
He'd say he'd done EVERYTHING for me, he's given me everything..he'd be in rage. And in his mind I don't have reson enough to leave him...all I've done it was because *I* wanted to do it. He will NOT take the blame on ANYTHING!!! And eventually make me think I screwed up...all by myself!
IDK if I can do this...I can't put my children through this.
Your children are the reason you may need to do this, they pick up on emotion even when we think we're hiding it. You mentioned that your mom is your confidante, I think that you should speak to her about it, even if you don't want to give her full disclosure let her know how you're feeling. Is it possible that you could live with her for a while? You should definitely go speak with your bishop, let him know what's been going on, how you feel and see what options are available.
I'm sure leaving is frightening and it will probably anger him but if you really want out it is possible. His opinion DOES NOT MATTER, your safety matters, your self respect matters, your happiness matters! I'm not saying it'd be easy but from what I've read it seems like it'd definitely be worth it.
DH will not accept me leaving because of "abuse" he'll not believe it's abuse he'll say I wanted and he just let me do it...but *I* wanted...that it was *MY* choice to drink and tease his brother...he'll not accept and will not believe that that was abuse!
I'm not even sure that it is...IDK what to think...
What he will accept has nothing to do with it! That is a victim attitude. No woman needs her husband's permission to leave him. He doesn't get to tell you that it wasn't abuse. That is abuse in and of itself-emotional abuse.
I agree with Tif.
Thaby I'm going to be totally honest and straight forward, if you keep talking like this you will never leave him. Its time to grow up and think of those 2 adorable kids you have, again they do not deserve to be any part of any of this. They deserve a happy healthy mommy. You do not deserve this, no one does. Obviously its not going to be easy but its time to take that first step and seek some help. It does not matter what he thinks and if he makes it out to be that its your fault so what? Just get out of there so you can start healing!
Tif has said everything that I would! It doesn't matter what he thinks or agrees with, it's how YOU feel and what is best for you and your family!
Your a daughter of God and you are worth So MUCH more than you husband has made you believe!
Me = Alison, DH = Evan, DS #1 = John 09/05/06, DS #2 = Alan 07/21/09
Kind of petty, but I'm so upset - they split up my VT partner and me, after 6 years of being together. Apparently it's not just us, they gave everyone new partners. I still have all the same ladies (plus 2 new ladies), and these ladies got along better with my partner, they related better and talked outside of church/VTing. She should have been given those ladies. They paired me up with someone I don't even know, and she's apparently an older lady. I've never met her, so I don't know how old is "old," but I asked my MIL who she was and she said she was definitely older. I already pretty much hated going (it's outside my comfort zone, I am so not a social person), but I loved my partner and we did good together. Ugh, so not happy about this!!!
Today we spoke with the bishop about blessing Hanna. Decided to do it in our ward. We asked him if we could do it April 22nd knowing that it was not a fast sunday and he seriously acted like he was so put out about that fact. We told him that we are expecting family to fly in and DH can not take time off work. When he takes a sunday off he loses double time pay and that really hurts us. I almost do not want to now bless her there. DH's sister is getting married the end of March the weekend of conference so we have to give them enough time to unwind from that and then Easter. I'm so disappointed with how he acted. I'm really tempted to call my parents bishop and just ask him if we can bless her there instead.
Up until I got married and moved into my current ward I was under the impression that blessings were always done on the first Sunday, I thought that was just the rule. And then I moved here and found out that it's not a rule, a baby can be blessed during almost any Sacrament meeting. I've blessed both my daughters on the last Sunday of the month simply because that's what was convenient for me and those I invited. I am so sorry your bishop reacted that way, did he end up agreeing to it? Does anyone know the rhyme or reason behind so many wards wanting it done on fast sunday?
I think it's an effort to have a uniform sacrament meeting. It is definitely up to the discretion of both the Stake President-I've been in Stakes where it has been such a hard fast rule that the bishop has had to check with the Stake before approving. But usually it's up to the Bishop. I think it also has to do with keeping meeting times down while still giving enough time to the speakers. John is blessing his niece on the 11th of March. We could have done it this coming Sunday but we are coming six hours to do it and the next weekend the girls have Friday-Tuesday off so it made more sense to come then. His Dad is the first counselor of the ward his sister lives in (she's not active and John's dad is actually an adopted dad who was never allowed to adopt his sisters which is why he isn't the one blessing the baby). It was not a problem gettin approval from the Bishop, but I know our Bishop is really tight with his permission to bless on a Sunday other than Fast Sunday.
I hope you can get it worked out, Brandi. I know it took a lot for you to even decide to ask about it in your own ward
He just basically told us that the church likes it to be done on a fast sunday. DH works next sunday and then the fast sunday in May is our 5 year anniversary and we do not want company to be here so that would put us waiting until June and I feel like thats to late. He agreed to do it the 22nd and then DH that he needed to get the paper work and get it filled out. I'm really tempted though to contact my parents bishop and ask him if we can bless her in that ward or bless her at home seriously. I'm not sure what type of permission we have to have to bless her at home but with how the bishop acted towards us we were really offended and it just did not help with the fact that we dont feel welcome in our ward.
DH sent my MIL a text to tell her that we plan on blessing her April 22nd and she responded and said she's not sure she'll be able to come now because some people at work already have it scheduled off. She only works like 24-28 hours a week and I'm pretty sure she doesnt work sundays but whatever. I told DH that we didnt expect her to come anyways (even though she said she wanted to). Basically she wanted us to decide before she ever came and that was just not happening and then throw in the last minute wedding of DH's sister just doesnt help.
So obviously we did attend church on sunday only sacrament. Anyways it was the weirdest sacrament meeting ever. The missionaries in our area spoke and it just weird. It was about missionary work imagine that but the one Elder seriously acted like he had a man crush on his companion. You could just see the bishoprics faces with what he was saying. We left feeling horrible, did not feel the Spirit and then after speaking witht he bishop it just made it worse. I seriously want to transfer my records back to my old ward and go there instead.
I feel like my little world is falling apart before my eyes. I feel selfish for even feeling this right now as I know I have been blessed with so much in my life. I recently (finally) got my Temple Recommend. I haven't been to the Temple since I did Baptisms for the dead as a teenager. My Bishop told me the adversary would be working on me extra hard in the weeks before I got my Temple Recommend and in the following weeks to keep me from going. Literally, it all started the day after my recommend was signed. I was served with lawsuit papers and I'm being sued for $750,000. Its a long story, but there was an accident (which I dont believe occured in my house) and I was told the woman is just looking for insurance money, which my insurance company is denying. Anyways, moving along... I just found out this past Monday that my baby's heart stopped beating and have to have a d&c this Friday. This is my 3rd m/c, but 1st time having a d&c. My plate is full and I have no idea how much more I can handle. I will admit I do not read my scriptures very often, but I've had this feeling that I need to blow off the cobwebs and start reading. I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. I feel like my faith is being tested.
Oh Brandy, my heart hurts for you so much. I'm so sorry for all the stress and crappy things you are going through. If those things aren't testers of faith, I don't what is! I can tell you that after I had my miscarriage, and life was crappy in general, I was so angry and bitter at God. I stopped praying, stopped reading scriptures, was just going to church because DH's family goes to our ward and they'd say something if we stopped going. And you know what? Life continued to downward spiral. Things just kept getting suckier. It was this past October, nearly a whole year after my miscarriage, before we decided to give faith another chance - kind of like an ultimatum. We'd do everything we were supposed to - pray, read scriptures, be mentally/spiritually present at church and not just present in body, and go to the temple - and if life didn't get better in a few months, we were done for good. (I know, probably not the smartest to give the Lord an ultimatum. ) But it worked. Life got a heaps better. We felt happier and things actually started going right for a change.
Anyway, long story short - I am telling you all this so you can learn from my fail and don't ever let go of your faith. It's times like these that you need to turn to the Lord even more. I wish I had done that when times got tough.
Lots of good thoughts and prayers to you, hon. I hope everything will turn out okay in the lawsuit, and that you will have a sticky, healthy bean soon. Congrats on getting your temple recommend! Use it!!
Thank you both!!
Kyli- thank you for the advice! I appreciate it. My Bishop gave me a blessing on Wed night and it has helped lift my spirits. I've been staying strong and trying to keep it together for my family. I have RS offering to bring meals and so much support that has really made me feel like I'm loved.
Brandy, so very sorry to hear of all that you're going through but glad that the blessing your received has helped a bit. I agree with everyone above, use that recommend, the temple brings such a peaceful and calming feeling that I've never found anywhere else. Go with a prayer in your heart and you'll either leave with an answer or with the assurance that things will work out as the Lord sees fit.
Hope things continue to get better for you!
Brandy so sorry to hear of your loss, but congrats on getting your temple recommend!
My life has been so crazy lately. We have started doing more with our ward, and I am really liking the ladies I am starting to know. My mom on the other hand has really gone down hill and I am at a complete loss as to what to do for her or my dad anymore. I hope to be able to spill the whole story sometime soon because I need to get my feelings out to someone but baby girl just woke up so I have to run....
Glad to hear you're getting to know some ladies in your ward and liking them, Ashley. But I'm sorry about your mom. Lots of hugs and prayers!
Brandi - how are things going with Hanna's blessing? Did your bishop ever agree, or are you going to go to your parent's ward to bless her?
Brandi, glad you got Hanna's blessing scheduled and I hope your MIL doesn't give you any problems.
I am so excited and I have to share with you ladies that I am FINALLY going to the Temple this Friday the 6th!!! It feels like forever since I've been trying to get my Recommend. Something always came up and it got pushed back for some reason or another... I have everything I need and nothing is stopping me this week. My grandparents that live in Utah think it would be special to be there with me for the first time, which is so special and will be an honor to have them with me. I have been waiting to go back to the Temple since I was a teenager and this feeling is just amazing!!
Oh Brandy, that is so exciting and being able to experience it with your grandparents will make it that much more special. Congratulations! As I type this I keep reminiscing on my own first time through the temple and the feelings were amazing especially the Celestial Room, allow yourself lots and lots of time in there, it really is Heaven on Earth!! Kudos to you for getting that recommend and being temple worthy, I think sometimes we take for granted (or at least I do) just how much of an accomplishment being temple worthy really is.