LDS Moms

[LuTruPeMo]

We're not brave, we're poor! Well, sort of brave I guess. But mostly poor.

We will leave home on Mother's Day (May 8) and will arrive at California on Thursday May 12. First night we're camping at a cabin outside of Topeka, KS (about 8.5 hours of driving). The next night we're at another cabin on the east side of Denver (8 hrs). Then the next night is our favorite - tent camping at Arches National Park in Moab! Then we could drive straight through but that'd be a super long day, so we're cutting it in half and sleeping in St. George on Wednesday night, in a hotel so we can properly bathe and be clean before we see family on Thursday. ;)

I want a camper so bad! A great big ridiculous one too. Like on Meet The Fockers. They are so expensive. But I covet them.

[DucksLikeRain]

Fun! I wish your trip was a week later-we could possibly have met up! We're driving down on the 20th and playing around until the 29th!

[BrandiB]

I hope you dont freeze Heather. It actually just snowed here, of course I'm like 4 hours from Moab. I hope guys have a lot of fun!
We have camp trailers. We rarely camp in a tent.

[LuTruPeMo]

Tif how far south are you going? We will be in southern CA until May 21. Dang the timing! We actually wanted to stay until the 23rd... we might still, I don't know. The only reason to head back a little earlier is Lucy's show choir is having their recital on the 23rd. But she's less enthusiastic about that whole thing now than at the beginning. I'm getting kind of irritated with it too. (that's another story) So we might leave it open-ended on when we head back.

[BrandiB]

Thats a long time to be in CA. I could be there that long if we werent visiting my husbands family lol.
The 23rd is my birthday! I think you should stay and enjoy your trip or just judge how you are feeling after being there.

[LuTruPeMo]

Thats a long time to be in CA. I could be there that long if we werent visiting my husbands family lol.

I agree. We are lucky. David's grandma lives in this weird little place in Seal Beach (Orange County) called Leisure World (a gated retirement community). So we will spend half our time down there at the beach with her. His sister who lives in San Francisco is flying down with her husband and 2 year old son and we'll do stuff with them, as well as his brother who lives in San Diego who will come up with his wife and two kids. Then we'll split the time up at the high desert with his parents the rest of the week, and probably go back down to the beach the last 2 days and get together with one his friends from high school and his wife and new baby. So we'll not be with the in-laws for too long a stretch. David's grandma, I could spend every day all day with. She's such a darling person and so laidback and fun to be around! One time when we were out there it was a Sunday night and she said, "Let's get pizza!" and David said, "Grandma, it's Sunday," and she replied, "It's okay. I won't tell your dad."

[DucksLikeRain]

Man! We're going to just miss each other! We're planning San Diego for the 23-27 I think. Before that we'll be in Arroyo Grande which is like 2.5 hours north of LA on the coast.

[BrandiB]

I agree. We are lucky. David's grandma lives in this weird little place in Seal Beach (Orange County) called Leisure World (a gated retirement community). So we will spend half our time down there at the beach with her. His sister who lives in San Francisco is flying down with her husband and 2 year old son and we'll do stuff with them, as well as his brother who lives in San Diego who will come up with his wife and two kids. Then we'll split the time up at the high desert with his parents the rest of the week, and probably go back down to the beach the last 2 days and get together with one his friends from high school and his wife and new baby. So we'll not be with the in-laws for too long a stretch. David's grandma, I could spend every day all day with. She's such a darling person and so laidback and fun to be around! One time when we were out there it was a Sunday night and she said, "Let's get pizza!" and David said, "Grandma, it's Sunday," and she replied, "It's okay. I won't tell your dad."

Thats great!! I love my husbands grandma as well! She's such a sweetie and I love it with she visits. I feel closer to her then to my MIL. She's more of a grandma to Preston then a great grandma or then my MIL.

[LuTruPeMo]

Okay, pet peeve time.

How do you ladies feel about church meetings that run late? Young Women in my ward perpetually runs over the allotted time. We are supposed to end at 2:00. It's the 3rd hour. When I teach, we always end on time, sometimes 5 minutes early so we go ahead and have closing prayer and then a few minutes to chat about other things. I like that. But when someone else teaches, we always go late! Ack!

I feel like that 5 minute bell at 1:55 is to tell the teacher, you need to wrap it up so you have time for a closing prayer!

I admit I also have anxiety about my kids wandering the halls without me or DH. I'm kind of a nut about that stuff. But I also don't want them disrupting anyone else's class. And today DH was teaching EQ so I knew for sure he wouldn't get out in time to go get them. Lucy is just released from Primary to wander and then half the time Truman is too. Penny at least (usually) has to be picked up by a parent.

Anyway. It just ticked me off. I admit my blood sugar was plummeting and that made me uber cranky as well, and I've been PMSing for like a full week now so I'm tired and mean. And I was bitter about the lesson in general. It was about preparing to go to the temple and the 1st counselor forgot she was supposed to teach so had her husband from the bishopric do it. And he asked did all the leaders go to the temple with their mothers and of course all of them said yes except me. And the teacher made a big show of using her brand-new iPad to show a video (it was waaaay too small for a whole group to see) and has been sending me emails with "sent from my iPad" all week... DH says give her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't know how to turn off that snide automatic signature on iPads/iPhones. I shouldn't feel less because we can't afford to have iPads. But of course I do! It's funny because the SS lesson today was on not accumulating things and treasures on earth. I guess it was timely for me. We talk a lot lately about moving and being in the other ward. It's less 'affluent' and we'd live a whole lot closer to DH's work. But there's a lot fewer youth. So... IDK. I'm just rambling.

[BrandiB]

Heather I hate it when it runs over as well. My first sunday in our new ward they ran over and I just got up and walked out. Several other moms did as well. I needed to get my little guy out of nursery. My cousin is in my ward and she left the same time I did, she told me that her younger kids freak out if they cant find her. Sure enough they were waiting at the door in tears.

[LuTruPeMo]

Brandi I'm so glad I'm not alone. I can't post about this on FB because I'm 'friends' with the other YW leaders on there. I feel like it's so incredibly rude! General Conference never goes late!

[BrandiB]

Your right conference never runs over. Have you thought about mentioning to the other YW's leaders that you would like to get out on time because you need to make sure that your kids arent wandering the halls without an adult? Otherwise, I'll be honest, I'd just get up and walk out.

[ashers]

Before I was married I was a primary teacher and then our first year married I was in the nursery, we weren't supposed to release kids to run out around the halls, they had to be picked up by their parents. So when meetings ran long it made it hard for me to get out out time, some times we would be waiting 10-15 minutes over time. It is a big pet peeve of mine, its almost as bad as people being perpetually late!

[DucksLikeRain]

I'm the education counselor in RS and it is one of my pet peeves when my teachers go over. To the point that I have instructed my pianist to get up and go sit down at the piano at 5 minutes before the hour to sort of prompt two of them who habitually go over!


Ok, so this is sort of weird to me (and I just realized it's really loooong. Sorry!). I was talking to my mom on Monday about birth control. I started on the Nuva Ring 2.5 weeks after having the baby. I had been done bleeding for nearly a week. And within 2 or 3 days of putting in the ring I started bleeding again. Not just spotting, but not super heavy either. Like a light to medium period for me. And it never stopped for the 3 weeks of having the ring in. I finally took it out on Sunday instead of yesterday because I was tired of it. So now I'm bleeding heavy, starting to taper off, like I would expect from a period. But what I was telling her was that if when I put the new ring back in, I keep on with the light bleeding like before, I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been bleeding daily since December and I am DONE with it. Seriously finished. But I really cannot be without birth control because we get pregnant so blasted easily and for us right now it's not just a "we don't want to get pregnant" but is "we should NOT get pregnant" so more of a dire issue.

So i was mentioning to her that I was thinking on Monday at my 6 week appointment I would talk to my doctor about having my tubes tied. John is very supportive of it-he's actually the one that is adament about not having me get pregnant again. Crazy me would give it another go But it seems like the general feeling, at least around here, about tubals and vasectomies is that they aren't right-even though the church doesn't come right out and say that as doctrine.

So I assumed my mom felt that way. I'd talked before, when pregnant, about having my tubes tied during my c-section if we made it to a point where the baby would almsot definitely be coming home barring any out of the ordinary circumstances. And every time I mentioned it she'd say something about how it's our decision, but not to jump to anything, not to make brash decisions, etc.

All my life I've believed that she had the 5 of us and 5 miscarriages in the course of 7 years and then when she was 27 her thyroid gave out and it "just quit letting her get pregnant." Because that was essentially what she'd always said. Which was part of why I wanted my kids fairly close together-"what if I'm like my mom and my body just quits getting pregnant?"

So on Monday she sort of got teary and said "I have a true confession to make." And this first part I knew-after my 3rd brother she told the head nurse at the hospital that she wanted her tubes tied. When he was born my older brother was 5, I was 4, the next brother was almost 2. The hospital was still run by the Catholic nuns and Mother Bridget told her no-both because it was against hospital policy and because "you've just had a baby. Of course you don't want anymore!" And my mom felt dejected, thinking about the 5 miscarriages and 4 children she'd had in 6 years. She was scared of getting pregnant again. Each baby was sicker and sicker when born-I spent 3 weeks in the NICU for jaundice that wouldn't go away. That 4th baby spent 5 weeks in and out of the hospital. So she was scared to have another. 3 months later she was pregnant again.

And that's where what I thought I knew ends. She had Erik and at that point had a 6, 5, almost 3, 1yo and newborn. And Erik was really really sick. Our family doctor told her she needed to not have any more babies. She had hemorrhaged with each of us and it was super bad with Erik. She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks having blood transfusions, etc. So my dad had a vasectomy, which is what she had never told anyone except her two best friends...and within 2 weeks each of their husbands went out and had themselves snipped (one after 4 kids in 5 years and the other after only 2 kids over 5 years) "because Roy had it done, it must be ok to do." And she always felt horribly guilty that anyone would base their decision off of her and my dad's.

So...can someone help explain to me WHY she (or anyone!) would have such a stigma about it? I have the Handbook #2 and in the section regarding elective sterilization it just says something about it being discouraged. But really, is there such a stigma? In my mom's case, and in my case, it's a bit more than just elective. But even if it weren't...? I don't know. It just stunned me that she would keep that a secret for 25 years?

[BrandiB]

Tif I had no idea that it was even discouraged. My mom had her tubes tied and then later went on to have a hysterectomy. I know several women who have had elective sterilization. Infact when we are done having our kids I will have an ESSURE. I honestly say do what you feel is best for your family. Who cares what anyone else says. I would look into an ESSURE rather then tubal if you are for sure done. Its much less invasive. My only question is, when it comes to adoption through LDSFS I know that if you have had an elective sterilization then you do not qualify. But would you qualify because of you are super fertile but deliver early? I think before you do anything I would look into that so it doesnt change your chances of adoption.

Also I was put on the NuvaRing before I got married and I loved it! I think I had only spotting for the first little bit. I was only on it for 2 months though. I gained 12 pounds in those 2 months so my doctor took me off it.

[DucksLikeRain]

We've actually tabled adoption for right now, for various reasons. One of which is that for the first time since I had Taela I had a situation arise recently that I thought "if we don't have add anymore children to our family" and it was a happy thought, not one filled with sadness and regret. Before Aiyana I had gotten to the point where I figured I could be ok with just the two here because I knew John was seriously not even going to talk about another. But I wasn't happy about it. This time I'm feeling like I can be content-will eventually be content-and it's the first time I've really let myself feel like we don't have to keep on adding and adding to our family! Hard to explain. John's feeling the same way, too, though. But like you said, if we did want to adopt through LDSFS the elective sterilization thing is difficult to get around. I'm going to talk to my doctor on Monday and see if she feels like she can justify coding things, or putting down in my chart or something like that, something that would make it not be purely elective. Yes, we could do birth control. But I got pregnant with Keira 3 months after we got married...while on Nuva Ring. I got pregnant with Scharae 3 months after K was born while breastfeeding and using the patch (not sure if they even still have that out?) and I got pregnant with Taela while temping and avoiding apparent fertile times, and using condoms EVERY time. And IUDs fall out of me and I've gotten pregnant and miscarried while on 2 different pills So you would think that it could be looked at as not simply elective?

I have no problem with elective procedures of that nature-the only reason I even care is because we MIGHT change our minds about adopting down the road, kwim?

[ashers]

Tif I honestly didnt realize that there was stigma about it. My mom had her tubes tied after having her 5th child, somewhat due to the fact that she was diagnosed with lupus and was in and out of the hospital during that last pregnancy and she was advised to not have any other children. I know that the church doesnt say much about all the different forms of birth control, its one of those 'in the bedroom' things where its not really 'dont do it' kind of situation. Personally I dont see anything wrong with you getting your tubes tied, physically it may be what your body needs to start healing fully. Lots of hugs, I am sorry you are facing so much right now.

Another thing Tif is I have been following your thread in the adoption section, and I know that John is worried about the cost of adoption. I know that through LDSFS the amount of money they charge is on a sliding scale and I know that they have a cap so that no family is paying a ridiculous amount of money. I dont know if you have any information on that and where you guys would be placed on the scale but seeing that amount compared to the fees of an adoption through a different agency might help him. Just wondering.

ETA: I must have been writing this as you responded to Brandi, but I will leave it out here just cause. :o)

[LuTruPeMo]

There are also big tax incentives for adopting. I'm sure John knows about those though. Just as a little nudge. We looked quite seriously as Ethiopian adoption for awhile. I read "There Is No Me Without You" (HIGHLY recommend) and wanted an Ethiopian AIDS orphan of my very own.

As for surgical sterilization - I think the term discouraged is just a notch below "you can't go to the temple," along those lines. I believe it's because of the permanent nature, not necessarily that the Church teaches women should have as many babies as humanly possible (which according to my MIL is what was taught in her childbearing years, the 1970s). My MIL says in her opinion, at that time the brethren had no understanding of PPD or the severe physical and emotional toll having baby after baby after baby had on a woman. Men in general (not just in the church) have changed in that time and now they are more sympathetic, and families should have as many as they can (not put off having them due to wanting a nicer car or better vacations, for instance) but not necessarily take it upon themselves to personally multiply & replenish the earth. Maybe that's why your mom was weird about it. Because in her day it was a big deal. I've known several LDS women who had their tubes tied and were very open about it.

I do now regret David's V but that's just us. We'll have it reversed and if it works, great, and if it doesn't, we are happy with the three children we have. We prayed about it at the time and it felt like the answer was yes. I don't think we got the wrong answer or we did the wrong thing. I think at that time it was imperative that I not get pregnant again. However, at the time we both felt like there was something more in store for us down the road. We just didn't know (and still don't) what that might be.

[LuTruPeMo]

And as far as I know, LDSFS is the only one that has the caveat about sterilization. No international agencies have that.

so, we are leaving tomorrow morning for vacation! Woot woot! So excited. Nervous yes, but excited too. We are camping in a cabin in Topeka, Kansas the first night, a cabin just outside Denver the next night. A tent in Moab the next night, and a comfy hotel in St. George the final night before we roll into CA. I'm also stoked about the trip home. Tent camping one night and motel another night on route 66. Should be fun. I'd like to see the cadillac ranch in Amarillo too.

[BrandiB]

Heather have a blast!! Dont forget about us while your in sunny CA!!

[Brandles]

I agree. We are lucky. David's grandma lives in this weird little place in Seal Beach (Orange County) called Leisure World (a gated retirement community). So we will spend half our time down there at the beach with her. His sister who lives in San Francisco is flying down with her husband and 2 year old son and we'll do stuff with them, as well as his brother who lives in San Diego who will come up with his wife and two kids. Then we'll split the time up at the high desert with his parents the rest of the week, and probably go back down to the beach the last 2 days and get together with one his friends from high school and his wife and new baby. So we'll not be with the in-laws for too long a stretch. David's grandma, I could spend every day all day with. She's such a darling person and so laidback and fun to be around! One time when we were out there it was a Sunday night and she said, "Let's get pizza!" and David said, "Grandma, it's Sunday," and she replied, "It's okay. I won't tell your dad."

Lol! I know exactly where that weird little place is... I live in Los Alamitos. I drive past there all the time! If you go to church, I'm sure you'll be coming to our ward. I wish I would've seen this sooner, maybe we could have met up. My fault for not logging on more often. Hope you enjoy your visit in California!!!

[BrandiB]

Lol! I know exactly where that weird little place is... I live in Los Alamitos. I drive past there all the time! If you go to church, I'm sure you'll be coming to our ward. I wish I would've seen this sooner, maybe we could have met up. My fault for not logging on more often. Hope you enjoy your visit in California!!!

I know Heather has been on facebook, I wonder if she'll see this before she leaves.

[Brandles]

I know Heather has been on facebook, I wonder if she'll see this before she leaves.

That would be awesome if she did... I don't think I have her on my fb though.

[BrandiB]

So my visiting teacher just called. I guess I got new ones since I moved in 5 months ago. Anyways they are coming on friday, I hope that I can meet someone new and maybe have play dates with.
I've been horrible, I've gone to this new ward twice in the 5 months I've lived here. Granted 2 sundays was conference and stake conference, then I had my gall bladder out and then we've had colds after cold here. DH works every other weekend and we only have one car and the weather has not been good enough to walk. I'm not sure I want to walk that far with Preston anyways. So yeah we have been slackers.

[ashers]

Brandi, I am so glad that your VT got a hold of you and set an appointment. We have been major slackers in going to our ward too, of course we have had conferences, missionary farewells, vacations and family things that has kept us from church. Overall though we have never felt welcome or wanted there and cannot wait until we move this summer to make a fresh start in a new ward.

One question I have for you ladies is have any of you had your babies blessed in a different ward, like if you live out of state and bless them in your parents ward so that family is around? We live 50-75 miles away from family and if we blessed her in our ward we would have to travel to my parents or the ILs house for a get together after, so some people would be traveling a lot that day, so we figured it would probably be easier if we blessed her in our parents ward (yes they are in the same ward, my dad is the Bishop and DH dad is his secretary) that way we save a lot of travel for people and my grandparents would most likely be able to come then. What are your opinions, thoughts, advice?

[BrandiB]

I say go for it If your place isnt big enough and your parents ward feels more like home for you then I would do it there.
I've never done that but my aunts all had their kids blessed at my grandparents house. Preston got RSV about a week before his blessing, if it had been worse we would of done it at home as well. I told DH that with this baby its not being blessed until May or June at the earliest. No more winter crap it scares me.

[DucksLikeRain]

All of our babies have been blessed outside of our home ward. I know with Keira we blessed her in the ward I grew up in and the Bishop knew John and knew he was a Melchizedek Priesthood holder. And then with Scharae we blessed her down here in Oregon at my parents' ward, even though we lived up in WA. I can't remember for sure, but I think John just needed to show his Temple Rec. to the Bishop for him to fill out the paperwork. And then the other 3 have all been done at the hospital w/the permission of the Bishop to do it at a place/time other than Sunday at church.

[ashers]

We would be much more comfortable blessing her in our parents ward, its the ward we both grew up in and we know all the people and it would make things so much easier for our families and friends that would be coming. The earliest we would be blessing her would be September or most likely October.

[BrandiB]

Ash I say do it at your parents ward then.

[ashers]

Thanks for the advice Brandi and Tif, we will be talking to my dad about doing it there when he is a little less busy with his ward members. :o)

Heather I am so glad that you are safe, its amazing the little things the spirit whispers to us and the choice we have to listen or push it aside. I am so glad that you listened and your little family was blessed because of it.