LDS Moms

[BrandiB]

Tif thats a good idea as well. We started the "love journals" we were horrible at it haha. Lasted about 2 weeks and then we were done with it. We need to do it again though because it really brought the stupid little arguements into perspective.

I was actually thinking that instead of doing thank you cards having her type up a little thank you and then give that and a little party favor to all the guests. Then she doesnt have to worry about it in general. My cousin's wife did this at her bridal shower and I liked the idea.

[Brandles]

I seriously love you girls!!!

I don't get much time on APA anymore so I'm hardly ever in here and when I am something always comes up and I don't get a chance to comment. And then when I do come in here I always feel like the new girl. I just read through the last couple of pages and I'm sitting here cracking up. I really like this saying too, "Before you get married, the church tells you to stay out of the bedroom. After you are married, the church stays out of the bedroom." I’ll have to pass this along.

Tiff, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

[Brandles]

Sorry this might be long. I’m coming to this room today to vent a little… This, in a way ties into your whole sex conversations… just a little, Lol!

MY DH (non-member) has been a little distant this week and hasn’t been communicating very well. He’s even been “falling asleep” on the couch this week. I keep asking him what’s going on and why he hasn’t been coming to bed and he just says that he “fell asleep”. I don’t know, I just have a hard time believing that. Finally, he sends me a text today while he was working and says, “hey, am I ever gonna get sex again?” First of all, I’m not trying to deprive my DH, but I was sick… then that time of the month came, and now he’s been on the couch. So, I replied and said that I’ve been hinting for him to come to bed, etc. and he hasn’t been communicating well and he seems bothered by me even talking to him. Then we went back and forth a little and out from no where after I said I love you, he says, “Sad to say, but you don’t really act like it… sometimes it seems like you spend more time with your church people than me.” He also said that he works crazy hours and when he’s off he wants to spend time with his family, but I always have church people coming over.

Ok, I have the missionaries come once a week, I go to church every Sunday, and I go to Enrichment once a month, and today was our families turn to clean the church. I hardly feel like I am there enough.

On Sundays, I wake up get my 3 children breakfast and get them all ready for church. (DH is a police officer and works Sat nights and some Sundays so he very rarely will ever come to church.) Sometimes, our Sunday mornings can be hectic and the older boys argue. My DH touched light on this today as well and said via text, “EVERY Sunday I hear you arguing with the boys while getting ready so I wake up to that and then when you get home you are yelling at them for something else. That’s not church, I can’t understand why you go and that’s why I want no part of it.” This makes me sad that he sees it that way.

Like I said, “sometimes” our Sunday mornings can be hectic. My older boys take their sweet time getting ready and I admit, I do argue with them sometimes about staying on task and helping me get us out the door and to church on time… and it’s not EVERY Sunday that we argue.

I replied and told him that I respect his opinion, but I disagree. I told him that I know that sometimes it can be difficult to get three kids fed and ready for church, but once we are ready and no matter how hectic our morning was, once we walked through the church doors we all feel a sense of calmness and we are all humble to be at church. I told him how good the older boys feel when they do service for the church. I told him that he may not see the blessings that I do, but church is good for the boys, it’s good for all of us and that if he actually joined us on a Sunday he may be able to understand why we attend faithfully.

NO RESPONSE back yet!!

I have no idea how to handle this and it’s really bothering me. It seems like he doesn’t want me to go to church. I wish he were a member of the church, it would make things so much easier. He’s never had a problem with me going until now. Any advice? Anyone who has DH’s that are non-members? How do they handle you going to church?


Oh, and I think I need to mention to him that Mormons have “more” sex than other people! Maybe that will nudge him to get baptized, lol!!!

[LuTruPeMo]

I'm sorry your husband is giving you a hard time about going to church. My husband is a member (he was one of the missionaries who taught me) but I have a good friend who was baptized about 3 years ago and her DH has zero interest in coming to church (he's Jewish). It's been really hard for them at times.

My only advice would be to maybe do all you can to make Sunday mornings go as smoothly as possible. When we have 9 a.m. church, I have to do a lot on Saturday night to make sure we get out the door on time AND not have major fights on the way. Like laying out everyone's clothes (even mine) including matching socks, shoes, and getting a church bag ready and packed (coloring books, that kind of thing), and sometimes even getting breakfast ready ahead of time as much as possible (sitting boxes of cereal out on the table, and bowls and spoons, or putting oatmeal in the crock pot overnight). Anything you can do ahead of time will mean less stress in the morning.

[BrandiB]

I agree with Heather about trying to get things ready the night before. We dont have a hard time getting to church on time but we are only a small family of 3. I can understand where your husband is coming from though that you always have "church people" come over. My husband and I are both members of the church but when he was in the Young Mens it was hard for me. I had no calling, as it was I stayed home all day because he worked. He would come home once a week and then turn around and leave to go to Young Mens. I hated it, I felt like we never spent time together as a family and after I had been home for hours with our toddler I needed him to be home with me. Sometimes though if he could sense I was really having a hard time with it then he would not go. He probably should of but he understood my feelings as well.

Good luck though I hope that things can change soon for you guys! Sounds like you need a good long talk!

On a side note: Heather I had no idea that your husband was one of the missionaries that taught you! My husband served his mission with several people who ended up returning and marrying someone either in their branch or someone they taught.

[moosh34]

Brandles, I had this thought while I was reading your post but I have to start with a question. Do your older boys argue with you about getting ready for school on time like they do for church? I ask because if they don't it might be that they are trying to push the boundary of "having" to go because dh doesn't. Does that make sense? You could tell your dh that if he was setting the example of going they probably wouldn't see not going as such an option. On the flip-side, if they have the same trouble with getting ready for school then you can just chalk it up to being their age. I'm sorry it's been rough lately.

Brandi, I've felt that way about dh's callings sometimes because I am a SAHM too. He's been in two different Young Men's presidencies and is now a counselor in the Bishopric. We've had to figure out how to make it work. He would always take ds to YMs with him when he could. Sometimes I feel like we've figured it out and sometimes it's a big struggle...like when he has a 3-4 hour Bishopric meeting on Saturdays and then has to be at the church building from 8:30-4 or 5 on Sunday. It seems like a big sacrifice and I know that church leaders are counseled to not have parents of young children taken away too much from their families by callings, but the demographics of our ward just don't make that possible. Luckily (kinda) I also have a calling that has me very involved in knowing what the needs are in the ward so I usually know why and what is taking so much of his time.

[BrandiB]

Glad that you have a calling as well where you can understand some of the needs in the ward I'm sure that helps a lot. I think being in the bishopric has to be much harder then just in the Young Mens.

[ashers]

Brandles, my advice would be to stop the conversation via text and make a time when the two of you can sit down face to face and have a conversation about what you individually are feeling. Its really hard to do and takes a lot of self discipline but make sure to use 'I' statements like 'I feel...' instead of using statements that begin with 'You'. I know that doing this has helped a lot in building my relationship with my husband. Sometimes we just have to set a time limit and just discuss things in stride, 30 minutes one day, take time to think about it, pray over it and then discuss our thoughts the next day. My DH is a member, went on a mission and everything, but has really been struggling with his faith and with going to church for the past couple of years. Just keep praying yourself for the best way to get yourself through this and a way to help your DH see what you need from him. Lots of hugs.

[moosh34]

So I totally spaced my son's first ever talk this week. I'm so sad. He had the scripture in February and we practiced it all week and he did such a good job. Today I'm sitting in R.S. with dd toddling all around when the primary pres comes in a whispers to me, "does V have a talk memorized?" That's when I realized I'd forgotten. He told them that he had a talk and they asked him if he had it memorized and he said he did. I ran over there and one of the presidency was trying to whisper some things for him to say. Kinda funny...but still I'm sad. I hope he has another opportunity soon.

[BrandiB]

So I totally spaced my son's first ever talk this week. I'm so sad. He had the scripture in February and we practiced it all week and he did such a good job. Today I'm sitting in R.S. with dd toddling all around when the primary pres comes in a whispers to me, "does V have a talk memorized?" That's when I realized I'd forgotten. He told them that he had a talk and they asked him if he had it memorized and he said he did. I ran over there and one of the presidency was trying to whisper some things for him to say. Kinda funny...but still I'm sad. I hope he has another opportunity soon.

Oh no I'm sure he'll have another opportunity soon.

[Brandles]

I agree, and think that I need to start preparing for church the night before. The biggest thing for me is the food, clothes, snacks... and then there is Danny, my 14 year old that waits until the last minute for everything. We have never been late, and matter of fact we get there at least 15 min early so Danny can help prepare Sacrament. I'm going to this next week and set all the clothes and snacks out the night before.

Brandles, I had this thought while I was reading your post but I have to start with a question. Do your older boys argue with you about getting ready for school on time like they do for church? I ask because if they don't it might be that they are trying to push the boundary of "having" to go because dh doesn't. Does that make sense? You could tell your dh that if he was setting the example of going they probably wouldn't see not going as such an option. On the flip-side, if they have the same trouble with getting ready for school then you can just chalk it up to being their age. I'm sorry it's been rough lately.

I think it's more stressful on Sundays, but Danny is lazy and always goes back to bed. I wake him for Seminary and he falls back to sleep. I even wait for him to shower and after he goes back to sleep. Makes me so frustrated sometimes.

Brandles, my advice would be to stop the conversation via text and make a time when the two of you can sit down face to face and have a conversation about what you individually are feeling. Its really hard to do and takes a lot of self discipline but make sure to use 'I' statements like 'I feel...' instead of using statements that begin with 'You'. I know that doing this has helped a lot in building my relationship with my husband. Sometimes we just have to set a time limit and just discuss things in stride, 30 minutes one day, take time to think about it, pray over it and then discuss our thoughts the next day. My DH is a member, went on a mission and everything, but has really been struggling with his faith and with going to church for the past couple of years. Just keep praying yourself for the best way to get yourself through this and a way to help your DH see what you need from him. Lots of hugs.

I would love to stop the text messages, but my DH hates to talk in person and turns his head away from mine. He has always been a horrible communicator and it drives me nuts. I appreciate and like your advice though. I really do think that we need some couple time and have date night or something without the kids.

[ashers]

While in the car with my DH the other day he mentioned that we should do something for our parents for Easter. He said because they have done so much for us over the years that its time we start giving back some. I had never thought of this, especially since my parents never really did anything for their parents, Easter was always for us kids. Do any of you ladies do anything for your parents? Any ideas on what we could do?

[DucksLikeRain]

We don't do anything for them for Easter. It falls right there with mother's day, father's day and also my parents' anniversary so we try to be and sure and do something for those occasions.

I made the call and got the first part of the LDS adoption process emailed to me. It is a ton of paperwork already, plus I have to go online and do the first of three online segments forums and blogs I've read all talk about it being like 8-9 months from this point to having adoption approval and being able to put up a profile which is why I decided to get started. Our LDSFS office says it's typically 2-3 months!?

[BrandiB]

Tif I hope in your case its only 2-3 months instead of 8-9 months.

Ashley we do nothing for my parents for Easter. Just something small for Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Even though we are doing better now then we have in a couple years we still arent well off so we cant afford a lot.

[ashers]

My thinking immediately went to the idea that Easter is so close to mothers day and fathers day, I think it would be better if we just did something nice for them on these days and leave Easter alone.

Tif I hope that the process goes smoothly and quickly for you. I have heard about the amount of paper work there is, but the faster you are able to get it all filled out and the online profiles complete the faster birth moms are able to find you. I cant wait to hear about your progress with all of this.

[LuTruPeMo]

Sometimes though if he could sense I was really having a hard time with it then he would not go. He probably should of but he understood my feelings as well.

I disagree. I'm glad to hear he sometimes didn't go when you were having a rotten day! I wish more people would be like that. The Church WILL go on without someone! Our families are the most important thing. (Now, I do know a couple who take this to extremes and refuse any calling outside of Sunday meeting time - like teaching a class - claiming it will take too much time away from the family... so it goes both ways I guess.) There have been a few times, not many, but a few when DH or I opted to skip a church thing we were supposed to be at because we needed to be together. Sometimes callings just take a lot of time, and usually we're blessed for fulfilling them but sometimes the blessings come when we DON'T go to a meeting. Sorry I'm off on a tangent....

[LuTruPeMo]

While in the car with my DH the other day he mentioned that we should do something for our parents for Easter. He said because they have done so much for us over the years that its time we start giving back some. I had never thought of this, especially since my parents never really did anything for their parents, Easter was always for us kids. Do any of you ladies do anything for your parents? Any ideas on what we could do?

Whaaat? What does that even mean?
My mom is having us out to her house for Easter. So I guess for her I'm going to eat her food.
I have no idea what you'd DO for a parent for Easter?
I always got a new dress and an Easter basket of candy when I was a kid. I don't do Easter baskets for my kids because my mom does and it's MORE than enough candy and junk toys. I do buy jelly beans and we have little Easter egg hunts (with 1-2 jelly beans in each) a few times leading up to Easter.

[LuTruPeMo]

I made the call and got the first part of the LDS adoption process emailed to me. It is a ton of paperwork already, plus I have to go online and do the first of three online segments forums and blogs I've read all talk about it being like 8-9 months from this point to having adoption approval and being able to put up a profile which is why I decided to get started. Our LDSFS office says it's typically 2-3 months!?

This is great! I hope it goes smoothly for you guys. And quickly! I guess that's kind of weird isn't it... to in a way be hoping that some single Mormon teen or young adult is going to get knocked up and face this terrible situation. But it's all part of a larger plan for everyone. It's so exciting!

[LuTruPeMo]

Oh! We got our vasectomy reversal appointment! Holy schnikies! It's July 18th. It's a Monday so we'll probably drive there on Sunday. The surgery is early in the morning so we may drive part way back that afternoon (since I'll be doing all the driving I'd like to split the 10 hours into two days). So exciting!

[BrandiB]

Oh! We got our vasectomy reversal appointment! Holy schnikies! It's July 18th. It's a Monday so we'll probably drive there on Sunday. The surgery is early in the morning so we may drive part way back that afternoon (since I'll be doing all the driving I'd like to split the 10 hours into two days). So exciting!

Heather that is awesome!! I'm so excited for you guys! How soon after the reversal can you guys start trying?

I went shopping today with my SIL she's due in Sept and she wanted to get some long sleeve onesies in colors. She was told that Kohls was having a HUGE sale on baby clothing so she was going to buy some for a girl and some for a boy. We could not find them, but found girl ones at Tj Maxx. They find out what they are having in 2 weeks. I find it super funny that she's totally stressing about it. I pray for her sake that its a girl and she doesnt have to take the onesies back haha. I did however get Preston a super cute summer outfit and the shirt he can even wear to church

[moosh34]

While in the car with my DH the other day he mentioned that we should do something for our parents for Easter. He said because they have done so much for us over the years that its time we start giving back some. I had never thought of this, especially since my parents never really did anything for their parents, Easter was always for us kids. Do any of you ladies do anything for your parents? Any ideas on what we could do?

I think that's great. I don't know what you'd especially do for Easter though. I know that there was actually an article in the Ensign about making the transition from child to adult child and part of that was giving back to your parents. Anyway, I find that the things I can do usually just involve my time. Like, for instance, my mom works full-time now and so sometimes I'll show up at her house and have dinner made. Or, I recently made a photo book on Shutterfly of pictures from a trip we took a few years ago. Or, we help with the yard work and garden since we don't have our own yard yet. Hmmmm...maybe you could offer to plant some perennials. That would be nice for Easter.

[ashers]

Whaaat? What does that even mean?
My mom is having us out to her house for Easter. So I guess for her I'm going to eat her food.
I have no idea what you'd DO for a parent for Easter?
I always got a new dress and an Easter basket of candy when I was a kid. I don't do Easter baskets for my kids because my mom does and it's MORE than enough candy and junk toys. I do buy jelly beans and we have little Easter egg hunts (with 1-2 jelly beans in each) a few times leading up to Easter.

I was confused by him asking me about this too...I asked if he had any examples as to what he wanted to do and he had no idea. His mom still does Easter "baskets" for all of us, she just loves to do it. We do a family dinner but other than that its really just a time of year we think about the Atonement.

I think that's great. I don't know what you'd especially do for Easter though. I know that there was actually an article in the Ensign about making the transition from child to adult child and part of that was giving back to your parents. Anyway, I find that the things I can do usually just involve my time. Like, for instance, my mom works full-time now and so sometimes I'll show up at her house and have dinner made. Or, I recently made a photo book on Shutterfly of pictures from a trip we took a few years ago. Or, we help with the yard work and garden since we don't have our own yard yet. Hmmmm...maybe you could offer to plant some perennials. That would be nice for Easter.

The article in the Ensign is a great one. I would love to plant flowers for my mom and MIL but that would not go over well They are both so anal about what happens in their yards. Maybe we can come up with some type of service to give them.

[LuTruPeMo]

Did everyone have a nice Easter?

My kids as usual got gobs of candy from my mom. What's not eaten today will be mysteriously disappearing into the trash can after the kids go to bed tonight. I can't take the wild mood swings any more.

[DucksLikeRain]

I still about the ceramic cows your mom got them, Heather!

We had a crappy Easter. Our hearts weren't in it and luckily the girls do not like things likeyhe Easter bunny coming to their house so we didn't have to worry about that. We skipped church because we honestly did not feel like going and being reminded about the eternal nature of families via the Atonement, etc. So we went for a drive and did some geocaching instead.

[BrandiB]

We had a decent Easter. We skipped church. I know horrible. My husband worked the night before so he was exhausted, we went to my grandma's for lunch and for an egg hunt and my husband slept while we were there. We got Preston a fishing pole and he LOVED it!

Tif sorry yours was so crappy

[ashers]

We ended up skipping church too...felt horrible about it but pregnancy hormones got the best of me that morning and I was overly emotional about everything, first the alarm didnt get set so we were already running 30 minutes late, then DH said something stupid and got me crying over that, so we just chilled at home till we went to see family. We were able to enjoy some time with both of our families but nothing really special.

[BrandiB]

UGH so I need to vent....
I just called my VT companion which also happens to be my cousin. I mentioned to her that we didnt get our teaching done this month but I wanted to call them and let them know who we were (they split the ward not to long ago) and that if they needed anything then to just let us know, and that we will do better next month. So my cousin says she will go ahead and do it.
Then she asks if someone just called me to tell me that one of our girls had a baby. Well I guess one of our girls moved no one told us, and we just got our list in March. Then they said that the girl that moved into her old house just had a baby and they were trying to get some meals brought into her and was wondering if we could do it. Not a big deal at all. But why werent we told that the other girl moved and that we were getting a new girl to replace her? They called my cousin assuming that we knew that they had moved. We did not get our teaching done last month because I had surgery and then my companions sister got married.
Shouldnt they of let us know when that happened? Oh and not to mention that my cousin found out that the girl that was on our list is still in our ward but now we arent her VTers. I'm a little irritated. Sorry if this makes no sense though.

[ashers]

I am sorry Brandi! VT troubles just really stink, we didnt make it out either this month, no real excuses but it just didnt happen. We faced a similar situation last month when we found out that one of our girls was moving, no one had told us and my companion had just had a conversation with the VT supervisor about the ladies we visit. Also, how were you supposed to know that they girl who moved in was going to be on your list? And how were you supposed to know she had just had a baby? I hope that things get better!

[LuTruPeMo]

It didn't make any sense, but that's okay. The whole situation sounds nuts! Hopefully you now know who you have and who has and has not recently had a baby!

My visiting teachers are coming tomorrow! Oh happy day. I'd been complaining for awhile (well really only once officially, but in my head, a lot) about my visiting teachers. I think I told you all about them - they are together every day but only came to visit me once last year? - anyway, one of the bosom buddies moved far away last week, so my other one has now been paired up with a member of the new RS presidency, and she's on top of things! So this will be good.

I didn't do my VT this month. I decided to wait for my companion to initiate it. Every month I ask HER, when do you want to go? Do you want to make appointments? etc. So I thought, I'll just wait and see if she'll take the ball this month. I guess not since we have 2 days left in the month, and she refuses to go on weekends, so only 1 day left really.

However, this irks me. As long as I've lived here and been partnered with this woman, we've had the same 3 sisters, and 2 of them she had from before. Well with one of them she is good friends. It bugs the heck out of me because at our visits they are constantly talking about things they have done together or plan to do together or past experiences... and I'm just there. Well I heard from my husband that this woman's husband was having major surgery - he's in the EQ presidency so he knew - and I know my companion has been over there a bunch, without me. I guess she goes as a friend and takes meals as a friend, but she didn't even TELL me. As far as she knows, I don't even know he had this big surgery. How is that supposed to make me feel? I really am starting to dislike this woman. It is wearing on me. I don't want to dislike her. But she keeps doing these odd things. She's kind of passive aggressive I think. I think she has issues with me for some reason and finds all these ways to let it out.

Oh. sorry I made that all about me.

[BrandiB]

Heather your fine make it all about you all you want I'm glad that your VTers are coming tomorrow!
Just read on facebook that you booked all your camping sites to CA. You guys are super brave lol. I love to camp though. How long will it take you?