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Thread: The Story of my Ben

  1. #1
    Mommykm3 Guest

    Default The Story of my Ben

    On September 4th, 2007, 1 day shy of 5 months Ben and Katelyn(my oldest) went to my neighbors for the day (she is a licensed daycare provider) she was doing our backup child care for a week because our regular provider took a leave for surgery. Ben was happy, he woke for a bottle at 4 am (which he had not done for two weeks as he learned to sleep through the night!) I fed him and went to work early that day so I could get home early to be with the kids. I called My neighbor at 8 to see how his mood was when my husband dropped him off and he was laughing and cooing in the background. I called her again right before I took my lunch break at 11:30 and he was again, laughing and cooing. I got back from lunch and then a meeting at 1:45 and the messages flooded my voice mail. All they could tell me was that he was not breathing. I called anyone I could to go get Katelyn and in the process must have called all my family. I got to the hospital and 5 minutes later my mom got there, 5 minutes after that my husband and about 5 more minutes from there my step mom. In all my life I never thought I would get the news I got and have to see my baby boy that way. He was so perfect and so healthy I never ever expected this. I still feel so empty. We held him for 6 hours. I felt like the clock was spinning in circles. When we finally had to let him go I broke down because I knew that would be the last time I ever got to hold him again, and the last time he would look as he did when I left him that morning. There is not a minute that goes by that I don't think of Ben, I think of him so often. I often question why I had to have this happen to me in my life, I am only 30 years old. We held Ben's funeral Saturday, September 8th, 2007. My birthday was the day that follows. All I could do was think of him, it felt like no time to think of myself...it still does not. I just miss him, I want to smell him, hug him, kiss him and see the way he lit up from head to toe when he saw me...I feel like the best way to explain this is that it sucks and it is extremely unfair. I hate the answer of SIDS because the way the Medical Examiner explained it was "there is no medical diagnosis to explain Ben's death...so SIDS is the answer". That is just the suckiest thing to hear. When we left him that day he was PERFECT...
    If there is anything in this world that I wish the most it is that no other family has to endure what I have endured. No mommy is supposed to bury her baby, not at 1 month, 1 year or 40 years, it seems to me to be the wrong order.
    http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?i...1&id=669467528

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10,563

    Default

    I am so sorry for your loss.

  3. #3

    Default

    He's so adorable. Life's so unfair.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    11,407

    Default

    You are so strong momma. He is gorgeous.
    Just Midge

  5. #5

    Default

    He's a beautiful boy. I am beyond sorry for your loss.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Little Slice of Country Paradise
    Posts
    41,200

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    Our Family <3 Est. July 2007 <3
    Samuel (5 years), Elliott (3 years), and Evelyn (1 year).

  7. #7

    Default

    I really appreciate you sharing with us. HUGS to you and he is absolutely gorgeous! I also love the idea of a candle for him!
    Dee Dee, Mom to 2 handsome young men & 2 beautiful girls!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    19,097

    Default

    He was a beautiful little boy. I am so sorry for your loss.





  9. #9

    Default

    I'm crying as I read your post. I don't even know what to say. I'm so so sorry for the loss of your beloved baby.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Funky Town
    Posts
    23,372

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    it just isn't fair.





  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Toeing the edge between sanity and insanity
    Posts
    30,542

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    Jenny. You are so right. No parent should ever have to bury their child

    Ben was such a sweet happy looking little man

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter



  12. #12

    Default

    What a beautiful boy. I'm so sorry for your loss.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    12,142

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    So sorry for your loss. ): Such a beautiful little guy, you're so blessed to have the cutest little guardian angel. You are strong!!
    Dada (27) Mama-Jessie (26) Orion (4) Kadence (2) Osiris (Uterus)

  14. #14

    Default

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Its moments like this that I am so grateful that we will see our family again in heaven. to you.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Britney (me), DH (Mat), DD (Lily), DD (Gwyn)

  15. #15

    Default

    I am so sorry Jenny!! I agree that no mom should have to burry her child
    Ben is an absolutely beautiful baby

    This is so unfair
    Dani (6) and Chris (4)

  16. #16
    Mommykm3 Guest

    Default

    This time of the year is just so hard for me.......I keep thinking about the things I was doing this time 3 years ago...and the plans we had made...and how much my baby boy was growing and changing.

    I am afraid that I have embarked on the anger part of grieving. I am just mad, because he should be here with us and terrorizing his sisters.

    UGH.........

    Thanks all of you for being so incredibly thoughtful!

  17. #17

    Default

    You are incredibly strong. I am so sorry
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    45,469

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    Jenny, I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think I've ever seen pictures of him before. He's beautiful.

    IT'S A BOY!!!

    Marissa 12, Peyton 7, Jayden 5 and #4 due 7/4/2014

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Avoiding Work
    Posts
    14,719

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    You are a strong wonderful woman and you are right no momma should have to bury there baby

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #20

    Default

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Formerly villagespin


  21. #21

    Default

    I'm so very sorry.


    5 Angels: EDD 8-07, 1-21-09, 9-25-09, 1-17-10 (twin), 9-24-12

    ovarian cancer survivor. Praying for STC & APA angels

  22. #22

    Default

    I'm so sorry. It's just not fair at all.

  23. #23
    Sakura Guest

    Default


  24. #24

    Default

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Jenn-28 Stephen-30 Ava-2 Twins Autumn and Mattèa-6

  25. #25
    adorsey Guest

    Default

    im so sorry for you loss. i cant even imagine. he was so beautiful. thank you for sharing those pictures.

  26. #26

    Default

    What a beautiful Little Guy I'm so sorry for your loss and pray you find peace
    Lisa DD 16, DS 12, DS 9, DD 5, DD 2, and...



  27. #27

    Default

    So very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful little boy....


  28. Default

    I'm so sorry for your loss momma. He's a gorgeous little guy.
    Christine: Mommy to, Anthony 9.10, Caleb 8.7, Jacob 5.6, Katelynn our newbie and Our Angel Nevaeh 1/1/07-1/1/07

  29. #29
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    11,911

    Default

    I'm so very very sorry for your loss, he is beautiful!


    Co-sleeping, baby-wearing, bfing, pumping, working ft mama.

  30. #30

    Default

    One day I heard a very strong response to the "life isn't fair"...the person after hearing that replied: "I know life isn't fair but no one had told me that it'll be this cruel"
    And that's how I feel when I read stories like yours.
    I fear everyday that my children would be taken away from me...it's every parent's fear and it's the only thing that it's out of our hands...My heart goes out to yours...I hope you find peace!

    ~* How wonderful life is, now you're in the world *~



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