Now that I am close to my due date and Gabriel's passing aniversary is coming I keep getting the following comment "Wow, wouldn't it be great if this baby would be born on the same date Gabriel passed away?" Ughh..it is so irritating.
Mom to Leon(2008)Marcelo 2010 and Gabriel 2007
I got a few...
1) how are you doing are you doing okay?
2) There was probably something wrong with the baby to being with
3) if you look at your religious views..god needed it more then you..and! God has a plan
4) it's in a better place
5) it was not meant to be
6)Oh can't forget this one at the OBGYN..the doc. said doesn't need the ultrasound CD so here you can have it back
yeah all of those question just makes me feel so much better, and just reminds me that I just lost the most wonderful thing that you could be blessed with. I am thank-ful I do have a wonderful little girl but she'll never get to know/meet her brother/sister.
Last edited by Stormgrl81; 08-06-2010 at 10:31 AM.
I didn't lose my baby, but she was premature and very little. But I got one from my stepdad a couple weeks after Bec was born. 'At least she was small. If she were any bigger, you would have been HUGE.' And I remember hearing 'At least you don't have to take her home right away, you can focus on getting better.'
Ladies.... I just want to give you all big big big. I've read this entire thread and I'm just sick by what people have said. I too have had losses... 3 miscarriages. I can't remember exactly the things that people had said to me... but some of the comments I've read here ring bells. It truly amazes me how heartless people can be... I'm so sorry.
I'm surprised I never posted this.
After my second miscarriage, my BFF (who's never been known for tact) says to me, "Maybe you need to use a surrogate."
Not just once did she say this, but twice. Once when I called her to tell her I miscarried, and the second time when I was trying to talk to her about how depressed I was and how I was going through fertility treatments.
I just had a co-worker that sits 3 feet away from me talk for 15 minutes about all of the things she bought for her future grandchild. She got her bfp like two weeks ago and they are already getting a crib. I wanted to say boy I wish I could be that excited two weeks after a bfp but I have to worry if I will even make it past the first trimester and then if my baby will live past a month old. Not to mention the fact that this month I had to do 13 days of Follistim, an Ovidrel shot, and an IUI just to hope to maybe be pregnant. Ugh. I am having a bitter day.
My dh is a piece of work I tell you!! Today he told me and I quote: "You need to stop f***ing around and get pregnant. Our kids are already going to be too far apart as it is!" REALLY?? Yeah it was my choice to lose our precious angels!! Since my last loss I have lost 50 lbs and gotten in shape (I guess that's what he considers flucking around!!
We are currently not on speaking terms and it is going to stay that way until he kisses my @$$!!!!!!!! I was in tears after that comment and he has NO idea why!!
well just two days ago i was at Party city getting some stuff for my daughters b-day party and there was an employee crying by a back room i asked if she was ok and she told me that she had a miscarriage i told her my story and i gave her my # if she ever needed to talk then one of her co-workers came out and said "are u still crying its no big deal u would have sucked as a mom anyway, if u lost the baby its cuz u did something wrong and your being punished!" i fipped out i told her she sucked as a person!
I didn't know this existed until I got bored and started poking around on here. I didn't outwardly grieve my first 3 angels, but I outwardly grieved my fourth and was met with the following. Some of these things were repeated back to me by my ex.
"I bet she wasn't even pregnant. You guys have been having problems and I bet she made it all up!" Ex's mother
"Are you sure it was yours?" Ex's sister and since then I've wanted to knock her flat on her overly inflated behind. I never gave him a reason to question my fidelity to him.
"At least you won't be spending new year in the delivery room." Someone I worked with. My DD was January 1, 2008. I was with DH at the time and neither of us celebrated the New Year because we were both grieving (I, the loss of my Charlie and DH, the anniversary of his cousins death).
"You aren't ready for kids and I'm not ready to be a grandmother." MY Mother!
"At least you know you can get pregnant." I've heard this one more times than I can count since I started TTC with DH.
"At least we don't have anything that forces us to be tied together now." MY EX during our final breakup. I would have been more than happy to raise that baby by myself and DH told me that he would have been happy to raise it as his own.
"You did this on purpose to make me stay didn't you?" My ex again when I finally told him about the mc. We were having relationship problems at the time we conceived and I was terrified to tell him that I was pregnant for fear of this comment. Guess I was right.
"Where's the proof you were pregnant?" My ex who wanted to discredit me. I didn't have anything to give him so automatically I was a liar.
It amazes me just how insensitive people can be. My younger stepsister Tif got pregnant a couple years ago and lost her daughter Alexis at 13 weeks. Her sister who was due a week later with her healthy son Josh said "at least we don't have to worry about going into labor on the same day" and "at least you aren't going to get fat" and "at least you don't have stretchmarks like I do". Tif and I talk a lot during her grieving process of her daughter and I refused to talk to KC for a long time afterwards. It shocks me because KC knew better after having a mc at 16 with her first pregnancy (which I helped her through I might add).
Last edited by mattiehatter; 11-06-2010 at 09:51 PM.
Hi, I've spent like an hour reading all these posts and I am so sorry people have been so insensitive, I dont understand. I dont know if I should really post, its still really hard for me to talk about this. I lost my son when I was 15 and I get comments when I tell people that that its 'a good thing because [i] was so young' or I couldnt take care of him so its good that he's with God and not me. The worst comments Ive ever got came from my mother and father. My mother kicked me out after I came out about abuse in the house and sent me to live in SD with my father (who left us when I was 5)
My mother when I found out I was pregnant and called her 'NOOOOOOO!! Do you have money? Ill send you some for the abortion!' I said 'I'm not having an abortion, I dont believe in it' and she hung up on me
When I was 6 months pregnant my father found a pack of cigarettes in my room (I wasnt smoking at that time but had before) and brought me downstairs, held me down into a chair and shoved the whole pack down my throat, I went into labor that night and my grandmother brought me to urgent care but had to call my father to bring me to ER 60 miles away. He picked me up and I labored all the way there, being shushed from the front seat. Finally at the hospital he just told them I was having stomach pain and they put me in a dark room and my father locked himself in there with me and wouldnt let anyone come in. I gave birth and they took the baby, he died and I have no idea what they ever did with him, I dont even know if he was buried. On the drive home, my son had been dead less then 24 hours and I was numb and my father said 'Because of this stupid pregnancy thing I've wasted more gas then the past year' and 'I hope you didnt tell any of your friends you were ever pregnant, so just tell them you really werent'
I called my mother and told her and she said 'well thats good' when I came back to live with her, she said 'I had 2 miscarriages and I am glad because I would have 6 kids if I didnt, you should be happy, we all are'. My little sister once told me 'your such a sl**, got pregnant by a cripple, no wonder you had a miscarriage' (1st: it wasnt a miscarriage, he was born alive and died, 2nd: I never told my mother who his father was but he wasnt handicapped)
I had a miscarriage when I was 11 and never told anyone but the person who abused me and got me pregnant calls me every name he can think of 'sl**, wh***, spread open' when I have seen him and my mother says I'm a 'sl**' too. I dont talk or see any of these people anymore but as much as my loss still hurts the comments come to me randomly and tear me up inside.
Last edited by desertgirl; 11-09-2010 at 11:33 PM.
I am appalled and offended for each of you on this forum. I can't believe people have said such unfeeling, insensitive things to you all.
I am sorry for everyone's loss. You each have the right to grieve in your own way for however long it takes you.
Wow, desertgirl, you are dealing with so many different kinds of emotional trauma, it is a wonder you are still standing. My one miscarriage seemed to drive me to the edge of sanity and sadness, I can't imagine if I had been through what you have. Hope you have someone in your corner because you need a good support system. Please know that your past does not determine your future unless you let it. Hopefully, you will be in a position to have another beautiful, healthy child and have some healthier people in your life.
I was telling an acquaintance (she'd asked since she saw on fb about my impending miscarriage) about how the baby never developed but the placenta and sac continued to grow, thus making me feel pregnant still. And she said something like, "Isn't it amazing how God makes our bodies know exactly how to grow when we're pregnant?" Um, no, doesn't feel so amazing right now. It feels more like my body's betrayed me.
And I hate the "Oh, this is probably a good thing. God knew the child would have difficulties/whatever/etc." While this is true, it still hurts and I don't want to hear it!
"Well, this is good, cuz now you'll stop being *****y, and knowing you, had you known you were pregnant you probably would have aborted anyway!"
I never had any really horrible comments made, just some harsh circumstances. We lost our first pregnancy at 9 weeks. After that our close friend had her fourth child (never had any complications with any pregnancy), two of our counsins announced their pregnancies, I had an interview at a daycare two days after my m/c and they wanted to see how I would be in the infant room (The director later apologized not knowing that I had m/ced). Whenever I was feeling upset about our loss, after awhile it seemed that people got bored with my pain. I stopped talking about and whenever pregnancy/ infant death came up, I would hold it all in and deal later. People don't realize that even after the birth of my beautiful boys, I still remember that day August 16, 2006. I still get ticked at the term Sponaneous abortion, even though it is medically accurate it still SOUNDS like I didn't want my baby and my body "knew" it. My heart breaks for every mother that has lost a child no matter the age. It hurts.
Just had to put this one on here:
When my sister-in-law (who was mad as can be when she found out she was pregnant) was close to giving birth to my niece, her due date was around Harley's death date. My brother says "I think it would be kind of nice to have her on the 18th. It might make that day easier." For who??? Not your daughter who will forever wonder why Aunt Jamie cries at her birthday parties and certainly not for me who will have a constant reminder of what my boy should have been doing. Thankfully, she was born a couple of days before.
My Harley Angel 12/13/2004-03/18/2005