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Thread: Sensitive Topic - Etiquette Change

  1. #1

    Default Sensitive Topic - Etiquette Change

    Hello Ladies,

    First off, I just want to thank you for your participation in this room. I know we have many sensitive topics on this board and in this room. These topics can easily lead to hurt feelings, but in many cases it is important to talk about them because it affects our pregnancy, our child, or our health.

    The topic of homosexuality has been brought up in this room on at least three different occasions that I am aware of and in each case it has led to hurt feelings or offended parties.

    From this point forward, I want to forgo any discussions about homosexuality with some exceptions and guidelines on those exceptions. You all know what the Bible says about homosexuality - there is no need to get into debates around this area. Acceptable discussions about this topic will be how to respond / get support with something related to the issue.

    For example a potential appropriate thread discussion might be "My cousin just announced he is gay and I want to know how I can show him that I still love and accept him but that I do not agree with the lifestyle" All responses must remain on helping the OP with the need and not into whether the lifestyle is right or wrong.

    APA does have participants from the G&L lifestyle and they need to be able to come to APA for help without feeling judged or belittled. The debate or discussion about the passages on this topic, their interpretation, etc needs to be reserved for a theological, Bible or church forum.

    Does this make sense? Do you all understand this change? Do you have any questions or additional suggestions?

  2. #2
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    Thanks, Brad. I know that none of the ladies here want to offend other members of APA, and I agree that there should not be discussion regarding the doctrine that is believed-merely how to deal with IRL situations that we as mothers come in contact with. Afterall, that's the point of this entire room, right? To discuss our religion and its challenges and applications in our lives as mothers?

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  3. #3

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    Sounds good, Like you said we all know where the line is so there really is no point in discussing it here on APA!
    Katie~
    DD1 (7) DD2 (4) DS1 (22 months) Baby #4 EDD 7/13/14

  4. #4
    Sakura Guest

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    Okey dokey.

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    yup
    Amy(24) Mark(27) Married 3/3/2006Mark Edward III born 08/31/09
    ~*A Godly Marriage in an Ungodly World -- Blog*~

  6. #6

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    makes sense & sounds good.

    "here's to the memories, these are my souvenirs" Switchfoot

  7. #7

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    I think also what would be nice and an even trade is if people were not allowed to use the term crazy when referring to people of faith. I think that if you are making rules to protect feelings, It should be across the board.

    Kylan at 2 .................................................. Mason at 2 and Kylan ..................................... Evan 2

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    As far as this specific topic goes, Brad and the team have been really great about keeping it fair. There have been some pro-homosexuality posts that got taken down because its not fair for one side to be able to express their views, but not the other. I appreciate that.

  9. #9
    fiorewedding Guest

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    I think that is a perfect view. I want to say that I am Catholic and I agree, I'm pretty sure we all know what the bible says about the topic BUT it also says we should not be judging people. In fact, from our standpoint is no worse than other issues with heterosexuality such as adultery. I know that this is not what you want to get into Brad but it might help some people realize that they don't need to be aggressively attacking people based on their sexuality. The Christian way is to lovingly guide, support and respect others not to attack. Thank you for addressing this issue.

  10. #10

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    yeah the mods have been fair but scripture is not silent on the subject. So if we are asked we should be able to at least state what verses in scripture deal with this subject in a loving way! I don't agree with hateful speech. I do agree with sharing our belief on the subject if we are asked.

    Brenda

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by pants View Post
    yeah the mods have been fair but scripture is not silent on the subject. So if we are asked we should be able to at least state what verses in scripture deal with this subject in a loving way! I don't agree with hateful speech. I do agree with sharing our belief on the subject if we are asked.
    Yeah. I agree.

    I do appreciate that its at least fair on both sides, although I get a little eye twitch thinking about how we are the only ones with a sticky about it.

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by APA President View Post
    From this point forward, I want to forgo any discussions about homosexuality with some exceptions and guidelines on those exceptions. You all know what the Bible says about homosexuality - there is no need to get into debates around this area. Acceptable discussions about this topic will be how to respond / get support with something related to the issue.
    APA does have participants from the G&L lifestyle and they need to be able to come to APA for help without feeling judged or belittled. The debate or discussion about the passages on this topic, their interpretation, etc needs to be reserved for a theological, Bible or church forum.
    ?
    Brad, what about the Christians feeling judged and belitted? What about statements in the secular room like:
    "I don't want my kid exposed to their nuttiness" (in reference to Christian homeschoolers)
    "Why we should ditch religion" (title of thread)
    What about the secular thread about the article on the (poorly executed) study saying atheists are more highly evolved than religious people? Did you see how the thread respondents were not surprised to hear that? Pardon my language, but that seems pretty "holier than thou".

    The bottom line is, the secular group has a safe place to discuss these topics without Christians jumping in and about how they are offended. Honestly I'm ok with that. I actually find those discussions very interesting.

    I am upset by this culteral phenomenon that lifestyle and belief's are protected except if it is Christian oriented. Preventing Christians from stating their belief's because they are offensive appears to be perfectly acceptable. Stereotyping Christians as judgemental and holding unacceptable views - read WRONG - appears to be perfectly acceptable.

    I'm not saying you need to cut down all Christian bashing threads. Yes it can get offensive, but we can choose not to read the threads. Maybe you can a homosexual room where there is a safe place for gays and gay supporters to discuss things like prop 8 in a celebratory manner. This way, Christians can feel safe about their voice on the matter in their own room.

    ETA: I am speaking for myself and not on behalf of the other Christian participants here. I don't intend to jeopardize the ability to have a Christian room. I would rather you ban me than take this room away from the other particpants.
    Last edited by Consensus; 08-05-2010 at 11:25 AM.

  13. #13
    Sakura Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Consensus View Post
    Brad, what about the Christians feeling judged and belitted? What about statements in the secular room like:
    "I don't want my kid exposed to their nuttiness" (in reference to Christian homeschoolers)
    "Why we should ditch religion" (title of thread)
    What about the secular thread about the article on the (poorly executed) study saying atheists are more highly evolved than religious people? Did you see how the thread respondents were not surprised to hear that? Pardon my language, but that seems pretty "holier than thou".

    The bottom line is, the secular group has a safe place to discuss these topics without Christians jumping in and about how they are offended. Honestly I'm ok with that. I actually find those discussions very interesting.

    I am upset by this culteral phenomenon that lifestyle and belief's are protected except if it is Christian oriented. Preventing Christians from stating their belief's because they are offensive appears to be perfectly acceptable. Stereotyping Christians as judgemental and holding unacceptable views - read WRONG - appears to be perfectly acceptable.

    I'm not saying you need to cut down all Christian bashing threads. Yes it can get offensive, but we can choose not to read the threads. Maybe you can a homosexual room where there is a safe place for gays and gay supporters to discuss things like prop 8 in a celebratory manner. This way, Christians can feel safe about their voice on the matter in their own room.

    ETA: I am speaking for myself and not on behalf of the other Christian participants here. I don't intend to jeopardize the ability to have a Christian room. I would rather you ban me than take this room away from the other particpants.
    ITA

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    If the issue is going to be discussed at all, I agree with Jenn about having separate rooms for it. It is the same with BF vs. FF, AP vs. Traditional parenting, and all the other divisive issues. I think the biggest drama happens when threads are posted in general areas like Random where both sides jump in and it snow balls into a war zone.

    But I understand the point that homosexuality by itself is not a parenting issue.

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    IBut I understand the point that homosexuality by itself is not a parenting issue.
    Well i'm not so sure. We are in the Christian room. As a Christian parent teaching my child the way the Lord originally intended for sexual expression IS a parenting topic IMO. So I do think that healthy discussion about homosexuality, how you will explain this to your children, what does scripture say is right in this room! After all is is a Christian room not the random room. ANd I agree with what Consensus said. We do get picked on in other rooms. But that's ok I kinda expect that. But this room should be free for us to talk about anything!
    Last edited by pants; 08-05-2010 at 02:38 PM.

    Brenda

  16. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by pants View Post
    Well i'm not so sure. We are in the Christian room. As a Christian parent teaching my child the way the Lord originally intended for sexual expression IS a parenting topic IMO. So I do think that healthy discussion about homosexuality, how you will explain this to your children, what does scripture say is right in this room! After all is is a Christian room not the random room. ANd I agree with what Consensus said. We do get picked on in other rooms. But that's ok I kinda expect that. But this room should be free for us to talk about anything!
    What you said in bold. My sister is gay/bi-sexual and very openly so, and DH and I are struggling amongst ourselves with how to approach the topic in a way that is founded in faith, respectful to my sister and prepares DD for understanding the societal impacts.
    I would love for us to be able to talk about this and feel extremely frustrated that we can't.

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by KC's wifey View Post
    I do appreciate that its at least fair on both sides, although I get a little eye twitch thinking about how we are the only ones with a sticky about it.
    It was actually stuck in more than one place and in the full etiquette at the top of the boards. IDK why it fell off, but it is getting added back.

    Quote Originally Posted by pants View Post
    We are in the Christian room. As a Christian parent teaching my child the way the Lord originally intended for sexual expression IS a parenting topic IMO. So I do think that healthy discussion about homosexuality, how you will explain this to your children, what does scripture say is right in this room! . . .But this room should be free for us to talk about anything!
    Yes, but the question is more about how the question is talked about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Consensus View Post
    What you said in bold. My sister is gay/bi-sexual and very openly so, and DH and I are struggling amongst ourselves with how to approach the topic in a way that is founded in faith, respectful to my sister and prepares DD for understanding the societal impacts.
    I would love for us to be able to talk about this and feel extremely frustrated that we can't.
    It is commonly understood from the Bible that homosexuality is not appropriate. So, you don't need to talk about Scripture saying it is wrong. But, it is appropriate to ask a question on how to share your faith or position on the subject without being judgmental or condescending. Seeking support on how to talk to your children, your friends or neighbors in a compassionate manner.

    The problem is too often people start talking about going to hell or something like that and wham off goes the alarm and hurt feelings and feeling judged. It is a tough challenge.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pants View Post
    Well i'm not so sure. We are in the Christian room. As a Christian parent teaching my child the way the Lord originally intended for sexual expression IS a parenting topic IMO. So I do think that healthy discussion about homosexuality, how you will explain this to your children, what does scripture say is right in this room! After all is is a Christian room not the random room. ANd I agree with what Consensus said. We do get picked on in other rooms. But that's ok I kinda expect that. But this room should be free for us to talk about anything!
    Yes, I agree that it can affect parenting (such as gay couples adopting, dealing with gay family members, etc.) and is a topic to discuss with our children. But what I meant, and what I think Brad meant in his other thread (correct me if I'm wrong) is that in and of itself it is not an inherent parenting issue such as BFing, abortion, discipline, etc.

    But that said, neither is weight loss, crafts and hobbies, and other such themed rooms.

    I don't know, I'm on the fence about it, I see both sides. My only concern is that it be fair all the way around.

  19. #19
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    Maybe the Christian room should be like the Military wives room? only being allowed in by permission and leave all the other discussions to the religious communities?

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Consensus View Post
    What you said in bold. My sister is gay/bi-sexual and very openly so, and DH and I are struggling amongst ourselves with how to approach the topic in a way that is founded in faith, respectful to my sister and prepares DD for understanding the societal impacts.
    I would love for us to be able to talk about this and feel extremely frustrated that we can't.
    I have a openly gay cousin and I feel the same

  21. #21

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    I know some of you live in California, and as a parenting issue, I'd love to see discussion of how yesterday's teardown of proposition 8 will affect what is taught in your child's school. So I am assuming that sort of discussion is okay?

  22. #22

    Default Christian bashing on the boards..

    etd

    Kylan at 2 .................................................. Mason at 2 and Kylan ..................................... Evan 2

  23. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by DeDee33 View Post
    Maybe the Christian room should be like the Military wives room? only being allowed in by permission and leave all the other discussions to the religious communities?
    I like this idea.
    Josie, Hubbyman, Miles, Nora--Josie's Crochet Hook


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