Secular Confessions

[raspberry]

Hiya! My friend has been staying with us for the past 5 days with her little 4 year old son. We have had a great time! The boys got along really well, but my friend and I still had to play referee quite a bit. Both boys are total monkey's. I have to say that I am exhausted. We are definitely taking it easy today.

I loved baby dolls and barbie dolls when I was little. My friends and I played all kinds of things with our barbies- vets, doctors, nurses, house, grocery shopping was a big hit. I see it as an extension of playing "boring grownup jobs" -playing office, mail carrier, grocery shopping etc.

[Smplyme89]

I am so proud of my mom. She met with a counselor at our local community college on Tuesday and got all the information for the Medical Billing and Coding certificate that she wants to go for! I am looking at laptops for her now. I told her I would buy her one from Wal-Mart since I have a credit card with them and she could pay me back when she got a little bit of money here and there. Anything to make sure she goes back to school! She's been talking about doing it for a few years now and am so happy she's finally being proactive!

[missychrissy]

She should get a little student loan and buy herself a computer that way. Not only could she get a better one than what Walmart offers, but the interest rate would be lower.

Good for her for going back to school though. :-) That's wonderful!

[Cosmosmom]

I'm sorry that so many of you have men who do that. I think that I must be incredibly lucky because I don't really think I have ever been told those things by a man. If mom said I was being too dramatic....it was really me being a drama queen (especially as a teenager!). My boss is a man but again never heard those things from him.
And my DH isn't perfect but he is awfully sensitive and for him pretty much the worst thing is seeing me hurt or upset and very receptive if I say he's hurt my feelings over something. I mean we're human and get crabby with or at each other sometimes. His stepdad of 15 years though...definitely a gaslighter and so much worse than that.

[AmeriBrit]

I've been lurking this week since I've been working, so I've not had the energy to post much. I shared that article on facebook, Katy, because I thought it was brilliant. It's made me think about how I communicate with others.

I'm glad this week is over for me. Working full time has been hard. We're out tonight with friends for a few drinks at the pub and then tomorrow I'm out with the ladies for a girls night out!

[Cosmosmom]

Go Christina's mom!

[missychrissy]

I'm sorry that so many of you have men who do that. I think that I must be incredibly lucky because I don't really think I have ever been told those things by a man. If mom said I was being too dramatic....it was really me being a drama queen (especially as a teenager!). My boss is a man but again never heard those things from him.
And my DH isn't perfect but he is awfully sensitive and for him pretty much the worst thing is seeing me hurt or upset and very receptive if I say he's hurt my feelings over something. I mean we're human and get crabby with or at each other sometimes. His stepdad of 15 years though...definitely a gaslighter and so much worse than that.

Rich just posted this, "After reading the article my wife posted, I realize I have a lot more to think about! But that's why I love her so much, she keeps me on my toes. If it weren't for her I'd be all hairy and dragging a club still!!"

He's nuts because he hasn't been anything like that article.

[Smplyme89]

She should get a little student loan and buy herself a computer that way. Not only could she get a better one than what Walmart offers, but the interest rate would be lower.

Good for her for going back to school though. :-) That's wonderful!

Yeah. I tried that. She won't go for a student loan. I had to argue with her about me getting her one. I would much, much prefer to get her a Dell (I have a paid off line through them from when I washed my laptop ) but it's just out of her price range. I my Dell!

We'll see there is still time. She is as stubborn as they get.

[Smplyme89]

I've been lurking this week since I've been working, so I've not had the energy to post much. I shared that article on facebook, Katy, because I thought it was brilliant. It's made me think about how I communicate with others.

I'm glad this week is over for me. Working full time has been hard. We're out tonight with friends for a few drinks at the pub and then tomorrow I'm out with the ladies for a girls night out!

I hope you have a good time tonight!!!

[daylilies]

I feel like I have missed so much here! I usually log on and read before work, but my brain doesn't work quite well enough to make a reply that early in the morning. Then by the time I can make a coherent response you guys are way ahead of me.

[Smplyme89]

Rich just posted this, "After reading the article my wife posted, I realize I have a lot more to think about! But that's why I love her so much, she keeps me on my toes. If it weren't for her I'd be all hairy and dragging a club still!!"
He's nuts because he hasn't been anything like that article.

Hahaha!

[AmeriBrit]

Thanks, C! That's awesome that your mom is going back to school. I bet she'll have a blast!

[Smplyme89]

I feel like I have missed so much here! I usually log on and read before work, but my brain doesn't work quite well enough to make a reply that early in the morning. Then by the time I can make a coherent response you guys are way ahead of me.

I feel you! I can't really find time to log on over the weekend, so when Monday morning comes I am WAY behind and it takes me forever to catch up (assuming were slow enough on Monday and if not it pushes it back til Tuesday and than I am even more behind)

[Smplyme89]

Thanks, C! That's awesome that your mom is going back to school. I bet she'll have a blast!

I think she will! She's nervous about the little entrance test you have to take before they allow you to start classes, so we picked her up some booklets for her to practice with. I can't wait! It means I'll spend my summer quizzing her, but thats OK!

[Smplyme89]

Did I mention I am so stinkin proud of her!?!? I am sure you will get tired of hearing me brag on her

[MashedUp]

My mom got her associates degree just a few years ago. I was so proud of her! (I bought her a computer to get her through as well)

I'm never on on the weekends either and monday morning is overwhelming! LOL

[demigraf]

Christina, that's so awesome about your mom, and that you're helping her to buy a laptop. Way to give back, girl.

katy, I posted in your Random thread, but thanks again for sharing the article. I guess I'm kind of lucky with DH in that, especially relative to the jealous ex-gf who used to physically beat on him and jump down his throat if he even turned his head towards another pretty girl, he really appreciates the fact that I am sane. He thinks I'm a space cadet, but a fair and sane one.

As a woman with different body chemistry, I believe I'm wired differently from a man, and I do reserve the right to a good cry when I feel like it. I think it's important to honor one's emotions in general. At the same time, I see some women (and men at times) who take their big, bad feelings and use them as license to make someone else's life harder. (e.g. "I feel really bad about this, so that means I can make a scene/blame you for making me feel bad about myself/turn on you even if you didn't do anything to intentionally hurt me"), and I can see how that comes off as crazy. So to add balance to what the author is trying to say - which is really a call for a paradigm shift away from the idea of women as mentally ill ... because the very act of calling a woman unstable has a destabilizing effect - the goal is still rational exchanges between individuals at all times.

L, I love it that R actually bought C a dolly. So cute!

[AmeriBrit]

My SIL has just sent me this pic of Travis playing with his cousins and friend; their friend is on the left. A lot of people think that Travis and his blonde cousin are brothers (and someone once asked if they were twins!)

[Cosmosmom]

Oh yeah Barbies. I have a bunch of them at my parents house. I love playing Barbies. I had the Heart family which was a barbie and ken doll plus two twin babies...a boy and girl. And all sorts of accessories. I played with them probably from the age of 5 until probably about 11 or 12....and even after that when I was babysitting. I never had body image issues or thought that was what a real woman was supposed to look like....they were dolls that we played pretend with.

[Ky'sMom]

Ash that pic is just adorable! I love their superhero costumes T and his cousin really do favor, I think cousin looks a lot like Cash as well. Your DH's family must have strong genes!

Christina congrats to your mom!! That is great she is going back to school. How crazy is it that my mom also said she is going to go back to school as well, hopefully this summer. She has an associates but wants to get a bachelor's but owes her previous school some money, less than $1K but money for her is tight because of her crappy paying job that she won't leave because she loves the kids she works with so much. She works for a daycare for Head Start kids so does not actually get paid to be a Head Start teacher because she doesn't have her vachelor's. She is going to keep working (she works from 6:30 am to noon so she gets up at 4am every day, which I think is crazy!) and open her daycare back up to do daycare for some of our relatives who work 2nd shift and go back to school at the same time. Like you Christina, I am super proud of her. My mom was always one of those people who think they are not smart. She has gotten really confident academically over the years. She was a teen mom, high school drop out and she didn't get her GED until she was 35 then went back to school and ran a successful daycare for nearly 10 years before she had to stop because my grandma got ill. She had 2 other employees and make around 60K per year at that time. She has had a string of bad luck with breaking her ankle (reason she had to stop school before as she could not walk and had to have surgery, she had to withdraw then other things happened) she got a divorce, she went into foreclosure in her house, my uncle (her only brother) then had some horrible health problems, he has had 2 heart attacks and she has taken care of him even though he has a wife (they are estranged though) and 2 grown kids who can take care of him but she doesn't trust them. She finally is going to take some time to get done what she wants to do, so I understand about being proud.

Erin

[Ky'sMom]

I can't even begin to convey my understanding on the whole still getting to know your partner and deal breakers. My situation is to the point where I actually feel like he was not being a genuine person. Like, was he just smiling and nodding the whole time I was talking or something so I assumed he agreed with me on everything? lol, I don't know but I sure do ask myself often how I ended up with someone so astronomically different than I am. I hope it's not just that I am extremely shallow because he is very good looking.

The bold made me smile! It reminded me of the saying "beauty is only skin deep." I can't picture you as shallow though, maybe you were just admiring his handsomeness and all the crazy crap he spoke didn't register with you because you were in awe LOL!

I think my DH is rather shallow. He is better than he used to be, but he is really fixated on the way people look. Even though I think I look pretty good, I don't think other people think so (if that makes sense). I honestly don't think he thinks I look good and it really used to bother me until a few years ago. I really don't care how people think I look, not even him anymore. But DH is all caught up in appearances. I am caught up in observing people now and I do think I started to observe more after being with DH because even though I did see characteristics in him that I did not like, I remember believing that he would just grow out of being so immature. Unlike a lot of women I know, I didn't think I would change him, but I did think he would just grow with age, gain some wisdom and behave more appropriately and responsibly. I thought all people did that because I saw myself grow so much from a teen to twenty to thirty year old. I noticed it in my mom and dad even when I was younger especially with my mom since she was such a young mother, in a way it was like we grew up together and I can really see how much she has matured. But DH showed me that everyone doesn't grow like that all the time and that I shouldn't expect them to and that I should take what I observe about someone to be the truth of who they are.

DH is truly my best friend IMO. He and my mom. The majority of his actions and character are decent, but the small minority that isn't are doozies and sometimes make me think that I will not be able to be around him for the long haul because it so conflicts with me internally. Mostly just his views on women but he has some crazy opinions about a lot of things. He also is rather controlling, if he had a weaker minded woman I could easily see him controlling everything about her - the way she speaks, talks, cleans, writes, dresses, looks, drives....he used to be relentless with that even with me and I had to take huge stands against him in all of those areas and more regarding his controlling nature. He finally gave up on me and honestly I have probably said the things that the author of that article says that men say to women, much more than he says them to me. I am a pretty calm and collected person, but he is very erratic and is prone to tantrums about what I consider small things. I try to be understanding, but he won't let me be understanding, instead he wants me to agree that whatever I did or said is out of line or incorrect and when I don't he will go off the deep end and I have called him crazy, emotional, sensitive, and insane plenty of times. Usually I will just say "we can agree to disagree" but to him, that is not an answer and he will badger me until I start to get angry and tell him something about himself, something that a lot of times will be stinging and I truly don't feel bad about it because I feel he pushed me to go there and it is how I feel about the situation. But I also will not bring up that situation again or try to use it against him in future disagreements (which he does all the freaking time).

Erin

[Smplyme89]

Christina congrats to your mom!! That is great she is going back to school. How crazy is it that my mom also said she is going to go back to school as well, hopefully this summer. She has an associates but wants to get a bachelor's but owes her previous school some money, less than $1K but money for her is tight because of her crappy paying job that she won't leave because she loves the kids she works with so much. She works for a daycare for Head Start kids so does not actually get paid to be a Head Start teacher because she doesn't have her vachelor's. She is going to keep working (she works from 6:30 am to noon so she gets up at 4am every day, which I think is crazy!) and open her daycare back up to do daycare for some of our relatives who work 2nd shift and go back to school at the same time. Like you Christina, I am super proud of her. My mom was always one of those people who think they are not smart. She has gotten really confident academically over the years. She was a teen mom, high school drop out and she didn't get her GED until she was 35 then went back to school and ran a successful daycare for nearly 10 years before she had to stop because my grandma got ill. She had 2 other employees and make around 60K per year at that time. She has had a string of bad luck with breaking her ankle (reason she had to stop school before as she could not walk and had to have surgery, she had to withdraw then other things happened) she got a divorce, she went into foreclosure in her house, my uncle (her only brother) then had some horrible health problems, he has had 2 heart attacks and she has taken care of him even though he has a wife (they are estranged though) and 2 grown kids who can take care of him but she doesn't trust them. She finally is going to take some time to get done what she wants to do, so I understand about being proud.

WTG Erin's mom!!! I wish I could convince my mom to go full fledge, but the best I can do is get her motivated to get a certificate. It'll be easier for her to see the benefits sooner rather than later and hopefully once she gets more comfortable back in school she will go for more

My mom has had it really rough as well and it makes me sad. She did graduate high school and even went to nursing school (I think RN??). She married my dad, had me, divorced my dad, re-married, had my brother, than ended up widowed. Her second husbands family convinced him while he was dying that my mom was doing wrong somehow and she ended up being kicked out of their home and received nothing when he passed My mom ended up with a health problem that made her uncomfortable working in the nursing field anymore (I don't reall want to go into details on the board). After that she re-married my father and well... that tells the rest of the story

ETA: I guess thats why I am so understanding of her life choices. I couldn't imagine being ~23, widowed, with two children who depend upon you.

[daylilies]

I skimmed that article Chrissy posted when I had a little time. DH does that kind of stuff all the time. I still think he's messing with me when he asks me the same **** questions every day. He can remember a customer he had a month ago but he can't remember that I told him yesterday that Josh has to go to the doctor.

[Bridget]

Erin, my dbf is shallow too. He is always saying things like "He's a dork" and then I ask him what exactly his standards are to make someone cool enough for him.
He will also say he doesn't think a woman is very pretty in a way that insinuates that he doesn't understand why the guy ended up with her. I am surprised that he finds me attractive because I don't think I am pretty in an obvious way at all. I guess it's my shining personality

Savana and I just went to the bookstore to pick up an insect guide so she can identify the bugs that she catches. She's never mentioned barbies. I love that about her. If she really wanted them I probably wouldn't say no but I love how unique she is. She was telling me about one of her friends at school, Calvin. She said she likes him so much because he likes to talk about bugs and rocks and interesting scientific discoveries and she thinks that he is really smart. She also said that he is very, very serious and never laughs or giggles but she still thinks he is "a very happy little guy". lol I love her.

Today the homeschool group was meeting at the park after lunch but it was thunderstorming all day so I told the kids we weren't going. They were really unhappy about that. Then I got a text from one of the moms and it was a picture of her son holding a handful of worms. So I loaded up the kids and we went and they all ran around the park in the rain getting really muddy and finding tons of worms, Sawyer crawling along trying to keep up but stopping to splash in every puddle. It was a really cool afternoon and just what I imagined things being like when I decided to homeschool. *Sigh* Savana goes back next week, spring break over.

[missychrissy]

I skimmed that article Chrissy posted when I had a little time. DH does that kind of stuff all the time. I still think he's messing with me when he asks me the same **** questions every day. He can remember a customer he had a month ago but he can't remember that I told him yesterday that Josh has to go to the doctor.

Actually, Katy posted it first. But I did share it.

And um Bridget, you're hot.

[Gwenn]

Yay for everyone whose mom is going back to school! That's great to hear.

[daylilies]

Actually, Katy posted it first. But I did share it.

And um Bridget, you're hot.

Oh, cool. Thanks Katy

Bridget, we are loving the magic treehouse books. We breezed through one and two and we're in the middle of the third. I saw there was a musical that came out in 2007, I might look for the sountrack. I also saw there are reference books that have to do with the topics in the stories.

[AbbeysMom]

And um Bridget, you're hot.

Agree!

And I hope this doesn't offend anyone here, but I always thought that women who are conventionally pretty tend to end up with guys that are more likely to act like tools. Maybe that's just in my bubble, though.

[demigraf]

Agree!

And I hope this doesn't offend anyone here, but I always thought that women who are conventionally pretty tend to end up with guys that are more likely to act like tools. Maybe that's just in my bubble, though.

I can see that, generally speaking. Some say it's mostly "Tool-ios" that err on the side of being so unaware of themselves that they're the only ones with enough confidence to approach above-average attractive women. I know there are a bunch of articles out there around the subject of why beautiful women end up with jerks. Let's see if I can dig some up the next chance I get.

[demigraf]

Bridget, that was just my general commentary, and says nothing about you and M. I wasn't thinking of you guys at all in responding to Molly. But yes, you are a hottie pot pie.