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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #29761

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    re: going to work early, I have to meet the van at 7:15. but it's only a couple blocks from my house and I only work 4.5 hours a day so I guess I can't complain.

    Love the picture of the dogs. I showed it to Josh without reading the captions (I'm not ready to explain meth to him yet) and he laughed too.

  2. #29762

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    Oh and the burn thing. Is it bad that I considered scarring myself when I read that?

    I've read about appetite supressants, but the thing is, I eat even when I'm not hungry, so I'm not sure they'd work for me.

  3. #29763
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    Myles, since you asked about the business thing DH said today in the car that it would take 3 years for me to work on starting my own business. I told him I really didn't think it needed to be as complex as he was making it out to be if I started small. He told me he didn't think I realized all that went into it, and that I wouldn't earn much at first due to "lost wages." I asked him which wages specifically I would be losing if I kept my full time job and did this after work (not to mention that I'm off for two months in the summer with pay, which is time I could be doubling up on earnings) and he got irritated. He then stated that I would still need insurance, and when I pointed out that I can get liability insurance for $100/year, he asked whether it was specific liability or general liability and stomped off as though he had won some great triumph when I couldn't answer. I'm getting the feeling he isn't supporting this a whole lot. Ugh, husbands. I suspect he's just annoyed because he's though of starting his own security business and it wouldn't be as easy for him to start something up as it would for me. I think if I made this work out he'd feel threatened. Why does everything have to be so difficult?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #29764

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    I've gotten that kind of reaction from DH when I want to start something on my own, Mandy. It's like they feel threatened or something.

    Over the past few days DH has been downright unlikeable, by the way. It's really annoying when he reveals something that would have been a dealbreaker, had I known he felt that way before we got married. I can't believe it's been like 15 years since we met and I'm still learning new things about how he feels on certain topics.

    Work was okay today. I thought I had things under control on the way back but things escalated. I don't understand why they can't just leave each other alone.

  5. #29765
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I've gotten that kind of reaction from DH when I want to start something on my own, Mandy. It's like they feel threatened or something.

    Over the past few days DH has been downright unlikeable, by the way. It's really annoying when he reveals something that would have been a dealbreaker, had I known he felt that way before we got married. I can't believe it's been like 15 years since we met and I'm still learning new things about how he feels on certain topics.

    Work was okay today. I thought I had things under control on the way back but things escalated. I don't understand why they can't just leave each other alone.
    I know what you mean, Kate. I love my DH and we are happy with one another, but there are certain issues we have had that had I known, I don't know that we would have ever gotten married. It's odd how you keep learning things about each other.

    It really is hard to deal with issues like that with kids. Those are just about the toughest ones, too. It sounds like you're doing really well, especially considering you're new to it.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    When you figure out the secret to that Kate, let me know! Bobbie and Sydney are like oil and water and always have been.

    Don't even get me started on Rich

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh and the burn thing. Is it bad that I considered scarring myself when I read that?

    I've read about appetite supressants, but the thing is, I eat even when I'm not hungry, so I'm not sure they'd work for me.
    They won't really in that case. FWIW....I also took those before and it did work great. Phen-fen before it was pulled off the market. I took it over a year, wasn't hungry anymore and lost weight. It was pulled from the market, the cardiologist I saw was amazed I didn't have a mitral valve problem from it....said all his other phen-fen patients took it less time and had it. OMG did I ever luck out. sadly after the pills were not in my sister, I was just as hungry as ever and gained double what I lost.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I wasn't sure either until I googled a sunscreen recipe and it called for it. I ordered it online and it's a powder. You know how in the old movies, the lifeguards have blue noses? I think that's zinc oxide.
    Oooh ok thanks! So you just mix the coconut oil and the zinc oxide? Any certain amounts?

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  9. #29769

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    They won't really in that case. FWIW....I also took those before and it did work great. Phen-fen before it was pulled off the market. I took it over a year, wasn't hungry anymore and lost weight. It was pulled from the market, the cardiologist I saw was amazed I didn't have a mitral valve problem from it....said all his other phen-fen patients took it less time and had it. OMG did I ever luck out. sadly after the pills were not in my sister, I was just as hungry as ever and gained double what I lost.

    I'm glad you were okay!
    Fad things like that don't really work because they don't teach you lifelong lessons on how to eat well after you've lost the weight. But they're still tempting!

  10. #29770
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    I love that dog pic, a much needed laugh-thank you

    I'm sorry that your DH doesn't seem to be more supportive of you starting your own business I don't have any advice since it's not something I've ever dealt with.

    DH and I look at everything as joint. What is good for him is good for me and vice versa. My going to school is taking alot of sacrifices (and money) from both of us, but we know that in the end it will benefit both of us. Early on he expressed worries that he thought I would meet someone 'smarter' and leave him I think in a way it is normal (especially for men) to feel insecure of their spouses becoming more successful than themselves.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  11. #29771
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    Mandy, your DH is talking out his nether parts (you can tell him I said that, but it won't improve his attitude any ). Having started a business, and now running it for about 15 years, I can tell you that starting is easy-peasy. We started with just DH as a consultant, and grew from there. Starting a legal entity is quick, easy and cheap. Business licenses are charged on the basis of revenue or estimated revenue. General liability is inexpensive, and adding riders for specific professions need not be expensive. If you were in a high risk profession, like a physician, that'd be different.

  12. #29772
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    Mandy don't know if this was mentioned before...but could it be a possibility to sort of piggyback or contract out with someone who already is doing this on their own. Maybe pay a fee to use to their space as well or let them know if they ever have too many clients to give you a call.

    I don't know any about starting your own business. Just never really appealed to me and seemed like too much work. I'm lazy like that and don't want to spend too much time thinking about work when I'm off and at home.....and really really like my free time.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Why does everything have to be so difficult?
    I don't know, but there are times when I do wish I could choose to be a lesbian. Relationships without men in them sound lovely sometimes

    Sorry Mandy, I don't intend to make light of your difficulty with him. He's probably just afraid it will be a huge expense but he doesn't really know for sure and doesn't want to admit he doesn't know.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #29774

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    Erin, that is such great news about Ky at school! I think that is so invaluable, a teacher that really "knows" your child. Ky really does seem like a pretty amazing kid but that is no surprise with you as his mother. And shea butter is also in my recipe for sunscreen too now that I think about it.
    Christine, let me dig that recipe up for you. I have it saved somewhere in my computer files.

    I can't even begin to convey my understanding on the whole still getting to know your partner and deal breakers. My situation is to the point where I actually feel like he was not being a genuine person. Like, was he just smiling and nodding the whole time I was talking or something so I assumed he agreed with me on everything? lol, I don't know but I sure do ask myself often how I ended up with someone so astronomically different than I am. I hope it's not just that I am extremely shallow because he is very good looking.

    Kate, I wish I had advice for you but high schoolers actually kind of scare me a little.

    Myles, I love that you are the kind of woman that would just go ahead and walk into kiln if you wanted to lose weight via body burns. God love ya.

  15. #29775
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I don't know, but there are times when I do wish I could choose to be a lesbian. Relationships without men in them sound lovely sometimes
    .
    Sounds good in theory....but my sister has way more issues with her girlfriend than I think I ever have had with DH. Same thing goes for my aunt and her wife (and they have been together the same number of years as DH and I)....if it wasn't for the kids, I don't know that they would have stayed together and made it work.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 03-22-2012 at 09:35 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #29776
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Sounds good in theory....but my sister has way more issues with her girlfriend than I think I ever have had with DH. Same thing goes for my aunt and her wife (and they have been together the same number of years as DH and I)....if it wasn't for the kids, I don't know that they would have stayed together and made it work.
    Oh I know. I was joking lol

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #29777

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    I know for sure that I could live with and raise our kids together with my best girlfriend. I don't think I could have sex with her but I don't see that being a dealbreaker.
    We often (after a glass of wine or two or three) talk about doing that. We lived together for, oh, 9ish years before we started having babies and we lived together very, very well.

  18. #29778
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    Back in 2002 or 2003 I was on the brink of leaving Rich (again ) and one of my coworkers at the time was freshly single. We discussed living together and essentially co-parenting and I seriously, seriously considered it. I know we would have got on very well. But like you, Bridget, no sex would have been involved.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    That would be awesome Bridget, I don't meant to be a pain! Nolan's skin is SO sensitive I don't want to just lather him up with anything.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #29780

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    That would be awesome Bridget, I don't meant to be a pain! Nolan's skin is SO sensitive I don't want to just lather him up with anything.
    Not in the least! Happy to share.

  21. #29781

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    Christine, I cannot find my original recipe but I found this one that is much simpler. I think I am going to make some this weekend because I have all of those ingredients. Shall I send you a bit so you can try it out?

  22. #29782

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    I posted this in Random, but in case you don't venture out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar...comm_ref=false

    A really great essay/article on how men marginalize women by calling us crazy, irrational, overreacting, PMSing and all those other things that make you less important than a guy. I had many a boyfriend who made me feel crazy because I called him on bad behavior and yet I was the one who was out of line somehow. I really think this guy nailed it.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  23. #29783

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    He really nailed it. Dbf does that sh!t to me all.the.time. He will literally tell me I have lost my mind. It was especially bad when I used to catch him in little lies all the time and at the same time be unable to reach him for hours on his cell phone. The next time he does it I am going to quote this guy and let him know he is being manipulative.

  24. #29784
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    I actually think that despite whatever tensions I have had with dh, I have always considered him a better friend and confidante than any girlfriend I have had. And we were roommates for a long time when we were not married or dating each other too, and even when we were dating other people, and I preferred to live with him more than anyone else. I think I really did marry my best friend. Probably some of our issues arise from actually being best friends, and not having other best friends.

    Claire brought up barbies today, too! She told me that she did not like her two baby dolls any longer, including her beloved Baby Violet that DS bought for her as a present. She said she was growing up and thought she needed a Barbie. She presented this to me as a fact on her way to school. I was shocked and totally unprepared for this conversation, esp. considering my massive headache and the minimal sleep I'd gotten the night before building on the minimal sleep the night before that and the night before that. I told her I would have to think about that. That her grandma (my mother) did not let me play with Barbies growing up, and I could see her point, in that they were not very good role models for girls. She promptly burst into tears and cried all the way to school about why I didn't get her a Barbie, as she has been wont to do about anything she doesn't like lately, from me not getting her a glass of milk the second she asks to having to wait her turn for a toy to not getting a plane ticket to go to Australia.

    Mandy, it sounds to me like you need to develop a full business proposal with researched costs and everything to show to your dh or he'll keep shutting you down, OR you need to tell him that you appreciate his pragmatic realism and it's great to have his experience and level-headedness to balance your enthusiasm, but right now you need someone to bounce ideas off of and not shoot down everything. That maybe he could just listen a bit for you to talk about it and explore some options before adding too much discouragement. Meanwhile, I'd keep talking to people in your field or similar fields who have actually done it. And my malpractice insurance doesn't differentiate between specific or general. I have to go now, but I can look it up later. It's more like a cap of how much they'll pay out if I'm part of a group or if I'm being sued individually, and I think those amounts are different but it's the same policy and it's about $100 per year.


  25. #29785
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    That is absolutely hilarious about Claire and the Barbie dolls. If it's any consolation, I had a whole box of Barbies as a child. I feel like it didn't warp me too much - of course, your opinion may differ. Really, a toy is a toy. How you are encouraged to play with a toy matters more than the toy itself.

    Thanks for the advice, everyone, regarding the business idea. This really goes hand-in-hand with Katy's article, in a way. I know it's a good idea, and I know it doesn't have to be that difficult. I was looking at a site for SLPs and others in similar professions looking to start their own private practice, and it said the same about liability - about $100/year. SLP's tend not to be on the receiving end of too many malpractice suits, so it keeps the costs down much more than what a doctor would pay.

    I will need to put some time and effort into researching all of this, and I think I will keep it quiet for a time while I gather information before discussing further with DH. When it's all spelled out he will have less opportunity to be negative about it and I just don't want to hear the negativity.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #29786

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I know what you mean, Kate. I love my DH and we are happy with one another, but there are certain issues we have had that had I known, I don't know that we would have ever gotten married. It's odd how you keep learning things about each other.

    It really is hard to deal with issues like that with kids. Those are just about the toughest ones, too. It sounds like you're doing really well, especially considering you're new to it.

    Thanks Mandy. I really think if I wasn't a mother, I'd be at a complete loss.
    Seeing how Red is treated makes me want to go into one on one tutoring or something for bullied kids.
    I know a couple of you are Hunger Games fans-just looking over a couple reviews and peoples' reactions on twitter, I think the movie's a hit. I'm so relieved. I was pretty sure they were going to screw it up.
    DH said he would look into taking me this weekend. I'm surprised he hadn't made the plans already since he knows I've been psyched about it for months.

  27. #29787
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I posted this in Random, but in case you don't venture out: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar...comm_ref=false

    A really great essay/article on how men marginalize women by calling us crazy, irrational, overreacting, PMSing and all those other things that make you less important than a guy. I had many a boyfriend who made me feel crazy because I called him on bad behavior and yet I was the one who was out of line somehow. I really think this guy nailed it.
    omg. I'm nearly shaking. And I've only read the first two paragraphs. That about sums it up how it was in my previous job.

    And as for Barbies, I hate to tell y'all I hated the darned things growing up and I still ended up getting a boob job. Barbie didn't influence me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #29788
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Christine, I cannot find my original recipe but I found this one that is much simpler. I think I am going to make some this weekend because I have all of those ingredients. Shall I send you a bit so you can try it out?
    That would be so sweet of you! I don't think I have ANY of those ingredients, so I woud have to go on the search for them to even try it

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  29. #29789
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    Thank you for posting that article. I really do think that men do it without even thinking. DH used to do this to me.... alot. I never knew how to work it and I'm happy that I can now. Everything we went through all those years ago stemmed from the kind of behavior discussed in that article.

    I see flashes of it on occassion. He becomes dismissive and/or defensive when I try to discuss something that I feel or am not happy about. Than as I watch him, within a minute or two his whole persona changes and it's like a light bulb goes off. Something along the lines of "Hey you idiot, your wife is trying to tell you she's unhappy. You better listen or not booty for you!" (I'm j/k but you KWIM )

    This part though reminded me EXACTLY of the relationship that my mom and dad have had al these years.
    And it's exactly that kind manipulation that has left her feeling guilty about being sensitive, and as a result, she has not left her job.
    I know they are referencing a job, but this was my mom in their relationship. My dad spent so many years cutting her down (and not non-chalantly like the article talks about). I think she just got used to it and stayed with him for fear of being alone (something she is still struggling with).

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  30. #29790
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    It's really a powerful article Katy. Thank you for sharing this. I hope my girls read it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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