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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #29641
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    Exactly. I like that he gave me a detailed explanation rather than just saying he didn't do that.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #29642

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    My mom had a cigarette tray that said "Ashes of problem customers" in her consignment store (she would smoke outside). And my dad had a hat that said "Lord, it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way." No embroidered sayings that I can remember...

    I have serious issues right now with restless leg syndrome (in my arms too) thanks to pregnancy. I was up until 6 in the morning and ended up with about 3 hours of broken sleep (had to help Abbey with the potty at 7:30 am then we went back to sleep for another hour or so). It's driving me crazy because my body and mind are so tired but RLS make sit impossible to sleep.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 03-20-2012 at 08:28 AM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

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    Just a mini whine....

    I hate the Cost Accounting and Marketing textbooks... They are dry and tasteless... I have 6 chapters to read this week and I keep just staring at the page, because it is awful and boring...

    The author doesn't even *try* to make it interesting. It's here are the facts, memorize them. No interesting examples, nothing.

    Must.... Read.... Lame... Books....

    OK I feel better now

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Just a mini whine....

    I hate the Cost Accounting and Marketing textbooks... They are dry and tasteless... I have 6 chapters to read this week and I keep just staring at the page, because it is awful and boring...

    The author doesn't even *try* to make it interesting. It's here are the facts, memorize them. No interesting examples, nothing.

    Must.... Read.... Lame... Books....

    OK I feel better now
    That's rough. So sorry.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I had really bad RLS, and it isn't completely gone still. What helped me is nice, warm showers before bed, and massages.
    Last edited by Suja; 03-19-2012 at 09:02 PM.

  7. #29647

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    Molly, I hope you get better sleep tonight. I remember you being unable to sleep from the nerves of being a new mom back when Abbey was in your belly. Now you're an old pro at it. Do you want to borrow my electric muscle stimulator for your legs? I'll ship it to you. Just say the word.

    The only saying I remember my parents posting in the house was a postcard that I think an officemate gave my mom. She'd stuck it on her mirrored wall in the bathroom (which reflected the other mirrored wall directly across from it, so you'd see your own face and back reflected to infinity... did anyone else's house have one of those?), and it read: ""Avenge yourself. Live long enough to become a burden to your kids." Looking back, I think she was trying to tell us something.


    Gwenn, fingers crossed for your trigger shot and a relaxing day on Wednesday.

    So, sorry to bring this up one more time, but I've been thinking about last week's bedtime episode with Bodhi, trying to figure out what I was supposed to learn from it. I still feel really disturbed by it, like sick to my stomach from the whole thing. I just updated a bunch of pictures of him on various profiles, and a part of me felt like a hypocrite, like "what business do I have sharing these adoring pictures of my kid after the way I'd treated him that night?" So I'm pretty sure now that I needed a reminder to parent with my gut & heart rather than my head. I once met a dude on a Green Tortoise bus who claimed to be a hypnotist. I talked to him for 4 hours. I remember one thing he said to me. He'd said, "Any time you feel bad, it's because you are doing something that goes against your value system. Know your values and live by them, and that's the key to happiness." With B that night, I thought I was doing what my head said an effective parent would do. And maybe for certain parents with kids like B, that is the most effective thing for their child. But I think I've learned that I don't have the stomach for physically disciplining my kid. Even those sticky hugs are tools I never want to have to pull out again. DH & I talked a lot about how awful I felt on Friday night. I was crying a lot (it was probably PMS in hindsight), and he reminded me about the one time we tried to let B cry himself to sleep, and decided it just wasn't for us. DH spoke with so much clarity and simplicity. He just said, "Don't do what doesn't feel right." And he hit the nail on the head. That is all.
    Last edited by demigraf; 03-20-2012 at 11:57 AM.

  8. #29648
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    I think your DH is right. If it doesn't feel right to you, it isn't good for you. Even if it works for others.

    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Thanks, Mandy. But enough about me. Really. I talk about myself too much.

    I have SO much hope for you. Like Suja, I would have tons of fun sending you a something cute and tiny for LO.

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    You guys are all too sweet.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #29651

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    Myles, when I was a kid my bathroom had mirrors on facing walls like that. I used to think it was really cool.

    I'm sorry you're still feeling bad about that night with Bodhi.


    My cousins live by a lake in New Hampshire and they like to conserve water. They have a sign over the toilet saying "If it's yellow let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down."

    Ugh, it is way too early and I didn't really sleep well. DH kept rolling too close to me and waking me up. Since we got Bo, one of our cats sleeps right up next to DH at night and purrs all night. I find it soothing but it disrupts DH's sleep, which in turn disrupts my sleep.

  12. #29652

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    Mandy I am also super excited for you! I hope you have a good day off tomorrow as well!

    And hugs to you Myles. I also agree with your DH. Honestly I never do things that I don't agree with with my kids. I think I may be kind of harsh on these boards but really IRL people in my family think I am way too soft on kids and even older people I know but I don't listen to them and remind them that my kids are mine and I will do what I feel is the best thing to do with them. It only gets to be a problem with DH as he used to be a "spank for everything" sort of guy with Ky when he was going through his difficult stages. He still wants to get more physical with Ky than I would like and I do have to intercede and I informed him that even though I want to be supportive of his parenting, I am just not going to sit back and let him hit or beat on my kid for no reason and if he has a problem with it that is just too dam bad. I also though took the time to introduce him to more positive parenting techniques and even his mom, who used to spank him multiple times a week told him he shouldn't do the same with Ky and that spanking her boys so much is her biggest regret. She didn't want to do it back then but was a single mom with 2 sons and everyone told her that she had to spank them to show them who was boss and to keep them in line. I always feel bad for little boy DH whenever I think about him. All the pictures of him as a boy, he looks sad and I think about how his mom spanked him all the time and how he didn't have his own dad and that he was bullied a lot....he was just a sad, angry child and I can still see him that way. Luckily over the years he has realized that constant spanking isn't a good thing and we don't really have parenting arguments anymore about my stepping on his toes with his parenting because I can now trust him not to spank or slap Ky just because he is angry.

    But on another note, I have been having some eye pain and I am freaking myself out on what it could be and I was dumb and looked up symptoms, which came up with a bunch of horrible eye diseases like glaucoma and eye infections. I have a dull pain in the back of my eye (right one) and whenever I move my eyes around. It doesn't help that I feel like my vision is worse now than it was this time last year, that can be normal but I hate it when I freak myself out about medical things. Medical things and money are the only topics that I can still work myself up into an anxiety frenzy about.

    Erin

  13. #29653

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    Good luck with everything Mandy! Fingers crossed for you!

    I'm sorry you are having such a rough time Myles. I feel the same as your DH. I think the most important thing to remember is that you recognized how this made you feel and you are using that knowledge to change things. Parenting is tricky business!

    I've been to several camps that had the "If it's yellow, let it mellow" sign, lots of old, weak, septic systems around here, especially by the lakes.

    I had to laugh last night, after the musical abilities conversation we had last week, DD told me I was making her ears hurt when I was singing to her at bed time!
    AKA Lisa724

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    Myles many many mama. You definitely have to do whatever you feel in your heart is right.

    While I am not opposed to a pop or two, I really honestly have no idea how I'll feel when we get to that stage. Or as a matter of fact, what Nolan will best respond too. So far he seems really sensitive to the level of tone that I take with him. Just using my mommy voice (which is merely my attempt at sounding more firm, but not any ouder than my normal tone) will send him into tears

    My mom thinks he's at the age that we need to start disciplining him and it's something we've been bumping heads on a little. Not that she's trying to spank him or anything, but just little pops on the hand (that are little nothing more than a tap) but it's just what it represents that bothers me. He respond to me by voice, 9 out of 10 times so I don't see why she should need to do that. I keep talking to her about lack of impulse control and distraction, but her parenting style differs greatly from mine. You know how hard it is to tell your mom that you don't agree with the way she raised you without hurting her feelings?? I maen I've been pretty honest with her about how crummy my childhood was (thank you daddy ) and those things I don't hold back on. We've never specifically discussed how SHE parented. Not that she did a bad job, just that I would like to do things different, and find my own groove in parenting Nolan KWIM?? I don't know if I'm making much sense

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post

    And I know I will want some of the cute, just-because things for my baby. After all this time, there is a definite feeling of entitlement that comes along with it. I agree about the expense of having the baby being the big stuff, though. Right now, that's certainly true for me.
    .

    Yes that is it. I do feel this sense of entitlement from waiting so long. Had it happened right away when we first started trying and I was younger and had less money, I probably would have settled or wanted different things. After more than five years of window shopping in stores or online....I have certain wants for me.
    And really if I got a call tomorrow, I would probably have to revise a bit of my wants. If it takes another 18 months, gives me time to save up more money and buy things along the way. I find with my DH, he does much better spreading out purchases over the months instead of just buying everything at once and having a super expensive month that goes into savings.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Mandy those numbers look great! That is interesting that he said that about bigger follies. I tried to find info before on bigger follicles but really didn't have any luck. I always wondered if that was my problem. The three cycles I was monitored, my biggest were like 31mm! You numbers are much better and what I kept coming across in the literature as being optimal.

    I'm another that doesn't have any impluse control. The only thing that stops me (I'm currently bad with dog toys) is that I know DH would have a fit...and in general, it's hard for me to be happy if he's irritated with me.

    My grandmas sign was "This is not Burger King, you get it MY way or you don't get the d*mn thing at all".

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    My grandmas sign was "This is not Burger King, you get it MY way or you don't get the d*mn thing at all".
    I love that!!! I need that in my kitchen!!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  18. #29658

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    Today will be another record pollen count. It is expected to be over 9800. Yesterday it was in the high 8000s and was a record. I hate spring in the SE.

    Elle has been ill with a fever and stuffiness since last week. I took her to the doctor on Friday because she had had a constant fever for 4 days of 101-103. Doctor said it was probably allergies, I'm like "ummmm....allergies don't cause fevers." I have allergies and have cold symptoms with my allergies (and I have pretty severe allergies during this time of the year) but never a fever. I think she may have a sinus infection. All doctors just blame everything on allergies here when the pollen count is high. Yesterday when she woke up, she didn't have a fever and wanted to go to daycare and show her friends her new book. She was out most of the week last week due to this fever and us wanting her to rest and get over it. When I picked her up from daycare she said she wasn't feeling well and by the time I got home her temp was 104. I really don't like antibiotics but I am going to call and see if they can give her an Rx for some via phone since I was just in on Friday.

    Just another health rant for the day. Back to your regularly scheduled program

    Erin
    Last edited by Ky'sMom; 03-20-2012 at 08:29 AM.

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    Poor Elle I've never had a fever with my allergies either! I hope she feels better soon and they don't give you too much of a hassle for a prescription.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    I'll try your zapper if you send it Myles! Someone told me to up my potassium too, so I'll get some bananas and potatoes today. We walked for a long time at the zoo on Saturday (about 4 hours of walking) and I slept well that night (though my back hurt), so maybe that helps the RLS?
    And Myles, that's exactly what I call my guilt hangover. You really are a great momma, though, even if you don't want/need to hear it.

    and I agree, we'd have an awesome virtual baby shower for you both Mandy and Jennifer!

    Erin, your parenting style is more traditional than mine, but I probably have used your advice and stories to help me be a better parent more than anyone else on the interwebs. And for the eye pain, maybe a migraine? If your vision is worse and your prescription is off, it could it be eye strain? Hope it subsides and you find the cause is something insignificant.

    ETA: And yeah, no fevers for an allergy (a virus maybe, but that seems like a pretty extended and high fever for a virus). Abbey just got over Strep so I'd be wary of letting it go too. Hope they'll give you the RX!
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 03-20-2012 at 08:39 AM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

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    Erin, I had posted a link to studies that show that people who took meds for their sinus infections did not get better (or feel better) any faster than people who did not. So, it might be one of those things that needs to run its course. Let me see if I can dig up that link for you.

    Lisa, my youngest aunt, by the time she had her own kid, had watched all of us older cousins (5 total), and had stocked up on lullabies and such. She was singing to her one night, and her daughter said "Mama don't sing. I'll go to sleep".

    Anyone want a Naartjie coupon? It's $20 off $50 worth of purchase. I'm in a thrifty kind of mood right now, and this thing expires tomorrow (IIRC).

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    Myles, follow your heart sweetie. In the end, you will not be a bad mother. You're not capable. And I'm confident Bodhi will turn out just fine. If you're not comfortable with spanking, don't do it. A happy mama is a happy family. At least I like to think so. If you're beating yourself up (hopefully only mentally) Bodhi will pick up on your sadness.

    While I've made different decisions with my own kids, one thing Rich & I totally agreed on way back when was no one else could ever, never, EVER spank our kids. Ever. I'd flit a lid if one of our parents so much as slapped our children's patties. I'm the mom. We'll discipline them, thank you. I've actually said, "You messed your kids up your way, let me mess mine up my way." Not that I think we were messed up or that we're doing it to our kids, but as a way to try to put humor into the situation. I've told the grandparents their only job is to love and spoil them. They did the hard work with us. I'm really passionate about that. If it came down to it, I wouldn't see or allow my kids to see a grandparent that disciplined my kids. Well, beyond a time out when they're there alone. They do have to listen!!

    My dad was the same way with us. Once an uncle threatened to spank me and I got smart with him and told him my dad would kick his ass if he did. My dad never wanted anyone else spanking us, but he let me know that if I misbehaved at someone else's house, he just might spank me for it later.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 03-20-2012 at 09:14 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I wish Mira's grandparents showed even the remotest inclination towards disciplining her in any way, shape or form. I would totally allow my brother or my SILs to discipline her as well. I *know* that I am much stricter with her than all of them put together. After all, I have to live with the little monster.

  25. #29665
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    I think that I would be ok with my mom or sister disciplining my kid but we are pretty similar. My dad is a wuss though and he didn't do it with us and cannot see him doing it with our kid. He might say no but that is about it.

    MIL concerns me a bit. I think that she might be too lax. Even now I was complaining that Poogie seems to think she can get away with something, last night it was jumping onto my lap without being invited. MIL says....Oh she is an angel baby and grandma says she can do whatever she wants". This is not the first time she's said that Poogie should do whatever she wants.
    Or we will say no people food for the dogs and she is slipping Cosmo stuff. "it was only a small piece". Cosmo is like 5 lbs overweight and there is a reason we say not to do it.
    MIL's dog is a major PITA who drives everyone crazy. Seriously for a 13 yr old dog, he can is relentless with whining and will go on for HOURS. He was always a more vocal talkative kind of dog but she created him.

    We are going to have to work on a few things with her seeing as she is probably going to move in with us in a few years and will be very involved with our girls and our baby. More specifically she will have to learn to follow her son's rules. He's the one who is more strict...at least with the dogs for now. Though they listen better to him than me....

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Jennifer, I'm not sure that sort of thing can be changed. My dad is kind of a pushover (with dogs and people), and I had to get extremely tough with him before he modified his behavior with the dogs even a little bit. Based on Pan's weight gain when he's here, I just think he stopped being so obvious about his subversive behaviors. As for MIL's dog, if the whining is newer behavior, it's possible that it is medical. Is it possible he has something like CCD (doggie equivalent of dementia)?

    I told Mira's nanny that we'll be letting her go. The look on her face... I feel SO bad. We'll all miss her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I told Mira's nanny that we'll be letting her go. The look on her face... I feel SO bad. We'll all miss her.
    Did I miss why? I thought I was caught up but apparently not

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Baby dust to you, Mandy!

    My mom had a few things hanging around the house. A few Irish Blessings which included, "May you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead" and "An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto a blade of grass and not fall off the face of the Earth". My favorite though was a little strip of newspaper she cut out of an Ann Landers column and taped to the bathroom mirror, "It's nice to be important but more important to be nice."

    Erin, I hope Elle feels better. I hate hate hate when dr's just throw out a diagnosis with little thought. I will never forget when I took Savana and Kai in to be tested for worms because I had found a bunch of cat poop in our sandbox and actually was quite sure Kai had put some in his mouth. Kai was 2 at the time and bouncing around like an energetic toddler and the dr said, "Now that's not a kid with worms!" As if he'd be laying listless if he had them. Then when I picked up the lab orders he had actually ordered only a test for Savana. I guess she wasn't bouncy enough. Then I had to argue with the nurse for another 20 minutes saying I wasn't leaving the office until I had both orders.

    No one disciplines my kids either, especially not my dad. He barely disciplined us. And when my mom was alive I know she tried really, really hard to do things the way I did them. She always made me feel like I was doing a really good job with my kids. Dbf would spank if it wasn't for me being adamantly against it. I could never trust that he would do it responsibly anyway. He'd likely pop them for "backtalk" and he has no idea what is developmentally appropriate behavior. I feel bad for dbf as a child, like you Erin, because I know he got his butt beat all the time for doing regular kid stuff. His mom has told me so. Him and I just had a conversation yesterday because he cannot believe how dirty I let the kids get when they play outside, even Sawyer. He will send the kids out to the front yard where there are mud puddles and then get all weird when they get muddy. Or I will hear him yelling at Kai to put the stick down. I always ask him if he is so old that he forgot how it feels to play in mud puddles and hit a tree with a stick. That's the stuff that childhood is all about in my opinion. The thing is that dbf's mom is a perfectionist and I know he probably got in trouble for getting dirty, or ripping his pants, stuff like that.

    We had a good weekend. My grandma loved St Patrick's Day. Years ago, when my mom and her siblings were kids, my grandma and her best friend who owned the only pub in town (The Shamrock) started a parade for them and their friends and then they would all go to the pub after. I remember riding in the back of my grandpa's pick up in the parade but haven't been to it since I was a young child. I couldn't believe how big it is now. They close off the main street in town and there were probably over 5,000 people there. No joke. I was amazed. I was standing on the street with my little family when all my mom's siblings, along with their kids and grandkids came walking by. Most of them did not know we were coming and warmed my heart to the point of tears how excited they all were to see us. They were trying to make us come walk the parade with them but my kids are too shy for that and they wouldn't come so we enjoyed it from the sidelines. At the dinner after, everyone just bombarded us all with love and I have to say it felt really good. My dad came too and everyone was over the moon to see him since they hadn't since my mom's funeral. It was bittersweet to see my aunt's holding and playing with Sawyer. My mom would have adored him. He's a grandma's dream because he just loves old ladies for some reason. They all said what an old soul he is which I find crazy because I say that too.

    Molly, I hope you can find relief from rls. I had that briefly when pregnant with Kai and it's maddening.
    Mylah, I hope you can let go of any residual guilt. It's all about growth, this parenting thing. I know it took me a long time to trust my instincts and push aside all of the well meaning advice that just didn't feel right to me. I think that's the most important thing I have learned from these boards, to trust myself.
    Last edited by Bridget; 03-20-2012 at 11:09 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Did I miss why? I thought I was caught up but apparently not
    That might be because I don't think I said anything about it before. Well, there are several reasons, the primary one being that we have her because of convenience, not necessity. It's absolutely AMAZING to not do a darn thing and have the house magically in order, the groceries put away, the laundry done and folded, the kid entertained, bathed and fed. There is a price to pay of course, and it's steep, considering that Mira is in school, I have been keeping on top of the housekeeping, and there is actually not a whole lot of "work" to do, not enough for a full-time person. There are a few other things too, the most important of which is that I don't like how Mira behaves with her at all. AT ALL. She has learned that her nanny won't discipline her, and will act like an absolute turd towards her, mouth off, back talk, pitch fits, etc. Because I'm home mostly, there are consequences, but because I can't catch every little thing, her behavior is considerably worse after she has spent an extended amount of time with her. On top of that, she is having a hard time keeping Mira entertained, and half the time, she ends up in my lap or playing by my work chair, while the nanny stands by, watching the two of us, or desperately trying to get Mira interested in something she's doing.

    Last time, she got the position within 5 days of posting her ad on CL. I'm hoping for more of the same. Her last day of work with us is April 6th, but I'm willing to let her stay on a little longer to make sure she lands a position she's happy with. She's a lovely lady who is essentially supporting her husband and 4 kids. I feel terrible doing this to her.

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    Oooh I see. That is completely understandable! I think that is very considerate of you to try to keep her on until she finds another position! I'm sure if she is as good as she seems to be, than she should have no problem landing a position quickly!

    On a side note, that sounds heavenly. You can send her to my house. Although I am pretty sure she doesn't want to work for a home cooked meal!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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