You could show your dbf how far down it is so he knows he needs to do something about it, alternatively.
We had our deck painted a year ago and the guy who painted it said there were gaps there that were not safe for children. He offered to fill in the gaps and paint them to bring it up to code and make it safer. At the time, I shrugged it off because our kids never go up on our deck and we were thinking about selling our house anyway, and I didn't want to add to the expense. He ended up doing it anyway because he has young children and just didn't feel right about leaving the gaps. It didn't really add to the cost much, and it was well worth it. What he did was take the supports that were holding up the railings--in our case they were 2x4s--and add extra ones vertically every few inches all the way down the railing instead of every 5 feet. It looks more like crib slats now. Someone with a nail gun and a power saw would be able to do it pretty quickly. A lattice is not really strong enough to hold a child back, at least according to my guy, who wanted to provide supports on the lattice in case the kids were rough-housing around it and fell against it.
S. invariably goes for things that he knows he's not supposed to go for, and screams when he is removed from them. Just two days ago, he learned how to climb onto the top bunk of the bunk bed without a ladder, and proudly sat there saying, "My on top bunk!" The first time he did it, I was taking the trash out and DS came to me when I was back inside, saying that he "Climbed to the top bunk all by himself, but he got down safely!" My heart skipped a beat. We are now trying to leave the bedroom door closed. I also don't know whether I should leave the ladder in place to make it safer if he does get in and we don't see.
Yesterday we had our playdate with our neighbors that DD set up, and she went over there for a bit and then we all went to a nearby park that is large and chaotic with multiple play areas. I never take the kids there by myself. At one point, a younger girl kicked DD in the head and she started crying and I told her it was okay, I'm sure it was an accident, and the younger girl turned to her and said something semi-mean at that point. I wish I could remember more clearly. DD said later that she pointed at her and yelled, "Stop!" and she didn't know why, because she was hurting her and not the other way around. DD was probably ready to be comforted by me and go back to playing, but DH came along and asked why she was crying. I told him she got kicked in the head. He asked, "On purpose?" I said, "No, it was an accident, but she didn't regret it." The girl's mom heard me and started questioning me about it. She then told her daughter she needed to apologize, and dragged her over to DD. The girl said she'd already apologized twice so she didn't need to. (DD told me later that she must have apologized in a very quiet voice, because she hadn't heard her, which I thought was just adorable of her.)
I felt really awkward about everything, because I am not one to make a fuss over playground shenanigans, and DD would have been fine if I had just kissed her head and sent her back to play. Everything got blown out of proportion, I couldn't remember exactly what the girl had said after she kicked her, and then I felt badly because the mom ended up marching her daughter out of the playground. And then I felt even more awkward because while this was going on DS tried to climb up on something and fell off and started crying, and I don't know how much of this all my neighbor caught, but she always seems so sweet and easy-going and I don't want her to think I'm the type of person that gets up in arms if someone's kid does something less than perfect. As the other mom took her daughter away, I saw she had a newborn baby with her too, so I realized she had a lot going on. I felt guilty. I will try to let it go because I can't change it, but this is like the 5th little niggling incident over the past week of something I have said or done that I wish I had done differently. *Sigh*
I was also thinking about the lattice this morning and wondering how far the gaps were. If they're big, it probably wouldn't be safe. They have different types though and I'm sure some is stronger than others. It's worth a look and maybe the hardware store would have suggestions.
L, that's awful. I've done those things too and always feel bad later. It does get easier I think. Or I mind less as my kids got older and I did it so often? ((hugs)) Sure that other mom has a lot going on, but so do you.
Lydia, I don't think what you did was so bad. I bet that woman probably thought you had quite a bit going on yourself. Soren and Sawyer would make a great team because Sawyer also thinks it's hilarious to get into stuff, especially if it's Savana's stuff because he gets the greatest reaction from her. But when he gets deterred from his mission he cries so hard, like a hurt cry.
The deck is being babyproofed as we speak. Dbf woke up this morning acting like it was his idea. I don't even care if he takes credit for it as long as he does it. My dad's here too so they're taking care of it while Sawyer naps. I realized that dbf had a margarita last night. That's why he was so quick to argue and just being generally annoying. Tequila. Every time. I told him so this morning and he was sheepish. That's as close as I will get to an apology.
It's SO beautiful here today. Just glorious.
I think it's hard to react in a way that's both tactful and effective when it comes to our kids. We want to look good to other parents, teach our own kids a lesson and also have a positive effect on any other onlookers such as other people's children. It's impossible (for me at least) to pull it all off without feeling like I could have done something better most of the time.
Bridget, I'm glad your bf is baby-proofing that deck! Your bf reminds me of my BIL in how his common sense sometimes seems to be lacking. It drives my SIL crazy how she can't trust her own husband to keep the kids safe. And I know it worries my MIL to death...she worries about everyone and every little thing. She even put bubble wrap all through her house on corners of walls where she thought the kids could fall and hurt themselves!
I never did do the ironing the other night. I washed the dishes, had some chocolate and lounged on the sofa, watching old ER reruns. Now, I need to iron Travis' school uniform tomorrow. They have some baby chickens in his classroom that have hatched in an incubator and he's been talking about them a lot. Tonight, he got out of the shower and pointed to his belly and said, 'I have a baby chicken in my belly....here, look, here's the little fella's head' as he pointed to his belly button. LOL!
Speaking of T and school, we have a parent-teacher conference on Thursday to catch up with his progress. I'm hoping they have lots to update us on. The one thing that I have noticed with T is that he loves talking to adults but he can be quite shy around kids his age. And sometimes, around some people, he really talks really quietly and slurs his speech like a baby even though he can talk very well for a nearly 4 year old.
about dbf acting like it was his idea all alone! That's classic!!
As for doing x,y,z to 'look good' for other parents, I can honestly say that's never crossed my mind. I don't care what other parents think about what I'm doing. I handle each situation to the best of my ability at that moment. Some moments I'm frazzled and imperfect and that's ok. If someone else has an issue with it, it's their problem.
I saw my dad (and his wife) today for the first time in 11 months. He didn't come to Bobbie's graduation, and then that thing happened to her 5 days after and they never called her or anything...so I ignored them. I said to myself that they knew where I lived. Dad finally wrote me a few times in recent weeks so I went over. We had a good visit and he did apologize, in his way, for not going to Bobbie's graduation. They didn't ask me anything about what happened to Bobbie and I don't know if I would have told them if they did. I know they've heard about it.
I'm glad that you had a good visit Chrissy but yikes but them not asking about how Bobbie is doing.
Bridget it was super nice here too. Record highs and most of the snow is melted. Only bad thing is that when the snow melts, you can see what the dog left behind all winter. So we threw up the baby gate on the deck for Poogie.....she's not been in the yard and I didn't think when it was muddy was the best time to try it out since we are supposed to keep her incision clean and dry. And we got to work picking up. Once in the front, Cosmo decided to take herself for a walk down the block and was at the neighbors driveway when we realized it. She knows where the property line is and we had to call her four times to get her back home. And than she proceeded to take her time. She got in trouble for that.
A few hours later I opened the closet to get dirty laundry and Poogie ran in jumped on the king size comforter that was on the floor (she does this every time we open the doors) but this time she started peeing on it. She knows where the litter box is and hasn't had an accident in a long time. I needed to anyway sometime in the future but now I really need to get this monster comforter to the laundry mat and wash it there, it's too big and thick for my machine. And it takes forever to dry but looks like some days at the end of week in the 70's and sunny so we can finish drying it over the deck at home.
So at one point this afternoon, both girls were told that they were not the favorite dog anymore.
good point though is Poogie came out on the deck a few times and as long as I was there, she stayed and didn't go down the stairs. her listening skills of stay and come are improving!
It's not so much trying to look good for another parent, but that in retrospect, I was concerned that I gave off an impression that I was more uptight or reactive than I usually am to my neighbor, whom I would like to be better friends with. I don't want her to think she should shy away from me because I would be harsh about little things her daughter might say or do, you know? We have each had our daughter over to the other person's house without us on one occasion, and I trust her because she seems to have fairly similar parenting philosophies to mine. Everything I have seen of her is kind and gentle, and ditto her husband.
Chrissy, my guess is that they feel awkward about asking or saying anything. Just my guess. Lots of times people who learned about Esme not directly from me but just heard it through the grapevine didn't say anything to me, even though it was kind of obvious they knew. It's hard enough figuring out the right words to say when bad news is presented in a straightforward manner, but when it's kind of roundabout it's really difficult to know when to bring it up, IF you should bring it up or if it's better left unsaid, if you should even know about it or if the person didn't want anyone else to know about it, etc. Anyway, I usually tend to err on the side of misunderstandings vs malice, so take it with a grain of salt, but that's just been my experience. And I know that's how I personally have felt when I've been on the other side of it, too.
But I'm glad you had a decent visit apart from that.
Jennifer, no treats for your dogs today!!!
DH has a surprise trip out of town while my mom is out of town too, so I have no backup. I am going to make sure nobody has to go to the ER while they are gone, if I have to chain them down to do so (I'm totally kidding about that last part).
I knew what you meant about worrying about the perception the other mother might have had. I guess I wasn't clear in my prior post. I know you like children, as I do, and it's not like us to react negatively or harshly...but sometimes it can happen. I'd also feel bad if I thought my words or actions could have been perceived that way too. What I was getting at before really had nothing to do with this post at all and I don't even know why I said it.
I understand some people would hesitate to bring up a painful subject. I'm sure that's probably how my dad feels. His wife, however, generally has no tact whatsoever and I think that the only reason she didn't ask about it is simply because she didn't think of it. She's the kind that will ask anyone blatantly how much they were offered if they get a new job. My father always gets embarrassed by her direct questioning about things. And it's not like she asks from a place of caring. She's one that loves to repeat everything she hears, and then add her own twist on things. She's really not a nice person. Unless there's a reason for her to be nice. Right now she has 2 computers she wants me to work on, so she was very polite. I'm always nice to her because I love my dad more than I hate her.
Oh goodness about being solo. How long is the business trip for? Take car rides-it's legal to 'tie' them up in a car!!!
Just gonna jump in. It was such a lovely day today. Met up with friends, and met their horse, and actually rode her. Such a good horse! The kid got to feed her apples and carrots, and she met her first cat too. Walked the dogs, talked, caught up, and on the way back, dropped by Arby's for curly fries (for DH) and a chocolate shake (for me). The kid ate too, so I guess this was her first fast food "meal".
Did pilates yesterday, and decided to take it easy today. I was kind of sore from yesterday, and wasn't sure what the horse ride was going to do. Should've done some yoga, I think. A good relaxing yoga session would have felt good.
I made it to 8 am (aka, 7am in daylight savings time disguise) yoga yesterday morning, thanks to Santi's mommy, who mentioned the day before that she was going too. And I managed a 6.88 mile run yesterday afternoon too during Bodhi's nap, although I'd meant to only do 6 miles. I guess I'd misread the map. I'm actually feeling pretty good, only tight in the hips where I realize I forgot to stretch.
L, I don't think I would have done differently than you given the way everything just happened at the playground yesterday. If J hadn't come along and asked about the incident, you wouldn't have said anything, and the mom wouldn't have overheard, and it wouldn't have escalated into the mom yanking her daughter out of the park. But J asked, and what were you supposed to say? "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to answer your question right now, in the event that the girl's mom might overhear and make a big deal over an incident that the kids have probably already forgotten by now"? You answered J's question honestly, and that's all that really happened. I don't think the mom did too bad either. It's so tough to teach kids without having to examine micro-incidents under a microscope making them seem more important and consequential than they are.
Last edited by demigraf; 03-12-2012 at 10:00 AM.
Chrissy, forgot to mention....give the electronic cigs a try. My MIL has been using one and was decently impressed with it. Ideally she would quiet but she's 61 this week and has been at it since a teen so it's rough going. She uses it at work and it extends how long she can go between smoking a real one and she used it at my house like when we were playing games or watching a movie. I have a sensitive nose and that thing didn't give off any smell so she was able to use it inside the house. Otherwise I make her smoke outside or in the garage if it's yucky out (and it's still cold in there when it's Jan up here!). She said it wasn't enough to switch over totally yet but I hope that the more she uses it, the less she will smoke and just maybe can eventually wean off them. She's going to have to cut down for sure when she moves in with us because I will not allow real cigs inside my house.
You know you live up north when the main news story last night was about the black bears waking up and the DNR is telling people to not throw food at them or mess with them. I live in town, one of the biggest in the area, but at the edge of it and every year there are bear sightings in town. I'm certain I saw a wolf not too far from my property last year at twighlight time. I'm scared of my back yard in the dark!
One thing I do notice at playgrounds is how quickly parents threaten to take their kids out of there. Not that it's bad in and of itself or that I give it too much thought. Yesterday, at the park, I noticed 3 separate moms tell their kids, "You will <do this> right now or that's it, we're going home." It wouldn't have been so striking to me, were it not for the fact that I know these moms were attending a standing playdate and were there to socialize with friends just as much as their kids were. So I don't believe any of them had any real intention of taking their kids home. Who knows. Maybe they meant it. I just know I don't throw down the gauntlet with my kid unless I can put my money where my mouth is, because Bodhi will take it to that point more than half the time. LOL.
Bridget, my DH made some similar comments about baby-proofing out of sheer laziness back in the day. So you're not alone. I'm glad to hear your DBF had such a great idea this morning to cover up that gap in the deck.
Chrissy, how was seeing your dad after all that time? Did you talk about serious things, or was it pretty lighthearted, testing-the-waters type of stuff? Also, is your dad's wife the same one who gave you some amount at one point, and later offered to call it your "Christmas present"? I don't know why I remember that after all these years. I think that might be the first post of yours I commented on. I think I told you to tell her that your present to her was that you wouldn't be mad for saying such a stupid thing.
Myles that is cool that you got in almost an extra .9 mile without realizing it. And great that you can run that. I don't know if I could even walk that far right now.
My exercise yesterday was yardwork and some extra stretching. We don't have a scooper so it was all bending over and picking up by hand (with gloves on of course!). I can feel it in the rear today.
I did not buy any new alcohol at the store yesterday....which was a good idea because had I, I would for sure had some last night with the time change throwing off bedtime. I am definitely a creature of habit and I don't have a taste for it all day...night comes though when I normally would have a drink and I crave it and lose all will power.
Last night after both my girls being naughty, Cosmo was sleeping on the floor and Poogie either pounced on her foot or nipped at her because Cosmo yelped and held her foot strangely. I ran over and rubbed it seeing if I would get a reaction and I didn't. Got her up and walking and she limped for a while but within an hour was walking normal again. What a handful those two were yesterday.
Cosmo will growl at her a bit and show a little bit of teeth but will not put Poogie in her place when the little one is messing with her or stealing a toy/bone from her. Drives us crazy what she will get that baby get away with. Better than being too mean and aggressive but we had expected the puppy permit to be revoked by now. Poogie is almost six months old. Maybe once she is healed fully from surgery?
Oh, Chrissy - I know how you feel about the checking account problem. I am a disaster when it comes to personal finance. If there is something I can accidentally do to cost myself more money then I always choose that option. I just tried to purchase an upgrade for my Adobe Creative Suites program, and after two weeks of trying to prove that I was a student so I could get the student rate ($430 versus $1000 for business customers!!!), I finally got the email on Friday notifying me that I could download the upgrade. Spent all day trying to download it and nothing was working, etc. Come to find that I chose the Windows version instead of the mac version! I am 99% sure that I will get a refund, but I have to wait ten days to see if that is so. Then once I have the refund I have to re-purchase it again and go through the whole ****ed thing one more time. No way I will have this done before the ended of the semester.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
oh, katy. I'm sorry to hear that. Is there someone at Adobe who could manage your case and fast-track the whole thing for you? I'll keep my fingers crossed that it won't take that long to get the right version installed on your Mac.
Jennifer, a day spent working in the yard in nice weather sounds pretty wonderful to me, and is good exercise to boot. I'm just sorry your doggies are testing your patience. I remember how hard it was to introduce Cayo into the mix. Lulu was THE.PERFECT.DOG when she first came home. She was so sweet and I was convinced she had the kindest heart in the world. And then we brought Cayo home, and this whole new mischievous, competitive side came out of her. It was unnerving. Things eventually calmed down as she established her dominance and he learned better manners. Now, of course, we know that Cayo has the more sincere personality between our two dogs, but Lulu is still a wiggly, lovable, crazy furball. It's been good practice for having more than one kid. I mean, if we one day have another child and Bodhi starts to act up out of jealously, at least we can say we've been through this once before. Adding that second dog can turn everything upside down, I know!
I'm having one of those days!
This morning Josh and I were outside with Bo. He usually lets us know when he's had enough by dashing up to the door and waiting. So I let him in and Josh wouldn't come. So after I made sure the gate was up inside and everything, I went back out and Josh was gone. I called for him while walking around the yard. We have a decent sized yard that I can't see all of at the same time so I had to look around (plus we have under the two porches, where he could have been hiding) We have a completely fenced in yard, so I wasn't really worried that he left, but mostly very pissed off that he was hiding and refusing to listen to me.
I found him in back of the garage where we pile raked leaves, sticks, etc. I admit I gave him a spanking, which I never do. Like, NEVER. And I took away the ipad and the ipod for a week, which may be a bit much, but I feel like I can't take it back now.
So then later we went to the mall because I desparately need new shoes. We went to payless and she asked what I was looking for and I said I need dress shoes and sneakers for myself. Then she showed Josh the kids shoes. I knew it was going to be a struggle from there. Seriously, after I said I was shopping for myself, why would you show the kid the kids shoes? He threw a major fit that we weren't getting new shoes. His are still in good shape and he's still the same size. So I didn't think it was worth giving in even to avoid the tantrum.
I managed to get the shoes I needed and then we had to go home because Josh just wasn't recovering from the disappointment. Arg. I feel bad because it wasn't really his fault that he was tempted by the saleslady. I wanted to speak to her about it but Josh was pretty out of control by that point.
Ooh, I would have been so peeved with that saleslady, kate! How could she have not known that she was setting you up to have to deal with Josh's pleas for new shoes by showing them to him? That does sound like a rough day. I hope it's almost wine o' clock in your time zone.
Haha, not quite! It's only 1:30. It's wine o'clock somewhere... No, just kidding.
I'm like Jennifer, I don't think about alcohol all day and then by the time Josh goes to bed I'm ready for one...or three...LOL
I'm figuring out my WW diet and figure if I have a sensible breakfast, a WW meal for lunch and another for dinner, I can sneak in a drink and a sensible snack at night. And whenever I want to snack during the day I'm going to try to have fruits or vegs, because most of them are zero points. Also when I have a drink I get the munchies and I get really weird cravings.
I get the munchies with alcohol too. It's a good thing I'm a lightweight and rarely drink. If I have more than 5 sips of wine, I'm committing to a buzz.
Have you tried these zero-point soups, kate? Yummy! Also, if you haven't found Dottie's Weight Loss Zone, it's a pretty useful tool for eating out. She and her community have done great work capturing the point values for meals in restaurants, although I now don't know if they're old points plan or new. It's been awhile since I did WW.
Kate, maybe that saleslady was looking for an extra sale. She might be used to parents that cave when the kid throws a tantrum. My cousin used to tell her kids before they went out anywhere what the agenda was. She will say 'We're going to X to buy Y. We will not be buying anything for you, so crying is not going to get you anything'. Or if they're allowed one thing under X$$$, she'll say that. It really helped with her kids.
I've found that the only way I can watch what I eat is with portion control. If I try not to eat something (that's already in the house), I'll eat whatever I'm trying to substitute, and then eat whatever I was trying to avoid as well. Just extra calories. I have a major sweet tooth, and that's where all the calories sneak in. I've gotten into the habit of dessert after meal (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), and now I'm trying to change that to dessert being something like a mint instead of a slice of Babka.
Yes! I eat something healthy instead and then end up going for what I was craving, anyway. Extra calories, like you said. I would have been better off eating only what I was craving.
So far today I have had 3 apples, a diet coke, a cup of coffee with 1/4 cup half and half and a couple teaspoons of sugar, and a a WW turkey meal that wasn't bad although the turkey was a bit tough. I'm starving. But I'm trying to hold out because I know I'm going to want to snack tonight.
I have not tried those soups, Mylah. That whole site looks useful, thanks!
I do not have a sweet tooth, thank goodness. I always say I can't imagine how much fatter I'd be if I liked sweets.
Suja, I'm sure that she was looking for an extra sale. I told Josh before we left that we weren't getting him shoes, but as soon as she suggested it, he didn't care what I had said.
Kate! Where are your veggies, girl???
My nights are the hardest. After the kids go to bed I just want to go stuff my face. The answer for us has been just not buying chips and junk. We do buy dark chocolate because that satisfies my sweet tooth and I only need a bit. But I made a pan of peanut butter honey oat bars and holy crap I couldn't stop eating them. It was bad. I felt like one of those women on the lifetime channel movies about eating disorders. I kept going into the fridge, ripping out of the pan and devouring it. Dbf was laughing at me wondering why I didn't just sit with the pan on the couch instead of getting up over and over again. lol I freaking love peanut butter.
I know, I know. I was actually thinking about the lack of veggies. I need to go pick some up. I'm not a huge veggie fan but I think I could deal with some raw bell peppers or broccoli or something like that, to snack on.
Haha, I do that too. Once in a while I make brownies and brownies are the one sweet thing I really could eat a lot of. I go to the pan and cut off slivers at a time.
I won't even ask for the recipe for those Bridget ;)
I am not a big veggie eater either, I mean I like the "main veggies" (lol) , but anything I call exotic-no way. One time dh made eggplant lasagna, neither of us liked it. One of my favs is grilled peppers, dh does these kabobs with turkey, pineapple, and peppers. Oh my goodness they are sooo gooood.
The other day we found a baby turtle in our front yard, I mean it must have hatched the night before. The thing was tiny, about an inch. He was pretty cute, G liked watching him walk around. We took him down to the lake, and he took off pretty fast, and swam away. Then G burst into tears, "I wanted to keep him!!" I told him all about the turtles that live in our lake. eh he didn't really care, he wanted him.
Shelley-mom to DS, 6
Aww, baby turtle!
The same thing happened when we rescued a baby squirrel. Josh wanted to keep it, LOL. It was cold, I think it was last year in early spring and it was just sitting in the yard, shivering. It was really small and there were adult squirrels running around but none of them seemed to be taking care of the baby. So I took it to the shelter and they said they'd keep it until it was older and then let it go. I'm still mad I didn't think to take a picture.
Pardon me if I already shared this, but I made these for B's birthday party and they were a hit. Instead of peanuts, I rolled some in shredded coconut or sunflower seeds or both. They're not particularly low-cal, but manageable if you budget what you eat for them, and a healthy snack if you're feeling sweet toothy: http://www.theppk.com/2011/10/peanut...aramel-apples/
those look yummy! you know that I am allergic to raw apples. It sucks so much!!! I'd love to have a sweet, crisp apple sometimes. sigh.
Shelley-mom to DS, 6
We talked about healthy eating at school today since it's health and well-being week or something like that! LOL. Most of the kids (5 and 6 years old) had never had asparagus. I had to explain to them what it looked like. I have to admit it's not one of the vegetables we eat in our house. We're big fans of broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, corn, peas and green beans.
As I was working with the kids, one of the little girls turned to me and said, "I'm a muslim and everyone else here are christians....what are you?" I was not prepared for the question (so very random are kids, aren't they?) So, I just said, "Oh, I'm neither." And she was like, "So, what are you then?" I said, "I'm nothing, really." (LOL!) She looked all confused and said, "You HAVE to be something." So, I just repeated, "Nope, I'm nothing." I know I should've had better wording, but I couldn't think of what label I should put on myself! And all I could think about afterwards was L's link that was "Get thee to a nonery."
Any how, I went and picked Travis up from school and he likes to count how many trucks and tankers he sees on the way home and we saw loads today, so at one point he exclaimed, "We've seen a lot of tankers today! Oh my lord!" ! (He's picked that up from his auntie who used to say 'oh my god' and has changed that to 'oh my golly gosh' and now she's slipped back to 'oh my lord.')
Back on to the subject of food, I know what y'all mean about sweets and alcohol. I have all the stuff to make a German chocolate cake but haven't made it yet because I know that when I do, I will devour it and my conscience tells me not to do it before going on this cruise where I'll have to wear a bikini at the pool. LOL.
MTA: OMG, Myles, I think I'll have to make some of those apples...yum-may! And Shelley, I didn't know people could be allergic to apples; that's sad, dude. I love apples!
Last edited by AmeriBrit; 03-12-2012 at 02:52 PM.