03-08-2012, 10:03 AM
Ha ha! I'm so sorry to laugh, Mandy. That's uber-annoying. But if you're mean, then I'm a little hurricane when it comes to my frustration levels around people's incompetence.
Originally Posted by Gwenn
Can you switch to a new pharmacy to get your full prescription?
I almost collided with Snoop Dogg at an opening party of a technical high school in an inner city area of LA. DH had served as an advisor (had been volunteered by his studio chief) when they were building some classrooms that were hands-on recording rooms. Snoop is crazy tall!
I'm in the middle of a pretty bad fight with my DH right now. I went to bed mad and didn't speak to him when I left this morning. I'm still trying to sort out where my position is valid and where I'm being a little unreasonable out of anger. The source of the argument is the fact that while in Puerto Rico, DH lost the keys to our rental car on the beach, when we were miles away from civilization, and it caused hours of scrambling to call a locksmith to get our apartment keys out of the locked car, a cab to the nearest airport, renting another car - all with a toddler and a surfboard to lug around. Then the next day, on my last day of holiday, I ended up having to wake at 5 am to drive 4 HOURS back into San Juan to pick up replacement keys and 3 hours back, because the rental was in my name, and Enterprise wouldn't hand the new keys over to Steve. (Of course, when I arrived, they didn't check my ID at all.) DH wanted us to all drive together, but I didn't see the point in dragging Bodhi around for the ride when he could just play on the beach with daddy. A lot of resentment bubbled up while I was driving around Puerto Rico to get those keys - mostly around the fact that I feel like I'm tired of being the project manager for our family and that he's kind of an angry grump who can't manage his stress - and it all came out during our fight yesterday.
03-08-2012, 10:09 AM
03-08-2012, 10:17 AM
03-08-2012, 11:08 AM
Myles, while that would be super annoying, he didn't do it on purpose. I'd put that in the '$hit happens. Especially on vacation' column, and move on, unless he was in some way holding you responsible for the little fiasco.
Jennifer, Poogie will be fine. When do you get to pick her up? Around here, dogs usually go home after spays and neuters. Most vet clinics are not staffed overnight, so it doesn't make any sense to leave the animals there anyway.
03-08-2012, 11:10 AM
Our vets keep them overnight after a spay/neuter. They have a tech or two there all night long.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
03-08-2012, 11:42 AM
Is there a way to get a birth certificate really fast?
DH and I both messed up and I don't think we have a copy for Josh's K registration.
03-08-2012, 11:58 AM
Do you need the "legal" version, or is a transcribed one enough? If the latter, they can email it to you, usually. Check with your dept. of vital statistics.
03-08-2012, 12:01 PM
Here you can just show up at the county of birth and get one. I didn't even have to pay for Bobbie's.
Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13
03-08-2012, 12:02 PM
Sorry, I'm not sure about birth certificates, Kate. My kids' are filed away somewhere in our cupboards.
Chrissy, did you get Bobbie sorted out for the funeral? I hope she got to be there.
Myles, I think that's one I would let go of the anger on, but it sounds like the overall issue of you feeling like the house manager and him being a stressed out needs to be sorted.
I'm just letting the boys watch Cars2 for a little bit before I take them up to bed. I always nearly cry when they show the Doc bit and talk about him passing away (he was voiced by Paul Newman).
03-08-2012, 12:16 PM
He was born in Boston. Where would I go?
I just looked up transcribed BC's and they take up to 21 days...I think I'm going to hold off on paying for that. When DH gets home he's going to rip the house apart and if we have to we'll drive to Boston and pick one up.
03-08-2012, 12:20 PM
DH is pretty sure we have a copy around here somewhere. We probably needed it to get him into preschool, right? But that was a year and a half ago...goodness knows where it is now.
03-08-2012, 12:21 PM
Heard from the vet and it went fine. They also pulled her last baby tooth, an upper canine where the big one was already in. and got a microchip.
They do have someone there at nights, I asked about it otherwise I would have brought her home. I didn't know if they keep boys overnight. I don't think Cosmo was kept overnight BUT that was 8 years ago and a different vet/different city and we can't really remember.
We can pick her up tomorrow anytime after 9am until they close at 5pm. We will in the morning. DH is off work tomorrow and will home with her all day and I will just into work late so I can go with to pick her up.
I will say it was pretty funny the expression on her face when they took her temp....
Hmmm, Myles, I would have been annoyed at the key thing but I don't think mad because it wasn't on purpose. But I also would have made him come with the next day because I barely drive now let alone in a strange place and get lost super easily.
Chrissy, glad that nobody was hurt. I got to make that call to my parents once at about 2 or 3am when my dorm had a fire and they weren't letting us back in. It wasn't far from home so I just went home. Stupid sorority girls left candles burning and caught fire to some curtains. I think that there was about 40K in damage, a couple of rooms and than further from the water. I was lucky though, my room was 2 floors down and the opposite side of the building.
To this day though I'm still paranoid about fire. We don't have candles in our house, I didn't want a gas stove and the only way I would do a fireplace was a gas one that behind glass and just a quick flip of a switch. Dh does have a charcoal grill but we only use it on the cement driveway and have a thing of water nearby.
Kate, I would just go to city records and ask them. I don't recall having to wait much for mine.
Jennifer, 35, DH 36
03-08-2012, 12:21 PM
Sorry if I wasn't clear that I'm not upset about the losing the keys thing. It could have been me. I can totally forgive the $hit that happened on vacation, and I have. Specifically, to make up for all that driving I did around PR, we've agreed I get to go on a short holiday all by myself. Done.
Originally Posted by Suja
But as usual, the $hit was just the trigger for other things we need to work out. I generally try to be fair and reasonable with DH, and try to be "big" about the fact that I'm always taking care of stuff like finding doctors, housesitters and researching college funds for our kid, and not to mention covering 75% of our expenses by doing a job that I'm not wild about... while he spends a lot of energy acting completely bewildered at how he's going to earn enough to cover just half of our modest expenses. When he lost the keys, he got all flustered again - just couldn't figure out what to do next - and I had to take charge of the situation. It would have been different if he'd said, "I f'd up. Let me fix it and try to keep you both as comfortable as possible while I correct this." That would have been my response, anyway. But instead, he gave me panic and paralysis, plus a couple of moments of him trying to pick fights with me because he thought I was criticizing him when I was trying SO hard not to.
At one point, in my 6th hour of driving, I remembered this $25 necklace I'd gone out of my way to tell him I liked last year and that I wanted him to get for me. I knew it was something he'd be able to afford and that my birthday was coming up. It was the simplest thing he could have done to show he had some regard for my happiness. I just kept thinking about how he never got it for me. To be honest, it made me cry thinking how he ignored that one little request.
Anyway, yesterday, he was giving me a hard time for misunderstanding what car we were going to take to pick up Bodhi. He often takes a tone with me as though I'm dumb. And I just snapped. I asked him to please stop razzing me about little things like that because I work so hard to hold my tongue about bigger, higher-stake things. That's what started the fight.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm starting to sound super negative right now, so I'll stop. But I hope that gives a little more background on my position and why I feel like it's about a little more than him losing a set of keys. I hate to come off like I'm just laying petty blame on him for an honest mistake.
I'm sure we'll work it out in some way.
Last edited by demigraf; 03-08-2012 at 12:25 PM.
03-08-2012, 12:31 PM
I totally understand. Sometimes the complaints about DH's in here resembles some of my own faults so I can kind of see both sides. I don't do well in crisis either. It's comforting to me that DH can usually handle it well which is why I'm kind of upset that since I asked him to take care of the paperwork for registration, he somehow missed the fact that we needed the BC, and I'm also mad at myself because I didn't double check that we had everything.
One time I was digging around in my trunk for something and when I was done, I couldn't find my keys. I tore apart the trunk again and finally slammed down the trunk door in frustration. My keys were in the keyhole.
I know that tone like you're dumb though. Does he treat you like a child? I hate that. Like, he'll have half the explanation in his head and only tell me part of it and he'll get mad when I'm missing part of the story.
I'm sorry he never got you the necklace. Maybe he didn't see the importance to you. Something like that would be a huge symbolism to me too and to DH it would just be a stupid necklace.
03-08-2012, 12:32 PM
Yeah, Mylah I can totally understand how all of that would be really frustrating and even hurtful. I hope that you guys can have another chance to put all of this stuff on the table when emotions are not running so high. It certainly doesn't seem fair for you to always step up. It's important to have balance.
Chrissy, is Bobbie going to be able to make it? Poor sweetie.
03-08-2012, 01:10 PM
Kate, I don't think you need a birth certificate for preschool. If you don't have a passport for him, and you don't remember specifically having gotten one in the past, you may not even have one. I can just go into the clerk of court building here and get an official copy of one of our kids' birth certificates in a matter of minutes, but they were born in this county.
Mylah, I would have been really stressed about the keys and all the driving, too. And I would have been more upset about the fact that he tried to pick fights instead of staying calm and trying to problem-solve. On the other hand, I have to say that as easy as it is to cling to the stupid things he didn't do (like buy you a thoughtful present that you flat-out told him you wanted), or to grit your teeth and not let it all out about all the things you do and the income you provide, those things are either going to come up over and over and over again every single time you get upset about anything, or you will have to hash them out, or just let them go and not think about them again.
I'm sorry you had such a miserable day and I hope you are now fantasizing about your own personal vacation and where you are going to go.
I hope that came out okay and didn't sound too unsympathetic. Believe me, I've been in your situation (not the same one, with lost keys in PR, but holding onto thoughts and resentments) and it has been awful for my relationships because at least for me, it leads to more arguments and more resentment and the other person picks up on it and gets defensive and resentful right back.
Chrissy, I'm glad nobody was hurt in the fire.
Ash, one of Baby S's first phrases was "Daddy, where are you" too. It's so cute.
Jennifer, I'm glad Poogie did okay.
03-08-2012, 01:13 PM
03-08-2012, 01:43 PM
Myles, I was just thinking how I have heard you speak of Buddhist teachings that resonate with you. I wonder if you could apply them to this situation. I know it's a huge coping strategy of mine, the Buddhism. I think I'd lose my mind if I didn't daily remind myself that I cannot make dbf into a different person. I cannot change things about him that are ingrained in him. I will exhaust myself to death trying if I cannot accept that. So I made a choice to accept him and his (what I percieve as) flaws. All I can do is be me and when I need something from him that falls outside the parameters of his natural tendencies, I just have to lay it out for him in very clear terms and tell him that I know it's not natural for his to do A B C but it's the way I need him to do it in order for him to be of any use for that particular situation. It has saved us, this attitude adjustment on my part.
So if you need him to carry out specific tasks in order to make your life more enjoyable and less stressful, it might be helpful to present them to him as just that. Tasks. This way it's not an attack on his character so much as a request for assistance. Does that make sense?
I took Kai and Sawyer to Savana's school with me today to join her for lunch and a book fair. I was only one of 2 parents who were able to make it for her class so all the kids were clamoring to sit with us and I think most of that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with Sawyer. One little boy was super sad he didn't get to sit by Savana because Kai was in his place and I thought that was really cute. Another little boy got banished from the table for saying "fartfartfartfart" and he had to sit all alone at a corner table Everytime I looked over at him he was just gazing over at the rest of the kids with a sad look on his face. That just broke me heart. Poor little dude. I don't see how the word fart is a banishable (word? Don't think so) offense.
Kai wore his pink strawberry rain boots and just before we walked in to the school he said, "Oh! I forgot! The kids at Savana's school think boy's shouldn't wear pink. Uh oh. Hope no one tells me that." He so adorable. I said that I didn't think anyone would even notice with his sparkling personality and sure enough they didn't.
When we left we walked Savana out to recess with her class and about 8 kids came running up yelling SAVANA! when we walked out the door and she ran off with them without hardly even saying goodbye. I can't think of anything that could have made me happier. She's totally doing something she was convinced she couldn't do. i'm so proud of her.
03-08-2012, 01:54 PM
Myles. What a cr*ppy way to end your vacation.
Maybe it's not about driving or a necklace, but just that you feel a huge amount of burdens on your shoulders and want someone to relieve you of at least part of them. You're the main breadwinner and the 'mom' or the house, which are both enough on their own to make someone feel overwhelmed.
lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010
03-08-2012, 02:31 PM
I do need the BC. I went in without it and they turned me away. I thought maybe his SS# card might be enough but they need the BC. DH is trying to call and talk to someone now.
Okay so I have to go to Dorchester (middle of Boston) tomorrow and pick it up.
03-08-2012, 02:38 PM
Hugs. Thanks for the reminder. There's a part of me that knows I'm being very "un-Buddhist" about the whole matter in not accepting him warts and all. Which only makes me mad at myself for being such an attached, intransigent jerk, which in turn makes me scold myself for not going easier on me, "you're-only-human-afterall", yada yada. And round and round I go. Can I just laugh at myself about it?
Originally Posted by Bridget
I dunno - I just feel like somewhere, there is a sweet spot between accepting every flaw and providing just the right amount of constructive feedback. The hard part is in hitting it, I guess. I want to believe we can still grow together without me having to force it, but I guess I'm sort of coming off as though I am forcing it.
In other news, yay to Savana! And to Kai for his pink boots.
You didn't sound unsympathetic at all. I feel like you see the same pitfalls that I do around voicing your grievances in a relationship. I feel like I've always been the critical one in every single one of my relationships and I swear I really make an effort to hold my tongue so as not to seem like a nag. Since I'm always second guessing whether or not I should say something, when I actually do let a criticism out, I tend to get the timing and tone wrong. It stinks because I feel like I do have valid points that get lost somewhere in my delivery.
Originally Posted by 3andMe
Anyway, I bolded the "hashing it out" part because in my mind that's what I'm trying to do. That's my intention, anyway. Whether or not it's perceived that way is something I can only partially take responsibility for.
By the way, I never mentioned the necklace to DH, even during our fight yesterday. I just shared that with you girls. I'd never really given it much thought until that drive, and when it hit me... "wow, he really didn't do that one little thing for me" ... it really hurt. I'll be honest with you, I really thought about divorce and single motherhood that day (and rejected the idea, but I won't say it wasn't tempting).
I think my problem is that I have a hard time accepting my role as the strong one, because I don't really feel like I am, y'know?
Originally Posted by Cosmosmom
kate, I'm sorry they turned you away and you have to go to Dorchester to pick up the BC.
03-08-2012, 03:03 PM
Myles, your husband sounds very much like mine, down to him being a musician and not being the breadwinner and being clueless about gifts. (hugs). It is the one issue that rears its ugly head every now and then in our relationship. Each time it does, we talk about it and things seem better for a bit but we go back to our old ways and it's just a repeating cycle. I even do like you and beat myself up over thinking like I do but then think that I should be treated in a way that I need to be treated. I so feel you on the necklace thing. I've been there and it sure does hurt. One Christmas after hinting for years that I'd like a new ring, I accidentally found a brochure from a jewellers in DH's pocket so thought I'd finally be getting my ring. When Xmas came, I didn't get a ring. He'd looked at them but changed his mind about getting me one! I was devastated but also angry at myself for feeling so materialistic.
03-08-2012, 03:04 PM
Myles, I'm pretty sure it's natural for us to wish our SOs do not have the flaws they do. And then beat ourselves up for that, so you're not alone. My DH leans very heavily on me for every.little.thing. If there is a phone call to be made, I get to do it. If there are tickets to be booked, I do it. If there are bags to be packed, I do it. Finally, I told him that I'm not his mommy, and there are some things he will simply have to do for himself, 'cause if I die tomorrow or something, he wouldn't know how to tie his shoelaces. I think he feels wounded when he tells me about stuff that needs doing and I tell him that yup, stuff needs doing and he really needs to take care of it. But, he's gotten a lot better about it. The big things that require a lot of organization and research, I still do because I'm just better at it, but his own stuff, he gets to do.
Oh, and on the gift. Unless I specifically told him 'I want you to get X for my birthday', he wouldn't. I could drop all the hints I want, and he wouldn't. He doesn't do hints. He's also very absentminded. This is the guy that "got lost" coming home from his office, the one he had been driving to for 3 straight years. The combination is deadly.
Last edited by Suja; 03-08-2012 at 03:06 PM.
03-08-2012, 03:40 PM
I need to rant a little. After DH's little fiasco last month with not being allowed to travel to India, we decided to apply for something called an OCI card - it's for people like us who are former nationals and have changed citizenship, and does not have travel restrictions and such. The embassy has outsourced this stuff (my friends find this to be hilarious), so we go through them to fill stuff out. The application form has one set of instructions. The order form for the outsourcing people have another set of instructions. The FAQs of the outsourcer has a third set of directions. I must've called no less than 5 times this morning trying to clarify stuff. Additionally, they want SO much paperwork, much of which makes NO sense whatsoever.
Mira has her own application, and since she can't exactly sign, we need to put her thumb print inside a box that's about 1/2 an inch wide. Ever try to get a clear fingerprint of a 2 year old to land inside a small box? It took 10 tries, and the kid seemed kind of stressed about it. All I can say is that I'm glad it's in the mail, and I sure hope they don't come back and ask us to repeat that stupid thumb print.
03-08-2012, 04:28 PM
I'm glad it's over with, Suja! I hope you don't have to do it again.
So, another fail of the day. We thought Bo's obedience class was today. DH had an early shift today, so he was able to go with us. Turns out they changed the day and it's not until the 12th.
Because we had such an epic fail day, DH took us all out to dinner. We were starving and didn't want to wait for the baked fish I had planned to make, even though waiting at the restaurant probably took as long as the fish would. I'm not complaining.
Has anyone been paying attention to this Joseph Kony stuff? I don't know if it's blowing up anywhere as big as it is on Twitter.
03-08-2012, 04:41 PM
03-08-2012, 04:43 PM
Kate, I'm really confused by all these Kony references I keep seeing. He's some warlord in Africa somewhere? I've been meaning to Google that when I get a chance.
03-08-2012, 04:46 PM
I like the necklace! Really cool.
03-08-2012, 04:50 PM
He's leading some rebel group and I guess he's kidnapping children in the middle of the night and making them into sex slaves, making them kill their families, mutilating them, etc. There's a video going around that's a half an hour long that I haven't gotten through yet. The thing is, he's been doing this for decades and for some reason just now it's completely taking over twitter and I see some of my fb friends posting about it too. I guess a guy who befriended one of the children 10 years ago who was kidnapped and somehow got away, recently made this video.
03-08-2012, 04:51 PM
I really wish I could wrap my head around politics more easily. He's giving these kids guns. I don't understand how hard it would be to turn around and blow him away. The video says he has no supporters but it's not high enough on our (USA) radar for us to go do something about it.