I agree, cat pee is the worst. Chicken **** would be right up there, but who keeps them in the house?Originally Posted by AbbeysMom
Lydia, I hope baby is better.
Erin, I love your stories. I used to have a cat Whitey; I named him when I was 2. He was deaf, an outdoor cat who was universally known (at least in my family) as The Greatest Kitty Of All Time, The Cat Whom All Other Cats Must Live Up To. He was an amazing kitty. He used to let my sister and dress him up in doll clothes and wheel him around in a doll stroller. He used to put his paw on the street to feel if cars were coming because he couldn't hear. He used to tap on the window with his paw when he wanted inside. He preferred to be outdoors but if my sister and I were sick, he'd "sit vigil" and not leave our side, even for food. If we were both sick, he'd alternate between our rooms. He also loved every other kitty or dog that made a cameo in out house over the 24 years he was alive. We really loved Whitey.
Now my two cats are in permanent outdoor exile because the older one started peeing on everything when Abbey was born and DH kicked them out.There are *very* few things that make DH put his foot down, but the cats destroying our last house made him really not want them inside ever again. I can see why. Remember that discussion a few pages back about what animal excrement was the worst? It's cat urine. Trust me. It's usually impossible to figure out where they've done it until it's been happening for months, and the smell never really goes away because it soaks into the carpet pad. And it SMELLS.
I
my kitty, but she's the last one I'll ever have. I'm tired of keeping up with her litter box. I can't imagine loving another cat as much as I do her.
Thank you for this. That first paragraph is exactly how I feel-I don't feel like I can ever trust him to stay sober. It doesn't help that although he admits it is a problem, he won't go for treatment. I will not tell him to do it either for the same reason I won't do couples counseling-because I don't want him doing it just because I said to. I don't think that's the right reason, and I don't think any meaningful change would come of it. He's always had an issue with alcohol, but as soon as I get to my breaking point he quits. He has stayed sober for as long as 3+ years at a time, but he always starts again. So I'm living in a state of mind where I'm constantly wondering when it will start up again.Chrissy, I don't think it's naive at all to think your feelings for Rich could return. I have never been married to an addict, but I was raised by one. She became sober for good when I was around 18. At that point, our relationship was (understandably) a complete mess. I didn't trust her or trust her ability to stay sober, and had a lot of pure anger built up into a nice wall of contempt. In my situation, time did allow me to believe in her sobriety and see her for the person she became. I think it took maybe 3 or 4 years before I really saw her as an amazing person again.
It's also really difficult to see clearly when you are clinically depressed. There's a tendency to focus on every negative aspect of every situation and relationship, usually culminating in a general feeling of "what's the point?" or giving up. I'm sorry that you in that space right now and I hope you can find a way out, not necessarily a way out of your circumstances, but at least a way out of your emotional burdens.
I'm very glad for your sake, and your mom's, that you were able to forgive her and let all that go and see the wonderful person that she is. That gives me hope, but at the same time it concerns me. I cannot do this for 3-4 years. I know every relationship is different and maybe it won't take me that long...but it might take me longer. And what is this doing to our kids? Lots of questions (and no, I don't expect anyone to answer them for me, I'm just thinking out loud here)
When I first thought about leaving (back in August?) I was adamant I was done. Done done-forever. Then we had a huge flood and there weren't any apartments available. Actually, that's still an issue because 75% of my town's homes, apartments, and businesses were significantly damaged during that flood and many places aren't habitable yet. And those that have been repaired are quite spendy. Anyway, by November I was thinking that maybe a break would do us both good. If I leave it doesn't mean we have to be divorced or separated forever. Maybe being away from him will help me let go of some of that anger/resentment. Maybe missing him would be a good thing.
Again, I'm just thinking out loud. The con to leaving and taking a break from our relationship is that there are 4 other people besides us that would be impacted. It would break Rich's heart. I would devastate our kids. I don't want to be the cause of hurting them and that's really the biggest hang up I have. If it were just me alone, I'd have been gone a long time ago. At least to test my theory about having a break as being a cure for what ails us.
Ok-I feel better. I got all the ugly thoughts out. Tomorrow is a new day and at least I'll be at work. Right now, that's my happy place. :/
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I'm between them in age I think. Ellen was maybe 10-ish years older than me, and her daughter is about 10-ish years younger. Anyway, a part of why I loved Ellen so much was because she was an excellent mother and I got many tips/ideas about how to deal with teens (something I was afraid of at the time) by listening to her. Essentially, I didn't have a mother of my own so I always adopted surrogate mothers to emulate in my own parenting. Ellen was one of the best.
