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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #28471
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    :LOL:
    I have always loved the name Molly so when DH suggested it, I jumped all over it. I should start calling her Poogie on here so as not to be confusing. She's a poogle so Poogie is one of her nicknames.

    Katy, better to have nothing wrong than something wrong. Deep breathing really helps me if I'm having a panic attack starting. Just close my eyes and do really deep and really slow ins and outs. I can get them in a car if stuck in bad traffic, especially if it's not moving.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #28472

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    We're probably done with cats for a while too. We have a mud room next to the dining room that we used to keep the litter box in but it wasn't pleasant to smell it while we were eating at the table so we moved it to the basement. One of our cats caught on quick to the change but the other one pooped and peed in the corner for about a week until she figured it out. I always had cats growing up and DH and I had cats since before we got married, but DH always had dogs growing up and I think a dog would be great for Josh too.

  3. #28473

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    Katy, big hugs to you. I'm so sorry you're having a rough go.

    She did a good job this time, on my hair. I am happy with it. Still annoyed as heck at dbf though. It's embarassing to drag my whole family there to get my hair done. She has a salon in her home so it's her business and I doubt anyone else brings the whole dang family. As soon as we were alone I apologized profusely and we had a good laugh about how ridiculous he is that he won't stay home with the baby for a few hours. She wants to redo my highlights in 2 weeks to make them really light and before we left she whispered to me that next time I should come alone or just bring Sawyer but leave dbf at home. Oh, and he has the kids watching a movie the whole time but we shut it off to leave and he told them they could watch the rest at home. Then in the car on the way home he says how he just remembered the movie has to go back tonight or we get charged another $3. I was like, uh, pretty sure it's worth $3 to keep a promise to your kids. He made a snide comment about how he guesses I call all the shots. Whatthefluckever! I hate it when he gets in these stupid kicks. It's like he's really cool for awhile and then he just sucks for awhile.

    So sorry to unload like that but I am so annoyed. And he's moping around now saying he has a headache from his sore neck from carrying Sawyer around all night. Bwahahahahahaha! I pushed him out of my loins without taking an aspirin and have been carrying him on my hip ever since. Give.Me.A.Break.

    My wine tastes **** good right now.

  4. #28474

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    Oh shoot I forgot.
    Lydia, I am so sorry about S being so sick. Poor little pumpkin. I hope the rest of the medicine goes down without a fight. Do you put your kiddos on probiotics when they take antibiotics?

    Christine, I'm sad to hear that your dad screwed up so royally. I admire your strength. It has to be really hard not to have support from your family.

  5. #28475

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    Hugs Bridget! I bet your wine does taste good!

  6. #28476
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    I'm never letting my office get this cluttered again! It's taken me 3 days to clean and organize, and I'm still not done.

    I'm totally bragging, but I just found out that one of my nieces got a 2210 on her SATs. She wants to go to Darden, and with that score, she even has a shot at a scholarship (her first choice is the London School of Economics, though).

  7. #28477

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    I would have smiled and told your DBF that I do indeed call the shots so he can get used to it! My DH says that about me and I agree with him. I do make most of the decisions or have the final say. That is why he has such a great life. I remind him he had nothing and was doing nothing before I came around so the least he can do is shut his trap :-)

    And CONGRATS to your niece Suja!!!! That is a GREAT score on the SATs and deserves some bragging!

    I haven't had a cat in years. Since I was probably 6-7 years old around 2nd grade when my mom and dad broke up. Our cat's name was Chester. In my child mind, I figured he ran away because he was sick of hearing my mom and dad argue. I was sick of it at the time so I transferred my feelings onto Chester. He ran away across the street to an old lady's house. I forget her name. I called her Miss something or other and I can picture how she looks but I don't remember her name. We had a cat named Tiger before Chester and they both looked freakishly alike to me. I imagined Chester was the nice twin of Tiger. One of my most vivid memories was trying to cuddle and lure Tiger out of his hiding place behind the table. My dad had been mad that he swiped my brother's glasses off his face and we couldn't find them all day and when we did, Tiger had put them in his litter box and pooped on them so he was yelling and cussing at Tiger and Tiger hid. I felt bad for him for getting yelled at and had my little concerned finger trying to lure him out and give him a hug and he hissed at me and bit me, drawing blood. My dad was REALLY mad then and made him get outside and then gave him away to someone and got Chester for me since he knew I had really loved Tiger. Chester was a sweetheart and I used to think of him often and be jealous of Miss something or other because I imagined him sitting on her lap and her petting him and him purring. I was such a weird thinking kid LOL!

    Erin

  8. #28478

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Katy, better to have nothing wrong than something wrong. Deep breathing really helps me if I'm having a panic attack starting. Just close my eyes and do really deep and really slow ins and outs. I can get them in a car if stuck in bad traffic, especially if it's not moving.
    I definitely have been doing a lot of yogic breathing this week! I really can only feel normal when I am flat on my back and unfortunately, I have to wait until J is in bed as she would not even begin to give me the space I need to close my eyes and breathe.

    Erin - my problem isn't that we are paying too much in taxes! I didn't make enough money to even worry about taxes. It's just a little depressing.

    DH is back and he put J to bed tonight, and he will be spending all day Sunday with her again so I am feeling a bit less grim. I hate it when I don't want to spend time with J, but there are times when I would rather clean out the litterbox than go deal with the teenager attitude she has right now.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  9. #28479
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Congrats to your niece, Suja!

    Bridget, I'm really glad your haircut turned out well this time, and sorry dbf turned out to be the dimmer in your highlights. You know what, though? If she does it out of the house, she's probably seen all kinds of things. I think people tend to be more informal. Why else would dbf think that it's okay to bring the whole family for a movie night there?

    I do need to get S. on probiotics. I would normally say yes, I would tend to give probiotics with antibiotics, but I've only had to give antibiotics to one of my kids once before and that was when DD got pneumonia more than a year ago. I had baby probiotics in the house then, and then we ran out and I never replaced it. So I don't have any. And yesterday S. was constipated and screamed for hours about needing to poop (no solid food for a couple of days plus only intake being milk) and now he's definitely gone the other direction. I gave him a lot of cheese and bananas for dinner tonight in the hopes that it will help, but I haven't been able to get out and run any errands for the past two days. Maybe tomorrow if it's still bad.

    DS has been adding to his death wishes lately. He said he wished that S. was dead and that a little girl in his preschool was dead. We asked him if anyone at school talked about wanting people dead, or being dead, or anything like that, and he said no. We finally stopped being totally validating about his feelings and told him that it was not acceptable to talk about wanting people dead. That it was okay to be bothered by people, or to want them to go away for a while, but dying is permanent and sad and it is not something that is okay to say. He can say "Stop" or "I want to be alone" or ask for help from a grown-up if someone is bothering him or if he is upset, but it is not okay to wish for people to die. He said he would never do it again, but he says that pretty flippantly and he says that kind of thing a lot without really meaning it.

    Katy, did you get your heart checked at all? Or have this evaluation done when you were having one of your breathing difficulties? I do know that we get to tell a lot of patients that there is nothing physically wrong with them and a lot of times they are disappointed, but it doesn't mean that it's just imaginary or that they're making it up or that it's all in their heads. That doesn't mean that there is absolutely nothing wrong, it just means that thank goodness, there is nothing catastrophically wrong. Unfortunately, nothing that can be treated easily that can just go away, either. But at least nothing awful.

    ETA: Are you taking colchicine for your gout? That has been associated with breathing difficulties.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 02-17-2012 at 10:41 PM.


  10. #28480

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    Oh, and I do hope that baby S feels better and you all get some good restorative sleep this weekend. I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time, Lydia.

    And Christine, I'm sorry your dad isn't able to be what you need him to be. Such a heartbreak and disappointment.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  11. #28481

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    DS has been adding to his death wishes lately. He said he wished that S. was dead and that a little girl in his preschool was dead. We asked him if anyone at school talked about wanting people dead, or being dead, or anything like that, and he said no. We finally stopped being totally validating about his feelings and told him that it was not acceptable to talk about wanting people dead. That it was okay to be bothered by people, or to want them to go away for a while, but dying is permanent and sad and it is not something that is okay to say. He can say "Stop" or "I want to be alone" or ask for help from a grown-up if someone is bothering him or if he is upset, but it is not okay to wish for people to die. He said he would never do it again, but he says that pretty flippantly and he says that kind of thing a lot without really meaning it.
    That would really bother me to hear even if he doesn't really realize what he is saying.

    And Suja: congratulations to your relative! That is amazing!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  12. #28482
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    That and I wear a size 9.5-10 and it seems the bigger the size the smaller the selection
    Yes! I wear 9s and can rarely find nice shoes!

    Myles-your coworker sounds like a complete jerk, I'm sorry.

    Bridget-I don't know how you do it. Nothing would have made me go to that lady. I would have stuck to my own plans and made dbf deal. at him. I'm grouchy anyway...let me at him!!

    Katy

    L, my kids had made similar statements at different points. It never gets easy to hear. It's always been a phase that they eventually outgrew though.

    We tried to have family date night and it failed. Bobbie was home and with us, so it was going to be the 6 of us. But Conner threw a fit of a lifetime while waiting so I opted to leave. Friendlys had a wait and then the girls, because they were upset and disappointed, couldn't agree on where to go. So we got drive-thru for Sydney and Conner (the only two left with an appetite) and we came home. I lost it. I cried and asked why couldn't we ever do anything as a family? I can't remember the last time we all went out and actually had a good time. It feels like it's never happened. And I said I wanted my own space. I can't live like this any more.

    I want out. I don't want away from my kids, but the stress of the entire night just reaffirmed everything that I've been feeling about Rich & I. There's simply nothing there. And I'm to the point where I don't even want there to be. I just want my own space.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #28483

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    Oh, Chrissy.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  14. #28484

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    That's awesome Suja! But how are they scoring the SAT's these days? I'm pretty sure when I took them the high score was 1600.
    Chrissy I'm sorry. It sounds like you need a hobby or something else that's just your own.

  15. #28485
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    It's out of 2400. She has to take subject tests too, which didn't exist back in the stone age, when I took my SATs.

    Chrissy. I'm sorry things are so rough for you.

    Bridget, I don't know how you keep from smacking your SO upside the head.
    Last edited by Suja; 02-18-2012 at 12:25 AM. Reason: Stoopit iPad!

  16. #28486
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    Chrissy, I'm sorry.

    Suja, congrats to your niece!

    Kate, I think they added a writing portion to the SAT worth another 800.

    Bridget, I'm glad the hair turned out well. I agree, I wouldn't have gone. You are a very patient woman.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #28487

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    Thanks everyone for validating my feelings. I am mad at myself for letting him talk me into it and it won't happen again.
    Lydia, I would have handled the situation the same way. Savana has said, in moments of frustration, that she wishes she didn't have a brother (referring to one or the other) and I have told her she can say she is frustrated, annoyed, mad, etc but that it's too hurtful to say she wishes they were not here at all.

  18. #28488
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    Suja congrats to your niece!!! I'm another who didn't really know about SAT scores but it sounds really high. We did ACT's up here.

    Yeah Bridget, seems to me we all agree a man should be able to be alone with his over 1 yr old child for two hours.

    Chrissy I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It sounds like it was a really frustrating and disappointing evening.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  19. #28489

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    Chrissy, somehow I missed your post about your night. I am so sorry things didn't go well. Have you seen any other options for living arrangements?

  20. #28490
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    Bridget, I'm glad the lady did a better job on your hair this time.

    Chrissy, I'm sorry your family date night did not work out. Some times going out as a family is such a hassle! I hope that you have a better weekend ahead of you.

    L, I hope that baby S gets better soon! And sorry that R is using those kinds of terms. Kids just go through phases like that.

    Myles, sorry you have to work with a dude like that. Do you ever call him names like "knob" under your breath when he's around?

  21. #28491

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    Gilly has been going to a sports class, it's a 6 week session, they play soccer, t-ball etc. A new sport each week. The coach is really good at handling a dozen 3-5 year olds It's G's first time in something like this, having to follow rules and listen to another adult. If this is any indication what he will be like in school, oh man! He has two little friends in the class, and he's more interested in playing with them, than in listening to coach. He also has this dramatic fall to ground, where he lays there until his friends come over to him and try to get him up. But G goes into limp child mode, he simply won't get up and participate. I know he's only 3.5 but dang it's frustrating for me. I don't want to be the mom that is constantly running over to him, and coaxing him to join, or hollering at him from the sidelines. yeesh.

    Afterward, we walked over to the dog park. We stood there watching the dogs romping. This massive great dane came running up to the fence, and G was talking to him. As the dog ran away, G bent over and yelled out "that dog's scrotom is HUGE!" Yes you are right Gil, he really should have underwear on haha!!!

    Chrissy, I am so sorry your family night went so badly. So sorry you are so unhappy. Will you look for a place to live?

    L, hope baby S is on the mend now.

    B, glad you're happy with your haircut.

    Suja, that is awesome news about your niece.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  22. #28492
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    Quote Originally Posted by raspberry View Post
    Afterward, we walked over to the dog park. We stood there watching the dogs romping. This massive great dane came running up to the fence, and G was talking to him. As the dog ran away, G
    omg!!

    I don't know what I'm going to do. I keep waiting to see if this depression thing I've been going through will go away. It's better (my depression) but I'm not feeling any better about my relationship. I don't know when to say when I guess. And this year is a big one for us-it will be 20 years June 23rd. That's a big deal to me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #28493
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    We went truck shopping for dh yesterday and found one that he really loves. It is a nice truck, but because it is his first auto loan since our bankruptcy 3.5 years ago the interest rate is going to be high, making the payments a little more than we would have hoped. We're holding out to see if our credit union will approve us at a lower rate. They won't be open till Tuesday. Anyway, I had to ask Rich if he thought he'd be ok with that payment if we were split up. I think he would be, but I wanted to be up front with him about where I'm at. I don't plan on leaving, but I'm not feeling good about us either and 4 years is a long time. I make a lot more than he does and I want to make sure he'll be ok if we don't make it.

    So now there's this heavy, depressing feeling in the house. I hate it. I feel so guilty and awful about myself. I wish I could just chose to feel differently-it would make it a heck of a lot easier on everyone.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #28494
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    Shelley, G sounds a lot like how Travis was; we tried a few class type things with him and he never really got in to them. He goes to pre school now 2.5 days per week and he's really started flourishing there. It took him awhile as he doesn't like to follow directions, but he's doing a lot better now.

    Chrissy, I hope the heavy atmosphere at your house lifts soon; hang in there-I'm rooting for ya!

  25. #28495

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    Chrissy, I am sorry. What do you guys stand now? Are you staying until you find a place or are you staying in hopes that things get better? I imagine the limbo is hard for everyone.

  26. #28496
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    I'm still trying to stay in the hopes that things get better, but I feel like they're escalating to worse in a hurry. I took a 2 hour nap this afternoon because I'm all done in. Sleeping is vastly preferable to thinking right now.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #28497

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    Chrissy. I agree with Bridget that the limbo must be hard for everyone. I wouldn't hate yourself, you can't help where you're at. But I hope for everyone's sake (you included) you figure out which path to take soon.

    I don't mean to be too personal but how is your therapy going? Have you done therapy with your DH?



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  28. #28498
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    I'm just at the beginning in therapy. I've only had 3 appointments, maybe 4. My therapist talked about having Rich come in at some point, but we're a ways from that. I have zero interest in doing couples counseling at this point. I know it seems like I'm giving up or not putting effort in, but we went through 3+ years of him drinking and me begging him to stop, get help, go to counseling blah blah blah. He didn't stop till I had so much resentment built up that I wanted to leave. Now he'd go-but he'd only go as a way to appease me. I don't think he'd do it for any other reason so why bother? It's not the right reason. I'm not putting any more into this.

    Maybe it's naive, but I keep hoping that as long as he behaves (doesn't do the crazy crap he was doing when he was drinking) that my feelings for him in that way will return. I do love him. I always will. And he's great to me and the kids (now that he's not drinking). But that thing that makes you want to be with someone for the rest of your life is simply missing.

    We've also been through a whole host of things in the last 14-15 months that weren't anyones fault, but were horrible and devastating in many ways. There were 9 events that by themselves would be challenging, upsetting, difficult, and heartbreaking. But to have them all happen within a short period of time...well, between that and Rich's drinking, I know I became depressed. I don't now if my feelings are due to depression or if our marriage is really over. That's why I'm stuck in limbo. I just started antidepressants in Dec.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 02-19-2012 at 04:42 PM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #28499

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    Lydia, I hope baby is better.

    Erin, I love your stories. I used to have a cat Whitey; I named him when I was 2. He was deaf, an outdoor cat who was universally known (at least in my family) as The Greatest Kitty Of All Time, The Cat Whom All Other Cats Must Live Up To. He was an amazing kitty. He used to let my sister and dress him up in doll clothes and wheel him around in a doll stroller. He used to put his paw on the street to feel if cars were coming because he couldn't hear. He used to tap on the window with his paw when he wanted inside. He preferred to be outdoors but if my sister and I were sick, he'd "sit vigil" and not leave our side, even for food. If we were both sick, he'd alternate between our rooms. He also loved every other kitty or dog that made a cameo in out house over the 24 years he was alive. We really loved Whitey.

    Now my two cats are in permanent outdoor exile because the older one started peeing on everything when Abbey was born and DH kicked them out. There are *very* few things that make DH put his foot down, but the cats destroying our last house made him really not want them inside ever again. I can see why. Remember that discussion a few pages back about what animal excrement was the worst? It's cat urine. Trust me. It's usually impossible to figure out where they've done it until it's been happening for months, and the smell never really goes away because it soaks into the carpet pad. And it SMELLS.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 02-19-2012 at 05:00 PM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  30. #28500

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    Chrissy, I don't think it's naive at all to think your feelings for Rich could return. I have never been married to an addict, but I was raised by one. She became sober for good when I was around 18. At that point, our relationship was (understandably) a complete mess. I didn't trust her or trust her ability to stay sober, and had a lot of pure anger built up into a nice wall of contempt. In my situation, time did allow me to believe in her sobriety and see her for the person she became. I think it took maybe 3 or 4 years before I really saw her as an amazing person again.

    It's also really difficult to see clearly when you are clinically depressed. There's a tendency to focus on every negative aspect of every situation and relationship, usually culminating in a general feeling of "what's the point?" or giving up. I'm sorry that you in that space right now and I hope you can find a way out, not necessarily a way out of your circumstances, but at least a way out of your emotional burdens.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

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