I hate falling too, Chrissy!
Does Bobbie like her room mates? Sorry you've had to make a couple trips out there but at least you got to see her.
Bridget, have fun with the housework! ;)
JMO (and I should probably keep it to myself), but if she were in any actual danger of starvation, I bet she would've found a way to tell you, instead of posting on FB. Maybe tell her that you trust her to know how to take care of herself, but you'd understand if she miscalculated because she hasn't done this before, and she can tell you if she runs into unanticipated problems. And trust that she'll do just that.
What Suja says makes a lot of sense. It also might not be so much a danger of starvation (or odor), but maybe she's missing you or the security you represent and can't/won't consciously admit it, so it's easier to just develop a good reason to have you visit.
Kate, my DD only has her abdominal pain maybe once a month or so, and it's occurring to me that Josh's pain is much more frequent than that. I would consider taking him in just for a checkup if he has it really frequently to see if there is any reason for it, and here is an article about chronic pain, which says basically unless there are any warning signs, abdominal pain is usually not much to worry about. If his night-time pain is helping you put off bedtime, however, or making you stay with him longer, that could be providing him with more positive reinforcement for it.
Sometimes kids (and adults) can be a bit melodramatic on facebook, but honestly, if my girl were out on her own I would jump at the chance to remind her we were there for her just like you did. It doesn't really matter if she would 'starve' or not.
And I was way too proud to ask for help from my mom when I was 18, but I loved feeling taken care of when she loaded me up with groceries.
ETA: Actually, this is true for me as an adult too. I just posted in here a week ago about how my MIL (who refers to herself as my earth mom since my mom passed away) swooped in a bought a ton of groceries for Abbey's birthday party. Sure, we would have been OK without it, but boy did it make me feel taken care of and loved.
Last edited by AbbeysMom; 01-29-2012 at 10:03 PM.
My dad just loaded me up with groceries today! He showed up with 4 bags of food, mostly organic fruit plus 2 chickens that he cooked while he was here. I don't think parents ever want to stop taking care of their kids.
What a cool papa, Bridget!
When I was 19, I moved out of the country to study abroad and cashed out a big savings account before leaving. I had two weeks before classes began, so I backpacked a bit, blew through almost the whole wad in that time, and didn't think twice about asking my mom for a handout. She was shocked because I'd assured her I would see to my finances while I was away. In her mind, that money was going to get me on my feet, not get me a few train tickets and some travel stories. Not quite sure what I was thinking. A part of me did know my folks would bail me out. As kids, it's easy to claim you can be independent when you have no real sense of what independence entails. It's not too different from Bodhi insisting to me he can drive the car or use my 9" Santoku knife. What does he know about the pitfalls and dangers, really? Maybe, Chrissy, you could say to Bobbie that she can't just wave you off or act offended the next time you question her self-reliance. Tell her she has to show you her budget - income in & expenses out. If she wants to be treated like an adult, have her show you she can think ahead like one, and that stubbornly refusing to be questioned is no substitute for demonstrating she has a solid, workable survival strategy.
DH gets pretty resistant to showing me he's thought things through... particularly when he hasn't. The less confident he feels about his next steps, the more loudly he protests me questioning him. That's a pretty natural response to pressure.
L, I wish that were a real vacuum, because then it could fill in every time our actual one malfunctions. With dogs and carpets, we have to vacuum every day. Speaking of which, those Dyson ball advertisements are super-effective. They've pretty much sold me & Steve on the fact that we do indeed need a $500 vacuum cleaner.
I'm really pooped from yesterday. I first did 3 hrs as official event photographer at a Bagels in the Park event with my mom's club. And then I led a 4-mile hike as the co-moderator/organizer of a newly formed Active Mamas sub-club within the mom's group. The sub-club was my idea, so I am really trying to get it off the ground. It's had a good response so far. Other groups like knitting circles and soccer play groups have petered out, and I really don't want mine to suffer a similar fate.
So that's why I'm posting at 3 am. B & I fell asleep before 9pm!
I didn't mind helping Bobbie at all and I anticipate helping her and her siblings a lot in their life, especially when they're first starting out like this. My only issue was like Myles referenced...the communication between us about how prepared she is or is not. I don't want her getting huffy if I ask her if she has enough or if she did x,y,z. Since she's been at college (last Tuesday) we haven't had any verbal spars at all.
I've always said that as long as they were in school I'd help them. I'm going to stick to that. If it means I drive 45 minutes to her college 3x a week, then so be it. I really don't see that happening though. It's taken longer for her to get transferred to that McDonalds than any of us anticipated. None of us knew she'd need a release signed from her 'home' McDonalds to work at the other one. She couldn't have foreseen that being an issue when she had been talking to both restaurants and no one said anything until Wednesday when she stopped in the one by her school and asked if she'd need an interview or if they were just going to start scheduling her.
Last edited by missychrissy; 01-30-2012 at 07:29 AM.
I think it's nice you get to see her so often. I purposefully went FAR away from home because I didn't want any help and wanted to do everything myself. My mom wanted me to stay closer so she could do things for me, but I just didn't want to bother her, plus she was going through a religious phase of being a "holy roller." My joke about people who are extra religious and she used to give a lot of money to a church she wanted to help start. I asked her if they were a cult once because she told me she couldn't help me with something I needed at school and I got 18 year old defensive with her and kind of told her off about being in a cult and she was pretty mad at me about that (honestly I still do think they were a cult and I'm happy she saw the light - they ended up being thieves and were stealing her money, and she eventually joined a normal church). After that I didn't ask her for anything the entire time I was in college, those were our difficult years. I would ask my grandma, who would overnight me things or my dad who started giving me an allowance of $50 a week on a debit card he gave me. Ah, those were the days!!
I hope they give her the McDonald's transfer soon. That is so weird. I've never heard of that before.
cults scare me. Did you see that Glenn Close claims to have grown up in a cult? She said that has helped her be a better actress. I'm glad your mom found a normal church.
I'm sure there will be angst between me & Bobbie for a while. It just happens to most 'kids' her age. She did post on my facebook wall that she already knows her mom is right. That still doesn't stop her from getting exasperated with me.
On the new job front-I can't remember if I mentioned that they decided to hire 2 people instead of one so I won't be the only clueless one at work. That's a big deal for me because I really hate not knowing what I'm doing when everyone else does.
Kate, I agree with L that have Josh lie on his left side with the knees bent up. It's what I have to do when I get a stomach issue....like if I eat too much, too fast or don't chew enough....something about that position feels the best and seems to help quite a bit. Or if you think it's gas, maybe have him on all fours and arch his back up and down.
Myles, I would be exhausted after doing all that!
Uggg someone else was at my desk for a few hours last Friday afternoon and adjusted everything on me, especially my chair. I'm here 3 days a week all day and 2 days a week half days so most of the time I'm here. And really annoyed my chair is messed up and I have to keep playing with the adjustments to get it right.
Chrissy, hopefully next semester she will take a 14 or 15 meal plan. 8 is not enough when dorm living. I totally get wanting to take care of her....I would do the same. But might be tempted not to after having gotten attitude about things when you were asking if she had things under control and set up right.
I know my parents took care of me at that age too....but I also was smart enough to not give too much attitude when they asked if I had things set up.
And for what it's worth, the BEST thing my mom did for me at that age was to tell me that she would pull support if I got a credit card when I was in college. And she was serious. I did not get one and they push them hardcore on campus because they know parents will often bail out the kids.
My DH actually thanked my mom for that one....we all know had I gotten one at 18, it would not have been good.
They did let my sister get one in college towards the end but it was a low limit card and for quite a long time my parents had to see my sister's bill each month to make sure that she was paying it off.
We had a really nice weekend....ended up getting an extra dog kennel for the basement so I could start working out again (too much trouble to get into in the basement...especially since it's insultated but not drywalled). Had a dinner out which was nice and felt like a date since we rarely eat in the restaurant.
And.....I bought a new mattress. I'm excited for them to deliver it next Monday. We're giving one those memory foam ones a try and got a fantastic deal on it. I need to start getting more sleep and better sleep.
Less fun is I think I'm getting a cold. Still hoping to fight it off but it's in the early stages I think. Boo.
When Bobbie opened her bank account she was offered a small loan to establish credit. She refused. I think we've talked enough about debt and stuff that she would know better than that. She hasn't ever mentioned wanting a credit card and in fact hopes to never have one.
The only meal plan options were 8, 10, or 12. I think I told her to get the 8 because I wasn't sure what that really meant. They don't have much as far as options and I was afraid she'd get tired really fast of the extremely limited supply of vegetarian meals they had. I figured she'd end up spending her money at the grocery store anyway so she may as well save on the meal plan option.
If it turns out that they have a greater selection than what I remembered, I'll talk to her about upping that next year.
I hope that they have decent options. I know the one college I went to, had GREAT food. Just swipe when you walked through the door and you could have whatever you wanted. Salad bar, sandwich bar, soups, cereals, pastas, burgers, grilled cheese....great variety of things and it was good. Next place though, very eh on the food. I did end up eating down there less often and did a lot of cooking in my room in my microwave.
45 minutes away is a good distance...that is how far I was from home at the third school I went to (and stayed the longest for 3.5 years). I probably saw my parents 1-2 times a month but it was nice knowing that they could be there quickly if I needed them.
Do you know if the laundry in the dorm takes a card or quarters? Might be another helpful gift. I was not used to paying for clean clothes growing up with machines at home or the first two colleges I was local and just brought everything home to get washed.
My dad put me on one of his credit cards. It was a way for me to establish credit history, and I paid it off religiously. We were not in a great shape financially at the time, and I was most decidedly pulling my weight. The only thing I did wrong was to close an account before a check had cleared (long story, but I worked 3 jobs while going to school so I could put myself through, lived very frugally, and ended up with $1000 after I was done, so I took it all with me when I went to India before my wedding, and spent it on stuff my parents would've had to pay for). Dad paid that one (he worked at the bank where I had my account).
IMO, credit card isn't evil, as long as it is used responsibly.
I just didn't get one until after I was married and living on my own and supporting myself (I was 24 or 25). Before that I was a user on my parents but I only got the card when I traveled like when I went to France at 16 or NYC at 18 and had to pay my parents back whatever I charged.
I was always pretty responsible, had a part-time job while in college, had a checking account since I was 16 and have never overdrafted on that......and yet I still think that I would have gotten into some trouble had I had my own cc as a freshman in college. Really with nothing in savings at that time and working part-time (things like work study or my old job over the summer or babysitting)...wasn't like it was 32 hours a week, I had no business getting a CC. I would have gotten one too because I knew everything at that age......except I didn't because I was scared of my mom and liked being in college and didn't want that to stop.
Heck even now, I can see it being trouble as much as I love mine. It's easy to swipe and I didn't check it as much over the holidays online. And when I got the bill, I was like oops and yikes and my bad. The only thing is now I have ability to pay in full every month.
Does the 8 meal plan mean she can only eat 8 meals for the entire semester? I have never heard of numbered meal plans. The school I went to only had a full meal plan (3 meals per day) or a half meal plan (1 meal per day). I got the full meal plan because it wasn't that much more expensive than the half. The school I went to though is a smaller one and so maybe they didn't have other options or maybe they were just trying to drain us LOL. Our food was really good though. Sounds really crazy but I went to an HBCU (historically black college/university) and we had about 6 old black ladies who made our meals from scratch every day. They were delicious and I tried to make it for every meal. They all had us call them "grandma" which was nice and they would laughingly tease all the vegetarian and vegan students (I never knew so many people were vegetarians until I went to college, I just thought crazy PETA people were vegetarians!). They would worry over them not eating enough or being hungry all night after dinner so they would always give them extra beans and rice and collard greens LOL!
So glad you will have some new company at your new job. I agree it is always nice not to be the one person who doesn't know how things work in a new work environment. I hope the other new person and you get along well.
And a good friend of mine was raised in a cult as well. I thought he was lying about it because he is such a great guy. I have known him since college and he used to be our campus bootleg barber. He would give guys and girls (who wore short hair) cuts for $5 which was way less than the barber shop near campus. He said he lived on the a cult compound until he was 11 years old and that they were resucued by the state guard or something, he remembered helicopters and guys in fatigue coming to save them. Another kid had died a couple days before they were freed. His parents left him and his sister there. The cult was about making kids athletes and some sort of relgious purpose to their athleticism. He was made to run every day for 4-5 miles since he could remember and even in college he would run places instead of walk. We asked him about why he was always running and he told us about the cult. It is so crazy to me what people will do and believe.
Sorry to vent again. I just have a litany of pet peeves that were all set off today. Starting with the guy who took up the whole width of the escalator to the train platform with his swinging shopping bag. Local, commonly-observed custom is that walkers go on the left/standees on the right. So Mr. Swingy Bag gives ME the dirty look when I try to squeeze past him and kinda bump his shopping bag to catch my train? Then there's the guy (every other person, really) who doesn't use his car's directional signals anymore. The signals wouldn't be there if other drivers were reliable mind readers and could guess where you're going to swerve next. I can't imagine how much confusion could be avoided at intersections and time saved overall if people would just use them the way we're taught at age 15 in Driver's Ed. Maybe add up the number of seconds wasted on a given day to people hesitating because of unused turn signals, and I'm pretty sure they'd amount to a year on one person's life. Then there's the waitress at one my favorite lunch spots who acts like I'm a kindred spirit because I have freckles like her and counts me as someone who must understand "how repulsive our faces are", just 'cause she was always teased about how dirty her cheeks looked...poor thing. There was also the mom at the park who let her son run around, climb stairs, slide down slides, all with a ball point pen in hand and pointed at his eye, not bothered by it at all, but who stopped to ask Bodhi to say "please". Really?!? Ugh.
Shall I go on? ;)
Last edited by demigraf; 01-30-2012 at 05:29 PM.
I'm posting this picture for two reasons.
1. Myles, girl after your own heart. Underwear as outerwear (that's her swim diaper; she insisted on wearing it on top of her pants).
2. I have a delicate situation on my hands, and I can be pretty indelicate in handling these things. The doll stroller in her hands was given to her by her nanny. She LOVES it. It's pretty beat up from use and from her trying to sit in it. The actuall part where the doll would go tore off. The plastic thingy where her hands are, one of them is broken and taped together, the other one is starting to break. I'd like to buy her another (I'm SO not a doll stroller kinda person, but still), but I don't want to hurt the nanny's feelings (she takes amazingly good care of my daughter). Should I just leave well enough alone and get her something else she can push around like a shopping cart instead? Get a doll stroller and explain to the nanny that I got her another because she clearly loves the stroller, but it's falling apart? Some other way to phrase it so it won't sound bad?
LOVE the bold under/outerwear fashion statement. I think I saw Heidi Klum praising that look on a recent Project Runway.
I would probably leave well enough alone with the doll stroller, if just because she'll likely grow out of the love-to-push stage soon and move onto running away from you as fast as she can every chance she gets (if she's anything like my kid). Maybe you could get her a ride-on toy instead, or a balance bike or wagon to pull. That'll be a way to naturally transition her from her franken-stroller.
I confess I feel kinda sheepish for being so negative in my last post. I get grumpy when I feel a little overwhelmed with work.
Oh, and I love how fuzzy your doggy is!! We should compare dog brushes after 30 seconds of fur wrangling.
Erin, the meal plan is 8 meals a week.
Myles, I'm so sorry about your bad day. That sort of thing would wear on me too, and probably add to my aggravation if I was stressed at work. Well, no probably about it. It would. And for whatever it's worth, I think you're adorable...freckles and all. I have light ones and I don't ever remember being bothered by them. Not even when I was a kid.
Suja, I'd get a new stroller and say what you suggested to the Nanny. Let her know that you only replaced it because she obviously loves it so much but it's falling apart. Myles, I wouldn't be too sure about her outgrowing the pushing stage soon. Each kid is different. I won't admit how old I was when I outgrew it...but let's just say it was a long, long time after Kindergarten. Not too long before I actually had babies, actually. But maybe I'm just nuts.
Speaking of nuts, I came home from work and fell apart. I really cried my eyes out because I really, really do not want to leave my job.
I'm sorry you cried, Chrissy.
Suja, adorable. She's a little super-hero in the making.
Myles, I share your work-related negativity today. The woman at work that I complained about before (who made a ton of errors with the schedule/database) came back to work today after being out all week and leaving us with that mess to deal with. So we asked her to switch some things around, and she was very gracious, and in the middle of it she said, "See? If you guys were nice to me all the time like you are right now I wouldn't have to be mean to you. But when you're mean to me I have to be mean back."
My partner and I walked out the door and as soon as it shut, I held up two fingers and said I was "this close" to going off on her. So was my partner. That woman is a b!tch and I've seen her be flat-out rude to people who were going out of their way to be nice to her. Plus she's completely incompetent. I suppose it was her passive-aggressive way of correcting her mistakes without putting up a fight about how she shouldn't have to fix her mistakes.
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Suja, my MIL bought the same type of stroller for Abbey and she loved it to pieces too. I bought her another one from American Girl (pricey, but much stronger), and told my MIL exactly what I told you: Abbey loved her gift so much she used until it fell apart and I had to quietly replace it. Then I asked her not to point out it was new because she liked the old one so much she might get upset and wonder where it is. I think in the end MIL was just happy she 'hit the mark' with her present.
6th grade sounds about right for that kind of behavior.
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
What a day!
After DH left for work I went out to my car with Josh to do errands. Car didn't start. Called AAA and they came and jumped my car thankfully for free and left us with no time to do errands. Dropped Josh off at school, came home, no internet. All day.
It's funny how much I rely on internet. I only realize it when it's gone.
On the up side Josh got a great progress report from preschool. The only thing they expect him to know that he didn't, is our address. He knew the street name but not the number (which would still get him home in an emergency, as he knows what the house looks like)
I thought this was interesting:
Low IQ & Conservative Beliefs Linked to Prejudice
And was afraid of being flamed if I posted it elsewhere.
Molly, your IQ post will have the lurkers shaking their heads and muttering things under their breath. ;)
Sorry, y'all, I've been more lurking than posting lately. I'm trying not to be on the laptop so much lately, but I still do check in and when I'm on my phone, it's hard to look at the screen for very long. Cash is taking a nap now, so I thought I'd get online to say hey to my ladies.
When I first went away to college, I went grocery shopping with my roommate and bought cereal but forgot the milk, so my first few days at college were no fun...I didn't last long at the first college I went to. I'd gone from a high school with a graduating class of 23 people to a campus with 10,000 people. I quit after a week and transferred to my hometown college (with 400 students total) and lived at home and commuted to college after that. That really worked for me and I'm glad it worked out like that because as soon as I graduated, I moved over here 5,000 miles away. Looking back, I am happy I had that time at home with my parents.
Mandy, you did well not to let loose on that colleague! I'd report her words to someon cause that ain't on at all!
Suja, I'd buy another stroller and just say to the nanny that M loved the stroller so much that it was worn out and you needed to get her another.
I've heard back from one teacher training agency that I applied to back in November and I haven't even made it through to the interview stage. They said there were 500 people that applied for 50 places so they won't be providing feedback as to why people didn't get through. I am disappointed; It wasn't my first choice as it's quite far away, but I wanted to get through to the interviews so that I could at least use it for a practice run for the colleges that I do want to attend. Such is life, though, eh? I really am looking forward to getting back in to work as this one salary lifestyle is not very fun (I like my luxury shopping days!) I'm starting to think that I might not train to be a teacher since it's so competitive here and I might not make it through. I'd like to stay away from the office environment but office work is where the steady money is here. Bah.
Oh, and guess what...on a more positive note, I've got a mommy date for Friday night. Some of us school mums are off on Friday night for a curry and drinks! Should be interesting! I've got to go take my polish off my nails now while Cash is still sleeping.