Molly, congrats on the healthy baby boy! That is such great news!
Chrissy, I'm glad J is OK; that's the main thing. I hope she doesn't do anymore silly stuff this year!
Jennifer, I'm sorry you and your DH had a bad weekend. I wish I had some wise advice. Kids do change your life and there is no going back, but I would never go back to my childless life now that I have my 2 little lads.
Travis had a great day at school today; the teacher said he's really coming out of his shell. She said he told the whole class about how he feeds the birds with his grandparents. Oh, but she also said he spent most of the day with his hand in his pants! (He's going through a very annoying stage of fiddling with his bits!) I had to have a talk with him about not doing that kinda thing at school! :S
Molly congrats on a healthy baby boy!! Boys are so much fun!!!!
Chrissy, wow, that is a lot for you deal with. Are you & Jesi able to talk about it?
Bridget, enjoy your time with your friend. I love your Sawyer stories, such a sweetie.
Jennifer, sorry about the fight with your dh.
It's a nice day here, Gilly and I just went on a nature walk. He is always so fascinated with the storm drains, so we gathered up stones, sticks, flowers, mulch and he threw them down into it listening for them to drop in the water. And it's garbage day here so G was happy, G LOVES garbage trucks. He literally squeals when he hears the truck rumbling down the street. The garbage man is nice to him, he does extra "tricks" for G. Gilly even asked Santa for a garbage truck for Xmas. Santa laughed, and winked at me, "that is a new one" Santa did his duty, G got a bright green garbage truck Xmas morning
Molly congrats! That is fantastic news!
Chrissy I kind of agree with you there....if the guy was like 30, I would be mad and wanting to press charges. But 17 and 20 is not unreasonble to me.
I just wish that this wasn't a major life decison we had so much time to think about and make. Who knew looking back that I wish that we just had a "surprise" back early on in the relationship in our earlier/mid 20's.
The one good thing is that I really don't think he realized how much blame for the dog he was putting on me and how it was making me feel.....he thought he was just venting. He is pretty good about apologizing...except he turns it around and it becomes about how much he sucks. OMG. This morning in the short time we had before I leave, he was definitely making an effort and was playing with the puppy and snuggling on her and saying how she's a pretty good little poogle.
Molly, I am so thrilled for you! I have been watching your ticker and I saw it pass 12 weeks a bit ago and wanted to say something, but didn't want to in case you felt jinxed or something. I remember at the beginning when everything seemed so touch-and-go, and I have been happier and happier for you with each day that goes by.
Chrissy, what a rollercoaster these past few days have been. I am so glad she's back safely, and I can kind of understand how easy it would be to get wrapped up in a lie that snowballs like that, just to try to stay out of trouble. She must have been really scared, although probably not as scared as you were. I think you are handling it really well, and I also will say I am glad you are not going to file charges against the boy.
Ashley, they never grow out of that stage of fiddling with their bits. Luckily, they do learn to be more discreet. Good luck with the lessons. Baby S. has taken to shouting "My penis! My penis! My penis!" at his main decibel level (super-loud) at random times and whenever I change his diaper. Of course, he had to do it when I tried to change it discreetly on the airplane. Between that and his corruption of "Jingle Bells" to "Tingle Balls," which he also shouts, he's getting very good at drawing attention to us.
Jennifer, sorry you and DH had a rough time this weekend. It's easy to have a bad moment and start extrapolating from there, but there are all kinds of good qualities in your DH (obviously, since you picked him) that would make him an excellent father as well.
Bridget, it is bizarre to me how different my third is from my first two, as well. And also because I thought my twins were as different as night and day, I had the hardest time imagining how any other child could be different from them. I figured that he would be a little bit like DD in some situations, and maybe a bit like DS in others, but instead he's just as completely different from them as they were from each other. If I could have tolerated it in any way, I would have loved to keep having children just because it's so fascinating to see what they're like and they are all so wonderful and unique. I would love to keep seeing more different combinations of me and DH. Still, I recently read a quote that seemed apt from the comedian Jim Gaffigan, who is now a father of four: “People ask me what it’s like to have a fourth child. Imagine you’re drowning. Then somebody hands you a baby.” That's kind of how I feel now. I laughed when I read that, and shared it with DH, and he held me for a moment because he knew how I felt.
Oh, and JOY! My car got finished just in the nick of time on Friday afternoon, but they want me to bring it back next week for a turn signal assembly replacement under warranty. I'm scared.
Jennifer, I don't think anyone is ever fully prepared for a baby/child. Somehow, you make it work. Planned or unplanned, there are days when you wonder how you'll get through it. I'm sure it's the same for the Dads as well. It doesn't negate the love you have, or he will have, for your child. At least now he's aware of how his venting can be perceived as regret to you and hopefully by the time that time comes he'll have a different approach to coping with the stress. I'm confident he'll be able to make the necessary adjustments when you guys have your baby. I don't think he'd go through the adoption process if he didn't want a baby as well.
We just had another big blow up because Jesi dropped the bomb that she intends on getting a GED instead of graduating high school. This is a problem because NY makes it virtually impossible to get a GED unless you've been out of school for a solid year or it's after the last year you were registered with has graduated. Officially, she's considered a 10th grader even though she could graduate next school year if she passed all her classes (she should be in 11th right now but has 2 10th grade classes, if that makes sense). So NY wouldn't allow her to take the GED test until after June 2014, unless she were to quit school right now. Then she could apply to take it in 2013, I think. If the school kept her registered in Sept of this year, then she would still have to wait till 2014. I've heard of people 'officially' quitting their school but the school going ahead and scheduling them anyway because they're a minor living in the district. I do not know of anyone that was able to get their GED until after their class graduated. Including myself.
The other exceptions would be if she were in a drug and alcohol in-patient program, mental health facility, or incarcerated. None of them seem like good alternatives to me. She's in tears and frustrated and saying we don't understand. Ugh.
Chrissy, what is her rationale or wanting to go the GED route? It just seems like she is not thinking straight right now, and perhaps should wait to make such important decisions.
Is doing online high school an option? It seems like if she went that route she could get out of the social situation of high school (if that's what she wants/needs) and accelerate getting a degree.
If she/you do decide on going the GED route, she can study for the GED and then take classes for college credit at the community college while she waits to take the test. Although she/you would have to pay for classes out-of-pocket (financial aid is usually only given to students who are officially 'accepted' into school, though anyone can take a class and receive the same credit). That way she wouldn't just be biding her time (or getting into trouble) while she waits to continue school.
I'm not a big believer that high school offers any life experience that's especially beneficial to anyone, but if there's anyway you can use this to guide her towards higher education earlier, it has the potential to send her life in a new direction. JMO from my own experience long ago as a dropout/GED graduate.
There's a charter school that she attended last year and she really wants to go back there. I told her that if she behaves (no more taking off, drinking, etc), we'll see about her returning in Sept. They have more one-on-one options available there.
http://www.khanacademy.org/ They are excellent, explained in very simple terms, and easy to understand. Even if she has some basic understanding, I would recommend that she start from the beginning. If something is still not clear, I'd be happy to help via IM or email (in case she can't get in-person help from friends/family/teachers).
And she didn't know she'd need algebra for her GED. She burst into tears and said she'd be a loser for her whole life then when I told her algebra was on my GED test.
I know how she feels. I really, really suck at math too. I got to where I mastered basic algebra, but when I was in college I worked my ASS off for a B- in 200 level math. I didn't put a fraction of the effort into any of my other classes where I easily achieved an A in. I would have been a 4.0 if it weren't for math. (I ended up with a 3.7) So I get where her frustration is coming from. It took me 3 college years to complete the two required math classes for my associates degree. She has my brain.
I have to say (as someone who dated an older man when she was young) thank you for not pursuing My parents threatened it and the thought that he could've went to prison, for doing nothing wrong, was heart wrenching.
Suja, that was really nice of you to offer to help Chrissy with Jesi's algebra questions. Things like that always make me appreciate this forum.
Chrissy, I would totally be as worried as you are. (I was tickled to hear you took Jesi along for "bring your brat to work day" (your words) LOL.) I don't really know the first thing about talking to a teenager, but if it were my child, I would emphasize the importance of just making your best effort, placing academics at a higher priority over her social life, and the fact that she shouldn't be afraid to fail. I know how hard it is when you're in the thick of it and constantly feel like others are watching you screw up. I agree that the decision she's making now to avoid the relatively small discomfort of learning a little math will have big implications later on in life. How do you explain that to a teen? I don't know, but I would certainly try in whatever way I know how to talk to one.
Molly, yay for a baby boy!!! I understand the shock of finding out you have one, and all the new gender-specific rearing thoughts you'll have from this point on. At least we can talk about that stuff together now.
Bridget, my thoughts on you moving to Ohio are to try to wait and see how it goes first before letting yourself worry about making a decision. Maybe he'll abandon the idea after the first couple of weeks, so you can let him take the temp on that and come back with more of a direction for your family once he's gone out and done it. As for trusting him, I know it's really hard given the past, but perhaps you could at least try to bring your trust for him in line with your decision to remain in the relationship... for your own peace of mind. I don't know if that made sense, but basically I'm just trying to say you're in it today, and you're going to have to trust him anyway, whether or not he's physically close by. The state line is more of just a psychological barrier. For your own sake, try not to look at it as if the other shoe is just waiting to drop on your relationship. If you can. It's no fun to exist in a relationship indefinitely with that level of indecision.
Jennifer, I'm sorry you and your DH had the blowout over the dogs. I can add that DH & I had similar pissing matches when we added another dog into the mix. I think if you do decide to have a baby, the frustrations you experience will be pretty different from the ones you're having with the puppy. But still, I just hope if your DH says he wants a baby, he sticks with it and doesn't act like he was just dragged along for the ride through no choice of his own. It seems like that's what he was implying over the weekend.
I am swamped over here. So much so that I'm making really stupid mistakes and forgetting where I put my car and stuff like that. Oh well. Back to living the dream...
I can completely understand that people learn differently. Organic chem was my nemesis. I had a friend who could just visualize how stuff would work, but for the life of me, I couldn't. It showed in our grades. A couple of years ago, I helped a friend's daughter get through basic calculus, after she had failed it previously. It turned out that the instructor's style just didn't work for how she learned, and having things explained differently is all she needed.
Molly, I'm so happy your appointment went well! Congrats on a boy!
Chrissy, I'm glad Jesi is okay, and man! That must have been some hickey! I'm also glad you aren't pressing charges, though. Good luck with the algebra. I agree with everyone, getting a GED won't get her out of doing algebra so it makes a lot more sense to stick with it. I've actually heard really good things about the site Suja linked to.
Jennifer, DH and I had some crazy arguments about Gwennie when she was a puppy, too. I was the one who told him specifically that I didn't want a dog, and he got her anyway. So it was mostly me b!tching about her to DH. I adore her now and can't imagine life without her, if that helps.
My mother has been frustrating me recently. I've been sharing a fair amount with her about our RE and all that is associated with that. She keeps making comments about DH and whether or not he really wants a baby. DH DOES want a baby. He wants one as much as I do. But somehow my mom just can't seem to grasp that we BOTH are trying for a baby. I think because - to be honest - my dad really didn't want kids, at least not when he had them - and she just can't imagine that men want babies, too. It is really getting to me. I think at some point she insinuated that if DH did want a baby we wouldn't have taken so long to get pregnant - which really pissed me off. She hasn't quite said that recently, but not long ago when I emailed her about starting clomid she said something like "That sound really positive to me. I hope it does to both of you." Whatever that means. I don't tell her things, and then I feel bad and wish I shared things more, so I do and it's nice, and then she says crap like that. I need to stop talking to her about this stuff. She emailed me to ask how the Clomid was going. I didn't know how to respond - it's medicine - I'm taking it - I won't know how it worked until I go in for the ultrasound. What else am I supposed to say about it?
Me (38) DH (45) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Mandy, I'm sorry. I wish I had some good advice. I can relate to wanting a closer relationship/sharing more with your mother and just not being able to have one.
And Myles, I forget where my car is all. the. time.
To the point where Abbey and I walk out of a store and she puts her hands on her hips and said "And now we have to find Mommy's car!"
LOL at Abbey and Molly! It's why I have an orange car and always park in the same general area at the stores or work.
It is a bit tricky Mandy because while a guy might want a baby as much....generally so much of the treatments for IF are for the woman or done to the woman. Maybe your mom doesn't really get clomid? I end up chatting about this stuff more with my MIL than my mom...just because MIL understands and did clomid 35 years ago to get DH. I know when she was trying, an older male relative actually said, whats the matter don'tcha know how to "f" right. My poor MIL.
Tried to find out what DH decided. He said he's just going with the flow and waiting for something to happen....we get a call and decide or end up with a miracle pg and decision made. I think that he's tired of thinking it's a go and than the freak out about what happens and wondering if it's the right thing and trying to reassure me. Normally I know him so well but can't figure this one out. He did spend 5K so far and for him that is HUGE he is so tight with money and worried about it all the time. And he did sit through the classes and help me on the paperwork and all that. I just worry a lot that he would do something even this big JUST to make me happy and want to make sure that this is something that he wants as well.
I also know that part of it is feeling that we missed the boat and might be too old. I know we aren't THAT old but kind of been feeling it lately. So we did talk about trying to get back into doing some exercise again and hopefully lose like 20lbs, maybe more. I know when I was doing some exercise on a regular basis, I didn't feel so stiff and just had much more energy.
I was horrible horrible horrible at all math classes, high school and college. I just couldn't get the ideas to stick for more than a second or two. I know exactly how she feels about being a loser, and really do feel like my inability to do math the way it was taught has very negatively affected my life. I love science but there's no way I could really every do it because I was so weak in math. I was really proud of myself when I passed Astronomy II with a B - I've never worked so hard in all my life for just a B. I would have liked to go back to grad school and study book and paper conservation, but to even get in I needed two semesters of chemistry which I had terrible trouble with in high school. I do feel that I am smart enough, but the people who teach math are the people who are good at it and they cannot imagine how a person couldn't just "get it" the way they can. I had math tutors through high school, but they didn't help because they were just like the teachers. I still don't know what would have been a better way, but nothing worked for me. It makes me sad - I feel like I could have had an interesting life/career if I had just been able to do math. As it is, I'm good for slinging coffee and drawing pretty pictures but those don't really pay.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
Drats. Already at the train
platform headed home (yep, worked til almost 7) and just realized I left the book I'm reading at my desk. I won't be back in the office until next Monday, when I hope I'll still want to read the book. Grrrr.
Oh, the thought of doing math gives me cold sweats! That awful dreadful cold pit in my stomach feeling has never gone away. You don't want to be around me when I am balancing my checkbook or doing taxes - I make strange unintelligible screaming sounds and then start crying. So no, though I appreciate the gesture, I do not want to do math together!
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
Congratulations on the baby boy, Molly!
Last edited by girlwonder; 01-17-2012 at 08:38 PM. Reason: i just messed up
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov