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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #27421
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Thank you, I just didn't want to presume that having a teen is anything like dealing with a 5 year old LOL
    Glad it makes sense though.
    In a lot of ways, it's very similar. Only they're very convinced in their knowledge of everything in the world and of their own invincibility...and can use strong arguments for their case at times. They're very adept at using your words against you at the most inopportune times and will twist your words around to fit their view of the world.

    It's not all bad though. The love you feel for your teens is as strong as it is for them when they're wee little babies. That never goes away.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #27422

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    I'm sure it doesn't

  3. #27423
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    I'm learning more than I ever wanted to know about gaming thanks to Conner. He's always finding these new games he wants to play, but then doesn't know how so I have to figure it out for him. He does really well in that I only have to show him which controls work one time and he remembers them. And he's learning letters & keys. Specifically, the A, S, D, W, X, CTRL, space bar, and arrow keys. :-)

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #27424

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    He's going to be a computer whiz like his mama.
    Been thinking about you and J all day, btw.

    I keep forgetting if I mention things here but dbf is probably going to start this new job. In mid february his friend is going to fly him to Ohio (?) and show him the ropes and if all goes as planned, he'll accept the position and he will either travel for 1-2 wks at a time or we will move to possibly Ohio. I don't know what to think about all this. He tells me that if he takes this job he will make enough money to support us all and I could just homeschool the kids, or we could find a good private school and I could be a sahm to Sawyer until he goes and that Ohio would not be forever, just until we get to Hawaii. I would love to see him making consistent money. While I am not one to need a lot of money to be happy, it will be nice to not stress about paying the bills, and stress about daycare kids showing up or not. And it's hard for me to listen to him b!tch about money when he could work a job he hated if it really bugged him that much. Not that I would wish anyone to work a job they hated but really then don't complain, you know? Work with what ya got or change it!
    So. The travel part scares me. Can I swing it alone? Do I want to? Can I trust him?


    The job is hard for me to understand. His friend works for a company that is opening a chain of pizza places. They need people to go to where the restuarant opens and do promotions for the joint, get people in there. It's just the kind of thing that dbf would be great at. He'd set his own hours, not really have to answer to anyone on a day to day basis as long as he was meeting numbers. I guess now that I wrote it out, it's not that hard to understand lol.

    I dunno. I won't discourage him. He's really excited. We'll see where this takes us.
    Last edited by Bridget; 01-15-2012 at 01:04 PM.

  5. #27425

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    Is the job a definite? I mean I know you probably wouldn't move out there without knowing the job is secure but I'd hate to see you move out there and have the job fall through. I'd make sure all the ducks are in a row and then, good luck! It sounds exciting!

    Are there going to be more jobs lined up for him after this chain opens?

  6. #27426
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    ...Can I swing it alone? Do I want to? Can I trust him?
    I think that's the only real question. I know you can swing it alone. Well, I don't know if you want to but you know...

    And as far as working at a job he doesn't like, I don't know about everyone in the world, but the majority of the people I know work jobs they don't like, but they need/want $ so they suck it up and do it. I think his excuse of not wanting to answer to someone is just immaturity/selfishness on his part. Sorry.

    I hope things work out, whichever route he takes. Do you have any idea how long he'd be traveling before you'd be in Hawaii? If it were me, I think I'd be tempted to stay put till that goal was reached. He'd still be traveling if you were in Ohio, right? At least where you are you're close to family.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #27427

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    So yesterday I drove up to a bridal shop to meet with the bridal party and get measured for my cousin's wedding in June. I'm pleased to report that the bridesmaid dress she picked out is rather nice! I'm only worried because it's strapless. I'm not well endowed at all. Is there something I can do to ensure it stays in place? I think those clear straps would be kind of obvious looking.

    Also, does anyone know anything about covering tattoos? I have one on my upper back I think it would be a good idea to cover. Is there something special I can get?

  8. #27428

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    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 01-15-2012 at 03:23 PM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  9. #27429
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    Bridget, I agree it's about trust. I know you can manage. I hope it works out.

    Kate, you can get double sided fabric tape to put on your bra, but you probably don't need it if it fits properly. I'm not that big and I can wear a strapless dress if it fits properly. No advice about the tattoo, though.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #27430
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    I agree with Mandy about the double-sided fabric tape and that you shouldn't need it if it fits properly. As for the tat coverage, the only thing I know if is Kat Von D's concealer: http://www.amazon.com/Kat-Von-Tattoo.../dp/B002NPYQ0U I don't know how well it works, I happened to see her episode where she was making the commercial for it.

    I'm curious about what tat you have on your upper back now. I didn't know you had one. Or if I knew, I forgot. Do you have any pics of it?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #27431

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    I don't have any pics. It's an angel, which I guess is interesting considering my secular background.

    I don't know, I just kind of like to believe there is *some* kind of energy out there that is bigger than we know, and the best way I could think to represent that was an angel. I've always kind of felt lucky for making it through a lot of things I went through as a child, my hospitalizations and stuff. I wanted to represent that. I thought for a long time about getting a tattoo. I originally wanted one in college. I wanted the sacred heart that you see a lot in the DiCaprio/Danes version of Romeo and Juliet (my favorite movie at the time) which, funny enough is also a religious symbol. Something like these but without a cross. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q...JebW0QG89Ny4Aw

    I didn't realize that it was a well known religious symbol until much later and I was glad I didn't get that particular tattoo. About 4 years later I decided on the angel.

    I have no pictures but I could try to get one taken sometime and post it.

  12. #27432

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    Yes, double sided tape would be my rec too. I don't know about covering a tat. I can't imagine a way to do it that would look nice.

    Y'all are right. I could handle things here. I mostly think about bedtime! It can be the most chaotic time and it's nice to have an extra set of hands. I'm not going to think too hard about any of this until I see the wheels in motion.

    I agree it's pretty selfish not to work a mundane job for the paycheck but I feel obligated to note that he does make money. He was smart when he was young and made good property investments so we have that rental income, and when he does line up a carpentry or remodel job he makes good money and he pays off any debt we've built up immediately. I was really irresponsible when I was young and saved nothing. We'd never have been able to buy this house if it wasn't for his finances. I'll forever be grateful to him for that. I got to spend a lot of time with my mom in the two years before she died. When I was pleading my case to move back here and be close to my family I promised him I would never expect him to work a job he hated and boy has he held me to that!! lol He left a pretty cake job in Hawaii....

  13. #27433

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    I also am confident that you will be okay alone Bridget. I also feel it would have more to do with trust than anything else. I am hoping for the best for both of you though. I also am not a money type of person but still I don't like to stress about it and it would be great if you would not have to consider finances as much, it can only make things a little less hectic IMO.

    Sorry Kate but no advice about the dress here. I have huge boobs and don't usually wear strapless things for the opposite reason, they will spill out all over the place. I do have a great strapless bra but it is kind of uncomfortable so I don't wear it often.

    And Chrissy, I hope Jesi will open up to you and tell you what happened to her. I can only imagine how scary it is to see your child with choke marks on his/her neck. That would be frightening and disturbing.

    Erin

  14. #27434

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    Actually, if you go to the main apa page (not the forum page) the drawing of the woman at the top is like my tattoo. Kind of an outline like that.

    I'm confident they'll make my dress fit right but I just don't know how a strapless dress stays up if it doesn't have anything to cling to. LOL

  15. #27435
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    That's pretty neat Kate. I like angels, even though I don't believe. I guess for me it's like liking Santa Clause...I like the idea of angels and I do think they're beautiful. And who knows, we don't know what we don't know. I'm willing to be wrong about the existence of angels.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #27436
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    Jesi finally owned up to everything. She took off with a bf and was drinking. The bruises on her neck are not bruises. Case closed. Except she's grounded. Till she's like 30.

    I'm disappointed in her of course but greatly relieved. I was pretty sure she was being deceptive, but I was afraid she was lying to protect an abusive bf. I didn't want that for her. Of the two options, I prefer this one I guess.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #27437
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    If they aren't bruises, what were they? I have to admit when I heard about neck bruises, my first thought was that thing that a number of kids are doing where they try to get a high by choking themselves.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #27438
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    They hickies (sp?).

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #27439

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    Wow, Chrissy. I can imagine you are dealing with some pretty intense feelings of relief, disappointment and anger. Big hugs to you.

  20. #27440

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    Wow, those are some amazing hickies.

  21. #27441
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    No kidding.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #27442
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    I didn't even think of that as what they could be....better than bruises I suppose.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #27443
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I didn't even think of that as what they could be....better than bruises I suppose.
    i didn't even think of it either Jennifer. I was a little embarrassed when the investigator told me that's what the marks were.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #27444

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    Wow Chrissy. I'm so relived for you that there was no violence, but my stomach would be in knots that she took a lie that far... will she be in trouble with the police at all, since she originally lied to them?




    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  25. #27445

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    I got some good news today at my high risk ultrasound, the doctor says it looks like a healthy baby!

    Also, it's a baby BOY!!!

    I'm in shock about that, TBH.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  26. #27446

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    Well you err on the side of trusting your child and I wouldn't feel stupid for that.

    Sawyer has been sitting here for about 5 minutes raising his hand and putting them behind his head, joining them and them keeping them together as he brings them forward and into his lap. Over and over and over. He is so funny to me. So different than Savana and Kai were.

    My oldest childhood friend is here visiting from Alaska and is coming over here on friday with her family to sleep over until saturday. I am unspeakably happy and excited to spend time with her.

  27. #27447
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    So I had it out with DH this weekend. Started saturday when I got up and didn't close the office door right away and Molly got a wooden duck off the bookshelf. She got a little chunk out of his tail before I realized it. DH freaked out...his one grandpa carved the duck and it's the only thing he has of him. Which I get that he should be upset. Good news is that we were able to smooth out the spot and found some stain that is awfully darn close and it looks pratically like it was never touched. Course in 14 yrs together, I knew he liked the duck but never knew how much it meant to him. And not sure why it was kept on the bottom shelf. Than Molly threw up so there was that to clean up. Sunday he wasn't feeling good so DH was crabby there. It was like all weekend I heard was about how he didn't like having two dogs, didn't want the second dog, going to get dog food all the time now, cleaning up double the waste and changing the litter all the time now, puppy whines too much, makes Cosmo bark too much, takes too much time to watch....OMG. Than there was also a lot of nagging at me. I finally blew up at him and was crying and basically said I want a baby but I didn't know if I wanted one with him. I was tired of hearing about how a second dog messes up his life and what did he want me to do about it now. At least we know in the future that we will wait until Molly is gone and than get another puppy. But what did he want me to do. I mean I get annoyed at her sometimes too but she's ours and even he said he doesnt' want to get rid of her (my family would take her in a second because she is a pretty great puppy most of the time). He said he was just venting. Fine but don't make it all the time all weekened long.
    So now we are up in the air about a kid yet again. OMG it would so much easier to find oneself knocked up and just go from there and deal with it. This waiting and second guessing sucks.
    Deal is that he could be a great dad if he wanted to. Especially had this happened 6-10 years ago when we were in our 20's and just not so set in our routine and had that energy again. We have had 14 years of it being just us. I just question if this is what he wants. I think that he might be happier not having a kid. He can be selfish and likes his rec and relaxation time. He's not always the most patient, likes things neat and in order and is NOT good with change. Even just changing furniture or another decorating thing can be like pulling teeth with him and something we argue about the most. And I want him to be happy. He knows I have always wanted a baby and knows that I will be happier having one. And he wants most in life is for me to be happy and he almost always gives me what I want. So it's kind of this big circle we keep going around in.
    So he told me when were deciding about the house to make the decison. Fine. I did it and stand by it. I told him I'm leaving this one up to him. he said that isn't fair, I said tough. I do not want to go through life hearing about how he lost sleep because of the baby and I was the one who wanted the baby like I did with the puppy all weekend. Not fair to baby and not fair to me. He knows what I want....I want a baby but I also want him happy in life.

    Don't know what is going on now. We haven't talked about it much since last night because he had to work and we only have a short time together in the morning. I kind of wish that he could get back to a first shift but don't see that happening soon. It can be hard being on different shifts mostly due to his weird sleeping times. I'm just glad that I wear glasses because they are helping hide how much my eyelids are swollen today.

    Don't know if we will talk more tonight or not. We need to start working on cleaning (house is picked up but needs a good cleaning and I like things like fresh sheets in the guest room) because we have company coming this weekend for his 35th birthday.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #27448

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    Molly, THat is FANTASTIC. And boys are so so so so wonderful. I know that goes without saying but I just had to

    ETA: Jennifer, we posted at the same time. I'm sorry you had a rough weekend and dh was being that way.
    Last edited by Bridget; 01-16-2012 at 01:55 PM.

  29. #27449
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    Chrissy, i'm sorry you're having to deal with all this. Glad J wasn't hurt, though.

    Molly, that's awesome! Names?

    Jennifer, sorry ou're going through this. I wish there were a way for you two to experience what it's like to have a child, both the good and the bad, without committing to it.

  30. #27450
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    Wow Chrissy. I'm so relived for you that there was no violence, but my stomach would be in knots that she took a lie that far... will she be in trouble with the police at all, since she originally lied to them?

    No, she's not in trouble with the police at all. The investigator said he sees it all the time. Adolescent girls will tell their parents something and then it escalates out of control really fast on them and they just don't know how to get out of it. He said that she was straight-up honest with him right from the beginning. When we initially went to the sheriff, she only talked to a deputy and apparently they don't care so much about lying to deputies. j/k...I think it's like he said, they're used to it and the fact that she did own up to it to the investigator is all they care about.

    The guy she was with is 20 and age of consent is 18 in NY. We could pursue that if we wanted to, but I'm not interested. She was a willing participant and I don't believe in ruining a guy's life in situations like this. The investigator agreed with me on that. So the whole thing is dropped other than her being grounded at home.

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I got some good news today at my high risk ultrasound, the doctor says it looks like a healthy baby!

    Also, it's a baby BOY!!!

    I'm in shock about that, TBH.
    I'm so happy for you!! Congratulations!! That's really big news!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    My oldest childhood friend is here visiting from Alaska and is coming over here on friday with her family to sleep over until saturday. I am unspeakably happy and excited to spend time with her.
    I hope you have a great time!!!

    Jennifer, it sounds to me like you two just had a bad weekend. I don't think that any life decisions were made It happens to the best of us.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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