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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #27031
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    I wish I had advice Kate. We're right there with you in this house too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #27032

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    First attempt at French Bread:

    photo-69.JPG

    My New Year goal is to learn how to make pretty much everything we eat homemade. I'm starting with breads. Next I'm trying pitas.

    Chrissy, I forgot to wish you luck with your appointment today. I really hope therapy makes a difference for you and that you like your therapist right away; I think that makes a huge difference.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 01-03-2012 at 06:16 PM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  3. #27033

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    Yum!

  4. #27034
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    Yum, french bread!

    Chrissy, I hope you are able to bond better with your therapist.

    Erin, I just can't imagine you crying at all! You always sound so matter of fact and put together. I'm glad you have been able to heal after what you went through.

    Ash, I am so sad for Travis! What was wrong with those mothers, not intervening?

    Back to work today. Not a bad day - but I continue to be annoyed. Oh, well.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #27035
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    That bread looks great!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #27036

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    That bread does look great! I've been checking out that blog you linked yesterday. Today I made the cauliflower soup with my daycare kids. It had the perfect amount of jobs. One to shred cheese, one to mince garlic, one to peel a potato! It was really good too.
    Kate, I have posted in here and in nm about Kai peeing his pants several times a day. A lot people on apa actually commented that they did not feel it was normal for him to be having accidents at 4.5 but I think it's more common than we realize. He just didn't want to go. And he never gave a rat's patootie. He'd just whip his clothes off and change into new ones. He finally stopped having accidents though. It actually coincided with me beginning to care for the homeschool family of all boys, two of which are 4 and 7. I think being around the older boys motivated Kai to act more grown.
    And speaking of acting grown, I take care of this little girl (V). She's been here over 2 years and will go to kindy next year. I love her so much and she is like part of our family as until about 4months ago she was here every day all day. She now just comes 3 days a week and stays with grandma the other 2. Her attitude towards me has changed so drastically. And I mean attitude with a capital A! I had to speak to her mom today and it is very rare that I speak to a parent about a child's behavior as there is not much a child can do that will strike me as too out of the ordinary. But suddenly this child is acting like she cannot even tolerate to be around me or the other children as if we are the most annoying people to ever walk the earth. I am talking eye rolling, big heavy sighs, looks of complete disgust. She is like a teenager. She will be like, "Bridget?" and I will answer, "yes?" and she will give the biggest, most dramatic sigh and say, "Oh EVERMIND!" (lol)
    Her mom thinks it's because at grandmas she can do whatever she likes and eat cookies all day. I can't believe how much it bothers me but this little girl used to adore me and now she is just walking around my house like it's a death sentence!

    We are pawning off a bunch of dbf's family jewelry to pay our property taxes. It's been a rough few month around here. I know I have mentioned this here before but me not getting paid when kids don't come has really hurt us. Oh, I've been advertising for enrollment and gotten 2 inquiries from people who practically hung up on me when I told my prices. $4 an hour for part time or $140 for full time. I can't go any lower than that unless I have families start bringing their own food.

  7. #27037
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    $4 an hour is a bargain any way you slice it. You do not want to know how much I am paying for the twins to go two days a week to preschool. I don't think. Money troubles are so tough. Does dbf start to realize just how much you usually contribute when this sort of stuff happens, or does he just grumble abut the problems?

    I also hate to tell you this, but we have not recovered financially from having our third, a year and a half later.


  8. #27038
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    That bread looks delish! I am a carboholic. Speaking of food, I posted in random about my extreme hunger. I do wonder if I should speak to the doctor about hypoglycemia but I kinda feel like it would make me look like a hypochondriac.

    Bridget, I'm sorry y'all are having to pawn stuff. We are looking at me going back in to some kind of work but we have to figure out how to make it financially viable since childcare costs a bomb here. When I worked part-time before I had Cash and Travis was going to a private daycare place, we paid $60 a day for him to go there and I think at the time, I might have made about $80 a day, so that is why I have not gone back to work after having Cash.

  9. #27039
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    I'm sorry you've had to resort to pawning his family jewelry. That really stinks. Work must have been slow for dbf too?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #27040

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    I'm sorry Bridget. I had no idea it was that bad
    I'm sorry that little girl has turned into a diva! I can understand why you'd be upset by that.

    I was curious how argumentative everyone's kids are.
    I feel like I cannot comment that it's a sunny day without Josh arguing it. It's gotten so bad that I'm afraid to say anything to him. Not only does he argue with pointless things like that but important things like not jumping on the bed while the cats are on it. He'll just try to argue his way out of it until we have to remove him from the situation and then he breaks down crying and lashes out.

  11. #27041
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    Conner can be like that too. If he's debating whether it's a sunny day or something else equally unimportant I don't even argue with him.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #27042

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    He broke his wrist when our 90 year old neighbor rammed into the back of his truck so is pretty limited. He still does use it even though he shouldn't. When he has surgury next month he really will not be able to use it at all. Luckily he does have a few other gigs he makes money off here and there but certainly nothing consistent. I rarely stress about money though. Even when it's really rough it's still so much better than many can even hope for. We always knew we were going to sell the jewelry, just haven't known the right way to go about it. Then he met a guy who is opening a jewelry store and looking for unique, antique pieces so we're getting more than we would if we sold them for the price of gold. And great timing too!
    Last edited by Bridget; 01-04-2012 at 07:45 AM.

  13. #27043
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    That sounds like a win-win. I had forgotten he'd broken his wrist.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #27044

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    Kate, Savana is like that. Unbelievably so to where she will pretend not to like things I know she likes just to disagree with me. I have found that the less reaction I give, the better. It sounds like you knew that already though. One thing I say a lot is, "You can think what you like and I can think what I like. That's the beauty of free will"

  15. #27045
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    I'm sorry, I have to vent/whine again for a moment. My husband is doing that fb stalking thing again. He's liking & commenting on everything I do (that he can see). I'm ashamed to admit that I've started blocking him from seeing some posts just because I don't want him adding his 2 cents to it. Not only that, but this morning I woke early and saw he was looking at his phone in bed. He was looking at my pictures on FB from New Years. He even commented on one and posted a 'sweet' note to my wall but I was so disturbed by the whole thing that I deleted it. We're probably going to have a good go-round tonight but I've had enough. I don't really want to deactivate my fb because I enjoy it. I'm thinking about taking him off, but that's going to cause problems with the kids. No matter what I do, I'm coming out like the jerk. I hate it.

    On a positive note, I forgot to mention that yesterday when the therapist/intake worker asked about my friends, I thought of you guys and smiled. I said I had many online and 1-2 irl friends.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #27046

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    That is too bad about the jewelry Bridget but at least you have it to make ends meet. I would be peeved though about it, I am very sentimental about family things.

    And Mandy, I can be a crying mess quite often. DH thinks I use it as a tool to get what I want, but really he just brings up things that make me upset and I am an angry crier. I also am a crying mess whenever I get PG, which is one of the reasons why I think we always have a bad time whenever I have been PG, even with the miscarriage I had when I got PG on an IUD and I was only PG for about 7-8 weeks but I get extremely emotional, not whiny but I usually am very critical of myself and introspective and this is heightened by about 10 times when I am PG and I focus too much on my faults and blame everything on myself and cry about pretty much every thing. It is rare now that I am myself again but usually whenever DH brought up Elle's birth or the months right before and after, I would tear up thinking of it because I am still upset by it and the way he acted versus what I had hoped for. I feel myself getting kind of peeved just thinking about it now but I don't cry anymore about it, I am just upset by it and I hope to move more past that in the next few years. I have told him it will probably take me 10 years to get over it. He thinks I am crazy but I really don't think I will be fully over it for 10 years.

    And speaking of me being sentimental about family things, I remember crying to this guy who DH got to help us move out stuff one year when we were going through a broke/homeless stage (we actually had to stay in one of those extended stay hotels that was in a prostitute area so there were a lot of prostitutes there with their kids). The guy was suppose to take our stuff to a storage facility and something happened where he didn't take one load, which included 8 boxes of my great grandmother's ceramics. My great grandmother was a very crafty woman who sewed, knitted, crocheted, embroidered, and painted ceramics. She had a stove where she fired pottery and everything. All her work is precious to me and they are the only things I have of a relative who actually made things themselves. I had over 50 pieces of her work and I called this guy crying and sobbing about those boxes and pleading for their return. He drove by our old house and left them on the side of the road. He is a friend of a friend of DH's and I still see him and I know he stole the rest of our stuff, including some of my grandma's ceramics because he didn't return all of them. I have a little over 30 of them though and all of my favorites.

    Oh, and both Elle and Ky are argumentative. I tell them not to be so contrary. When it is about something that is obvious, I will remind them that I have no reason to lie to them and they shouldn't be so contrary about something so common. Also that one should save their arguments for something worth arguing over. Ky was never as bad as Elle is and he is easier to get to stop arguing since he is older and has good reasoning capabilities. Also I can tell him to go look something up to get him to stop.

    Erin

  17. #27047

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    Aw Chrissy, I think of you guys in therapy a lot too
    I would just block Rich from seeing your fb, personally.

    Thanks for the advice on the arguing--I do let it get to me sometimes though. It's exhausting to live with someone who argues with you all the time.

  18. #27048
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    Aw Erin, that made me so sad about you losing your grandmother's handmade things, especially when it sounds like you were already about as down and out as a person could be.

    Kate, I think that's why I let the small stuff just slide by, because it takes too much energy to try and convince him otherwise! I'm lazy. He's not as bad as Syd was. I think she's always been my biggest arguer. Maybe she'll grow up to be a lawyer? Josh too!

    I just might block him from my fb. I think we'll have 1 more go round about this and if he doesn't shape up, I'm un-friending him.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #27049
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    Chrissy, you can just create lists and post to them to keep him from seeing stuff. It might cause less hard feelings that way.

    Jet lag is kicking butt. Kid fell asleep at 7:30 last night, but has been up since 2:00 in the morning. I have a feeling she'll want to sleep forever in the afternoon like she did yesterday, and as much as I hate to, I'll just have to wake her up at a more reasonable time.

  20. #27050
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    Suja, I know that feeling of jet lag all too well; the sooner you can get everyone back on their regular sleep schedule, the better; it can really drag itself out and make you miserable. I always give the kids the first day back to rest as much as possible and by the second day, I'm still OK with them sleeping a little bit at odd hours but by the 3rd day, we try our best to stay awake til bedtime.

    Travis can be very argumentative. When he's in that mood, I do like someone else has already mentioned and just ignore him. Sometimes, I argue back if I'm in the mood for an argument and usually end up saying to him in a very Southern accent, "boy-child, you better get on now." LOL.

    Chrissy, sorry Rich is smothering you on FB again...I hope he sorts himself out this time for you.

  21. #27051
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Chrissy, you can just create lists and post to them to keep him from seeing stuff. It might cause less hard feelings that way.
    I have been, but that doesn't stop him from posting love notes on my wall and commenting on all my pictures 2-3 times each. It's really making me feel uncomfortable. And I'm also worried about him grilling me about my therapy appointments.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #27052

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    DH asks me about my therapy appts. but only because he's curious if I had any breakthroughs or discussed anything he might want to benefit from, too.

    I guess I'll try ignoring him if he wants to argue about silly things. I do think he'll grow up to be a politician or something or maybe an engineer. He loves to build things. My dad got him a rather serious engineering kit where you learn about levers and pulleys, and how to make toy cars that go when you pull back on them and I thought he'd be bored to death but he liked it.

  23. #27053
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    Rich was upset that I wanted to do individual therapy alone. And then the questions he was asking last night...I dunno. It was more than idle curiosity. I'm sure he cares, but it was too much.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #27054
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I guess I'll try ignoring him if he wants to argue about silly things. I do think he'll grow up to be a politician or something or maybe an engineer. He loves to build things. My dad got him a rather serious engineering kit where you learn about levers and pulleys, and how to make toy cars that go when you pull back on them and I thought he'd be bored to death but he liked it.
    That's really cool.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #27055

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    Does Rich want to do therapy with you in the hopes that you'll stay?

    I have to take Josh to school and then I have my own therapy appt.

  26. #27056
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Does Rich want to do therapy with you in the hopes that you'll stay?

    I have to take Josh to school and then I have my own therapy appt.
    Probably. I think he probably just wants to 'fix' it but he's smothering me in his attempt to do so.

    I have you have a good session.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #27057
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    Chrissy, maybe he will benefit from being told that directly (but kindly). That you understand that he has good intentions, but he is putting too much pressure on you, and needs to give you space, and that you'd talk to him when you're ready.

  28. #27058
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Chrissy, maybe he will benefit from being told that directly (but kindly). That you understand that he has good intentions, but he is putting too much pressure on you, and needs to give you space, and that you'd talk to him when you're ready.
    This will be the 3rd or 4th time we've had this discussion. He'll cooperate for a few days, but if I laugh at something he says or am 'nice' in general he starts with the hounding again. It's not just fb either, but that's a whole other thing.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #27059

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    If it's ok, I'd like to add a new acronym to our Secular Confessions lexicon:

    SCUBJIA - "still catching up but jumping in anyway", for times like now when I've been away for less than a week, and it'll take me just as long to read the pages that I missed in my absence, but I'd still like to chime in and say hello. I always feel self-conscious when I'm SCUBJIA that it may seem like I'm ignoring something important because I hadn't read it yet.

    So, because I'm SCUBJIA, please pardon my LIFO (last in, first out) responses to just stuff on this page:

    Suja... welcome back! I hope the jetlag subsides after some walks in the sunshine.

    Molly, beautiful bread! I would love to make everything homemade. We got a breadmaker for our wedding and I still haven't used it. I just made a big pot of lentil soup last night, froze half of it, refrigerated another quarter of it, and am eating the rest of it throughout the day. DH is getting on board the homemade train too. For his bday, I gave him a copy of the audiobook for "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan, and he is now making dramatic changes to the way he eats. He was not a salad person when I met him, and now he's making these beautiful salads. I have started sprouting seeds again on my windowsill which DH will eat, so many that I think I'm going to build a little sprout shelf. And with all the hemming and hawing he did about my breastfeeding Bodhi, DH's quite adamantly pro boobs now. It's nice that books will sometimes

    BTW, if anyone wants to borrow a digital version of the book from me, please let me know, and I'll arrange to get it to you. Even if you don't find the book enlightening, it's at least interesting (although the narrator's voice is uber-annoying.)

    Bridget, I soooo wish your daycare were in my backyard. Not only because you would be affordable (you're worth triple what you charge), but because I would feel so good about leaving Bodhi in the care of such an excellent mama. Sorry that DBF is selling his family items to pay taxes this year. I hope that the things aren't of too great a sentimental value.

    Chrissy, I hope Rich figures out how to give you what you need. It's sad to hear he's trying, but getting it hopelessly wrong. I do quite enjoy therapy - I have to confess. Probably because I'm self-absorbed and get to talk about myself for 50 minutes. But in all seriousness, I hope the session went well. And perhaps Rich would benefit from some individual counseling too.

    Kate, we are feeling very stalled on the potty training here. I imagine it'll feel like this for awhile. Do you think it happens often enough that it'd help to put him in diapers again? I heard from a few moms who put their little ones in diapers *over* their underpants, so the kids would still feel the wetness and react to it/learn from it, but the diapers would prevent messy accidents. Just a thought.

    Ash, on the extreme hunger thing. I get that way (my orange hungry monster) but it's definitely linked to my menstrual cycle. I have read several things that suggest that changing what you eat will help with hunger. For example, if your body thinks it's deficient in a particular nutrient, it'll tell you to keep eating until it gets it. Stuff like that.

    Erin, I was happy to read that your DH has had an attitude improvement in recent months. I can definitely relate to that. My DH was very poopy about a lot of things when it came to having a new little person in our life. It actually feels like we're all hitting our stride again. And we want to have another one? Oh boy.

    Speaking of which, Molly, how are you feeling, mama? I would love to have you babymoon here in Cali. Any chance you want to join us in Puerto Rico in late Feb for your babymoon? We'll have room for you. The place we're renting is on the beach and has a baby pool and a playground. Anyone here is invited, truly. I'm just singling Molly out because she mentioned a meetup.

  30. #27060

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    The session was good. I cried.
    I though of you guys when I told her that some mothers had told me I need to not take his behavior personally and that I don't know how to do that. She basically said he's not actively trying to hurt my feelings and that it's narcissistic to think about how his behaviors are affecting me. So I guess I have to figure out how to detach my feelings from this person who means everything to me and who I feel is a reflection of myself and my parenting, which I suppose is narcissistic too.

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