Maybe doing IUI would take off the pressure and miscommunication?
Maybe doing IUI would take off the pressure and miscommunication?
I didn't party this weekend either. I just don't get on the computer as much.
Mine consisted of running errands, working with the dogs, and DH's Legos. He got the set on Friday that is his xmas present. Except that this set of over 2k pieces has a whole bag missing. He was able to put together the second section but the first part we are waiting for the pieces to be sent...from Denmark so it takes like 10 business days. When I called Lego, they said that set had a known issue of a group of them missing a bag of pieces. Hopefully the ones we noticed missing for sure are in that bag.
Yesterday was football and our Packers lost...no more perfect season for them.
Nice weekend but always too short. I need a 3 day one.
Ladies, I need some advice.
My 20-year class reunion is in July. At the 15-year reunion, I had inquired about a classmate of mine; one of the guys said rather dismissively, "Oh, he's gay," as if that was meant to answer my question and end the topic. Since then, several more classmates have come out, and a large number of our class are part of a FB group to plan our reunion.
I know that at least one girl (woman? That makes us sound old, ) is planning on attending with her wife. I feel like we need to discuss what happened at the 15-year reunion. Do we? Am I making more out of it than I should? Part of me wants to warn her (and the others). The guy that said it was surrounded by his "buddies," so it wasn't just one homophobic classmate, it was a group. This guy is obviously not involved in the planning (or on FB as far as I can tell), but some of his cronies are (and espouse their opinions frequently via status updates).
Just a little background: we went to school in a small, yet rather famous prison town in New York State. The attitudes there were (are?) fairly close-minded.
Last edited by Aelith; 12-19-2011 at 10:53 AM.
2/09 6/09 4/14
That really breaks my heart for Ky. It's one thing for you as an adult to deal with it. I can only imagine how hurtful it is to Ky. When your dh mentioned he thought he might be bipolar or something, did you suggest he see someone? I'd probably bring that up again. If that's the case, then he really can't help it. But having a mother with bipolar disorder I can say that doesn't really sound like a symptom of it (and I've read a lot about it through the years). Not saying I know everything though. At any rate, getting some kind of help couldn't hurt.
I really don't believe he is bi-polar at all. My older 2 nephew's grandmother (sounds crazy I know) is bi-polar and she is a nice lady but it is quite different than DH. He doesn't really have any symptoms of bi-polar disorder. I just think he is an a$$ sometimes, that is all. Also like I said he is way better than he used to be and he is very good at not being an a$$ when he doesn't want to be. He is just controlling in a way. But I did suggest to him to see someone if he is concerned about his mental health and I even called and made him an appointment with someone. He cancelled it and said he didn't think anything was wrong with him after he looked up symptoms for bi-polar. He still thinks he may have ADHD though, but I don't think so with that either. He is a very focused person and follows through with anything that he sets out to accomplish. He also pays attention to things very well and doesn't have any symptoms of that either. Just a butthead, that's all.
He really should have kept the appointment, ultimately what could it hurt??
Honestly I think it just sounds like he has a lack of self control It's not fair that the rest of you (especially poor Ky ) have to suffer because he can't control his a$$-holish moments.
Forgot to shake my booty over your TERRIFIC grades Christina!!!!
We need a shaking booty smiley or something!!
Congrats to you and that is so great. I hope you are proud of your accomplishment! And don't listen to those a-holes who may be trying to put your down. Some people will b!tch about everything anyway.
Wanted to mention that I am drinking this dark hot chocolate from Caribou Coffee and it is just DIVINE!!! I think I am getting some sort of chocolate high off of it. It is sooooo good!
Hi ladies! Have only about 7 min to respond, and am going to work backwards with my response, so this will be a L.I.F.O. reply (last in, first out)...
Erin, I think you should go ahead and encourage your DH to seek professional help for whatever he thinks he needs it for with his self-dx. If anything, it might help to get him set up with regular therapy sessions, and I think some quality time spent in self-reflection can only help with a person's self-improvement.
Aelith, do you think anyone is in danger of coming to physical harm at the reunion? How about bullying/gay baiting? I think if you think any of those things are a possibility, then I would say something to them. Ugh, man. People are so stupid.
Christina, congrats on your grades and I agree with Chrissy. You should feel assured that you're following in her footsteps to provide for her family. Time spent away from Nolan is well-spent, addding up to you being able to do more & provide more for him.
And jumping around a bit... L, I had a wonderful time with you and the twins last Saturday. Beautiful day that day! I adore them, and I love the way that Pony kissed Bodhi's boo-boos when he tumbled from running downhill. I'll post the few photos I have of them playing in the stream. Super cute.
Thanks ladies for the advice.
I don't think there's any physical danger, but emotional - yes. Snubbing, comments, etc. Small town people can be ridiculous.
Erin, your DH sounds an awful lot like mine. I usually take the bait. I'm going to have to try your method of ignoring/not engaging and see if that helps. I hate it and when he acts like that it makes me think ill of him and our marriage.
2/09 6/09 4/14
Yes the ignoring works very well on DH also using my sarcastic humor, which he doesn't like but it gets him to stop being so immature. I feel like I always have to be on my A-game though in this respect, like I am a constant comedian of sorts. Luckily though DH is a very good listener and he does listen to me when I am upset, even if I curse him out when I am sick. He will eventually come to me after not talking to me for a few days and apologize and be nice for a little while until he starts is up again.
It took a long time for me to be able to handle his behavior. I really had to calm myself down and basically just view him as a person who doesn't know any better. He still frequently tries to get me to argue with him, he'll give me the bug eyed look and hold his hands up like he is waiting for me to say whatever it is he wants me to say to continue the argument. I'll just say, "you know I'm not going to argue with you." And he will either try to get me to continue to argue (usually about the way I said something when I was telling him about my day, so something totally not worth arguing about) or he will leave because I am ignoring him. The main thing I did to get him to improve his behavior though is to stop caring about his reaction. If he leaves, I now do not care. If he gives me silent treatment, I don't care. I will still be my nice self as well to him and will continue to be until he decides to come around, but not giving a crap is really freeing for me and I think he now sees he doesn't get a reaction out of me like he used to so he has really changed his behavior drastically in the past 2 years or so. I just want him to continue the trend and it seems like he is going backwards the past few months.
Finished work early today and now I'm off for two weeks!!!! Yay!!!! (sorry if I'm a little excited there...)
I'm really sorry about your DH issues. It's too bad the ignore tactic stopped working, but I do have to wonder if maybe you being sick isn't tied in with it somehow. It's very hard to deal with someone who is overly critical.
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Erin! I really cannot believe how similar your dh is to my dbf. And oddly enough, we've been getting along much better since I have pretty much taken your advice and applied it to my relationship with him. I was recently telling some friends that I had a friend who gave me the advice to basically not give a sh!t and it's working so well. You will probably laugh to know that sometimes when I am at my boiling point I think to myself what you would be doing in that situation and it helps me to remain calm.`
Lydia and Myles, I cannot wait to see pics.
Ack! I wanted to write more Sawyer keeps coming over and banging on my keyboard. That's his way of asking me very kindly to get of my computer
I have a question to pose to you guys...when your children are being pains in the butt, how do you not take it personally? I mean how do you cope? How do I not take it personally when he is definitely aiming his anger/frustration/whatever right at me?
And how do you feel about children's abilities to manipulate? How do you know when they are just trying to get their way and when something more complex is going on? DH is convinced that Josh just does everything to get his way. We don't give in a lot, but I don't believe in being as strict as DH wants to be. What kind of rules do you guys have about eating the whole thing at meal time, doing things the way we would like them done vs. "just being a kid" and doing it his way, etc.
Does this make any sense? I feel like I don't know which battles to pick anymore.
I think sometimes with kids you just have to rely on your knowledge of the kid and differences between one situation and the next. Sometimes it's hard.
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Kate that really is so hard. The whole eating thing is a struggle here too. What I have found to be the most effective is sort of like Erin's tactics with her dh. I don't give sh!t if you eat or not!! lol. I am so kidding but kind of not. They come to the table and if they say anything rude about it then they have to leave the kitchen and walk back in fresh. They can say, "I don't care for that" or "No thank you." I always try to put at least one or two things out that I know they will eat. But they don't have to finish. And if they don't want to eat at all I make sure to let them know that this is dinner and when it's done it's done.
I also understand the not taking it personally. I have been struggling with this since Savana started school since she is doing all sorts of things that I tried to get her to do here that she fought me tooth and nail on and she does totally willingly for her teachers. I just keep reminding myself what they say about children behaving the craziest for the people they trust the most.
What sort of things is he doing that you find manipulating? Something that helps me is if I step back and ask myself why I want something a certain way. Is it purely a matter my wants over hers or is it a safety/health issue? I've learned a lot this year about myself and my parenting and the majority of that learning involved letting go of the picture of what I wanted to happen and just rolling with the punches.
Basically, my point is that the less you appear to care about what he eats, the less of an issue it will be. And the part about them 'acting up' for the ones they trust the most is absolutely true. They're pushing their limits with us because boundaries make them feel secure. And if they're having a bad day, they know they can be 'ugly' for us and we'll still love them too.
I don't take any of it personally because they're developing children. Maybe reading some human development books would help? I know that's helped me deal with all humans, regardless of their age. We all go through phases in our life, and it brings out varying behaviors.
Thank you for your support ladies, it really means alot to me
I keep questioning my decision and it doesn't help to have people in my ear constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong
Do you ladies have a FB group?? I have a hard time keeping up in here!
I've read a lot of the posts but you ladies are quick and I'm still adjusting to the new bright white forum.
Christina, congrats on the grades! That's the closest I can get to Erin's booty-shaking emoticon.
Chrissy, I hope you keep having more good days this week.
Myles and Lydia: Pics of the meetup? And I'm jealous!
As far as eating, it is literally the *one* problem we have with Abbey's behavior (yes, we're very lucky). Dinnertime just sucks the joy our of my day more often than not. My MIL, who has grown very laid back with age, suggested we just let her eat in front of the TV and offer only healthy food, since she eats better watching TV. In principal I disagree with teaching her to eat in front of the TV but I have a really hard time with the spitting out of food onto the floor, constant playing with food, jumping up and knocking over chairs. I feel like I am constantly reprimanding her, and it's a horrible feeling. More than once I've had to leave the table because I started to feel sick. Weirdly, she does OK in restaurants or when eating with other kids, but dinners are horrible.
I'm of the opinion that if it works, run with it. She'll outgrow the stage of throwing food, etc (I don't know very many teenagers who do that ) and if sitting in front of the t.v. (while not ideal) causes you less stress and gets her to eat, great! Especially now with #2 on the way
The way I speak to DH about it is for him to try to remember being a little boy and what he thought about certain things in his boy life. Like deodorant or homework, which is another issue that DH thinks Ky is being manipulative about. He thinks Ky doesn't want to do homework even though Ky will beg me to stay up late and finish because he doesn't want to disappoint his teachers. I just try to point these things out to him and try to encourage him to get to know Ky better before making these judgements about him. DH is really a nice guy most of the time. He is very sweet when he wants to be. Ky is sweet all the time (even though he hates it when I say this) and he is a whole lot like DH in this respect. I try to point this out to DH as well. That he is just a boy and for him to stop demonizing him and think about the silly things he used to say and do. When DH does this he admits that he never wanted to not eat something just to get at his mom. He just didn't like cucumbers or her cooking. He thinks his mom is a horrible cook to this day LOL! Ky doesn't like tomatoes or onions or mushrooms or bell peppers so I don't make him eat them and when DH tries to get all upset about it I tell DH that if Ky needs to eat those things, then we need to go and get some cucumbers and watermelon (DH is a freak who doesn't like watermelon) for him to eat. He usually changes his tune and really he rarely says anything about Ky not eating something now or Elle. He just says what I say. "That's alright, that leaves more for me to eat!"
Oh, Kate forgot to mention that nothing my kids do gets to me personally. They are still very young kids and don't really have the capacity IMO to be vengeful or manipulative or any other negative characteristics. They can say whatever they want about me or do whatever and I just let it slide right off of my back. I love them. That is that. If they have a tantrum or scream or yell or throw things or break windows or destroy expensive items in my house, I will still love them. I try to stay grounded in that. Because of that I rarely even raise my voice to them. And I have found that the more calm I am in my response, the less likely that the child will have a severe melt down.
I admit that as Ky is getting older, he is really working my nerves. But I just remember I love him and I want the best for him. The best for him is for me to not be a crazy psycho fire breathing witch over the normal rebellious, talking back stuff that he will and currently is doing at times. I also make it a point to be very swift with my response to this sort of behavior and I will dismiss either child from my presence immediately when they are disrespectful especially.
Elle has started to scream at me and stomp her foot at times. I just look at her. It is pretty funny but I don't laugh. And I tell her that I never scream at her or stomp my feet so she needs to go to her room until she is ready to apologize.
Ky is getting a smart mouth and I am similar to him. I also let him know that I am the mom and I am in control of a lot of aspects of his life right now. That I do my best to make sure he is happy. That I think of his feelings with all our interactions and I would appreciate it if he did the same for me. He always apologizes after these sorts of discussions and really just me speaking to him about how he hurt my feelings when he said or did whatever he said or did, usually makes him tear up. He is really sensitive though. But I am really no nonsense about regular kid stuff. They will scream and yell and tantrum and talk back and do things that drive me crazy but I love them and I will continue to love them and I make sure to speak to them in a regular tone of voice about how much I love and respect them and I hope they will treat me and others the same way. They usually do.