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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #26401
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    Good luck Katy!! I'm sure it will be exhausting, yet rewarding at the same time. I'm so proud of you!!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #26402

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Myles. I lost my temper tonight too...on Sydney no less. And over whether or not I'd pick up a friend to go to their friend's funeral. oh god do I suck. I just wasn't thinking and I snapped at her when she asked if I could pick so-and-so up on Monday, and I didn't even recall what we were doing Monday. My poor girl. I can say I'm sorry and try to explain that I'm under a lot of stress and simply reacted without being aware of what I was saying, but she's going to remember that for life. Stuff like that sticks.

    On a happy note (?) I was able to go to my room and have an all-out cry for at least 30 minutes, complete with sobbing and hiccups. I'm not sure I feel better though.

    2/09 6/09 4/14

  3. #26403

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    Katy, whatever happened to that art show where your ad was featured next to the explicit artwork's ad in the brochure?

  4. #26404
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    Good luck, Katy! I hope you do really well at the shows!

    Suja, I'm glad you're having a good time with the family; my parents spoil my 2 rotten when we visit them but it's not too bad when we get home. Travis just talks about how much his grammaw and pappaw give him nice cookies and that he misses them.

    Speaking of missing folk, I just had the biggest wave of homesickness hit and I cried my eyes out for a little bit. I think it was the combination of seeing a picture frame today that said "Sisters" on it and then had a place for a picture that said "then" and one for "now." And then Travis got on the phone to my dad this evening and kept saying to him, "I really wish you'd come to our house, pappaw." *Sob.*

  5. #26405

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    Aww, hugs.

  6. #26406
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    Ashley I'm sorry. It must be so rough at times.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #26407

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    Ash, it must be hard sometimes to be so far away from where you grew up.

    Kate - that show was before Thanksgiving. It was fine, went well, made some sales. No big deal.

    I'm hoppin' mad right now. A girl who is the wife of a friend of mine said she wanted to work my booth for trade so I scheduled her for about 30 hours over two weeks which she okayed a month ago. They called Friday to ask if I had any credit card slips (old-style) because they were in a bind. I did and said they could get them today at my art fair. She comes by, give me a hug, grabs the slips and says "Oh, and I can't work anything before the 18th of December" But I sent the schedule to you and you said it all looked great!? "Yeah, I know, but I can't work anything before the 18th. Bye!" And off she runs. I am now looking at working at least one 14 hour day because she completely flaked. And I am so mad and annoyed and don't trust her anymore and don't really want her to work any more days for me, not least of which because I will have to train her which will be difficult because I will be strangling her at the same time because I am so mad. I really think that I am just going to work two 14 hour days and have no day off just because I don't want to deal with her at all. I am not even making sense now, I know, but I just have to vent.

    I should just go to bed. The fair today was okay but nothing special. Tomorrow I hope I will do better.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #26408

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    I'm so sorry, that's really unfair.
    Good luck tomorrow!

  9. #26409
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    Katy, what you said made perfect sense and I'd be furious too. You made me smile when you said you'd be strangling her while training her. I'm so sorry. I really wish we lived closer because I'd do it for you! I might be flaky online, but not so much when it's work related stuff or commitments to friends. Do you have anyone else you can ask?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #26410
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    Katy, I'd be so mad! I'm sorry she flaked on you.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #26411
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    Oh, I'd be so angry, too, Katy! I think you're within your rights to tell her that you don't need her help anymore. Or if she does come to help, tell her how much her absence affected you.

  12. #26412

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    Katy, I hate flakes more than just about anything. But the worst kind is the unapologetic kind, when they don't acknowledge how they've just made your life difficult. I normally would say to kick her to the curb (kerb, Ash?) but I know how much you need her help right now. Hugs to you!!! If you can line up replacement help so you can cancel the trade, then go for it.

    I have friends - previously good friends - who are flakes. Not the "I'm a mom, so I'll always be an hour late" type, which at my most mommy-brained, I know I was. But the kinds who ask if they can stay over at your place and you blow up the airbed for them, wait up til 2am, and they never show up at all and don't call. Add to that category the ones who refuse to make a firm plan with you, keeping you hanging a whole afternoon while they decide if they have nothing better to do. Kind of makes you back away. One mom I met asked me to come over a week in advance for our first get-together, and I agreed. Then on the day of, I contact her to confirm plans after I'd already moved a meeting to keep the playdate, only to find out she'd made other plans with someone else just that morning. She asked me if she could take a raincheck, as if I'd been the one who'd issued the invitation to begin with. You can imagine how I've pretty much refused every overture of friendship she's made since then. If she'd apologized for wasting a slot on my "calendar" I might be less grumpy about it. I do realize it's partly a lifestyle difference - I work and thus need to plan. She's a SAHM and can play fast and loose with her time. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that she assumed my time was as unstructured and free-flowing as hers. But then why schedule a week in advance? (P.S. Kate, I'm still so sorry for canceling our New Bedford Zoo plans on the same day!)

    While I'm venting about pet peeves, I will also say that I dislike when something I say gets misinterpreted. Add to that when someone misinterprets my words in a way that shows they assumed something unflattering about me (like assuming I made a dumb mistake or missing that my arrogant quip was a joke), and it totally makes me want to put a little more distance between us or less inclined to build a friendship.

    In truth, I make genuine new friendships IRL about once only every few years, and those ones stick. There are lots of false starts, it seems. Not that I'm complaining. That seems like a pretty good rate for acquiring lifelong friends.

    Chrissy, thanks for the empathy earlier on about losing my temper. I'm sorry you had a similar thing happen.

    Erin, I've been on my phone, away from laptop (hence any typos in this post), so I'm still looking forward to seeing ky's robotics video next chance I get.
    Last edited by demigraf; 12-11-2011 at 05:07 AM.

  13. #26413

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    Ok - real confession time. You know that strip club blog from my other thread? How I mentioned another site that is talking about the blog? I confess the other site is my ex's relationship advice blog. This is the same one that writes about me in his books as though I'm a cautionary tale. I hate how his recollection of our relationship is so off and un-nuanced.

    This is the same guy I used to argue about strip clubs and Playboy with. It sucked that his vigorous defense of them made me seem way more anti- than I really am. Anyway, I visit his blog maybe 3-4 times a year when I'm killing time and feeling morbidly curious. (In my defense, I do still learn stuff that helps my own marriage from him sometimes.) I read just two recent blog entries this time and found myself mentioned again in each. In one, I was the ex- who was so notoriously critical of him that his next gf abruptly dumped him rather than share her critical thoughts about him as they were forming... lest she touch a raw nerve stemming from his time with me. I was also mentioned in the strip club entry, characterized as mainly just insecure. You know, I had (and still have of course) my insecurities. Who doesn't? And this poor guy probably got the brunt of them, given the two bad relationships I'd had prior to him. I did say some mean things to him. But I still get really irritated when I read him explaining away our complex relationship failures with my insecurities. He still doesn't see why I ultimately ended things. His idea of fun was never the same as mine. His priorities were so incredibly different from mine. Not that it matters anymore. I guess I should just accept that he'll tell himself whatever version of events he needs to make himself feel better about our painful breakup. Serves me right for peeking into his life anyway, eh?

  14. #26414

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Ok - real confession time. You know that strip club blog from my other thread? How I mentioned another site that is talking about the blog? I confess the other site is my ex's relationship advice blog. This is the same one that writes about me in his books as though I'm a cautionary tale. I hate how his recollection of our relationship is so off and un-nuanced.

    This is the same guy I used to argue about strip clubs and Playboy with. It sucked that his vigorous defense of them made me seem way more anti- than I really am. Anyway, I visit his blog maybe 3-4 times a year when I'm killing time and feeling morbidly curious. (In my defense, I do still learn stuff that helps my own marriage from him sometimes.) I read just two recent blog entries this time and found myself mentioned again in each. In one, I was the ex- who was so notoriously critical of him that his next gf abruptly dumped him rather than share her critical thoughts about him as they were forming... lest she touch a raw nerve stemming from his time with me. I was also mentioned in the strip club entry, characterized as mainly just insecure. You know, I had (and still have of course) my insecurities. Who doesn't? And this poor guy probably got the brunt of them, given the two bad relationships I'd had prior to him. I did say some mean things to him. But I still get really irritated when I read him explaining away our complex relationship failures with my insecurities. He still doesn't see why I ultimately ended things. His idea of fun was never the same as mine. His priorities were so incredibly different from mine. Not that it matters anymore. I guess I should just accept that he'll tell himself whatever version of events he needs to make himself feel better about our painful breakup. Serves me right for peeking into his life anyway, eh?
    Remember how someone here mentioned how much it sucks when an a$$hole tries to play off an insulting comment with "can't you take a joke?"

    In my mind, men who say women are "insecure" because they don't want their SOs going to strip clubs are on the same level. Trying to justify how they somehow shouldn't care how their behavior affects other people.

    And that guy should be giving you a commission with all you taught him, lol.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  15. #26415

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    Ashley, I'm sorry about the homesickness. I've often wondered about how you cope when you miss people or even just things from back here. I was friends with a lady who moved abroad and once she started crying over missing a certain grocery store product.

    Katy, I can't believe your friend was so cavalier about flaking. That would have irked me more than anything, to not even acknowledge the difficult position she put you in.

    ETA: I watched the robotics video and it was awesome! I would be so proud, Erin.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  16. #26416

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    Myles, don't even worry about it. We're only a couple miles from the zoo so if you'd canceled while we were already there waiting for you, even that wouldn't have cramped our style too much.

  17. #26417
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I guess I should just accept that he'll tell himself whatever version of events he needs to make himself feel better about our painful breakup.
    There are those that will never participate in any kind of inner reflection and learn about their own faults or weaknesses. He sounds like that kind. He'll always be blaming the woman he's with for any issue that comes up. I'd even go so far as he has grandiose ideas about himself. In his mind, he's just perfect. Blech.

    I am curious, if he's wrong about so much that he blogs about, how can you find anything he writes as helpful to your current marriage? I think I'd question everything he says/writes.

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    Remember how someone here mentioned how much it sucks when an a$$hole tries to play off an insulting comment with "can't you take a joke?"

    In my mind, men who say women are "insecure" because they don't want their SOs going to strip clubs are on the same level. Trying to justify how they somehow shouldn't care how their behavior affects other people.

    And that guy should be giving you a commission with all you taught him, lol.
    Can I take you to work with me? I don't know if anyone else posted about it, but historically that's been one of my biggest issues with my boss. He was casting aspersions all day long for months on end, and whenever I'd call him on it he'd say, "I thought you could handle it" or "I was just kidding" Basically insinuating I couldn't take a joke.

    This is another area where I really think I've screwed up big-time. I started applying for other jobs a year ago because it was so bad. In late July/early August of this year, things came to a head and I ended up yelling at him on the phone. He was suddenly sweet and nice and we had a number of good conversations...both in the office and via email on nights and weekends. At that time I was finally offered another job. Stupid me thought things were going to be different/better so I declined that job. There were other reasons (personal) too, but that was a big reason. He even said, "I'm glad you didn't go" a number of times after I decided to stay.

    Now, fast forward 4 months and the sh!t is starting again. I totally blame myself. What's funny is when he started being sweet and nice, I told him he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so that I'd stay. He denied it. He's such a liar.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #26418

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    LOL about the commission, Molly!

    Good question, Chrissy. I think this ex- is a sharp and funny writer, so firstly, he entertains and helps me keep my sense of humor about my relationship. He may have tunnel vision about himself, but I can often see his logic. He often talks about new research that comes out on human mating behavior. As for what I learn from him, he shares a lot of reasons to be more patient with and empathetic to my DH, so I think any ounce of that is good for my marriage.I'll PM you a link to his site so you'll have a better idea of what I'm talking about.

    Ash, sorry I missed part about you being homesick. It mist be so hard. DH has started Skyping his family. Can you do that once in awhile with them?

  19. #26419

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    dp

  20. #26420
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    Thanks for the love, y'all. Homesickness comes and goes in waves and after a good cry and blubbering my heart out to my hubby, all is well. It is the little things in life that sometimes I miss like food, but a lot of times the good cries are the ones where I'm missing my parents. They don't have a clue how to use a computer, so there's no way they'll ever Skype, which makes me sad that it seems like they won't even try for our sake to learn. But I'm good today. I found Reeses Buttercups at a garden centre yesterday and that made my day. LOL.

  21. #26421
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    I found Reeses Buttercups at a garden centre yesterday and that made my day. LOL.
    Yay!! Have you considered buying them something simple to use? Maybe an iPad or something like that. If you (or someone) installs the Skype and configures it, the only thing they'd need to learn is how to double click the icon. If I can talk my mother through starting a chat in Yahoo messenger over the phone, surely someone can help your parents out.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #26422

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    I'm home from my weekend visiting my aunt's and uncles I hadn't seen since my mom's funeral. Also attended breakfast with Santa at the church and it went off without a hitch. Phew.

    Just catching up now with all I missed.
    Katy, some people are so self absorbed they don't even stop to think how their actions affect others. It's a huge character flaw to me and one I'm not inclined to overlook.

    Myles. I'm sorry you lost your temper. It happens. I just banished Savana and Kai to the front yard because I really could not stand it any longer. The yelling and fighting was making me sweaty.

    Erin, I'm kicking myself right now for being on the computer instead of cleaning my kitchen so I'm going to watch Ky's video the next time I'm nursing Sawyer.

    You know what I hate along with "can't you take joke" and the accusations of insecurity. Dbf always says, "Why are you being so defensive?"
    Um...because you are saying things that make me feel like I need to defend myself!!

    Off to clean my kitchen.

  23. #26423
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    I'm glad the Santa at the Church thing we well!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #26424

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Good luck Katy!! I'm sure it will be exhausting, yet rewarding at the same time. I'm so proud of you!!!
    Oh, and thank you!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  25. #26425

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    So sorry about your flaky friend Katy. That blow!!! I also hate flakes and will make sure they go on my flake list and never ask them for anything else I really need to get done unless there is no one else to ask. I hope you can find someone else on such short notice.

    Hugs to you Ash about your homesickness. I miss my family a lot too but am not so far as you are and if needed I can hop on a flight with the kids for a quick visit and visit the fam until they get on my nerves. That is so sweet that Travis wants them to come visit at his house.

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    ETA: I watched the robotics video and it was awesome! I would be so proud, Erin.
    I was very proud. They all did such a great job at the competition too! I was extra impressed that Ky did not cry at all. He gets very upset when he doesn't win or get things right and usually will cry an angry cry. We made sure to tell them all that they did a great job. They got 16th place out of 42 teams and this was their first competition so it was way better than we as coaches/parents thought they would do. Ky is already planning on what he wants the robot to look like next year. Which makes me sad because we may be moving and he won't get to be on the team next year. I was also happy that on the survey when asked what he learned about most throughout the FLL experience his response was "teamwork." He has had issues being on a team and really did learn to work better with others because of this experience.

    Glad to hear you had a good visit Bridget! And if it helps I am very defensive too when people, especially DH try to question my motives or why I am doing something. DH no longer comments about my defensiveness since I readily admit that I get defensive, especially with him because he likes to be critical of everything so he should get used to my defensiveness if he is going to remain critical.

    Forgot to wish Suja well on your visit!! Glad to hear it is off to a great start!

    Boo to your obnoxious boss Chrissy! Too bad he can't be pleasant at least for a year after you were going to leave. Maybe if you tell him you are looking for work again he will start to behave again.

    On another note, I am getting sick of DH asking me crap about our rental and his job history. The fire department application says they need to know practically everything about his life since he was 18 years old - roommates, jobs (dates, position, supervisor names, why he was fired, etc.), and residences. He is getting on my nerves asking me about everything. Then he got mad when I told him he was taking it too seriously. I mean, who expects people to know where their roommates live now that they lived with in college twenty years ago??

    Erin

  26. #26426
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    On another note, I am getting sick of DH asking me crap about our rental and his job history. The fire department application says they need to know practically everything about his life since he was 18 years old - roommates, jobs (dates, position, supervisor names, why he was fired, etc.), and residences. He is getting on my nerves asking me about everything. Then he got mad when I told him he was taking it too seriously. I mean, who expects people to know where their roommates live now that they lived with in college twenty years ago??

    Erin
    That makes me crazy too Erin. I can't count how many times through the years I've made resumes for Rich. Why they keep getting lost, I'll never know. My backup system for my home computers is a mess obviously, but I shouldn't be the one trying to remember that stuff for him. Or keeping track of it, for that matter. I give him 10 resumes at a time. You'd think he'd keep one. Of course, it's been a looonnnngggg time since he's filled out a job app, but when we were applying for a mortgage in the spring, they asked for a lot of the same info and he knew none of it.

    Last night he asked me if he should keep his mustache or not. I instantly felt intense anger inside...why is it up to me? Can he not make a single decision himself? I told him I don't care. The truth is, I prefer it when he has a neatly trimmed one (right now it's looking pretty 70's bushy!) but I'm not going to tell him that. I want him to do stuff for himself...not wait for me to tell him what to do. It's really getting to be a huge deal for me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #26427
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    DH went to work today I have NO idea what changed and was completely lost while DH was trying to explain it to me, but whatever! I guess there was some miscommunications! Layoff is coming soon, but not today-so one day at a time!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  28. #26428

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    for a brief reprieve! Hopefully it buys enough time to find something else.

    2/09 6/09 4/14

  29. #26429

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    Don't take this the wrong way, but your stories about DH's being financially irresponsible and clueless about how to fill out paperwork is making me feel better about DH.

  30. #26430
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    Chrissy sorry that the boss is being like that again! Maybe he doesn't realize it? Sometimes it easy to revert to certain behaviors without realizing it until someone points it out to you (DH did to me this weekend after he got tired of me picking on just about everything he was doing....and I honestly didn't realize that I was being so critical until he pointed it out and I apologized and said I would try to be better about that).
    Maybe Rich was just trying to get an idea of what you find most attractive? I know Tony keeps his facial hair the way he does mostly because that is my preference.


    I am so tired this morning. I woke up in the guest bed....and have no clue how I got there. My puppy was in her kennel in my room, Cosmo was on my bed, my covers were down, sound machine was on....everything was just right in there. Except I woke up in the other room. Kind of scary to sleep walk and be alone at night since DH works 3rd shift.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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