Secular Confessions

[demigraf]

That's so cute Erin!

We're thinking about getting a dog soon and we've been trying to prep Josh.

A new dog is exciting too, kate. Yay to that. Does Josh talk about wanting any particular kind of dog?

Which reminds me of another miscalculation I made as a mom last Saturday. I went to the park with B and our "little" dog, Lulu - the 55 pounder. Well, B asked if he could hold her leash, and I totally thought "let's see", not really thinking thru what it meant to have B trying to hold onto a dog that outweighs him by about 15 lbs. Well, Lulu saw a mini-Pin, and took off running after it while B tried to keep up. He didn't think to let go, and ended up getting dragged about 2 feet on a brick path in tears. It was heart breaking. I replayed it in my head, and realized I might have looked like a terrible mother, because instead of stopping right away to comfort B, I ran 10 feet ahead of him while he was still on the ground crying to check up on Lulu. I wanted to make sure she wasn't scaring another child or going after another dog. I was pretty sure B was going to be ok for those few extra seconds (there were moms I'd been talking to right behind us and I knew he was safe with them) while Lulu was the unknown factor in that situation. Amazingly, Bodhi didn't even end up with a scratch, but I know that was a scary and frustrating moment for him. Afterwards we did walk Lulu on her leash together to smooth out any hard feelings B may have had about the whole thing. The poor fella.

[missychrissy]

Can you believe we were even still writing checks? Who does that anymore?

I had to write a check during the flood and I barely knew how I'd actually forgotten that was an option!

Myles, I've done similar things as a mother that I later felt stupid about. One of them was when I pushed Jesi completely off the swing and she fell to the ground. Experience has taught me that we mothers feel the pain (emotional) way more than the kids do. And I know I for one hang on to it a lot longer than they did.

[Cosmosmom]

We still write checks for bills. Only thing that is automatic is the student loans (and only because they decrease the interest a bit for that) and the Roth IRA.

[missychrissy]

I don't have any that are automatic (got burned by that once and never again!) but I pay all my bills online.

[daylilies]

Well, we want to adopt a young dog. Like maybe a year old. I feel bad nobody wants older dogs because everyone wants puppies, and I figured if we got one that was already at least partially trained it would be easier.

Josh doesn't really care what kind of dog we get but I have an infatuation with German Shepherds. We've been looking at ones on petfinder that can be adopted locally. I have never had a dog, that is the only thing that worries me, but there's a Petco with classes right up the street and almost everyone on our street has a dog so I think I have a lot of places to turn to (not to mention the dog lovers here ).

We have thought about it, and we know we still have cats and that can be an issue but we want to get one while Josh is still young and the cats might live anywhere from not long at all to 8 years if they live to be much older cats. So we're making sure the dog we get is known to be good with cats and children. Most of the profiles on petfinder say whether they are or not. We all plan to go visit the dog first, of course.

We write checks! Josh's school takes checks. DH does everything else online.

[demigraf]

We still write checks too. Not for purchases or bills, but for rent and if I owe someone money. I still get a kick out of ordering checks and choosing my design.

[Bridget]

Ok, good. Not alone on the checks then. So, where do you order your checks from? My bank charges me $50 for a couple of boxes and that seems crazy to me. Can't you just order them from a check company?

I dragged my sewing machine back out of storage again. I put away shortly before Sawyer arrived. Not sure it even works but I am ready to start screwing up projects again.

[Bridget]

Oh yeah and I texted my brother to see if he was going to go to the breakfast with Santa thing with us at our nieces and nephew's church/school. He texted back, "Sorry, no private catholic schools for this homo." I love him!

[daylilies]

We haven't had to order checks in ages but I'm pretty sure there are a ton of places online you can order them cheap. I think we just order from our bank.

Your brother is too funny!

[Gwenn]

Oh, Myles, your story of Bodhi and Lulu made me think of the time DH found two pit bulls and I almost broke my nose as a result. Remind me to tell that story - right now I'm too lazy to type it out but it's one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me. But it's SO much funnier in person with visuals.

I'm sorry - I'm not trying to make light of what happened. I'm so glad B was okay.

I am actually amazingly dysfunctional when it comes to finances. I hide it well at work but when I go home I turn into a dysfunctional wreck. A dysfunctional, witchy wreck, Myles. It's amazing I survived over a year without DH. So there. There, you all have my deep, dark secret. ;)

My RE called today with the results of my thyroid check. My TSH is higher now than it was when he dx me and I began hormones - bizarre. He said it did sometimes fluctuate early in treatment. So likely it was the thyroid that either prevented O or caused an early loss, I suspect. He told me to double my dose of hormone and we'll recheck in a couple of months or immediately on pregnancy, whichever comes first. He made a point of saying that on the phone. I my RE.

Also - I was released from the physical therapist today! Woohoo! And I slid out of the passenger seat of DH's enormous 1-ton truck, which is an 18" or 24" drop I believe, all without pain in my knee. I my PT, too, but I'm thrilled to not have to see him again.

[3andMe]

Gwenn, all of that sounds very promising, except for the dysfunctional finances, which you've managed to compensate for. How often have you been getting your thyroid checked? That could explain a lot!

Mylah, we all have moments where we have to rationalize our priotizations to outsiders. I'm glad everyone was okay.

My Dad is coming up for a weekend visit on Friday and I'm stressing out about it. I realized that I'm going to be alone with him and my children when he gets here in the morning, and I started worrying about the very plausible scenario that he would be hanging out in the house with us and then find some reason to take one or two kids outside, maybe in the back yard, maybe out front to look at a tree or to have them blow bubbles or something, and then he'd just take off with the kids. Not for good, and not for a long time, but long enough for me to worry, and he's not familiar enough with their physical and cognitive abilities to keep them out of danger. If Baby S. was napping at that time, I'd be stuck in the house and wouldn't be able to go look for him and he might not answer his cell phone for a while.

You might think this sounds like a series of irrational and unfounded fears, but they are not. When I brought this up to my mom, she promptly agreed with me, and volunteered to come over and be my backup and babysit S. so I could go out with and/or shadow Dad with the twins. DH also agreed, and in the past we've made a pact to never leave him alone with them. He's just reckless and dismissive of our concerns and tries to make us feel overprotective and foolish if we ask him to reign it in.

For example, he put both babies up on the kitchen counters and left them standing there, unattended and elbowing each other when they were 2 years old. Or when we visited him once he asked us to meet him at an open-air chuckwagon restaurant. He was late, and took Tony with him to go get a plate of food on the other side of the grill. He didn't come back for a long time, and when I finally went to look for him, he was nowhere to be found. Nor was Tony. They weren't anywhere in the restaurant area, or the grassy field surrounding the restaurant, or the street outside the restaurant, or as far as I could tell, the rushing river on the other side of the fence. I called him on his cell phone. He didn't answer. I called again and again. For 15 minutes I called and looked for him, to the extent of my ability with my colicky 3-month-old and my other child there and the environmental hazards of the open flames of the restaurant and the river. DH was there too, and he was looking around as well. My dad meandered back, with Tony eating a soft serve ice cream cone, and scoffed at my accusatory tone when I said "I thought you were just going to get a plate of food, but you have been out of contact for much longer than reasonable!" He said they walked down the street, strolled into some shops, he sat my son on some motorcycles, chatted with some people, and browsed through a gift shop before getting the ice cream and coming back. He never did get the $40 plate of food I'd bought him. I think it was a diversionary technique.

If that was a one-time occurrence, then I would be inclined to think it was maybe a ministroke or a serious lapse in judgment, but he actually chooses every opportunity he can to take a child and run away. I don't think it's malicious, and I would bet he probably thinks he is trying to do us some good by making us realize that they won't die without us, but we already know that. We leave them with people we trust all the time. We just don't trust him, and we don't like that he does it all sneakily, without telling us, and won't respond when we yell after him or call him on his phone, and we know that he has no clue about what they can or can't do. They know, essentially, that they shouldn't go into the road and that they should watch for cars at this point, for example (thinking about him taking them away in my neighborhood). However, they could get engrossed in chasing a ball or each other or watching something and forget about that and run across a driveway with a car backing up or into the road without thinking. He would not know that he should warn them if they are not paying attention. He thinks that mistakes make the best teachers. All fine and good if you've had two children survive to adulthood, essentially unscathed. I think my mom did a great job protecting us from the worst of my dad's risk-taking behavior, although I remember having some pretty radical camping trips with him. Let's just say I ate the worm in a sweat lodge surrounded by a bunch of hairy naked men when I was 10 (no abuse occurred) before diving into the Rio Grande.

ETA: Obviously finances are not the only reason I didn't sleep last night. I guess I'm still holding a grudge for a lot of my dad's past transgressions, and I'm planning for the worst but hoping for the best for this coming weekend.

[Gwenn]

Oh, L, you have mentioned stories about your father before. I don't think you sound irrational at all and I would be very worried in your place. I hope your mother can help provide back-up for the situation.

I was supposed to have my thyroid re-checked at 6 weeks which would have been mid-October. That was just about the time DH left and, as I said, I'm a dysfunctional wreck with a phobia of needles, and with him gone I saw no reason to get it done. So this is my first re-check. I will re-check on schedule (so I say).

I may have mentioned that my mother was dx with hypothyroid two weeks before I was. I called tonight and asked her if hers was stable and what dosage she is on - she is taking 50mcg and is stable. The doctor had me on 25mcg and now is putting me on 50 - I'm hoping since the dosage works for Mom it will work for me (although we are completely different body types - she weighs a good 60lbs more than I do). So who knows.

[missychrissy]

L, I would be worried about the upcoming visit too. Even without the extra risk-taking behaviors he's exhibited in the past, I'd just be bent about him taking my kids without so much as a by-your-leave. Have you told him flat-out that their not his kids to raise?

I did that once to my mother-in-law years ago. Actually, I told her she ruined her kids her way and I was going to ruin mine my way, but it means the same thing. She was driving (without a license) with Bobbie in a car seat, but Bobbie wasn't strapped into the car seat and the car seat wasn't buckled into the car. She couldn't understand why I was so freaked out about it. I still get mad just thinking about it...and it was a similar scenario where we were all at one farm and she was supposed to be watching Bobbie while I milked cows (or something) and she just up and decided to take her to a neighboring farm. Without telling either Rich or me.

I will re-check on schedule (so I say).

You will.

I'm on day 2 of feeling like I could cry, but not being able to actually cry. It hit me out of the blue yesterday around 1 and hasn't really left. I also read some user's experience with Wellbutrin and while it all seems to be pretty positive (unless you get the psycho/manic side effect), some people claimed they didn't really feel better for 3 to 6 weeks. Ugh.

I have Attivan to take for anxiety, but now I'm afraid to take it because the dr said that those kinds of medications can make you feel lower. I probably have the lowest dose possible, but yet I'm paranoid so even if I do feel anxious I probably won't dare take one.

[daylilies]

L, I'm probably going to feel stupid after asking this, but who's Tony?

It sounds reasonable that you're not willing to leave your kids alone with your dad. I'm sorry it has to be that way

[missychrissy]

Kate, did you catch the Tony & Pony posts? Tony is R.

[missychrissy]

Erin, how far are you from where the 7 year old was sexually assaulted and murdered?

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/06/justic...ntent=My+Yahoo

[daylilies]

Kate, did you catch the Tony & Pony posts? Tony is R.

Haha, no, I must have missed that I'll have to go back later and find it. I did see someone mention it after the fact but I forgot to go find L's post about it.

[daylilies]

This morning when DH woke me up (one of us usually gets up with Josh first, today DH got up first) he told me the xbox had died. He waited in the online help queue for almost an hour and he had to go to work. He was trying to explain to me what had happened so I could take over and explain it to customer service. When DH explains things to me he gets this demeanor like he's talking to a very young child. He kind of takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and explains it to me very slowly. I find it very offensive and I said I wasn't going to help him if he was going to treat me like that. DH went off to work in a huff.

Yes I have a hard time visualizing and repeating problems to other people when I didn't see it happen but I'd appreciate being treated like an adult.

[missychrissy]

That is condescending and rude and I would have said the same thing to him. at him.

[Cosmosmom]

Ok, good. Not alone on the checks then. So, where do you order your checks from? My bank charges me $50 for a couple of boxes and that seems crazy to me. Can't you just order them from a check company?

I get mine from Checks Unlimited. I have these http://www.checksunlimited.com/Check....aspx?vpid=749 and yup we have the dog house cover. We don't use them for everyday purchases since we charge almost everything we can for amazon points but for paying bills or if we owe some family money for something or another.

[Cosmosmom]

L, I would worry too in your situation! I hope that your mom is able to be there for backup.

Mandy, I'm on 60 mg thyroid. Been stable on that for years and it didn't really matter for me what I weighed. They thought I might need adjusting after the surgery and I lost all that weight but didn't...and again when I gained back some of the weight. I do think that it took a few adjustments in the beginning though to get the dose right.

Chrissy, don't worry if wellbutrin didn't work for some people....doesn't mean you will be one of them. Hopefully it will kick in for you and be just want you need. And if it doesn't, there are other options. If you don't want to take the anxiety drug (I think that is one my dad takes to fly...he's very claustrophobic), when you feel anxious, try some deep breathing. It does wonders for me when I feel a panic attack coming on and was what the counselor suggested in college. I do deep in and out slowly...each breath I say in my head supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Long enough word to time breathing and if I'm concentrating over the breathes and the one word, I'm not freaking out about say the traffic jam so much. At one point in college, a 10 minute car ride would have sent me practically into a panic attack. But since than I have been able to drive to PA/NJ and back, FL and back, and several times a year go back home with a 5 hour drive...all because of the deep breathing.

[missychrissy]

Thanks Jennifer. I'm not really worried about whether or not it will work, I assume it will. I am worried, however, that it will take 6 weeks. I don't wanna wait that long!

[AmeriBrit]

I hope the meds kick in and help out very soon, Chrissy. I hate that feeling of needing to cry but not being able to get it out. (Hugs)

On the checks thing (or should I say cheques, Myles?), our bank issues them. The only thing I use them for is to pay for Travis' school dinners and ad hoc stuff. Everything else is direct debit. I'd be like L's husband and forget to do anything important if it weren't done for me like that. I know it's bad but DH does all the finances and I just go along with it since he's really good at penny pinching.

L, I meant to say the Tony and Pony story was really cute. Kind of reminds me of that character Pony Boy from that book that I suddenly can't think of the name of! Was it The Outsiders?

Mandy, I'm so sorry AF showed; I hope the doctors can help you and you get that BFP before long!

I got my first ever Christmas card from a student today. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Speaking of Christmas cards, I sent some off to the USA yesterday and asked to see the Christmas stamps. The lady said they only did religious ones this year. I didn't like them, so I asked for just normal every day Queen's head stamps instead. She said they started doing religious only ones since lots of people complain about the cartoony ones. I wasn't happy about that!

[AmeriBrit]

...

[missychrissy]

I got my first ever Christmas card from a student today. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Speaking of Christmas cards, I sent some off to the USA yesterday and asked to see the Christmas stamps. The lady said they only did religious ones this year. I didn't like them, so I asked for just normal every day Queen's head stamps instead. She said they started doing religious only ones since lots of people complain about the cartoony ones. I wasn't happy about that!

about your first Christmas card from a student!

But about no non-religious holiday stamps! I thought they were better at the secular stuff over there? What's going on?

[daylilies]

Yes Ash that's The Outsiders that Ponyboy is in. I loved that book and movie. I used to write out all the passages that were about Johnny. And the movie...holy eye candy Batman!

[daylilies]

Chrissy, I hope the meds work for you soon.

[AmeriBrit]

But about no non-religious holiday stamps! I thought they were better at the secular stuff over there? What's going on?

Yeah, I was surprised, too, since 90% of the population is atheistic basically! (I just pulled that number out of thin air, but even the people I know that go to church aren't even religious and just go due to tradition, so who knows, really!)

[Bridget]

I am so nervous about this weekend! I don't think my kids have ever seen the image of Jesus on the cross. If they ask questions I am going to have to let them know we will discuss it later. Yowsers.

Okay, I am really big into supporting local business and I will not go to Walmart. Well, I did go to for Savana's school supply list because I only had $30 to spend and one night to do it. But I usually avoid it if at all possible. And dbf will NOT just back off about this. Today after my daycare kids went home I asked him to stay with the boys so I could go to the craft store. Here's our convo:
Him: What do you need?
Me: Things for crafts (captain obvious)
Him: Like what?
I know where this is going. I read him my list.
Him: Walmart has all those things at half the price
Me: I support local business. I despise Walmart. Do we have to have these conversations so often? And half the price? Do you really believe that?
Him: Only the rich can support local business, hon. Go to Walmart
Me: Hmmm. Didn't ask. But thanks ever so much for your viewpoint.

Gah! Does he really believe that only rich can afford to shop local? I mean, I was buying clay and felt, not leather coats and jewels.
Anyway, when I arrived, the owner of the store said hello, asked me what I needed, walked me to each thing. Asked me what I was making, gave me better ideas, told me I had the wrong glue, asked me how my kids are doing (they're usually with me) you get the idea. So glad I didn't go to Walmart. I'll spend the extra.

[daylilies]

Walmart never has what I need, anyway. And it's dirty and scary people go there (any present company excluded of course )

I do wish there were more local business around here. We live in the middle of a very overdeveloped area which I love for the convenience but I do wish there was more of a sense of community.