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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #25531

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    Trust me, ladies. My "hard ass" isn't very.

  2. #25532

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    LOL! I had a feeling it wasn't that bad.

  3. #25533
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    So the kid was up 15 times last night. I finally caved and let her watch some nonsense on TV for 20 minutes so I could get stuff done. And she's extra cranky, probably from not sleeping last night.

  4. #25534
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    Bridget I agree you need to be firm. Lay down your rules in your daycare, how you expect things to be done, etc. GoodLuck! Let us know how the meeting with her goes!

    Big Suja. Sounds like you need a well deserved break :hugs

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  5. #25535
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    Suja I'm exhausted reading about your day. And Erin to you too. Your DH deserves to have you mad at him.

    Bridget, I think that it's good to be more hard and firm. It only benefits a person to know realistically what the field they are trying to get into is really like.

    I'm a little bit concerned that I don't love Molly yet and we have had her for 3.5 days. I pretty much loved Cosmo from the moment I held her. It did take DH about two weeks before he said he loved Cosmo though. I don't know if it's because with Cosmo she was the first one and it was only her to focus on....and now I'm splitting it up more between the two. I do like her and she's been a decent pup so far considering how little she is and how much her world just changed...but no love. Course I don't really remember all that much about Cosmo's first few weeks at home so maybe that was just as tiring.

    Dang I don't know how you all have more than one kid. I really am thinking that we might be one and done kind of people.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #25536
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Dang I don't know how you all have more than one kid. I really am thinking that we might be one and done kind of people.
    Me either. Definitely one and done here. If I had any more on my hand than I currently do, I'd be tempted to go live in the Himalayas and turn into a hermit.

  7. #25537
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    It's normal to wonder how you can ever love/care for an additional child...but it happens. I was worried when I was pregnant with my 2nd, but the instant she was born all those concerns melted away. Honestly, for me it was easier with the two than it was with Bobbie by herself.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #25538
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    I haven't found two kids too be all that much harder than just having one. They entertain each other quite a bit. Mine are 2.5 years apart and I've found that to be a nice age gap. It is different when you have your second than to your first in that you just can't give them your all the way you did with your first child.

    I hope you can catch up on some sleep, Suja. (And L, you, too!) Lack of sleep is so hard on the body.

  9. #25539
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    After experiencing the relative ease of having Bobbie and Jesi just 17 months apart, compared with Sydney essentially by herself, I was totally ready to ttc for a 5th after Conner. I would have liked them to be about 2 years apart but Rich wasn't having any of it. Many times since then he's wished he'd listened to me. There's a lot to be said for sibling companionship. It's indescribable.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #25540

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    It's normal to wonder how you can ever love/care for an additional child...but it happens. I was worried when I was pregnant with my 2nd, but the instant she was born all those concerns melted away. Honestly, for me it was easier with the two than it was with Bobbie by herself.
    Was just talking about that with a friend. DH & I are planning to ttc in April, but there's a case, I think, to wait and time it so B is starting kindergarten when child #2 arrives. I feel like it would give me the opportunity to bond with the 2nd child the way I did with Bodhi... undivided attention for much if the day. It's good to hear contrasting views on this to help us decide.

  11. #25541
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    Everyone is different and I really don't have an opinion about anyone that has zero, one, or a multitude of kids. I only say that I don't think anyone should let the fear of not loving/bonding with subsequent children prevent them from having them, because it just doesn't work that way. Sure, there will be hard days but even with 4 I don't think the hard days are any more intense than if we'd had none. You simply do what you have to do and somehow it works out. Perhaps the additional source of love and entertainment makes it so the rough times don't feel as intense as you fear the might.

    I'm sure I'm not explaining it very well...but trust me, you'll be fine with whatever # of children you have.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 11-15-2011 at 10:21 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #25542
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Was just talking about that with a friend. DH & I are planning to ttc in April, but there's a case, I think, to wait and time it so B is starting kindergarten when child #2 arrives. I feel like it would give me the opportunity to bond with the 2nd child the way I did with Bodhi... undivided attention for much if the day. It's good to hear contrasting views on this to help us decide.

    that is how it was with my sister and I. I'm 4 yrs 9 months older than she is. So I was in junior K (mostly because I'm a Sept baby and just missed the deadline and they didn't want to push K) full days and more independent. My mom didn't work back than so she had all day weekdays alone with my sister and even after school or summer, I often was playing at a friends house on my block.

    My sister and I are really close even though we are almost 5 yrs apart....though I did find her really annoying when she was like 11 and I was 16 and drove a car and just wanted to hang out with my friends.

    Mom thinks that we are the perfect age apart.

    Me, I'm just doing this once I think. I used to plan on two kids but I'm getting older...and obviously we have issues in that department. So plan is adopt one and be done. I don't see us going through all the work and expense of adoption twice so the only way I'm having two is if I end up pg.

    I don't know that I could be a sahm either like I used to think I would be. I was just looking at some Molly pics and I'm liking her a lot more than I did 3 hours ago. It is really nice to get away and not think about how long it's been since a potty break, why someone is crying now, what is she doing (she's started to explore more and while we have bedrooms and bathroom closed up, still have to follow her around). It is really nice to be at work and have a little break. At least DH is helpful and will keep an eye on her so I can cook dinner or get ready in the morning.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #25543

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    I think I'd have similar feelings with the 2nd child, Jennifer, the same way I wasn't immediately in love with dog #2. I think that when you already have one, you can't help but compare your feelings to the way it felt the first time. Those thoughts of comparison don't get in the way when you have only one. You just process your feelings in your own time and come to love #2 in your own way.

    Kate/Jennifer (and anyone else into the Hunger Games). Did you see the trailer?: http://insidemovies.ew.com/2011/11/1...games-trailer/ Maybe I'm just starting to get a little hormonal, but it made me kind of tear up a little bit.

  14. #25544
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    I love my dogs immensely and they really are part of the family, but it's really nothing compared to what I feel for my kids. Each birth was instantly as magnificent for me as any other. Not one was any 'less than' for me, which I did find amazing...because really, I didn't expect to be able to feel what I felt when I had Bobbie all over again. But I did. Again and again and again.

    It's the purest, most natural high I've ever experienced. There's simply nothing like it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #25545
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    If we have another LO it will probably be when Nolan is in school (unless we can afford for me to stay home before than-which is highly unlikely) Having two in daycare is not realistic for us.

    My brother and I are 4 years apart. I liked it growing up. I would prefer to have a 2 to 3 year space between LO's but unfortunately you can't always have what you want.

    This is all assumming I come up with the nerve one day to do Clomid and that it actually works again.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  16. #25546

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I love my dogs immensely and they really are part of the family, but it's really nothing compared to what I feel for my kids.
    Have to agree with you there. Again, love hearing your perspective on this subject!!

  17. #25547

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    I confess I am really feeling the urge to dye my hair jet black and cut four inches off of it. DH already opined that he's not that jazzed about the idea, but I wouldn't be doing it for him. I think he still wouldn't kick me out of bed for eating crackers.

    (<---why does that guy have to look like he has a monobrow?)

  18. #25548

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    I used to think about having kids close together so they could have that tight sibling bond that my older brother and I had. But I was wiped out by Ky, especially when he was 18 months through 4 years old. It was just too much work and I was just in awe of those who have kids close together. I initially didn't want any other kids because of the work but got the urge and Elle arrived.

    I will admit that I am not and was not all lovey dovey regarding either one of their births. I used to feel I was an alien in this regard, I did not fall in love with them at first sight, neither one. It just grew from that first moment and grows everyday for me. The main things I remember with their births was with Ky I was disappointed he was a boy, but I thought his eyes were so huge and beautiful. I thought he was just beautiful period, a perfect boy. I also thought he looked too much like DH! With Elle, she was the tiniest baby I ever saw in person (she was 6lbs 9oz and 19 inches but up until her Ky was the smallest baby in our family at 8lbs and that is a huge difference IMO). I also was upset that she looked too much like DH. I didn't think she was cute but she was a sweet heart and had a cute little soft newborn cry. She didn't have enough hair IMO and I admit I thought she was rather unattractive (I won't say ugly because it is an ugly word but really I did think she was ugly). I thought she was unattractive until she was 2.5 months old and then she started to look more like me so she was cuter. I had resigned myself to having an unattractive daughter. Looking back I had some horrible new mom thoughts LOL! But they are honest and I think it's okay not to have that sort of all over love moment, not everyone does. I think Elle is a beauty now BTW! Plus like I said, my love for them grows every day and it is amazing to me. I did worry I wouldn't love Elle like I do Ky but that turned out to be false worries.

    Erin

  19. #25549
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I confess I am really feeling the urge to dye my hair jet black and cut four inches off of it. DH already opined that he's not that jazzed about the idea, but I wouldn't be doing it for him. I think he still wouldn't kick me out of bed for eating crackers.

    (<---why does that guy have to look like he has a monobrow?)
    You can eat crackers in my bed, anytime... (Barbara Mandrell...anyone else remember her?)

    And I have no idea, but he's my favorite 'smarmy' guy!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #25550
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I used to think about having kids close together so they could have that tight sibling bond that my older brother and I had. But I was wiped out by Ky, especially when he was 18 months through 4 years old. It was just too much work and I was just in awe of those who have kids close together. I initially didn't want any other kids because of the work but got the urge and Elle arrived.

    I will admit that I am not and was not all lovey dovey regarding either one of their births. I used to feel I was an alien in this regard, I did not fall in love with them at first sight, neither one. It just grew from that first moment and grows everyday for me. The main things I remember with their births was with Ky I was disappointed he was a boy, but I thought his eyes were so huge and beautiful. I thought he was just beautiful period, a perfect boy. I also thought he looked too much like DH! With Elle, she was the tiniest baby I ever saw in person (she was 6lbs 9oz and 19 inches but up until her Ky was the smallest baby in our family at 8lbs and that is a huge difference IMO). I also was upset that she looked too much like DH. I didn't think she was cute but she was a sweet heart and had a cute little soft newborn cry. She didn't have enough hair IMO and I admit I thought she was rather unattractive (I won't say ugly because it is an ugly word but really I did think she was ugly). I thought she was unattractive until she was 2.5 months old and then she started to look more like me so she was cuter. I had resigned myself to having an unattractive daughter. Looking back I had some horrible new mom thoughts LOL! But they are honest and I think it's okay not to have that sort of all over love moment, not everyone does. I think Elle is a beauty now BTW! Plus like I said, my love for them grows every day and it is amazing to me. I did worry I wouldn't love Elle like I do Ky but that turned out to be false worries.

    Erin
    Those are normal feelings as well...I've read/heard countless moms talk about that too.

    My grandmother used to say, "Ugly in the cradle, a beauty at the table" I'm not sure why that line always stuck with me...maybe because growing up I thought I was a cute baby (when I looked at baby pics of me) but felt like an ugly child. I seriously was...then when I got to be 14 I teased my hair, threw on makeup and tight, ripped jeans and suddenly was popular and didn't feel so ugly any more. Unfortunately, developmentally speaking that's around the age when girls get 100% of their self esteem from what their peers (not parents!) think of them.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #25551
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    I actually know how you feel Erin. I was wowed by Nolan actually being here and while I thought he was cute and scrunchy it took time for me for my love for him to grow (although part of that may have been the baby blues I dealt with) I never wanted to admit that cause I thought it made me a bad person I mean I loved him, but not in the way that I feel love for him now. It's gotten bigger and more real as the days go on and I can only imagine that it will continue to grow

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  22. #25552
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    Um... anybody want to check out the spam

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  23. #25553

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    Today is kicking my ass.
    Savana is a handful. She hasn't been getting enough sleep with that new kitty in her bed and it's really making her days hard. I'm so close to telling her the kitty can't sleep with her any longer but I know that will upset her very much.
    Erin, I just love you and how honest and eloquent you are.
    I just wanted my newborns to be older. At first I feel like they are just a blob of needs. Once I get that first real smile it's all grand.
    Mylah, are you really going to change your hair? I love drastic changes. The week before last I went in the bathroom and just chopped off inches of my hair. Dbf was like but I couldn't stand my ponytail any longer.

  24. #25554
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    You all are making me feel better. Not only am I not the only one to not feel instant love for number 2 but even that some didn't feel that right away with someone that is human and not furry and you carried for 9 months and gave birth too. But love dearly now.

    I had always thought that since I felt that instant love with my dog, that I would feel it for a child. I won't have the 9 months carrying the baby or the same hormones going on when I hold our baby for the first time....probably would be better off not putting the insta-love expectation on myself.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #25555
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    ....probably would be better off not putting the insta-love expectation on myself.
    You're right. It may or may not happen instantly, but that's as varied among all parents as is hair color and texture. There's no 'right' way to bond with your child (or pet!).

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #25556
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    Oh and DH would freak out of I drastically changed my hair and especially if I didn't warn him. I'm already warning him that once more whites are in, I'm dying it. i will not look old until I am! He doesn't even like that idea but I promised to keep it in my natural color....which he loves. And I know he likes it long...past the shoulders at least. right now it's about as long as I have ever gone I think...about 2-3 inches from my waist and I'm growing it at least down to there. My hairdresser knows someone who has started locally making wigs for local kids because Locks of Love has such a long wait list. And I think that they need at least 10 inches.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  27. #25557

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    Yep, yep, yep! I'm going to definitely chop off a fair amount of my hair because it just keeps getting in the way. It gets stuck in my purse/backpack straps and is hard to tuck into my surfhood, particularly when I already have my gloves on. I also have this pet peeve when I'm sweating for one reason or another and the sweat travels down to the tip of my braid. As for dyeing it, I will definitely do that, but my hair has been breaking off ever since B was born, so I'm reluctant to fry it any more, so am shopping around for herbal dye. And if do change color, I'm still tempted by one of those wine colors (DH didn't like the last time I gave myself a purple tinge either. LOL.)

    You guys, you know how I just recently returned to working on a project I'd worked on only a few months ago? I'm going through all the design docs *I* created back then, and it's so complex I don't understand it anymore. I feel like I have to sit in a bay window with a cup of tea and soothing music and just study all 87 pages for 7 hours straight. (Plus the 256 pages of detail that another team created off of my documentation.) I hope I'm not going to be asked to explain any of this stuff any time soon. Eeks! Having an I-feel-dumb moment.
    Last edited by demigraf; 11-15-2011 at 01:19 PM.

  28. #25558
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    You guys, you know how I just recently returned to working on a project I'd worked on only a few months ago? I'm going through all the design docs *I* created back then, and it's so complex I don't understand it anymore. I feel like I have to sit in a bay window with a cup of tea and soothing music and just study all 87 pages for 7 hours straight. (Plus the 256 pages of detail that another team created off of my documentation.) I hope I'm not going to be asked to explain any of this stuff any time soon. Eeks! Having an I-feel-dumb moment.
    It's definitely an 'if you don't use it, you lose it' field. I'm sure it will all start coming back to you though, as you get more into it.

    I could shave my head bald and Rich wouldn't care. Well, he would but he'd be like, "whatever makes you happy" Actually, I did do that once when I was 23. Not skin bald, but the shortest level on the electric clippers we had. 1/8th inch I think.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #25559
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I did not care much about Baby S. for quite a long time. I took care of him, protected him, held him, fed him, kissed him, but I didn't really feel emotionally connected to him and frequently felt like it wouldn't matter if he wasn't there except that life would be easier again. He didn't seem to have much of a personality, and what was there was pretty much inconsolable crying or a lump. I'm sure a good part of that was the PPD too, but it wasn't until he was maybe 7, definitely 9 months old or so that I started feeling glad that we'd had him and that I would miss him if he was gone. That's kind of hard to admit publicly. Now, he is definitely one of the most charming of my kids, and he seems like he's very smart, but he is also still incredibly difficult to deal with sometimes and is very very loud.

    With the twins and my first baby, I felt overwhelming love from day 1, and I never doubted that I would feel differently about any other baby. I knew (from my experience with the twins) that it is possible to love two children at the same time, and love them both so much you can't believe it. I knew that I could love another child just as much, and I wouldn't be worried about what that child was making me miss doing with the others, because the benefit of the combination of children is still better than the loss of flexibility, I think. I was totally taken by surprise with my lack of feeling.


  30. #25560
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    A lady just asked me what 25-19 was

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