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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #25171
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Most Indian weddings I've seen and heard of have a vast number of people. It's amazing.

    I don't wear any jewelry. Even my wedding ring (which is comprised of an amythest ring I owned and a band that dh added to it) is only put on for special occasions. I don't wear it to work and don't wear it to clean so that doesn't leave much else. I try to remember to put it on when I go out, but after my pregnancies when I couldn't wear it because of swollen fingers and then some weight loss when it kept sliding off, it's not something I think about. I also don't wear other jewelry often. I read Bean's blog once, "Wife as We Know It" and it discussed how a simple set of pearl earrings make everyone look a little more put together. So I tried that for a while. How long does it really take to put earrings on? And it does make it look like an effort was put into one's appearance, just a little bit. I think I might have to make that my NY resolution this year, because I've fallen down on the job, and I like to make my resolutions simple and achievable. Earrings.

    My wedding was 13 people at a friend's house in Wyoming. We were married by a JOP who was my neighbor when I was growing up.

    I'm getting into this spiral of annoyance at my sister, and I need to stop it because we are going to vacation together at Christmas. I'm remembering all of the mean and selfish things she's done and said to me that I've let go over the years, like telling me she can't have children because of me since I 'ruined' the name she wanted for a girl (Esme). We're going to her house for Thanksgiving. I want to tell her just to grow up, but dh is encouraging me to just let it go, change the subject if her birthday comes up, and if she does engage me, he says I will be complicit if I allow her to keep discussing it. He is right. Nothing good ever comes of keeping things like this going.


  2. #25172

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    Sorry she's been quite rotten about certain things, L. Having not really said my peace to my sis because I was trying to be big about the whole affair, I now have regrets. I feel like my position is unclear to her, and I missed the window of opportunity to address my grievances without it feeling like I'm dredging things up. Your DH has a good point about not letting it prolong or turn into a pissing match, though. My two cents are to get what you need to off your chest as diplomatically as possible so you won't have anything eating away at you that will just resurface the next time she pulls something like this.

    Btw, Ash posted a good article on FB about 'why parents are so busy' that you could forward to her.

    L.
    Last edited by demigraf; 11-08-2011 at 04:42 PM.

  3. #25173
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Suja, pics would be great! Really, though - 1000 people? Are you royalty and not telling us?
    I'll see if I can find the links to my cousin's wedding. It'll give you some idea of what our weddings are like, and how simple/brief they are.

    My wedding was "small" - only like 300 people. When we go home, I'll be attending a cousin's daughter's wedding. I'm willing to bet there will be close to that many people there.

    Hinduism is a complex and fascinating subject. Considering the nature of this forum, I'm not sure I'm the best person to talk about it, but I'll do the best I can to give you more of a sense of what it was like to grow up in that environment, and maybe give y'all some suggestions for reading material (Indian mythology is absolutely fascinating, and good from a 'stories' perspective, especially for kids). It'll have to wait though, 'cause a certain little terror is waiting for me.
    Last edited by Suja; 11-08-2011 at 07:41 PM.

  4. #25174

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    Bridget, I work 10am to 8pm on the weekends and then graveyard 5pm to 3am on Monday and Tuesday nights. Oh, and I'm in Pacific time. It sucks. It wasn't too bad when I worked from home but now...

    Hawaii is awesome. I hope you're able to get out there. And convince your awesome male relatives to come too

    Erin, your grandma is awesome.

    Suja, I want to see pics of your wedding!!

    Speaking of weddings...I had one. My dress was awesome and beautiful. I bought my rings though since the ex-douch was jobless the whole time. They were like $300 from JCP. I left him 2 years ago this Sunday actually. Best decision I ever made. I'm sure if I hadn't left him I would be dead right now.

    DBF and I have talked about getting married (we've known each other for years, been together off and on since 2005) but I have some unresolved emotional issues from my ex-douche that I need to work through before we decide to do that. And I would like to be able to afford a real wedding if/when we tied the knot.
    Karen (28), DF (28), DD (3), DS (2 months)


    Beanpop's Fluffy Butt Diapers *GRAND RE-OPENING 3/13*

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sorry she's been quite rotten about certain things, L. Having not really said my peace to my sis because I was trying to be big about the whole affair, I now have regrets. I feel like my position is unclear to her, and I missed the window of opportunity to address my grievances without it feeling like I'm dredging things up. Your DH has a good point about not letting it prolong or turn into a pissing match, though. My two cents are to get what you need to off your chest as diplomatically as possible so you won't have anything eating away at you that will just resurface the next time she pulls something like this.

    Btw, Ash posted a good article on FB about 'why parents are so busy' that you could forward to her.

    L.
    I struggle with knowing what to let go and what to address too. Sometimes I feel like I address things that I should have let go, but then other times I sit and hold crap in that I shouldn't.

    I swear I used to be better about this stuff. I don't know if it's stress or what, but the last year or two I've felt out of sorts with this kind of thing.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #25176

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    I think we had just shy of 50 people at our wedding. We had no close friends, besides DH's best man. My cousin was my MOH, and that was it for the wedding party. I have lots of cousins, but if I invited everyone in my family I would have a lot of people there I didn't really know. We kept it limited to the closest relatives and a few distant relatives I don't know well but my mom does and requested that I invite.
    It was nice and uneventful, in the UU church where I spent my tween/teen years.

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    We each had our mothers...absolutely no one wanted me and Rich to get married. 16+ years later, I guess I can say, "neener neener neener"

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #25178

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    I tested and got a BFP... but I'm spotting. Went in for a beta today. We shall see.

    I saw a giant dead turtle on the road on the way to the beta (my tribe's symbol for fertility is a turtle). So please would a kind secular lady tell me that's superstitious cr*p?

    meh.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  9. #25179

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    It's total hogwash.

  10. #25180

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I tested and got a BFP... but I'm spotting. Went in for a beta today. We shall see.

    I saw a giant dead turtle on the road on the way to the beta (my tribe's symbol for fertility is a turtle). So please would a kind secular lady tell me that's superstitious cr*p?

    meh.
    lots of sticky dust to your bean
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I tested and got a BFP... but I'm spotting. Went in for a beta today. We shall see.

    I saw a giant dead turtle on the road on the way to the beta (my tribe's symbol for fertility is a turtle). So please would a kind secular lady tell me that's superstitious cr*p?

    meh.
    That's superstitious cr*p. But sticky bean vibes are not, so plenty sent your way.

  12. #25182

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    Sticky vibes! I don't think the dead turtle means anything!

  13. #25183

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    Omg! Lots and lots of sticky vibes sent to you! I was so sad for you when you had to leave the Feb DD room

    And no, a dead turtle has nothing to do with your little bean
    Karen (28), DF (28), DD (3), DS (2 months)


    Beanpop's Fluffy Butt Diapers *GRAND RE-OPENING 3/13*

  14. #25184
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    Luck! I don't think the turtle means anything.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #25185

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I tested and got a BFP... but I'm spotting. Went in for a beta today. We shall see.
    Oh, Molly...

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    My cousin's going to kill me if she ever finds out that I'm posting this, but this, in a nutshell, is what our weddings consist of. I should note that way back in the days, there really was no formal ceremony to celebrate a wedding. It was more of a deal between the families (my particular caste has a matriarchal system).

    https://picasaweb.google.com/athiran...ng?feat=email#

    She is dressed very, very simply, BTW. Some girls can't even walk properly because of how heavily brocaded their sari is (plus literally, dripping in gold). What she is wearing, the cream/gold border thing is our traditional wear, not a sari.
    Last edited by Suja; 11-08-2011 at 09:40 PM.

  17. #25187
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    Molly, thinking sticky vibes for you and the turtle means nothing.


    Suja, very pretty pictures! I know my bff was telling me how happy she was that they got married here instead of at her inlaws. It was bad enough the major party they threw when they went to visit like 2 years later. Her inlaws just arrived tonight for a month long visit....she likes them but it drives her crazy that her husband thinks he needs to pay for everything and take them out to fancy dinners or trips when they visit (and they pay airfare and hotel...everything). My friends are not rich, they are definitely middle class but his parents are upper class doctors.
    I think that they will be doing something like a rice ceremony? for the baby while they are here (there are some other relatives who live in the states too).
    I wouldn't be surprised to hear tomorrow that her MIL came with a lot of jewelry for her and the girls.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Wow, Suja, those pictures are gorgeous! Thanks for sharing. I've always thought India was such a fascinating place.

    My childhood friend and bridesmaid at my wedding is Parsi. She never talked much about India because she wasn't very happy there, and I always wished she would share more. So please, share more about your culture in here!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Jennifer, it isn't about money, it's about culture, tradition, showing respect for one's elders, etc. My parents used to live here, so it's a little different, but last year, when my parents came after Mira was born, we paid for their tickets, although they can afford it. After all, they were taking the trouble to come visit us from so far away, and to help with the baby. Ditto ILs. When they were here the previous year, we took a trip to Vegas-Zion-Bryce-Grand Canyon. Before that, it was Yellowstone. Whether we pay their airfare or not, we don't let them spend a dime when we go out together. They won't be around forever, and it's our way of showing that we care. They took care of us when we were young, so now it's our turn.

    Anyway, the jewelry will likely offset any money your friend's DH spends on them. Plus, Indian jewelry is usually 22 karat. The rice ceremony will be fun. We had one for Mira when she was around 6 months old.

  20. #25190
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I love the pictures, Suja!


  21. #25191

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    Very nice, the significance of those actions as a sign of respect. I liked the pics, Suja. Thanks for sharing.

    I'm highly interested in your caste, which you mentioned. In general, how is that concept introduced to children?

    Also, are the gods in your culture seen as omnipotent, benevolent beings that people have personal relationships with, as the Christian god is often described?

    L, for some reason, B just pointed at Baby S in your picture and said: "Baby Bodhi!" I think he thought S was him for a second. I wonder if I should have his eyes checked...

  22. #25192
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    The funniest thing Baby S. has been doing lately is yelling out "Mommy, wipe me!" when he wants me to come to him. The twins yell that to me when they are done pooping (yeah, I know they need to learn!) and he has somehow decided that THIS expression is what he needs to say when he wants Mommy to come running. I'm laughing just thinking about him waking up at night in his crib and yelling, "Mommy, wipe me!"


  23. #25193
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    The funniest thing Baby S. has been doing lately is yelling out "Mommy, wipe me!" when he wants me to come to him. The twins yell that to me when they are done pooping (yeah, I know they need to learn!) and he has somehow decided that THIS expression is what he needs to say when he wants Mommy to come running. I'm laughing just thinking about him waking up at night in his crib and yelling, "Mommy, wipe me!"


    And wow at how well he is talking!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #25194
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    ]

    Sorry, I just saw this. Yeah, my DH plays guitar, but please don't get me started on the amount of storage space required by his amp/instruments he rarely plays. Even though the program he did was in record engineering, he still had to audition and play in an ensemble to get the degree.
    We have the same issue here; he has more guitars than one person could need and all his amps, pedals and mixer boards clutter up all our storage space.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Sorry she's been quite rotten about certain things, L. Having not really said my peace to my sis because I was trying to be big about the whole affair, I now have regrets. I feel like my position is unclear to her, and I missed the window of opportunity to address my grievances without it feeling like I'm dredging things up. Your DH has a good point about not letting it prolong or turn into a pissing match, though. My two cents are to get what you need to off your chest as diplomatically as possible so you won't have anything eating away at you that will just resurface the next time she pulls something like this.

    Btw, Ash posted a good article on FB about 'why parents are so busy' that you could forward to her.

    L.
    I'll have to see if I can post the link on here.

    Quote Originally Posted by beanpop View Post
    DBF and I have talked about getting married (we've known each other for years, been together off and on since 2005) but I have some unresolved emotional issues from my ex-douche that I need to work through before we decide to do that. And I would like to be able to afford a real wedding if/when we tied the knot.
    Sorry you had a rough time with your first marriage, Karen.

    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I tested and got a BFP... but I'm spotting. Went in for a beta today. We shall see.

    I saw a giant dead turtle on the road on the way to the beta (my tribe's symbol for fertility is a turtle). So please would a kind secular lady tell me that's superstitious cr*p?

    meh.
    Fingers crossed for you, Molly. That turtle thing is definitely superstitious. Don't read anything in to that!

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    My cousin's going to kill me if she ever finds out that I'm posting this, but this, in a nutshell, is what our weddings consist of. I should note that way back in the days, there really was no formal ceremony to celebrate a wedding. It was more of a deal between the families (my particular caste has a matriarchal system).

    .....

    She is dressed very, very simply, BTW. Some girls can't even walk properly because of how heavily brocaded their sari is (plus literally, dripping in gold). What she is wearing, the cream/gold border thing is our traditional wear, not a sari.
    Those are gorgeous photos, Suja!

    L, that is so funny about baby S shouting for you to wipe him. Kids are hilarious, aren't they? Travis was telling me about his story he made up for "Make-up Monday" at his school. Apparently, he told everyone that he went to see some fireworks and a rocket blew his shoe off in to a fire. LOL. I love his imagination.

  25. #25195

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    Lydia, that is hilarious!
    And for what it's worth, I still wipe Kai. He sits on the toilet plugging his nose and telling me to hurry up because it stinks.

    Savana came to me in the middle night sobbing that she had a really, really bad dream. I asked her what it was and she said she didn't want to tell me.
    Last edited by Bridget; 11-09-2011 at 05:54 AM.

  26. #25196

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    The funniest thing Baby S. has been doing lately is yelling out "Mommy, wipe me!" when he wants me to come to him. The twins yell that to me when they are done pooping (yeah, I know they need to learn!) and he has somehow decided that THIS expression is what he needs to say when he wants Mommy to come running. I'm laughing just thinking about him waking up at night in his crib and yelling, "Mommy, wipe me!"


    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    My cousin's going to kill me if she ever finds out that I'm posting this, but this, in a nutshell, is what our weddings consist of. I should note that way back in the days, there really was no formal ceremony to celebrate a wedding. It was more of a deal between the families (my particular caste has a matriarchal system).

    https://picasaweb.google.com/athiran...ng?feat=email#

    She is dressed very, very simply, BTW. Some girls can't even walk properly because of how heavily brocaded their sari is (plus literally, dripping in gold). What she is wearing, the cream/gold border thing is our traditional wear, not a sari.
    She looks beautiful! Thanks for sharing... do you have pics of your own wedding?

    We got married in the mountains and in March, and it ending up snowing. The ceremony was outdoors, so I was pretty cold until my sister threw her fur coat on me.

    ---
    The test this morning is super light still, maybe even lighter than yesterday. And the digital test says "No". I'm not bleeding anymore though. Right now I think I either caught the pregnancy super early or I had an early mc. I'm going to guess my beta numbers are very low, and that I won't really know anything until after the second one.
    Last edited by AbbeysMom; 11-09-2011 at 07:03 AM.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  27. #25197
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    I'm sorry, Molly. I hope that it does turn out to be a viable pregnancy for you. Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

    I just picked Travis up from his half day of school and got a letter for parent teacher conferences. They've informed me that they put Travis in the 16-24 month age range for both social and communication levels. I feel so deflated about that because I know that he is just fine in both areas and in no way near a 16 month old's level. It said in the letter that just because they do things at home doesn't mean they can mark them on that and that they have to demonstrate them at school. I know that Travis is quite the introvert and is very independent. He will not ask for help unless he really needs to which is a lot like my husband and myself. Any how, I guess we'll discuss that at the meeting.

  28. #25198

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    I disagree with "rating" kids in any way shape or form at that age (unless there are developmental concerns, of course). Like you said, he is a shy and may not show his true colors at school yet. Plus kids develop so differently in so many different ways during these young years. I could read when I started Kindergarten and my teachers thought my mom was full of it since I wouldn't do it at school until months into the school year. I was way too shy to show my skillz.

  29. #25199
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    Exactly, Bridget. I will never force my kids to fit in to any mould to please any system. I myself never felt that comfortable at school when I was little and hardly spoke to anyone, even in high school! Travis doesn't like big crowds with lots of things going off. Whenever we go to any kid parties, he doesn't like to participate in a lot of the games. He tells me that it's too busy. If my SIL or MIL are with us, they try their best to get him to join in but he won't and I don't make a big deal of it.

  30. #25200
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    The test this morning is super light still, maybe even lighter than yesterday. And the digital test says "No". I'm not bleeding anymore though. Right now I think I either caught the pregnancy super early or I had an early mc. I'm going to guess my beta numbers are very low, and that I won't really know anything until after the second one.
    I'm hoping it's just super early for you mama

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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