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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #24421
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    I forgot to take Cash for his injections 2 weeks ago because I had not put the appointment in my phone's calendar! On the flip side, I never forget a name or a face so my long term memory is pretty good.

  2. #24422

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    I used to remember names and faces for a long time but I'm finding that's getting worse too. Like I will recognize someone, and know that I know them from somewhere but I can't place them. I have to wrack my brain, go through every job I've worked at, church, Josh's friends' parents...it's irritating. And I never remember names anymore! Mommy brain at its worst.

  3. #24423
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    That's how I am too Kate. I find it hard to believe that I had nearly all our clients voices memorized when I worked at mental health. We had nearly 700 clients. While I obviously didn't know the all by sound alone, I definitely knew our regulars-the ones that attended the intensive mental health treatment as well as all our alcohol and drug clients. They had to call in regularly every week-sometimes multiple times a day. Now where I work I don't even have the dept. phone numbers memorized yet and I've been there 3.5 years. Maybe there's something wrong with me!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #24424

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    It's the kids! They suck out your brain! LOL

  5. #24425
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    It's the kids! They suck out your brain! LOL
    Possibly!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #24426

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    Hey Chrissy - lots of lovely little nothing bras on here: http://www.wacoal-america.com/shop/bras/

    Some of them are sort of affordable

    I desperately need new bras but I am hoping that can lose a little weight in my boobs and go down a cup size or three. I've lost about 10 pounds now, just 15 more to go. I splurged a little/lot this weekend - had queso and enchiladas last night. So good. I need to have a little bit of a treat every couple of weeks. But I definitely feel sluggish and out of sorts today, whether from the food or the fact that JoJo has been just beastly today I don't know.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  7. #24427
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    Thanks Katy! I've bookmarked the page. I'll have to wait a couple weeks before I can afford them. Eek, they're expensive but they do have just the kind I had in mind!

    Losing weight is so hard. I climbed back up a little and really want to lose 10 lbs again. I didn't do myself any favors this weekend. I went out to Olive Garden with my friend on Friday and ate too much, then my sister-in-law made a wonderful scalloped potatoes and ham dinner today and again I ate too much. I'll probably need to lose 15 lbs once this weekend catches up with me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #24428
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    On a related note (sorta) I have to say it was a really nice weekend. We had dinner at Rich's sister's house and everything was just so nice that I couldn't help but think...why can't it always be like this?

    I'm afraid of feeling like that because I genuinely believe if I don't leave, Rich will never quit drinking for good. But after having a day like today...leaving seems like an insurmountable task.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #24429

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    God, Chrissy, do I know exactly what you mean.

  10. #24430
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    I tell myself that just because I leave that doesn't have to be the end of 'us' right? We can 'date' and maybe he'll go for help. In 6 months to a year I can decide then what is best for 'us'.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #24431

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    Lydia, what a horrifying experience. I'm sorry you went though that.

    And Chrissy, has Rich ever tried to quit drinking? Does he think he has a problem? I know first hand how difficult it is not to separate a person into two people in your mind, the addict and the "real" person. That way it seems easier to both love and hate the same person. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

    I've gained back 10 lbs from losing 80. Just this weekend I started detoxing my system from all the cr*p I've been eating. I already feel better, more energy.

    I've been having this Vega shake as a protein supplement and I love it. If anyone tries it the only flavor that's any good is vanilla. The only issue is we are TTC and I don't know if it's OK to use during pregnancy (it has Gelatinized Maca, which is "not proven safe" in pregnancy).



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  12. #24432
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    And Chrissy, has Rich ever tried to quit drinking? Does he think he has a problem? I know first hand how difficult it is not to separate a person into two people in your mind, the addict and the "real" person. That way it seems easier to both love and hate the same person. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
    Yes, and that's why I feel I really need to leave. In '03/'04 we struggled with it. He quit when he overheard me calling on apartments. At that time, he came storming down the hall and punched the phone off the wall. We had a huge argument that resulted in us agreeing to separate after Christmas...but then he had a change of heart, quit drinking, acted 'perfect', brought flowers to my work, etc. I decided to give him another chance.

    He did good until '06. When I was pregnant with Conner we had a few go-rounds, and it ended up with me freaking out in front of his friends in the most severe manner possible. I had gone to school at 8 a.m. and went straight to work at noon. I didn't get home till 8:30 just to find he was partying with the neighbors and our girls hadn't eaten yet. I threatened to leave him again. Again, he straightened up.

    In '08 he was drinking occasionally again because he 'worked all day and deserved a beer on the weekends'. I didn't realize it was a problem for him again until we were moving into the house we just left. On our way there he said, "I can't wait to see it again. I can't really remember what it looks like." I was stunned...he was drunk the day we went to look at it and then again when we signed the 3 year lease with option to buy contract!!

    From '08 till late this summer I've really witched at him about his drinking. Our oldest daughter went through a horrible ordeal that involved a visit to the ER. By the time we got home (around 5:30 p.m.) he was already drunk and in a crappy mood. I was so overwhelmed with everything I'd been through with my daughter that I shrieked at him and even shoved him 3 times into a wall.

    Finally, Bobbie (my oldest) told me that Rich picked her up after work one day and he had an open container in the truck. With Conner. She made him let her drive...and had to argue with him about it. She was just 17 at the time (and had her permit).

    He's being good now, because I've made it clear that I'm moving out. Based on this history alone I don't think I can trust him to stay sober. He might do it a few months, or even a couple years, but I'm convinced it's just a matter of time before he starts drinking again. He needs treatment. He won't get it as long as I stay. He really has to hit rock bottom. I'm hoping his rock bottom is just me leaving, but there's a possibility he'll start drinking heavier and end up losing his job. But that's outside my control.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #24433
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    L how absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry that you had to experience something like that Some people are sick

    Bridget I hope you gas gets fixed sooN! I can't do cold showers, mine have to piping hot!

    Chrissy, I am so sorry for everything. You are a strong woman for standing by Rich all this time. I hope all it takes is you leaving for him to wake his a$$ up and realize that he needs help!

    Weight, I actually weight something like 16lbs less than what I did when I got pregnant I wish I had more time to exercise because I haven't done anything to loose that weight and I know if I got more active I could probably drop alot! I'm too paranoid about loosing what measely supply I do have though, so I've just resigned myself to being fat until we weant

    My memory... is nonexistent! DH was telling a story a few weeks back from when we first got together. Apparently I went fishing with him and fell in the water. Um.... I don't remember that at.all! That was only 7 years ago! Than again, I did alot of things that inhibited my memory early in our relationship so that probably attributes to it

    Final grade for my first quarter back to school is an A in Business Law and a B in Intermediate Accounting! Really annoyed at myself for the B, but OK with it. I knew this being my first quarter back after 2 years that it would be challenging! New classes start tomorrow. Business Management and Global Perspectives, exciting

    My brother has been a basketful of drama. I think I told you ladies that he got off "blues" and left his GF. Well it didn't take long for him to realize that he wanted to be back with her. She's been telling him that she's off the pills and spending more time with her son (blah, blah, blah) which is all lies and he keeps catching her in them over and over again. Now she's been spending the night at this guys house and keeps rubbing it in his face and than apologizing the next day-all while claiming nothing is going on. Ugh... I hate this for him. He is so weak, it makes me sad. Actually thats an understatement, it devastates me. It's not allowed too though, I have to be the strong one for my mom. This is hurting her SO bad. She's watching him do the same thing to himself that she did with my dad. I hate seeing her this way. She already beats herself up for our childhood as is My brother is so self absorbed in his own misery that he doesn't see what he is doing to her. Her health can't handle this

    Sorry for the whining ladies. I am just so stressed about all of this. I hate feeling so out of control, I want to help. BUT he's "grown" what can you do?? I can't force him to stay away from her, I can't force her to grow the F up

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  14. #24434
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    I'm sorry Christina. You're right, there's little you or anyone can do. I don't know if it's something that comes with age, or if I'm just lazy or what, but I've learned to keep my emotional distance from people that perpetually make poor choices for themselves. I'll offer support or advice if they ask for it, but for the most part I stay out of it. I refuse to be actively involved in anyones drama, and that includes getting myself worked up about things I can't change.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #24435
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    I do the same thing Chrissy-on the outside. Inside it is tearing me up that I can't do more to help my little brother. He knows how I feel about the whole situation and I honestly would know next to nothing about it all if it wasn't for my mom needed someone to vent to. She is one of those peope who is just too nice and caring for her own d*mn good

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  16. #24436

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    Christina, what's going on with your mom's health? I'm so sad to hear about your brother's situation. We had that with my sis growing up - jail, alcohol, sex and her being raped. My parents' solution was to pray, when in hindsight they could have been firmer with her. I have adopted the same approach as Chrissy with people in my life who are self-destructive. Call it a callousness of sorts, but I just brace myself for the worst and hope for the best. And make a conscious effort not to care so much - truly - about someone who doesn't care much for himself. Maybe you can help your mom create that emotional buffer for herself as well? It must be hard to not care as a parent.
    Last edited by demigraf; 10-24-2011 at 08:53 AM.

  17. #24437
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    I have to agree with Myles and Chrissy. Once I adopted a similar mindset, I haven't put as much of my own happiness over other people's self-destructive behaviour on the line.

    Now for a true confession-I went in to town today and stopped at the cafe and had a massive piece of chocolate fudge cake and a latte because my period has made me feel so blah today.

  18. #24438
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    After what we've gone through with Jesi thus far, I can honestly say if she took a destructive path as an adult I could let her go. It would be hard and hurtful, but nothing like it would be if I stayed involved.

    You can only do so much for your kids, then once they're an adult they gotta find their own way. I'll always be there for them, providing they're doing whatever they can to make positive changes in their life.

    I've always said if they were in college I'd pay their car & insurance (and now their cell phones as well) but the day they drop out I take the plates off the car, sell it, and cancel their cell service. That's the kind of thing I believe in 100%. I wouldn't even loan them $5 if I knew they were using drugs in any way...but I'd give them $5,000 toward a down payment on a house if I had it to give as long as they were working and otherwise doing what they ought.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #24439
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    L- How awful! You are one strong woman.

    Chrissy & Christina, that's so hard, watching someone you care about deeply self destruct. My brother is an amazing father, but not a particularly good husband, and I really feel for my SIL. I don't know how (or why) she puts up with his BS. It used to be, he would give my parents sleepless nights. It's just shifted to someone else. I don't know why these men do what they do.

    I really hope all our kids turn out okay. I can't imagine being the parent under those circumstances.

  20. #24440
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    My mom has a number of health problems that are honestly a bit too personal for me to feel comfortable explaining on a public forum. One of the days I'll have to sit down and fill you ladies in via PM

    And I agree with you all whole heartedly. My mom has this inability to create that buffer Myles, she is an enabler at heart. She keeps saying, he's my son I can't turn my back on him. OK well thats not what I'm asking her to do, I'm asking her to take a step back and to stop picking him up everytime he gets a flipping boo boo She's always been this way with him, babied him to no end, and she doesn't know how to stop. I can only offer so much insight, because this is one area where she tends to get a little stiff with me about. In all areas I see my mom as my equal, my best friend. I have for a long time and I love that relationship that we have. BUT this is one area where she is SO stubborn and hardheaded that she can't see beyond her own nose sometimes. She tells me that I don't know what its like and tries to say I would be the same way if I were going through that with Nolan-when I know for a fact I wouldn't. I love my brother, I helped raise him and took care of him when she was dealing with other things in her life, but he's an 'adult' and I will not allow someone else to bring me down when I've strived so hard to make myself a better person. Chrissy I think I'm going to text my mom this quote, I think it might help her understand what I've been trying to say

    You can only do so much for your kids, then once they're an adult they gotta find their own way. I'll always be there for them, providing they're doing whatever they can to make positive changes in their life.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  21. #24441
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    Shelley, I've been meaning to say I saw your reply in the hair/make-up thread in random about trying to decide what to do with your hair; you should post a picture if you have some ideas so we can ooh and aaah at you and give you some ideas, of course!

  22. #24442
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    And I agree with you all whole heartedly. My mom has this inability to create that buffer Myles, she is an enabler at heart. She keeps saying, he's my son I can't turn my back on him.
    That sounds like my dad. We once had this conversation, where my mom said that if my brother or I did something that was illegal, she'd turn us in. My dad said he never would, no matter what. We went through all sorts of scenerios - rape, murder, etc. - and he still insisted that he'd take us to India to get us away from the law here, and that'd be that.

    It's nice to know you're loved unconditionally, but that's

  23. #24443
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    That sounds like my dad. We once had this conversation, where my mom said that if my brother or I did something that was illegal, she'd turn us in. My dad said he never would, no matter what. We went through all sorts of scenerios - rape, murder, etc. - and he still insisted that he'd take us to India to get us away from the law here, and that'd be that.

    It's nice to know you're loved unconditionally, but that's
    I couldn't imagine. Well, in one scenario I could. If my daughter were brutalized in any way and she later retaliated by killing the person, I could see myself trying to protect her from the law then. I doubt that would involve leaving the country, but it would mean giving as much as I could afford for the best defense we could get.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #24444
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    This is frustrating. "For fastest service and shortest wait, call for an appointment". You call for an appointment and you have to leave a message. Then they don't call you back. I suppose that makes it shorter/faster service for all the non-suckers that didn't bother to call for an appointment.

  25. #24445
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    That sounds like my dad. We once had this conversation, where my mom said that if my brother or I did something that was illegal, she'd turn us in. My dad said he never would, no matter what. We went through all sorts of scenerios - rape, murder, etc. - and he still insisted that he'd take us to India to get us away from the law here, and that'd be that.

    It's nice to know you're loved unconditionally, but that's
    Well at least I know my mom isn't the only parent out there!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  26. #24446
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    This is frustrating. "For fastest service and shortest wait, call for an appointment". You call for an appointment and you have to leave a message. Then they don't call you back. I suppose that makes it shorter/faster service for all the non-suckers that didn't bother to call for an appointment.
    What do you mean Suja, that makes absolute perfect sense

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  27. #24447
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    Some of the smarter automated systems have caught into that pressing 0 trick to get a person and will disconnect you if you try it. I've had that happen 2-3 times in the last year or so.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #24448

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    Chrissy, btw, I am hearing your frustration with the Rich situation and still have my fingers crossed that you'll both find clarity when you get some distance from each other. I guess step one is to make that distance.

    This weekend was pretty awesome actually. Between the concert on Friday, 2 good beach days and getting back to gardening (before she was a frequent poster on parenting boards, demigraf was a fairly active trader on Gardenweb and obsessed with horticulture) I feel like I had a reboot of sorts. Bodhi really loves to toddle around with me when I'm working in the garden. I can see us being outside a lot doing yardwork, now that the house is painted and DH cleared a sizable amount of yard. Oh, but speaking of DH and good beach days, um, this is why I want him to take photography lessons:




  29. #24449
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    With the housing shortage due to the flood, I'm nearly despairing that I'll be able to get any distance at all. I did write to the 'bungalow' guy & asked what the square footage is on that. I'm thinking it must be tinky-tiny though to be described as such so I don't really have a lot of hope.

    oh my goodness...that photo is something else!! Doesn't he take more than 1? I try to get 3 of everything at least.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #24450
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Between the concert on Friday, 2 good beach days and getting back to gardening (before she was a frequent poster on parenting boards, demigraf was a fairly active trader on Gardenweb and obsessed with horticulture)
    OMG, me too! I had a beautiful garden *before* I had the kidlet. Now, it's all literally gone to seed. Getting it all back will be years' worth of work.

    Oh, and that picture looks like something I would've taken. But, I can blame my CNS trouble (I used to be able to do microdissections) for the pictures, however.
    Last edited by Suja; 10-24-2011 at 12:14 PM.

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