Secular Confessions

[Smplyme89]

My parents already live with me, so I guess I'm ahead of the game

I don't know what we will do about DH's mom whenever that time comes. Let's just say our "values" are different from hers. She does have 4 other kids though and my parents only really have me (well and my brother but he's an irresponsible dodo ) so we've pretty come to the conclusion that one of DH's others brothers/sisters will end up "getting" her if it comes down to that.

Plus the woman has only seen Nolan once since he was born so I don't really see her wanting to have anything to do with him growing up

ETA: I guess that came across very negative in regards to my MIL, but honestly she has nothing to do with us-so I have a hard time saying nice things about her

[missychrissy]

This is not meant to be a knock on anyone, but IMO, there are very selfish attitudes when it comes to family. A lot of people are concerned with having relationships with their spouses/children and don't realize just how important it is for their kids to know their extended family.

When DH was visiting my cousin in Toulouse, France, he said that it was such a common sight to see entire families out for walks, grandkids holding their grandparents' hands as they stroll down the sidewalk, people getting together for family gatherings on weekends. We don't do nearly enough of that in this country, and as a consequence, see our elderly as 'the funny smelling people that drive slow in the fast lane'.

ita that Americans are selfish. And not just in regards to our elders either. Healthcare is a prime example of our society's selfishness. I cannot wrap my head around the concept that someone doesn't deserve medical coverage just because they can't find a job with those benefits available at an affordable rate to them. imo, everyone should be covered from birth to grave. I doubt it would cost more, but even if it did cost me more I'd support it.

We walk all the time with my mom. I have many pictures of her with the girls & Conner

I had a friend who worked in a nursing home who had to be the most sweet woman ever. One of those people who is just full of love. I remember thinking that she really restored my faith in people who pick professions like that, after all the horror stories I've heard.

There are definitely good workers. Probably a few in each nursing home even. But the majority of them are just there putting in the time, doing the bare minimum possible, just to get a paycheck.

That is so true. I have too often seen the old grandmother who is being taken advantage by her "caregiver" because her family doesn't give a sh*t enough to come visit her at.all

That definitely happens. My sil is a CNA and loves what she does, but she's witnessed that in every home that she's ever worked in (and she's worked in many). She said the ones with the frequent visitors get taken care of the best. Those that have no one visit are often neglected.

[missychrissy]

ETA: I guess that came across very negative in regards to my MIL, but honestly she has nothing to do with us-so I have a hard time saying nice things about her

I get it. We haven't talked to Rich's dad in nearly 13 years so it is hard to imagine us taking care of him if it came to that. I won't say never, but it's not likely.

My mother is another one I wonder about only because of her mental illness. She's fine now that she's regulated on her medication and takes them, but as she ages the drugs may not work as well. She had an aunt that also had a mental illness and in her latest years she was really difficult to care for. Physically hitting, kicking, biting, breaking things. I don't know if I'd be able to cope with that. Of course, she was in her 80's in the 80's, so it's possible they simply never found the right medication for her. It took my mom till late 80's/early 90's before she was regulated enough that she stopped having psychotic episodes.

[3andMe]

My whole house smells like an Indian restaurant right now. DH is going to be so happy when he comes home. I realize I should have done something different with my rice to make it more Indian as well, like get some cardamom seeds, but I love plain Jasmine rice.

Anyway, I guessed at a lot of the quantities for Suja's butter chicken. I think it may be very spicy-hot. I loved getting heirloom tomatoes and cilantro right from my back porch for the recipe.

[Suja]

My whole house smells like an Indian restaurant right now. DH is going to be so happy when he comes home. I realize I should have done something different with my rice to make it more Indian as well, like get some cardamom seeds, but I love plain Jasmine rice.

Anyway, I guessed at a lot of the quantities for Suja's butter chicken. I think it may be very spicy-hot. I loved getting heirloom tomatoes and cilantro right from my back porch for the recipe.

I hope it came out well. The problem with my recipes is that I don't measure, so I can't give quantities. I just taste as I go along and tweak as is necessary. Also too, there is nothing wrong with serving with plain jasmine rice. That's what I do usually.

I will add a quick and easy recipe for rice, for next time. Hopefully, it came out well enough you'll try out some more recipes. Also, if something comes out too spicy, just add a cooling raita to the menu.

[missychrissy]

Will your kids eat it if it's spicy hot? I'm sure you've had dinner by now...how was it?

[3andMe]

It was awesome. It was not nearly as spicy as I thought it would be from the way my eyes were watering when I was grinding green chile in the sauce. Dh said it was way better than any restaurant Indian food he'd had. DD refused to eat it on the name alone and asked for chicken nuggets. DS asked for some and then had a little but ate mostly pumpkin pie. Baby DS turned his nose up at the chicken nuggets and kept asking for more bites of my butter chicken, which was odd, because he's been not eating hardly any solid food at all since he started seriously teething with his molars months ago and has been mostly subsisting on a diet of milk and cheese and apples.

All of them will eat spicy food, but not usually too spicy. And baby DS gets food all over his face and rubs his eyes and if he's got spicy hot food on his fingers, it's a tragedy if that happens.

I love spicy food, depending on the flavor. DH likes it, but can't handle it as hot as I can. I made the mistake once at a restaurant in Thailand of saying I liked spicy food, and shortly afterward I thought the kitchen was on fire. Nope, just cooking my lunch. It was so hot, I had to take three bites of rice for every bite of sauce, and I still couldn't even really taste what the flavor was supposed to be. I gave up about 1/3 of the way through, from tongue pain and fullness. I won a jalapeno pepper eating contest at a bar in college, but I hate the flavor of jalapeno and the peppers were all cold and slimy and rather frog-like.

[missychrissy]

Dh said it was way better than any restaurant Indian food he'd had.

That's high praise!!!

I've only had Indian food once, and I couldn't tell you what I ate because someone else ordered it for me. I remember I liked it...they got me something that wasn't hot as I'm not a fan of spicy foods. I don't even like BBQ potato chips because they have a spicy tint to them that I don't like.

[Gwenn]

Oh, L, that dinner sounds good! I know better than to attempt it. I have no judgment about quantities or spicing to taste. But now I want to come for dinner at your house, or Suja's!

I went to dinner with my parents. My mom - I love her but argh! She had just had pasta with pesto for the first time (a little surprising as she and my dad love food) and she told me it had pistachio nuts. Then she wondered if she could grow her own, what was the leaf? Was it called pesto? I told her it was basil and she told me in a don't-be-stupid voice that it wasn't basil. So I looked it up on my phone and showed her it was basil and pine nuts, which I knew already being familiar with the wonderful world of pesto. Ugh.

I had fun, though.

[missychrissy]

Anything that says "spice to taste" I skip. It confuses me and I often can't tell the difference till it's too late and it's overwhelming. I need exact measurements and step by step in the kitchen. And I won't do recipes that take over an hour or involve too much chopping. I'm too lazy for all that.

[missychrissy]

I just saw one of my former coworkers commented on an event that had another mutual coworker (Tina) in the title. I clicked on it to see what it was about, and they're having a benefit for Tina and her daughter because they're both fighting breast cancer. Tina isn't much older than me--maybe 5-7 years. So how old could her daughter be? Early 20's? I'm really heartbroken.

[AmeriBrit]

Ah, I have so much to catch up on! I probably miss something out and have to come back on and comment later. I wanted to tell you guys about going out last night, too.

I had a great time meeting DH's new work mates. He works with 3 younger guys, an older man and a younger girl. I think the girl didn't like me because she didn't say a word to me even after I tried to be nice to her (I was probably cramping her style since I looked a 100 times better than she). Any how. The old guy was funny; he had some really weird ticks about him-When he told a story, he'd touch his nose a lot and then point at me and he also coughed randomly. LOL. He was a hoot, actually. I don't think he has many social skills; I'd only just met him and he told me a story about almost sleeping with a second cousin of his (that he didn't know he was related to!) Ha! The 3 younger lads were a laugh. One of them was typically young English lad and couldn't look me in the eye when he talked to me. The other was really loud and jovial and very animated. He was nuts, actually. He told me he wanted to move to America because he loves food, guns and girls. He asked me if there were girls like in the movies he's seen that skate on the beach in roller skates in bikinis! LOL. I told him he should check out Miami or somewhere like that. The other guy made me laugh because when we were leaving I said goodbye to him and he looked at me amazed and said, "You remembered my name!"

In regards to taking care of the elderly, we'll definitely be looking after my in-laws when they need us. It's one of the reasons we moved next door to them. They do so much for us now, there's no way I'd ever see them go to a nursing home or anywhere like that. Family is really important to my little family unit. I worked in a nursing home as a cleaner for a few months before I went off to college (because I thought I wanted to be a registered nurse when I first went to college) and I was apalled at how a lot of the staff treated the residents.

I'm definitely going to try one of Suja's recipes this week. We're off grocery shopping tomorrow morning (and to get pumpkins to carve!), so we'll pick up some spices while there!

I'd like to visit India one of these days. It's on my list of places to go, but I have so many!

Oh, and going back to Myles' story about being naive and stuff when travelling. When I look back on some of the things that have happened to me in my travels, I am amazed that I have not had anything horrible happen to me!

[3andMe]

Well, I think I probably already mentioned that I was raped when I was traveling in England when I was 17, but surprisingly it happened just when someone followed me off a train and waited until I walked out of town and could be conveniently dragged into bushes, and not when I was sleeping in fields or in phone booths or begging for coins in the Paris subway or kissing a stranger while riding a train going over the Swiss alps. I was being completely circumspect at the time. The only stupid thing I did was stay to get myself together afterward and ask him what the **** was the matter with him and did he not realize that it was a criminal act and completely unwelcome, because he kind of dusted me off and asked me if I wanted some tea, or something like that. I should have booked it immediately, because then he did it again. I was bruised from head to toe. It was my first experience with realizing that even though I felt like I was strong and self-sufficient, I was totally powerless against this superior physical strength. I had been kicking and hitting with all my might, and was pinned down with only a small amount of difficulty.

Today at swimming, DS had a scary experience. DH and I try not to watch too much, because if we pay too much attention, the kids just talk to us the whole time and don't listen to what their teachers are telling them. So we don't engage them, and we talk to each other and Baby S. We heard a couple of teachers yelling from the sidelines and then saw a dark form at the bottom of the pool. It was DS, who had apparently just drifted away from the edge and floated down underwater without making a sound. Another instructor dived down and grabbed him and brought him up coughing. His teacher hadn't been watching at all, because he was swimming with DD and looking the other direction. DH is wavering between thinking it is good that all of our kids are still alive, and thinking that was the worst swimming lesson ever. My heart still skips a little beat when I think about it. DS was scared, but in retrospect thinks he was just trying to swim on his own. Ugh. What a horrible image that was, seeing him on the bottom like that. We've both decided we're going to watch them all the time, like hawks, but it's going to be hard to watch them without engaging them.

[Gwenn]

Oh my goodness, L, how horrible! So glad he is all right.

[AmeriBrit]

Wow, L, that is so scary. I'm so glad everything is ok now.

[missychrissy]

omg L! I'm so glad he's ok. That must have been terrifying. I'd be watching like a hawk too.

about what happened when you were 17. Did the guy ever face charges?

[3andMe]

No, he never did, at least not from me. I had been planning on going back to work on a villa in Italy, but after that I decided to go back to the States instead because I had a plane ticket that left in two days. Either way, I didn't have the ability to stay in England and deal with the court system. I gave the description to a friend and asked him if he could report it, but when he looked at the description, everything including the clothes, matched his own description as well (brown hair, height, blue jeans, brown leather jacket, etc.) and he was worried about it. So I ended up not doing anything but going home and licking my wounds. Sadly, I had the feeling I was not the first victim so it would have been good for me to be able to do more.

[missychrissy]

Given the circumstances, there probably wasn't much else you could have done. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[girlwonder]

So scary, L. JoJo fell in a pool this summer - I was right there maybe four feet away and she just slipped in with hardly a sound and no splash and sank directly to the bottom. I can see how easily a child could drown even with someone right next to them. If I hadn't been watching I don't know that I would have been aware of it. I always watch her when she is in or near the water. And here's my psa link on drowning that I always post everywhere because it is the scariest thing I have ever read and it keeps me from being complacent around water: http://gcaptain.com/drowning?10981

[missychrissy]

I've read something similar to that before Katy. It's a good reminder. The only thing that's happened with my kids (so far and thank fate) is Jesi slipped into a pool when she was about 2. I saw it happen, but my brother (who is a big guy) was floating on one of those beds near the edge where it happened and the waves from her slipping in sucked the raft over her head...it was difficult to try and push him on the raft away so I could grab her. It felt like minutes, but was probably just seconds, before I could get him to realize what had happened and he rolled off so I could move the raft and grab her. He didn't even see her slip in. I did have to do the Heimlich too to get water out too. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.

[raspberry]

alright now I want to try Suja's butter chicken, it sounds so good. I've only had Indian food once, but I will try to re-create it at home. Ashley, your party sounds funny, especially the guy wanting to move to the US for those reasons. I used to work with a guy from England who gave his reason for moving to Alaska was so that he could own all the guns he wanted. okay. good to know. He was so odd, we all called him Eeyore, he was always so gloomy.

L, both your stories are so scary. I am so sorry. The pool incident would have made me a nervous wreck. We have a pool, and once G was mobile we installed a pool fence. Pools make me so nervous. I still remember last summer when a fellow member's co-worker lost her daughter in a drowning.

Today we took G to this great playground that has this covered fossil dig area, he had so much fun digging in the pebbles. He started playing with this other little boy a little older than him, and the two of them had a blast together. We ended staying there for 4 hours!! G definitely conked out early tonight.

Tomorrow, dh leaves on a business trip for the week. I'll miss him, but also looking forward to eating parmesan cheese popcorn for dinner and watching Best in Show.

[Bridget]

Lydia, my heart is broken for your travel story and then it stopped for your swimming story!
We live on a lake and it is one of my huge fears. And also something I notice when I watch Savana's swimming lessons that the instructor leaves all the kids sitting on the edge of the deep end while he takes out one child at a time. It makes me very nervous.

We are going on day 3 of no hot water.
We got a gas powered dryer and dbf doesn't know how to hook up gas so we are waiting on his friend to come over and do it. Nice, huh? He lives at the end of our street and it would take about 10 minutes. I am trying not to complain because the reason the hot water heater is totally turned off is because dbf tried to do it himself, thought he smelled gas, so shut down the entire thing. I know he wishes he'd left it alone and I don't want to make him feel worse.
But I need a shower! I can't bring myself to take a cold one.

[demigraf]

, L. Your England story ... what a crappy thing to have to deal with at such a young age. It's amazing you turned out as balanced and open-hearted as you are.

This talk of children drowning is terrifying me. I'll probably have a nightmare about it tonight. We are really hoping to fast-track the process of learning to swim for B because we consider it just a stepping stone to being proficient in the ocean. I'll never forget the day B tried to run after DH as he was paddling out on his surfboard. Straight into a wave that knocked him over. My stomach dropped. Luckily it was a little wave, but even with me directly behind him grabbing him by the shirt, the wrong wave could have spelled disaster.

Shudder.

[3andMe]

I don't know if it helps, but when bad things happen to me, I tend to think of what could have been worse (automatically, don't do this on purpose) and am grateful that at least it wasn't like that. Like in England, for some reason I immediately thought "thank goodness I wasn't a virgin and I have better experiences to counteract this one." Of course I was young and the experiences hadn't been that great.

DH and I were talking about DS's swim lesson more last night, and we realized we saw it differently. He had not realized that someone from outside the pool had noticed and yelled; he said I was mistaken about DS being at the bottom and said that he was floating along only partially submerged. DH edited my blog entry because he was worried that relatives would start calling him, freaking out. I was able to write my blog entry last night just by looking over my posts from here from the past week and changing abbreviations to actual names. I share so much with you. It was really handy, and works out better than the little pieces of scrap paper.

Katycat, thanks for sharing your link about drowning. I've actually read that a couple of times, and was telling DH that people tend to drown without thrashing after DS's incident at the pool yesterday. He was sure that there would be a lot of arm movements when the first breath of water came in. He was particularly struck by the statistic that in ten percent of the child drownings, the adult will actually watch them do it, having no idea it is happening.

Gilly'sMom, digging for treasure is so fun! That playground sounds like a blast. The Bay Area Discovery Museum (where I met pepperlru on Weds) has some areas where you can unearth treasure. There was one area where the twins kept finding pennies in the sand that apparently some kindly adults had buried for the kids. DD was delighted and I now have a pile of pennies in my car.

[missychrissy]

We are going on day 3 of no hot water.
We got a gas powered dryer and dbf doesn't know how to hook up gas so we are waiting on his friend to come over and do it. Nice, huh? He lives at the end of our street and it would take about 10 minutes. I am trying not to complain because the reason the hot water heater is totally turned off is because dbf tried to do it himself, thought he smelled gas, so shut down the entire thing. I know he wishes he'd left it alone and I don't want to make him feel worse.
But I need a shower! I can't bring myself to take a cold one.

Oh goodness. I gotta hand it to you, I'm 99% sure I wouldn't have let the opportunity to be passive aggressive pass me by. Even knowing it's not healthy, I think with him he so often never considers your feelings my own attitude would be "why should I care about yours?" That just shows how tremendously awesome you really are. I hope your gas is on by now.

L, that's really interesting to me that your dh and you could watch the same thing and have different memories about what you saw. I know that happens (and why eye witness testimony isn't supposed to be considered reliable) but it fascinates me.

I used to really believe I had an excellent memory. I was great at remembering names/faces, could remember events from as far back as 3, even a couple when I was 2. Then I went to college and took the psychology class and we learned about how fallible memory really is. While it's good to know, it's totally destroyed my confidence in myself and what I 'know'. It's hard to explain, but frequently I'll be talking with my boss at work about something work related and I will think "am I remembering that right?" I think I am, but I doubt myself. I never doubted myself in any other job before...I totally blame college.

[missychrissy]

Even though your event had just occurred, it's still related to memory. I remember the example they used repeatedly was having 5 witnesses see a car accident. They actually did a study associated with it. Not only did they initially get 5 different stories immediately after the 'accident' but later people's own testimony about what they saw changed...the further away they got in time, the more differences they claimed they saw. None of them were being deceitful. They all believed what they were saying.

Ugh-it really makes me question all my memories!!

[Bridget]

I have a great memory and a horrible memory at the same time. I am very forgetful with day to day things but can remember details about times from long ago. (Assuming they are correct details.)

Chrissy, I have found with dbf that the harder I am on him, the more I chip away at his self esteem, the more grouchy he is. So I tread lightly in these situations.

[daylilies]

L, I'm so glad everyone is okay. It's scary. I have the same dilemma when I take Josh to swim lessons. He looks at me for approval and reactions instead of listening to his teacher. I just try to appear like I'm looking the other way but watch him out of the corner of my eye.

My memory is awful. I blame technology.

[missychrissy]

Technology is probably part of it for me too. I can't even remember what night my favorite shows are on so I put them on my calendar on my phone.

[daylilies]

Haha, we DVR almost all our shows and watch them during the week--I can't tell you when most of them are on.