"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
Though I'm weak and probably would have just sent him an email saying that I met someone else....I don't know, maybe that better? Or maybe worse than just saying I'm just not interested in you?
I think Chrissy said it when she said "it depends on the guy". Some guys could have been working a few angles with a few girls and not taken one non-responsive girl too personally. In this case, though, the guy was DH and the girl was me.
Luckily, DH didn't let on that he was pissed that I stopped responding to his calls/e-mails. (You guys, I actually labeled his number "Do Not Pick Up" after that disastrous first phone call, which he claims was just nerves). Instead, he sent me this heartfelt and frank e-mail. He just said something like, "Look, I know we don't know each other, but I felt something with you and you seem not to like me back, and that's fine, but I thought I'd come out and say how I feel in case I wasn't clear before. I'd really like it if you'd tell me up front if you're not interested." Then he wished me well. I was so impressed with his cool and his honesty that I wrote him back, telling him I didn't feel a connection, but I could be friends with someone as sincere as him. It took off from there.
However, he never quite got over the way I had intended to blow him off. It still sticks in his craw, apparently. In my defense, we'd only made small talk, and to me, it's taking it to a more intimate (and somewhat presumptious) next level of communication to tell a guy you're not interested in him 'that way' when he hasn't come out and really explicitly said in what way he's interested in you. DH says I should have read into his persistence that he definitely liked me "that way" and it merited a response. It didn't strike me as fair that all he had to do was drone on about walking the Appalachian Trail and building crew boats, but then it was on me to talk about my feelings (or lack thereof) for him. Besides that, I was a bit cynical from having to deal with 9 out of 10 dates mostly wanting to "get with this". LOL.
Seriously, how was I supposed to tell the difference between his sincerity and the next guy's horniness... when all I had to go on were his "crew boats"? Ack, nevermind. It's obviously a moot point. I'm glad he wrote me that e-mail regardless, but wish he didn't always lord it over me that I nearly let him get away.
Last night's debate on the subject started because I told DH my coworker confided in me about a girl he'd similarly met on OK Cupid. She's a student, who was writing him back one or two sentences every night for 2 weeks. She never wanted to go out, though. He could see from the site that she had a near 100% reply rate, meaning she writes back to every guy. Long story short, he took the opposite pf my DH's approach, and wrote her a fairly angry, insulting e-mail, saying stuff like "I know why you're here. You know you have good pictures and you're just collecting admirers to make yourself feel better. And I refuse to be led on." The amazing part is that he actually landed a date with her, and it lasted thru lunch, a movie and dinner. I was maybe a little too blunt and told him the girl had to have low self esteem to go out with him after he talked to her that way. But I guess some girls like that sort of thing.
I would have done the same as you, Myles, hoping the silent treatment would have got through to him. Regarding the guy sending the girl an angry e-mail, I agree with you as well-there's no way I would have gone out with a guy that said stuff like that to me!
You have the best stories Myles! I don't know why he keeps that over your head though. You nearly made a mistake...so what? It was just poor communication and he plays a major role in that. Why do men think we can read their minds anyway? Why couldn't he have indicated he was into you (in a good way) on the phone rather than talking about trails and boats?
I think that if it were a first phone call and the guy sincerely said, "I really like you" and I wasn't feeling it, I'd say something. I wouldn't ignore his attempts to contact me after...providing, of course, that he was simply a nice guy. Not an arrogant arse.
Jeez, Myles! You married him so maybe it's time for him to get over it!
It's funny to talk about first impressions isn't it? Dbf thought I was stuck up because I barely spoke to him. He did promotional stuff at the club I worked at and I just thought he was an incredibly obnoxious dude. And also because he's extremely high energy, I assumed he was on drugs since that is so common in that industry.
But actually I've been told a lot by people that when they first met me they thought I was stuck up but really I'm just shy at first.
When I first started working in Hawaii, a local girl trained me and we ended up becoming really good friends. I stay in touch with her now and she still laughs about how after she trained me that day she went home and talked about the stuck up white girl she worked with that day. The first time we ever hung out outside of work she just kept saying, "I can't believe how nice you are! I was dreading working with you!"
I was thinking of the above Myles! He does need to get over it already!Originally Posted by Bridget;1058445675[B
But like I indicated above I would have told him. I rarely give people I don't know the silent treatment because I want them to know not to bother me if I don't want to be bothered, especially those of the male variety. Men and boys I have found growing up with 4 brothers, do not get hints. They need direct information so I learned early to be very direct with them and descriptive in a simple way. So anytime I have been with a guy as a friend or as more than that and I didn't like them for whatever reason I let them know I didn't want to hang out anymore and wished them well.
And LOL about thinking your DBF was on drugs Bridget!!! I think the same thing about intense, fast moving people. A co-worker and I were debating about what sort of substance our boss is one, he thinks she is an alcoholic, but she is really fidgety and is always moving a mile a minute so I think she is on some sort of narcotic drug.
Myles you really do have some of the most awesome stories! I can't believe he still holds onto that though, what a softy!
DH was my friends, sisters, baby daddys brother He was 21 and I was 14 and all I kept thinking when he would try to talk to me was "Your old" and "What is wrong with you" I really thought there must've been something seriously wrong with him if he was interested in someone so far outside his age! Turns out he said he didn't know what happened, when he met me he just knew we were meant for each other It took me a few months and than one day I was outside watching him playing with his nieces/nephews and that was it. I was hooked His love of children caused me to fall in love with him and than I made him wait 7 years before having a baby with him
On first impressions people usually think I'm really sweet and demure. I really don't say much when I first meet people or in a professional environemnt. I sit back and observe what is going on. It is funny to me that people think I'm so nice, some have even told me they thought I was a holy Christian, which they find out isn't true if they ask me about church or try to debate with me about religion. I can be quite brash. People here in Atlanta always apologize to me when they curse because they think I'm one of those people of which profanity in my vicinity is disrespectful.
I remember going out with a guy I worked with once, actually the same place I met DH at (we met at work) and at the restaurant some guy was being totally rude to my date and telling jokes really loud about his weight. He was really overweight and people thought I was crazy for going out with him, but he was a sweet guy and I got along well with him so I went. But it was a turn off to me that he let that guy basically embarrass him in the restaurant. I mean the guy was going on and on. So I literally stood up and told the guy how much of an immature word that rhymes with luck he was being and to stop acting like an idiotic teenager and let us and the rest of the restuarant patrons enjoy our meal without his stupidity. My date was shocked because at work I was usually so nice and didn't curse. I was about 21 then so I was a potty mouth. I have always been professional at work and laid back. I also am rather nice IMO even when I am being b!tchy, like I don't get loud or roll my eyes or get attitude with people for any reason at all when I am upset. But people always comment to me how they thought I was nicer when we first met. I don't know whether to see that as a compliment or an insult LOL!
That would be a turn off for me too Erin. I can't stand someone who has no self confidence and would let someone sit there and bash them like that I probably would've responded the exact same way too I just can't imagine what would give someone cause to make fun of someone for their weight, that just seems SO childish and unneccesary
I don't like giving people the silent treatment in hopes that they'll understand I'm not interested. However, if they haven't expressed outright interest, it's not really polite to say I'm not interested, either. It's assuming a lot, and I remember being really embarrassed when a guy who worked at my favorite hamburger place one summer told me that he wasn't interested in me. I had to stop eating there, even though I just really liked the burgers and it was close to my work. Gah!
So, I will usually just write back one-liners and then if the back-and-forth emails still don't peter off say something like "It's been nice getting to know you, but I've gotten busier lately so I probably won't be able to continue our conversations in the future" before just ignoring him. That way there's no doubt, and he doesn't think I'm madly in love with him but lying in a hospital unable to type or something.
Mylah, if you have the day off for any reason, I'm going to Marin with the twins to the Bay Area Discovery Museum and maybe for a walk in Muir Woods.
I have gotten the "I thought you were really stuck up" before too. I'm just really quiet in person until I get to know people. Or a number of times I have had people assume I am mormon. LOL I think it's the hair and that I don't go to bars (I like some drinks but do that at home...have only really gone to a bar like once) or clubs.
My DH really lacks self-confidence (he is awesome but doesn't see it even though I have been telling him for 13 years now all he's got going for him)....his stupid stepdad screwed him over that way....one person I'm glad is now dead and just wished he had died sooner. But even DH wouldn't sit there and let someone make fun of him.
So DH and I emailed almost daily for like 3 months before we ever chatted on the phone.....very long novel like emails. He warned me he doesn't pick up on hints. So when I realized that the semester was done and he wouldn't be on campus to email me much (he didn't have internet at home and said he would take the bus over to campus probably once a week to email me), I asked for his phone number and called him that night. And even than we talked for hours on the phone for a couple of weeks before we met up in person. It was finally on our third date when we were in my room (both still lived at home) and had just watched Beauty and the Beast (and yup I suggested watching a disney movie on a date LOL) when I was like, are you ever going to kiss me. Poor thing looked like a deer in headlights...he was a young 21 and hadn't dated much. After he left that night my mom was like is that a friend boy or a boyfriend. So I asked him what he was and he said thinking more boyfriend and we agreed we were a couple. So hard to believe that was almost 13.5 years ago.
Jennifer what a cute story
The first movie DH and I ever saw together was Lost Highway, one of DH's favorites at the time, a super-confusing David Lynch movie. I thought, this is one smart boy if he understands this movie-I should hang onto this one for a while. LOL
To this day he likes movies with twisted plots that make my head hurt.
I have gotten the stuck up comment too, I can be so shy at first. One of best friends in high school was the first to tell me she thought I was stuck up. Every morning waiting for the bus, I didn't talk to her, so she assumed I was snotty. Well I was shy, and it was 6:30 in the morning, and I was a teenager. ha.
I wish I were more like my social butterfly mom, she literally would talk to everybody, but I think I tend to more reserved like my dad.
My dh has pointed out many times, that men don't get hints at all. I have learned the hard way, if I want something I have to tell dh exactly what I want. Last year for Mother's Day I showed him the necklace I wanted from etsy. If I didn't show him, I would just get a card.
Never heard of that movie Lost Highway-have to check it out. A walk in Muir Woods sounds so nice. We visited Yosemite last year, I loved it so much. Florida is so dang flat, it was nice to see the beautiful green mountains. But we never made it to Muir Woods.
Shelley-mom to DS, 5
It's so funny that most of us have gotten that "stuck-up" comment. I have as well. Mostly in high school, too, because I was really shy. I'm not so much shy any more. I still can be very quiet before I get to know people, but I've gotten better at small talk and just talking out loud to myself around people nowadays. LOL.
That is sweet Jennifer!
The first movie DH and I saw together was Gladiator. I wanted to go and drool over Djimon Honsou who I think is a fine piece of manhood. DH didn't know that of course but he loved the movie and he actually remembers that was the first movie we saw together.
My most memorable though was when we went to see a movie called "Evolution" with David Duchovny. I was PG with Ky at the time and sick sick sick all day and was feeling particularly craptastic when DH wanted to cheer me up by taking me to a movie. I would rather have slept the whole day but he insisted so I went with him and the movie was pretty funny, but kind of lame. The best entertainment was DH who kept yelling and screaming when the aliens would bust out all of a sudden. He kept telling me it was a scary movie and was literally grabbing me like he was afraid and trying not to look at the screen, it was just hilarious!! Between his yelling and my laughing they nearly threw us out of the theater. He still gets upset that I mention that movie and will insist it is a scary movie, but it not, it is like a comedic sci-fi movie, kind of like "Ghost Busters."