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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #23521

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    I'm really interested in those kind of things, but I don't know if I could deal with it in real life. I read a book about medical history once that was so cool. Talked about honey as an antibiotic, historical birth control, the invention of band-aids, etc. Totally love reading about it, but the sight (not to mention the smell!) would probably get to me.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  2. #23522

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    Lydia, I am so glad things are going better for you! Please don't ever feel like you sound smug. I wish that for all of us, that we could come in here saying things are grand. I feel like all I do is complain. Except right after Sawyer was born. Remember how great he was?
    I know his mom must have said something to him about how I contradict him in front of the kids. It was because of the day Kai was playing with a wooden knife from their pretend sushi kit and dbf said, "Kai, cut my foot off", so Kai wacked his foot. Remember? Anyway, he's been making a really huge deal about everything I say now as if I'm constantly out to sabotage his parenting. For example, yesterday he came home with a bunch of antique keys and him and the kids were going through them. Savana loves stuff like that so I told him when he mentioned throwing them away after the kids went to bed that it would actually be kind of cruel since she loved them so much. He was mumbling about how we don't need more junk around here. Then this morning she came down to the daycare crying that she begged and begged daddy not to throw the keys away and he did (right in front of her). So I went up and asked if we could please have them because she really loved them. He got all hot and bothered that I need to stop contradicting his parenting and get this, "She needs to learn that we don't collect junk."
    Then why in the hell did you bring it home and give it to her????
    He makes me crazy.

    Sorry. I went off again. Lydia, seriously, I am so happy things are going well. I was worried about you.

  3. #23523
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    Bridget, that's just plain cruel! I really don't understand him.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #23524

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Bridget, that's just plain cruel! I really don't understand him.
    I agree - that's just cruel and mean.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  5. #23525

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    I write out posts all the time and then delete. Most of the time because I feel like it's too personal for an open forum.

    Bridget: He has serious control issues. IDK what else to say.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  6. #23526
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Totally love reading about it, but the sight (not to mention the smell!) would probably get to me.
    That is why I think I have the perfect job. I get to read all sorts of interesting in all areas of medicine....but don't have to see anything other than pictures or videos. And I usually can get my boss to do the eye research because I don't even like pictures of that.

    Just today I was doing research on ACL reconstruction rehab, pacifiers in the NICU and breastfeeding, fall prevention in nursing homes, and exercise health promotion. It was nice to not need my medical dictionary today. Some days I get requests and I'm like

    L, I thought you might have heard of that!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #23527

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    Yes I would say control issues too. I see a lot of examples when a parent does something mean just to prove a point.

    Fecal transplants and maggot therapy? Wow...
    I have a morbid side...I'm fascinated by weird things like that. I just started a book called Stiff, which I haven't read much of yet but it's all about the things the medical field does with donated cadavers...like did you know they use corpse heads for surgeons to practice cosmetic surgery on? That's as far as I've gotten, but I'd be glad to update with other things I find out as I go.

  8. #23528

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    "She needs to learn that we don't collect junk."
    Yeah, and he is teaching her how to be cruel and mean and ugly and threatening to smaller people who have no power. Excellent. I'm sorry - I don't know how you live with him. This has been weighing on my mind all night. He just likes to mind-fluck his own children? Ugh. I'm sick about it. I don't know if there is any way in the world to counteract that kind of awful parental behavior, no matter what kind of super-mom you try to be.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  9. #23529
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    Ah Stiff, we have that book. My boss LOVES stuff like that so he orders a lot of general interest reading/science reading for staff. No fiction but not just medical textbooks either.

    he likes to tell us (me and our assistant) about nasty stuff like bugs and spiders from this book called Biten (I think).

    And Mary Roach has at least two others one is called Boink.

    Oh and my boss orders a lot of audio books as we have a lot of staff that travel and love them. And he always drives when we go Minnesota or one of the other clinics and makes me listen to them. Last time it was Packing for Mars I think.

    I don't like non-fiction for the most part and I really don't like audio books. And I work in a totally non-fiction library. Good thing I'm not expected to sit and read all day!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #23530

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    I heard she has other books. My book list is quite long...I'll get to them someday!

  11. #23531
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    Tell me about it! I have sticky notes in my purse, on my desk, in my email that just keep getting added to of my books to read someday list!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  12. #23532

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    I use goodreads.com...you can make a to read list and rate them when you've finished...plus add friends and see what they're reading.

  13. #23533
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Yeah, and he is teaching her how to be cruel and mean and ugly and threatening to smaller people who have no power. Excellent. I'm sorry - I don't know how you live with him. This has been weighing on my mind all night. He just likes to mind-fluck his own children? Ugh. I'm sick about it. I don't know if there is any way in the world to counteract that kind of awful parental behavior, no matter what kind of super-mom you try to be.
    I agree. I'm worried about how he is messing with their heads.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #23534
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    My dog just farted audibly. Like, really loudly. I've never known a dog with that particular skill before. DH and I are laughing ourselves silly.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #23535

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    Hahahaha!

  16. #23536
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    L I'm glad things are going so well

    Bridget that makes me so sad for poor Savanna Alot of your posts remind me of my own father, it makes me sad

    Gwenn that is hilarious

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #23537

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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Yeah, and he is teaching her how to be cruel and mean and ugly and threatening to smaller people who have no power. Excellent. I'm sorry - I don't know how you live with him. This has been weighing on my mind all night. He just likes to mind-fluck his own children? Ugh. I'm sick about it. I don't know if there is any way in the world to counteract that kind of awful parental behavior, no matter what kind of super-mom you try to be.
    I'm sorry if you're tired of us talking about your dbf Bridget, but it seems like his bad interactions with your kiddos are just reactions to his interactions with you... like he acts out against the kids to prove that he has some control in parenting. Did he shoulder more parenting responsibility right after Sawyer was born? Maybe his control sh*t was at bay because he was forced into the alpha parent role and had to step up to the plate. Now that things have settled a bit he's back into being number #2 parent, fighting for dominance by acting overly authoritative at inappropriate times.

    Just a guess. But I'm really hoping that he's better than he appears on the internet, and you have a more peaceful life than I think. You and your kiddos sure deserve it.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    I'm sorry if you're tired of us talking about your dbf Bridget, but it seems like his bad interactions with your kiddos are just reactions to his interactions with you... like he acts out against the kids to prove that he has some control in parenting. Did he shoulder more parenting responsibility right after Sawyer was born? Maybe his control sh*t was at bay because he was forced into the alpha parent role and had to step up to the plate. Now that things have settled a bit he's back into being number #2 parent, fighting for dominance by acting overly authoritative at inappropriate times.

    Just a guess. But I'm really hoping that he's better than he appears on the internet, and you have a more peaceful life than I think. You and your kiddos sure deserve it.
    Really, really thought-provoking and interesting points.

    I have to say, during the worst of my times with dh, I would have been willing to stay with him through most anything just because he is such a good father and such a good role model to our children. I know my father was not so great, but he was also not home very much so he didn't have much day-to-day influence on us. I think his absence, and my mother's firm and grounded support and positive interactions, are what made me the confident person I am today.

    ETA: Psychological issues aside, we have actually not let my mom bring in old keys for our kids to play with because many of them have high lead content. There was a big change in minimum lead level requirements for keys in 2001 and then later in 2010, so we don't let them play with or handle keys very much.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 09-30-2011 at 10:51 PM.


  19. #23539
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    Just a guess. But I'm really hoping that he's better than he appears on the internet, and you have a more peaceful life than I think. You and your kiddos sure deserve it.
    I couldn't agree more

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #23540
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    Bridget, I couldn't agree with more with what everyone's said about your dbf. I know he must have his good side, but his bad side sure is nasty. You and those great kids of yours deserve so much better than that.

    Erin, Elle sounds like a hoot. I love when little kids try to tell jokes.

    On the reading topic, I love reading stuff about history and medical history sounds kind of cool, but I'm not in to the morbid stuff. I would like to read more overall and am hoping for a Kindle for Christmas. I watched a documentary the other day on vampires in history. Some people in medieval times were so convinced that they'd come back as vampires that they'd leave detailed instructions on how to bury them so that they couldn't come back from the grave! It was a pretty cool documentary and just showed you how ignorance of medical things back then spooked people out very easily.

  21. #23541

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    Dang, Lydia. Thanks for the info on lead! I am super paranoid about lead poisoning. I will have to explain that to Savana.

    And Molly, you could very well be right about dbf. I swear, I really do try to let him do things his way but it is very hard in certain instances. But you make a really good point. I don't mean to but I am sure I make him feel like he has no say around here.
    I also want to say that he is not all horrible. I talked to him more about the key thing. He had brough home with the keys bunch of padlocks and thought it would be cool to have the kids match the keys to the locks. But as it turned out, none of them matched. So in his mind he thought it was all totally worthless and when Savana saw him throwing them away he told her they were junk and she started to cry and he was "sticking to his guns" since I told him not to say no to the children and then give in when they scream and yell. In his effed up way, he seems to have good intentions but he fails to understand that they aren't little adults. He's alway saying they should know this or understand that and he doesn't GET that their brains are just not there yet.

    Every night he lays in bed with Kai for almost an hour playing "rocketship". He has Savana help him clean the saltwater tanks and will search for hours online to find the exact fish she wants. Last night he stayed up setting up a stockcar racing track in the living room for Kai because he promised he'd have it ready when Kai woke up. Yesterday when I was dealing with a fussy Sawyer for 40 minutes when I came into the kitchen he had poured me a glass of wine. I mean, not that he deserves a metal for any of that but I felt like I needed to let y'all know he's not a total monster.

    Thank you all for your unwaivering support. I will try not to complain so much about things around here. And just to be clear, I am not, nor do I strive to be, supermom. If I give that impression I imagine that's really annoying and probably part of the reason why dbf thinks he's the "less than" around here.
    Last edited by Bridget; 10-01-2011 at 04:21 AM.

  22. #23542

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    I don't think any of us wishes you'd complain less! I always say, that's what we're here for. I think all of your vents are completely rational and not unfounded. It's not like you come here and cry every time he forgets to put his dishes in the dishwasher.

  23. #23543

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Dang, Lydia. Thanks for the info on lead! I am super paranoid about lead poisoning. I will have to explain that to Savana.

    And Molly, you could very well be right about dbf. I swear, I really do try to let him do things his way but it is very hard in certain instances. But you make a really good point. I don't mean to but I am sure I make him feel like he has no say around here.
    I also want to say that he is not all horrible. I talked to him more about the key thing. He had brough home with the keys bunch of padlocks and thought it would be cool to have the kids match the keys to the locks. But as it turned out, none of them matched. So in his mind he thought it was all totally worthless and when Savana saw him throwing them away he told her they were junk and she started to cry and he was "sticking to his guns" since I told him not to say no to the children and then give in when they scream and yell. In his effed up way, he seems to have good intentions but he fails to understand that they aren't little adults. He's alway saying they should know this or understand that and he doesn't GET that their brains are just not there yet.

    Every night he lays in bed with Kai for almost an hour playing "rocketship". He has Savana help him clean the saltwater tanks and will search for hours online to find the exact fish she wants. Last night he stayed up setting up a stockcar racing track in the living room for Kai because he promised he'd have it ready when Kai woke up. Yesterday when I was dealing with a fussy Sawyer for 40 minutes when I came into the kitchen he had poured me a glass of wine. I mean, not that he deserves a metal for any of that but I felt like I needed to let y'all know he's not a total monster.

    Thank you all for your unwaivering support. I will try not to complain so much about things around here. And just to be clear, I am not, nor do I strive to be, supermom. If I give that impression I imagine that's really annoying and probably part of the reason why dbf thinks he's the "less than" around here.
    I didn't mean to sound like you were doing anything "wrong" to make your dbf act out, more just trying to dig around at some reasoning as to why he would do the things you describe. And nobody thinks you should "complain less", I don't think of you as a complainer, AT ALL! It's a great release to vent online and let it go.

    I'm glad he has shining moments that justify you being in a relationship with him, and even though he doesn't deserve a medal, it probably means he's got a good heart.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  24. #23544
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    Bridget, I agree, I can't imagine that anyone would ever think you were putting yourself up to be supermom. I have never gotten that kind of impression from you, and what you try to do with your kids are what we all try to do - protect them in our own ways and be the best that we can be. That doesn't mean we are Supermom (except to our kids), and we SHOULD share our triumphs as well as our failures because what kind of women are we if we can't be happy and learn from each others' successes and support each other if we are feeling down?

    I think it speaks a lot that we (the secular NET) have been really disappointed in your dbf's behavior, yet many still acknowledge that we know we don't get the whole picture from just the anecdotes that we see here. And it is nice to hear those nice things he did. Actually, thinking about how they might like to match up the keys to a padlock when he was out, even if the execution ended up being very poor, is also kind of sweet.

    I think we would be a very poor kind of support forum if we are making you feel like you should stop complaining and also like you can't talk about how you do things from a parenting standpoint. I always try to learn and listen to your techniques, and I realize being called "Supermom" may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is just a recognition of the level of respect many of us have for the advice you would give in parenting situations.


  25. #23545
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    L said it so much more eloquently than I could, so I'm just going to say ita with eveything she said Bridget I do in fact think you ARE supermom though It is nice to hear those things that DBF did for the kids, very very sweet Parents aren't perfect, each brings something to the table when it comes to raising children and as long as the good days outnumber the bad-I think your doing OK

    Maybe there is someway that you can delegate responsibilities to him so that he can feel more "involved" in the day to day operations of taking care of the children?? This is actually something I am interested in since I have a really bad habit of trying to do everything and DH ends up feeling very left out and/or useless... Than of course when I do let him help I have a bad habit of correcting his behavior

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  26. #23546
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    Wow you ladies talked a lot! I'm probably going to miss something, but here goes...

    No, never watched the Princess thing...I just googled the plot and I have to say my thoughts are, "Really? THAT is supposed to be so grand?" 'cause I didn't read anything about it that looked intriguing...but if I ever see it on I will make a note to see what all the fuss is about.

    L-Glad things are better with your dh now. You've never sounded smug to me and I like hearing good news too.

    Bridget...my my my. Everyone else said what I felt so I'll just say I agree with them on all their points. Please do not feel like you need to complain less. Like L said, we're all smart in here and we know these are just little bits and pieces of our relationships. While I do sometimes feel annoyed about your dbf, I do assume he's a nice guy and had good qualities as well...like the stuff you listed above.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #23547
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    I agree, Bridget. This is a support forum and we're all here to complain and listen to others' complaints. I hope you don't stop sharing with us. And I agree, what we ll share is one sided and reflects our moods at the time.

    Chrissy, the plot is not the reason to watch the Princess Bride. It's one of the funniest movies ever! Just watch it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #23548
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    The Princess Bride is hilarious, stupid but hilarious!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  29. #23549
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    Bridget, I think for me, I think of you as a super mom because you always seem to put your kids first; you know them so well and you listen to them and know just what to do to help them and when you don't, you try really hard to find ways to help them. I know that no one is perfect, but I guess you are for a lot of us like the mom we would like to be more like. Being patient with kids is so hard, so reading your stories always gives me some perspective about putting myself in my kids' shoes and trying to not get so overwhelmed by the other stuff going on around me when my kids should come first. That's what I wanted to say about that. ;)

    I'm eating some date & walnut cake with a cup of decaf coffee while watching the British X-Factor....having a moment to myself while the kids have just gone to bed. Ahhh.....

  30. #23550

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    I love y'all!

    I finally caved and took Sawyer to the dr because this rash has spread to his arms, legs and face. One of my daycare parents said she thought it was a strep rash so that had me worried. Well, the dr said it's not strep, nor is he showing any signs of anything he would be at all concerned about. He said he just can't be sure exactly what the rash is. I love that he said he didn't know! I wanted to kiss him. (Seriously, he was very cute) So refreshing. The last few times I have had to take my kids/myself to the dr they just take one look and write out a script and I know in my heart they have no idea.

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