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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #23371

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    So sorry and sad for your friend, Bridget. I hope your DBF begins to feel at peace with the whole thing soon.

    Christina, wow, you're so young (in my mind) and your *little* bro has been in and out of your family's lives for a couple years? He must be a baby! I hope this means he learned his lesson while still young and can bounce back easily.

    L, I hope you have wonderful weather up in Tahoe and your family with you enjoys it. DH will be up there too until early Saturday.

  2. #23372

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    Hey Myles, you and my dbf share a birthday!
    My dad and brother drove up last night to go out to dinner with us which I thought was lovely since I know sometimes dbf is tough pill for them to swallow. We are a very mellow laid back family and dbf is very intense.
    You know, having his mom here has sort of made me realize that it's only a matter of times before we are no longer together. I suppose it could have been anyone but having another person in the house so much and seeing our life through someone else's eyes makes me really aware of our dynamic. Like, mil and I are just constantly juggling the children together. If I need to change, she swoops in and takes Sawyer. If Kai is getting crazy, I take him out to show him a bug and she automatically takes over dinner. It's like having a real partner. And I can tell by her looks that she is disgusted with the way dbf just sits on his computer while life in this house just swirls around him. But no one says anything because he'll just get defensive and argumentative and ruin our peace. Having her here makes me realize what life would be like with a real partner. Yesterday while I was getting ready for dbf's birthday dinner I smiled to myself when I thought I actually need a woman around here.

  3. #23373
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, I'm sorry about Frank. I like to psychoanalyze bosses, and I think Frank sounds like a give-an-inch-take-a-mile type.
    He never responded and now the rest of my week is filled up. I hope he doesn't send another last minute email today just because Tuesday I told him I had time on Thursday. I did tell him my schedule fills up fast. And I always get unexpected drop-ins that take at least an hour. Yesterday it was Adobe Pro 8...why the old one, I don't know, but with all the updates it needed after install it was at least 40 minutes of my time. I really wish everyone would write me to schedule these things.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I'm still trying to figure out exactly what the FB changes are.....so far the email notification seems changed and that instead of recent posts they are calling it stories?
    FB decides for you wish posts it thinks you'll be most interested in. From what I read, a part of the algorithm that decides that is how many likes and comments one of your friends posts receives. Kinda like a popularity contest to me, and that annoys me because there's often things that no one 'likes' or comments on but I still want to see them. Depending on how long it's been since you were last on FB, you have to scroll pretty far down to see the feed in chronological (normal) order.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Dbf just got word that an old friend of his from hawaii comitted suicide. He was a drug addict (crystal meth) so dbf stopped really having much to do with him once he got so deep into using that he wasn't even himself anymore. It's so sad. And dbf isn't good at just letting himself grieve. He keeps saying to me that he feels like he should have done something for Joe and I just keep telling him that there isn't anything you can do for a drug addict that does not want to quit. When I try to talk to him about it further he just clams up.
    Sigh. Life is hard.
    That's so sad. I feel bad for your dbf too. Those are very normal feelings to have. Suicide is awful

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Speaking of addicts my little brother got away from his pill popping GF and is now on day 5, clean and sober (well except for the marijuana, but I'd much rather that than the pills!) I'm happy for him, he keeps apologizing for not being in our lives over the past couple of years... It's really sad watching him realize what he's done to himself and to our family
    I really hope he can stick with it. Positive thoughts heading his way!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Hey Myles, you and my dbf share a birthday!
    My dad and brother drove up last night to go out to dinner with us which I thought was lovely since I know sometimes dbf is tough pill for them to swallow. We are a very mellow laid back family and dbf is very intense.
    You know, having his mom here has sort of made me realize that it's only a matter of times before we are no longer together. I suppose it could have been anyone but having another person in the house so much and seeing our life through someone else's eyes makes me really aware of our dynamic. Like, mil and I are just constantly juggling the children together. If I need to change, she swoops in and takes Sawyer. If Kai is getting crazy, I take him out to show him a bug and she automatically takes over dinner. It's like having a real partner. And I can tell by her looks that she is disgusted with the way dbf just sits on his computer while life in this house just swirls around him. But no one says anything because he'll just get defensive and argumentative and ruin our peace. Having her here makes me realize what life would be like with a real partner. Yesterday while I was getting ready for dbf's birthday dinner I smiled to myself when I thought I actually need a woman around here.
    Your brother, Myles, and my Jesi all share the same birthday!!

    It's rather telling that his own mother is annoyed with his lack of input into the day to day running of your household. I can't help but feel a bit angry at him that he lets you do all that work yourself...then even finds justification to complain about anything, ever. You do deserve a real partner that actually helps out.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #23374
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Christina, wow, you're so young (in my mind) and your *little* bro has been in and out of your family's lives for a couple years? He must be a baby! I hope this means he learned his lesson while still young and can bounce back easily.
    Yes he started staying away from home at about 15 and moved out (despite my moms best efforts) when he was 16 He got hooked on this girl who than got knocked up by some OTHER guy all the while doing pills. How the boy has not managed to get arrested considering all the things he has done amazes me.

    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post

    I really hope he can stick with it. Positive thoughts heading his way!!

    It's rather telling that his own mother is annoyed with his lack of input into the day to day running of your household. I can't help but feel a bit angry at him that he lets you do all that work yourself...then even finds justification to complain about anything, ever. You do deserve a real partner that actually helps out.
    I hope so too, he really seems to want to do this for himself which is VERY important. Although he did meet a new girl () but he said that she doesn't do drugs and works 3 jobs, sooo she might be OK-if I say so

    Bridget ITA with everything Chrissy said! You deserve the best of the best of the best It makes me sad to think that you work SO hard with very little help from him

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  5. #23375
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    My dh had such a pissy attitude yesterday that I could have really ripped him a new one if I was a meaner person. He had the day off work and Cash did have a bad sleeping night, so he acted like his world was ending. I seriously wanted to say, 'dude, get your act together. We all have to deal with lack of sleep these days and that doesn't give us the right to treat the kids in such a horrible manner.' He did apologise at the end of the day though. That kind of day and behaviour is really out of character for him. I couldn't imagine trying to deal with that every single day! I really do cherish that we have a good relationship most of the time and he's such a big help.

    Bridget, your story about your MIL reminded me of the other day when I took Travis to school. My SIL and BIL were there with their other 2 kids to pick up their other son who is in Travis' class. When the kids came out, BIL stormed off with the eldest while SIL was left with the baby in the stroller and their middle child who is a hand full, so I slowed down and helped SIL. She really was struggling but her husband is so clueless!

  6. #23376
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    Dp
    Last edited by AmeriBrit; 09-22-2011 at 02:39 PM.

  7. #23377

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    Grrrrr. In Chicago for the weekend and as soon as I got to the hotel it started pouring rain. Oh well - built in nap time I guess!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #23378
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Grrrrr. In Chicago for the weekend and as soon as I got to the hotel it started pouring rain. Oh well - built in nap time I guess!

    That sucks! What are you doing there? Anything planned?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    What a bummer about dh's bad day Ashley.

    Rich has occasionally done something similar with me before (leaving me struggling with unruly/unhappy kids). If I call him on it, he always pretends ignorance, but I have a sneaking suspicion that at least sometimes he's purposefully ignoring it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    OMG I'm irritated. So my MIL, whom I do love dearly arrived at my house about an hour ago. I called to see how the drive up was and she's telling me a few things and than mentions how she and Cosmo split a liver sausage sandwich. And DH and her dog had some cookies. Ok we do NOT eat liver sausage so I know that was in the car with her for at least 3.5 hours and I'm pretty sure she didn't bring a cooler...maybe a lunch bag that would be it. Second of all the ONE other time Cosmo had something that contained liver, she had bloody diarrhea for like a week. I don't know for sure that was the cause but she's never had a product with liver since and never had bloody diarrhea any other time in 8 years....and I do read labels for anything I give her. Third, I'm trying to have her on a diet. She needs to lose a couple of pounds and I switched her to light dog food, measure her food out and she only gets people food at dinner because it's the only way I could get her to take her seizure meds. Which his family is always trying to sneak her food and say that it was "just a little bit"...and they know that they aren't supposed to with her.
    I was like, uh you said Cosmo had what? She's not supposed to have any liver. Of course MIL was omg, that's right and felt badly.
    I have no clue why DH didn't say something. Unless this happened when he was busying cleaning up pee off the carpet from her dog (annoying but he's almost 13 yrs old so not surprising).

    I really hope that she doesn't end up sick.......

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Oh no! I hope Cosmo doesn't get a diarrhea How miserable for her and you!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  12. #23382

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    I hope Cosmo is okay. Our dog was sick like that once - I woke up and thought someone had been murdered I our living room. It was the most horrible smell on earth.

    No major plans for Chicago. Tonight we went to Spiaggio for dinner after drinks on the 96th floor of the Hancock building. Tomorrow we go to dinner at Naha and we are going to the Field museum in the afternoon with an old friend. It has been so long since I lived here it is like a new city!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


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    My mom just called to tell me that my dad's truck got stolen while he was grocery shopping yesterday!!! (He'd left the keys in it----totally country bumpkin kinda town where everybody does that kind of thing)....so, any how, she said one of my uncles was driving today and noticed a truck on the side of the road and it was my dad's!!!! And the guy who had stolen it was asleep in it! My uncle called the police and when they got there, they had a shootout with the guy and in the end, the guy got away on foot but my dad's truck is now in police custody!!!! Yikes!

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    OMG ... It's like a movie!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    My mom just called to tell me that my dad's truck got stolen while he was grocery shopping yesterday!!! (He'd left the keys in it----totally country bumpkin kinda town where everybody does that kind of thing)....so, any how, she said one of my uncles was driving today and noticed a truck on the side of the road and it was my dad's!!!! And the guy who had stolen it was asleep in it! My uncle called the police and when they got there, they had a shootout with the guy and in the end, the guy got away on foot but my dad's truck is now in police custody!!!! Yikes!
    omg-that's insane!! A shootout? That's really incredible. I wonder how long they'll keep your dad's truck...or if it was hit by any bullets. Holy crow.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #23386
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    Thats crazy!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #23387

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    Wow! Where do they live? I hope your dad's truck is OK and he gets it back soon.

    Jennifer, how's Cosmo?

    Katy, How's Chicago?

    Myles, Happy Belated! I truly suck for not wishing you happy birthday, but without FB reminding me, I remember nothing. I have been sewing up a storm lately and have wished several times that you lived down the street so we could sew together.


    So I got a giftcard for Walmart with Amex points and went to use it today. Our Walmart is a cesspool of terrible parenting. It seems like every time I go there I see someone yelling at their LO, ignoring their LO while they fall out of the cart, or lighting cigarette while holding their newborn baby? WTH?!

    I swear I try not to judge moms and dads because everyone has a bad day, but I just walked out feeling like crying for those kids. And, TBH, feeling a whole lot better about myself as a parent.

    I'm glad I didn't go with Abbey, who stayed at home with DH because she has a terrible cold.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  18. #23388

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    I know exactly what you mean about Walmart! It's horrible. I had to take mil there a few days ago with Kai and Sawyer and I was just horrified that she was making me go there!

    How do you guys feel about other people reprimanding your kids? I ask because dbf's mom does it a lot and I really don't like it. Granted, she does it less now than she used to but she still does it and it upsets me.
    Tonight at dinner dbf and Savana were arguing and his mom said, "Enough Savana" very sharply and it was all I could do not to speak up. Also, she is constantly ragging on Savana for the mess she makes when she eats. Now I agree that she is careless at the table and we are working on it. The way we work on it is that I speak to her about it in private in a kind gentle manner so as not to humiliate her because Savana is so sensitive about being corrected in front of other people. The messy eating is just a result of her having a hard time sitting still which I don't think is that abnormal from a 5 year old. Dbf's mom is just so constant about it and tonight she was cleaning up the floor under Savana while Savana was still eating! I finally said, "Why don't you just let me take care of it when she is finished so she doesn't have to feel insecure about eating and she can just enjoy her meal?"
    She responds that it's totally messing and that Savana is stepping in it. Which she was not because I was right there and could see with my eyes that she wasn't. But of course then mil acts all hurt and leaves the room.

    I guess I feel like it's total bs to speak sharply and act annoyed by kids on a regular basis. Dbf does it too. I am setting all the same rules and giving the same reminders but in a NICE way. Is it really that hard? Not that I never lose my patience but if I am with them 24/7 and keep my cool most of the time then I think the people that around them for 1/10th of that time should be able to.

    AND if my children are doing something right in front of me in my home and I'm not correcting the behavior, then I expect people in my home to assume that it's acceptable.

  19. #23389
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    Our WalMart is the same way, it drives me crazy When I worked at Winn Dixie I saw a woman walk away from her cart (with an infant in it) leaving a little boy most definitely under 5 to "watch" the baby. Next thing we know the infant falls out of the cart, mom runs over picks the baby up plops him back in the cart and proceeds to whoop the little boy I'm standing there going WTH!?! How in the world is a little boy supposed to prevent THAT from happening! People make me sick

    Bridget I have no advice, were not there yet. I can foresee having the same problems since me and my differ some on parenting issues. She's still telling me that once Nolan gets teeth he doesn't need to BF anymore Of course my response is always something along the lines of "What about those babies born with teeth, are they supposed to start eating meat straight out of the womb" and it shuts her up

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  20. #23390

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    The way you describe it, I would be really unhappy with my MIL reprimanding my LO like that. Especially since the things she was taking issue with are pretty irrelevant (to me, anyway). It seems pretty obvious where your dbf got his technique, though. Just curious, why were your dbf and Savana arguing? it seems strange for a man and a kid to argue. But my girl is little, so I'm sure the dynamic is different.

    I do tend to be grateful when (close) mommy friends reprimand Abbey, because I do think it takes a village to raise a LO and another voice telling her it's not OK to grab a toy or hit or whatever, then it helps me because it lets Abbey know that not hitting is expected by everyone, not just mommy. I do the same for their little ones, but never to "shame" them, just to gently co-parent with other mommies, KWIM?



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  21. #23391

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    Your house your rules, Bridget. Maybe she just felt so part of the "team" feeling that you were talking about that she accidentally overstepped?

    Chicago is great! An easy weekend trip for us. We just had a truly lovely dinner and I am feeling that kind of woozy over-indulgence buzz. Walked to Millenium park today in the rain and it cleared up just as we got to the big silver jelly bean sculpture and then went to the Art Institute and saw European art from 1900 to 1950 (lots of Picasso!) and an amazingly beautiful Japanese kimono exhibit. Good weekend trip!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  22. #23392
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD2SK...ature=youtu.be

    This is a link to the story of my dad's truck. They caught the guy that stole it; it sounds like he was mentally unstable....

    Bridget, that's not cool that your MIL was trying to discipline your kids at your house; I'd speak to her about how you approach things and tell her that you don't feel comfortable with some of the things she was doing.

    Katy, Chicago sounds fun!

    And I hear ya on the Wal-Mart thing. We don't have Wal-Marts here but affiliates of Wal-Mart and the people are pretty much the same. It's very sad.

  23. #23393

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    Wal-mart is the same here! Plus they never have what I want! I only go there if I can't find it at Target but then Wal-mart doesn't have it either and it's dirty and the people there are scary.

    Bridget, I wouldn't like that either.

  24. #23394

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    Thanks all. I sometimes feel like I don't have realistic expectations since I don't really have any other caregivers for my kids. I suppose if she was taking care of them on a regular basis it would be different.
    And let's see, what were dbf and Savana arguing about? I think it was because he thought she took too much mayo for her sandwich. He argues with the kids all the time, never follows through on what he says, has very unreasonable expectations. Just like his mother, I suppose.

  25. #23395

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    Chicago sounds fun Katy. I go there probably once per year but never get to do anything. I'm going for my job next month, on my wedding anniversary (I think because I always forget it) for a company party and I'm going to probably not go to the party and do my own thing while I'm there. It is a free trip so I didn't want to pass it up.

    I also wanted to tell Myles Happy Be-lated Birthday. I too forget birthdays and sometimes even if I don't forget them, I forget to tell the birthday boy/girl happy birthday. I usually think about them all day though so I hope that counts!

    And I usually don't mind people reprimanding my kids, but it depends on the reprimand. I would not have liked the way your MIL reprimanded Savanna though as I would have felt that she should have reprimanded her own son for arguing with a 5 year old. That is just ridiculous. I don't understandy why some people like to argue with children. It is very immature on the part of the adult and makes the grown up look bad in my eyes, not the child.

    And it is crazy she was cleaning up while Savanna was eating. What is up with that? It does sound like something my MIL would do though. She is a clean freak and has mopped my floor when she visits with paper towel and windex because she says she couldn't find any cleaning products for the floor. I had to get kind of snappy with her about that, wasting my good window/mirror cleaner on the floor.

    And Ky is 9 and still makes a mess at the table. Elle makes less of a mess than he does. He gets stuff all over the table, his chair, and on the floor. I don't see it as a big deal and I make him clean it up when he is done eating. He does with no issues.

    Erin

  26. #23396
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    I'm absolutely not cool with anyone reprimanding my kids when I'm there at all. If I were feeling nice I might try to say something like, "Oh don't worry about it. You only have to spoil the grandkids. You already raised yours. Leave the disciplining to me." But I probably wouldn't feel very nice about it and I'd flat out say something like, "My house, my rules. Stay out of it or leave."

    I've definitely lost some friends (family I was close to) because they didn't like the "my way or the highway" attitude from me, but they're my kids and I value them more than any other relationship in this world. I don't regret losing any of those contacts at all. My parenting isn't negotiable. It's between me and Rich and no one else has any say. Period. If I need help, I'll ask for it...but most the people we're related to aren't the ones I'd be asking. I use APA instead.

    My father was also very stern about other people 'talking to us' when he was there. Heck, even if he wasn't there they better approach us appropriately or there would be heck to pay. I must get it from him.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 09-25-2011 at 08:38 AM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #23397

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    Chrissy, I have said to her that she should enjoy the kids and let me worry about the discipline but it's like she can't help herself. I can see her getting twitchy sometimes when the kids are doing something that she thinks is wrong and I'm letting them.
    She is also of the mindset that because dbf is their father that by default they have to accept whatever he says but let's face it, I am raising them practically on my own and I teach them that we say everything with kindness. When their own daddy says things rudely it is hard for them to understand why he doesn't follow the rules. Even when I snap at them or act annoyed, they call me out and I think that's ok. We all need reminders sometimes. I don't want them letting others treat them like dirt, no matter who it is. I know many disagree and think that I'm letting them disrespect their dad but I'm not sure how I can teach them to be kind and at the same time tell them their dad doesn't have to be.
    A lot of this stems from the simple fact that neither dbf or his mother have been around young children very much so they don't realize that these behaviors are normal! I have been caring for young children my whole adult life so I've seen it all. And I might be a little biased but I think my kids are fabulous.
    Last edited by Bridget; 09-25-2011 at 09:11 AM.

  28. #23398

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I would have felt that she should have reprimanded her own son for arguing with a 5 year old. That is just ridiculous.
    ITA!

    It drives me nuts when people clean up when someone is still working. I made a vow that Abbey could get things as messy as she wants during cooking or an art project as long as she helped clean up afterwards. It does tend to make DH and the ILs twitch a bit (easter egg dying with a 2 year old was difficult for them) but I've flat out said to everyone "If you can't take the mess get out of my craft room/kitchen/studio".



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

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    Honestly making messes is what kids "do" My mom is constantly cleaning up Nolan while he is still eating and I don't get it, in two seconds he's going to be covered again so why waste your energy

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  30. #23400

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    I'm getting Abbey's cold. Staying up until 3 to finish sewing my new bag didn't help.

    But look at how cute it turned out!
    http://www.americanpregnancy.org/for...d.php?t=332783



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

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