I already told this story in Sawyer's birth room but dbf yelled at Kai yesterday for accidentally hurting him while they were playing and I could see that Kai was humiliated so I scooped him up and carried him down to the school where he started to cry. He asked me if I would stay downstairs with him until he was done because "daddy gets mad at me when I cry".
This made me so angry for Kai. When I tried to talk to dbf about it he was not receptive and his mom had the nerve to try to say something during this discussion, sticking up for dbf. I asked her to please stay out of it. I told her she does not know how it is. She is not here every day.
It still makes me upset to think about it. I will not have my boys thinking it's not ok to cry.
Oh, and when I spoke to him about it today he said, "Of course I tell them not to cry. I don't want them to be sad." As if making them stop crying changes the fact that they are sad. It's so frustrating to deal with a person who is nothing like you as a parent. And it's not small differences. I'm telling Kai he is beautiful and that it takes courage to cry while his dad makes him feel like he has to hide to do it.
I hate this.
ETA: After everyone went to bed last night I explained to her my concerns for the way dbf is with Kai and she was very understanding. Today she played with Kai a lot alone in his room. I know that is because I told her I was afraid Kai gets lost in the shuffle around here. It meant a lot to me that she took my words to heart and gave him some special attention.