Haha cool! What did you guys get?
What do the monthly fees run on those things? I really want a smartphone.
Rich & I got the Android Nexus, Bobbie got an Optimus, Sydney got the Rumor Touch...and I can't remember what Jesi chose but it opens up and the two screens line up so you get a larger square to watch tv/movies on. Fancy smancy.
I have no clue how much one would cost by itself. Sprint has the best 'everything' deal of all the large carriers and their data plans are truly not capped.
Chrissy, how did you get out of your contract with Verizon?
Hi all! I was gone all weekend, but not with Bridget's dbf. Promise
We went campground camping at a KOA with a group of 100 other parents and children in our local parents of multiples group. I had never been to a KOA before in my life. It's pretty much not like camping at all, except for the campfire and the sleeping in the tent part and the being cold at night and not having my coffeemaker automatically turn on for me at 4 am.
There was a swimming pool and a bounce pillow (kind of like a gigantic bounce house without walls) and a petting zoo and a playground and an arcade and a climbing wall and a store. It was a paradise for a pair of 4-year-olds, and even baby DS had a blast and he learned how to say "goat" and "donkey" and practiced petting and yelling those words a lot. We had a group dinner on Saturday night. The fire pit was right outside our tent, and that's where the marshmallow roasting was and some of the singing.
The twins made tons of friends, from 13-month-old babies to 7-year-olds. It was hard keeping track of them. We kept finding them in other people's camps, but our big group had an entire meadow to ourselves, so it was a contained area. People kept coming up to me and telling me how wonderful DD was - how she was helping them carry stuff and she said things like "Look, this working together is TEAMWORK" and how she was being a good role model for their children. Last night all of the kids were playing red light green light in the open area while the adults were hanging out in front of our tent chatting, and it felt almost relaxing for about 5 minutes. And it was also cool sharing responsibilities with the other parents, like another dad and I would take about 8 kids total over to the bounce pillow and help maintain order and comfort minor injuries or hurt feelings.
Hmm, guess I just typed so fast I shared my entire weekend in one go. And I'm too lazy to rework it, so I'll copy it to my blog - you guys got it first, though.
The only issue over the weekend was that dh and I kept having communication issues and we kept getting testy with each other. The children were having a wonderful time, and things overall went really well, but there were just these moments of tenseness. Like I would take all the kids out by myself for an hour while he'd be back at camp, and then I'd return and hope to share some childcare, but he'd have stuff he would need to do first on his own that he didn't do while I was gone.
The other thing was, incidentally, we both realized that we see, 9 times out of 10, parents saying things like "If you don't stop that now, I will take that away from you" and then a few minutes later saying the same thing and then adding "I mean it" and then a few minutes later, saying the same empty threat with some other variation and then maybe eventually doing something about it. This is universal, at malls, at playgrounds, at restaurants, pretty much parents everywhere, not specifically for this group. I don't know if people tend to follow through less in public than they would in private, but we realized we rarely see parents or caregivers actually giving ultimatums and following through as they say they are going to the first time. We thought about it more this trip I think, because there were more annoying behaviors that impacted us directly and because we were there first-hand from start to finish.
Oh, I see. We want out of verizon.
I am glad Travis had such a good day! I have found the busier I keep the kids, the saner I am. We went bike riding, swimming and for a walk just today and they were awesome all day. Yesterday we went out to breakfast, to the farmer's market, grocery shopping, and on our evening walk. They rocked.
It's been so peaceful around here.
So this is strange. When we were kids my mom and dad had a couple that were like their best friends. The husband passed away of cancer about 15 years ago. The woman and my mom remained really close and of course my dad too. She would go on vacations with my parents all the time. Sometimes with a boyfriend, sometimes just her. She was with us when my mom took her last breath and was a huge support to all of us, prepared the food and house for visitors after the wake. I mean, she is like family to us.
Well since my mom has died, C has tried several time to contact my dad and have dinner with him, or whatever and I guess he doesn't call her back and so then she contacts me and wants to know how he is doing. I always let him know that she's asking about him and he always says he needs to call her. Well I just got an email from her saying some old friends are coming to town, some friends they all used to hang out with, and they want to see my dad. She says she has called and stopped over and cannot get ahold of him. She wants to surprise him on an evening, bring dinner, drinks, joy. So she wonders if i can tell her when he will be home and help her set it up. My dad does not want this. I don't know why. He has seen others of their mutual close friends, including female friends of my moms. Anyway, I called him and read him the email and he says he wants my brother and I there and he has to think about when. It's all just strange and I feel really bad for her too because she loved my mom dearly and I'm sure her wanting to spend time with my dad is totally genuine and it hurts her that he is avoiding her. I have emailed her and asked her to call me but I don't even know what I will say.
Bridget, that's so sad! It must still be so hard for your dad. My heart hurts for him.
Lydia, I love reading stories of your adventures. I agree that it seems people rarely follow through. That goes for teachers as well as parents.
I posted this elsewhere already, but realized all the action is in here and I'm emotionally messy enough to want feedback so I'm re-posting. Sorry.
I'm having a rough day today. Feeling out of sorts and kind of angry without even knowing why - I took a shower this afternoon and realized I forgot to wash my hair! Couldn't figure out why it was still greasy after I washed it. I'm also on day 33 of my cycle. I don't think I can be pg - we tried once this month and it didn't really work. DH hasn't been in the mood to try since. So I think I'm having major PMS but I'm not usually angry. Hate this.
Lydia. You'd not survive a weekend with him!
Your weekend sounds great! Wow, what a fun time that would be. I think I would have loved it. I'm sorry you and dh were having communication issues. I can certainly empathize with that struggle.
As for the follow through, dbf is horrid with is. And he will outright say, "I don't want to listen to him/her scream." Gah! It's beyond aggravating. I hear it everywhere too though. That and, "FIVE MORE MINUTES!", every 5 minutes, for about 20 minutes.
It makes me laugh inside.
L-your weekend sounds like heaven to me! (aside from the tensions with dh) I'm so sad we didn't get an opportunity to camp this year. KOA is my favorite!! Good for C for being such a role model. I bet that made you so proud!
As for not following through, I know I'm bad about this now with Conner and I never was with the girls. I'm not sure what my issue is but this was a good reminder that I have to do what I say when I say it...or else, what's the point?
Bridget-I'm sorry your dad seems to be having such a hard time seeing his good friend. It must be especially difficult to face her because she was so close with your mom. to all of you.
Mandy-I'm really sorry I didn't see your post before. Do you have any tea in the house that might help with your mood/feelings? Something calming? ((hugs)) I really hope it passes quickly.
Rich irritated me all weekend...but I didn't say a word. I've kinda given myself an out now I guess so whatever he says/does no longer matters. Again, I don't know if it's me just noticing things or if he's getting worse but he was terrible with the kids. One thing he did that I never heard before that grated on my nerves and hurt me was call Conner a baby repeatedly for crying. I'm so sick and tired of fighting though that I didn't even bother saying anything. What's the point?
Also-you know I've worried that he wouldn't do things in our house when he got here. Guess what he did this weekend? He spent most the entire day Saturday waxing his car. His 14 year old beater. He has lattice to put up on the porch and stain to put on it, as well as a couple leaky drains that he's been saying he'd get to. When? I'm not even going to ask because I know when...never. He'll live like this till he dies. He doesn't care. Let it all rot and fall apart. Who wants/needs a nice house?
Today he did even less. He helped my brother get his old truck motor together and they got that started. yay.
I really don't feel like I have any choice but to simply move out and end it. He knows how I feel. He knows my expectations. He knows I was uber-duber stressed and nearly WITCHY (with a B) about stuff being done at this house and it doesn't change one single thing. He absolutely doesn't care. I'm done.
Gwenn, I feel like that sometimes. Just like some wire gets crossed in my brain, some chemical signal is not getting through, not enough dopamine, whatever. I need a brain reboot to get back on track. Sometimes it's enough to just have my head cleared by sleeping and seeing how I feel the next day. Sometimes I take a more active approach by doing something peaceful that I enjoy, like painting or listening to music or going for a long drive in a scenic area, or incorporating something semi-luxurious and decadent that I don't normally do, like treating myself to a coffee and a pedicure. Obviously I can't do any of this now, but this is what I used to do. If it lasts longer than a few days, I deliberately try to think positively and often that helps as well. Only a few times in my life have I not been able to shake my slump and reboot my brain on my own. I definitely do feel very specific changes happen to my brain, though. It's almost like taking a drug, it's so dramatic. And awful. I hope you feel better.
Bridget, do you think your dad could have some specific weird feelings about this friend in particular that makes meeting with her difficult? Like maybe she will make him miss your mom more? Or maybe she made a pass at him or he thinks she is going to? Or maybe he never really liked her but he tolerated her for the group dynamics? Or something? If he is seeing other friends, it is pretty clear that it is something about this particular woman and it is not because he's becoming a reclusive shut-in that must be forcibly dragged out, so I'd probably gently ask him if he can see himself doing something with her in a group in the future, and if not, maybe he could either explain it to her or help you explain it to her so she doesn't keep trying. Not a good position for you to be in, definitely.
Chrissy, it sounds like you are in a miserable place right now. Maybe you should go through that list I threw out there for Gwenn, too, and take up the running more often (my idea of torture, but I think you like it). I don't like it when people call kids babies, either. I think it's demeaning, it's akin to name-calling (which we tell them is wrong), and it doesn't give them any tools to handle their emotions. DD will cry loudly and sometimes deliberately, and if it goes on for a while I will tell her it's very distracting and if she's going to keep it up could she go into another room because it's too loud. I also tell her that there are some good ways to calm down - she can take slow deep breaths, she can come get a hug and a kiss, she can think of things that make her happy, she can count to ten, she can try to sing a song, etc.
Chrissy. That made my heart hurt for Conner (and you). Dbf has said to Kai twice, "Why are you screaming like a girl?" I was LIVID. Why don't these men realize that they erode at their child's spirit when they say these mindless, hurtful things?
I hate that boys are expected to be so tough and not show emotion but then be expected to act appropriately in response to other people's feelings. What a confusing double standard for them.
This has been on my mind a lot and I just started reading a book called Real Boys that is on this very subject.
chrissy - is it cyclical w/ you and R? I mean, is there no way that this is just a down-cycle and the things will get good again for you too?
L - I do know what you mean about not following through. I was really impressed upon by that chapter in Nurture Shock about how kids learn how to lie. And I would think that seeing their parents make empty threats is a prime example of learning how to be untruthful - seeing their parents model the behavior. I'm sorry about you and your DH. And I'm glad I didn't swing by today, since you were probably still away. There was a 2 yr old girl's bday party at the Oakland MOCHA, and then I was killing a little time before we went to visit my friend who lost her baby girl last month. I drove right by your place and was tempted to knock, but thought I should at least give you some heads up.
Speaking of that friend, I'm obviously treating her very gingerly because she's very fragile right now, but I have to confess I'm a bit bothered at this one thing that's been ongoing for a long while. She and her hubby let her son carry around a stash of toy cars, that he waves around and loves to shows off. Then whenever Bodhi asks him to share, he pitches a fit. His parents only make these half-hearted attempts to convince him to share, but never insist. Steve & I, on the other hand, and the friends who playdate with us all do the same thing - if our kids won't share, we take away the thing they won't share. So anyway our playdates with this one little boy usually are spent with him tormenting Bodhi with his tantalizing bag of cars, with B repeatedly asking him, "Can I see that? Can I have that? I want that one. Let me see the blue one." And the kid shrieking "No! No! It's mine!" Bodhi, naturally, isn't perfectly behaved either when he doesn't get what he wants. Both kids usually end up very upset. I usually just try to explain to Bodhi how hard it is to share and that little T is still learning how to share. And I usually make a point of stressing in front of the mom that T will learn to share eventually. I've even said aloud to Bodhi, "You know what happens when you don't share. What does mommy do?" and Bodhi answers "You take it away."
So I'm wondering what the point would be in having another playdate with the little guy. I hang out socially with the mom without our kids, and actually prefer that time together. But I wonder if I could be any less subtle. I feel like maybe they're encouraging this behavior that I wouldn't want to promote in B. I do try to reason with myself that maybe they think of the stash of cars as T's "lovey" of sorts, and he's too attached to it. But then again, I've never seen a kid tease another kid with his blanket or teddy bear in a way that is as upsetting as the way T does it.
Bridget, I'm glad that M made it back from a debauchery-free weekend. That's really encouraging. And that's really terrific that they found your camera.
Speaking of weekends away, DH just got back from his. He's been doing remodeling work for his client/buddy who just bought a house up in Tahoe 4 hrs away. His buddy is a guy he's done studio projects for over the last 12 years, and the guy just really trusts my DH and pays him the same rate that he pays him in-studio to come up with him and do stuff like install new cabinets and lay floors. So it's good work, but this is the 2nd time now he's left me alone with Bodhi for basically 50+ hrs straight. I really shouldn't complain because B was actually a very good boy all of yesterday, and most of his bad mood this afternoon is on account of a too-short nap followed by an afternoon with his friend who won't share. But I can't help feeling bothered that DH started off saying he'd back last night. And then changed it to noon today. Then said he'd be back in time for dinner, and finally showing up a little before 9 pm after I'd completed my 3rd bedtime routine by myself in a row.
I can imagine how moms of more than one kid are groaning at how luxurious it sounds to be able to have have to put only one child to sleep, but it is hard. B is an insistent toddler who fidgets and falls when he brushes his teeth and won't lie down if he wants to play with his dinosaur cards, and wants to pretend he's swimming in his diaper, which also for some reason entails dragging the bedspread off his bed and turning the lights on and off in his room, so that it takes 30 minutes just to get him into his pajamas. So yeah by the end of 3 nights and 2 full days alone with him, I'm frazzled to say the least. It's a good thing that DH is bringing in more money, but... it just always seems like I'm shat upon in order for him to make some dough.
I mean, I stay home for 2 years to be with B and don't ask him for a cent, just use up my savings to do so. He quits his job at the studio he used to be the chief at, starts up his own business, and has a) no qualms about having me cover the gaps in his income so I pay 75% of our expenses, and b) no real plan or sense of urgency about stopping his reliance on my financially. I go off to work 5 days a week, while he "works" from home (billing 10-15 hrs in a 40 hr week) and B is put in childcare all week. He goes off and works 3 days and I end up using up my whole weekend to take care of B by myself. Urrrggh.
Gwenn, a little time has passed since you mentioned you were in a funk. How do you feel now? I'm so sorry you had the blues. If it's any consolation, I am pretty sure I have PMS too, which explains why I'm impatient with hubby tonight. I'm already in bed and it's 9:30.
Talk more to you ladies tomorrow.
Ash - that looks like a really pleasant spot for the kids. And mellow too. It's so nice when you find an activity that won't overstimulate them. Since we're sharing, this pool is where I took Bodhi yesterday: http://www.paloaltohistory.com/rinconada.html. It was a watery wonderland for little B.
Last edited by demigraf; 08-21-2011 at 10:44 PM.
I'll have a look at your link when i'm on the laptop, Myles! About what you mentioned in the previous post, we experience something like that too with my nephew. And i'm like you, if Travis doesn't share something, I take it away from him for a little bit. But my sil doesn't do that. She's really bad about enforcing things. And she never follows through with punishments for naughty behaviour. I feel like a hard a$$ compared to her and i'm sure my mil thinks i'm mean some times, but I feel like I have to be the one to shell out the discipline. Just the other day, the nephew was over and had brought his scooter. Even when he wasn't playing with it, if Travis got on it, he'd go nuts and demand that the scooter was his. He started punching Travis and Travis started hitting him back so I had to be the one to break them up. Instead of putting the scooter away or even disciplining her kid, the sil just sat there breast feeding her baby and let me deal with it. But I don't feel comfortable disciplining her son because I think he has some kind of issues. He seems like a really angry kid and is a little slow at things, so I feel like he gets away with stuff the other boys don't.
Sorry that turned in to a rant. I think I have resolved to just stick to my guns and when the nephews are here, i'll discipline them the same as Travis since I hate feeling like he takes the fall for all the naughtiness around here.
Last edited by AmeriBrit; 08-22-2011 at 01:06 AM.
Myles, I'm know it's not easy to be on your own with a little one. Even 'just' one. It's exhausting.
Boo. It appears we have a little black cloud hanging over each of us. I hope it dissipates soon.
It actually bothers me when I am out in public and I hear/see people not being consistent with children. This happens constantly at school events oddly enough and it hurts my ears to hear, "one more time" and other constant inconsistencies. I am a stickler in public moreso than at home for some reason and I am always the mean mom at PTSA meeting when the big kids run all around and knock down little kids. Ky did it before after a warning and had to stand in the corner in the auditorium for 10 minutes so I got mean glares.
I also don't like situations like your friend's son Myles or your little nephew Ash. Elle has some little friends who don't like to share, but I know she doesn't like to share either and so I remind her how she doesn't like to share and that whatever the kid has is their's and that we have to respect people's property and feelings even if they have lots of toys that they are being stingy with. With the constant stingy kids I always make sure to have Elle bring a really nice toy too. I know it sounds mean, but the kid usually wants to play with whatever Elle brings and I tell them only if Elle wants to share (which she usually doesn't) just like with their toy and remind the child how they didn't let her play with whatever. If Elle doesn't want to share a toy, I get our visitor an even better, louder, shinier toy from the box and let them play with that, Elle will usually cut me one of her angry looks. DH says I am evil when I do this, but heh...I don't think so and more often than not both of the stingy toddlers end up sharing their favorite toys with each other. If there is constant screaming though, I will do like you ladies and take the toy. I will take all the toys, like DH said, I'm evil LOL! I will suggest a game to play without toys for a while.
I also agree with Chrissy about your dad Bridget. I do feel sorry for the friend. I hope she understands that it may just be his grief at seeing her.
Myles - I had that happen once at a playdate here. I asked the kid to share (in front of the mom) and she said no, but kept taunting JoJo with the toy until I said that they toy would be put away since she couldn't share. The kid started screeching and finally the mom stepped in and helped to get the toy put back in her bag so it wouldn't happen anymore. I think it it is your house you have the right to intervene with something like that.
L - sounds like a mix of fun and annoying!
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
I am going to be really annoying here and just say that it is actually developmentally appropriate for a toddler to not want to share. I mean, of course we want to encourage it but it really is a concept they are not ready for at that age. I know I am very, very much the minority on this one but I do not make kids share at that age and I would not punish for not sharing. I do have my ways though. Usually I will just say, "Let's put this somewhere safe since it's special to you", and then it gets put away and diffuses the confict but does not feel like a punishment. I do it in my home and in the daycare. I am far from perfect on this ideal of children having intrinsic motivation to do the right thing as opposed to avoiding punishment. The truth of the matter is that I have certain belongings that I don't want to share either. But that's a touchy subject because everyone want their child to learn to share.
Myles, bedtime was my biggest dread with dbf gone. And omg bedtime was agonizing with Kai when he was Bhodi's age. Finally by last night, night 3 we had it down and it went perfectly. Now dbf is coming home and I almost with I had a few more nights so that I could totally change the routine since the way I did it had Savana and Kai in a bed and Sawyer and me in a bed. This was much more comfortable for me than being squeezed in between Savana and Sawyer.
Bridget-we were like that with the girls too. If they had special toys they didn't want to share, I made them keep them put up. Conner doesn't get to be around other kids as much, and he doesn't have any siblings close to his age, so it hasn't been as big of an issue. He has two little friends and he's always been more than happy to share.
I did the opposite when I had kids all day.....if after a warning, things didn't change and I said that we wouldn't go swimming that afternoon....than we did NOT go swimming. Totally sucked because I really wanted to swim with the kids but I had to be able to have total control and trust them to listen when I said something, especially out in the pool. They pretty quickly learned that if I said something, I would definitely follow through and they didn't try to test it very often.
Dh and I both grew up with moms that if a threat was made, we both knew 100% that they would follow through.
Bridget, I'm with you on sharing. Nice thing to encourage of course but I never forced it either. I mean I would throw a major tantrum if someone insisted that I had to say share MY car or well any of a number of things of mine that I might not want to share.
We don't have many young kids around right now since the little cousins are in grade school....but we do have this problem with the dogs. Charlie will NOT share his toys with Cosmo. Most of the time she doesn't want his toys anyway but if he keeps shoving it in her face and mocking her with it, she will get testy. And sometimes we do take a toy away if they start being nasty about it since well a dog is kind of like a toddler and you can't really reason all that much with them yet. The one thing we did learn was to never give either dog a NEW toy....both got a new toy one xmas and omg did they freak out at each other....they just know it is a new one and suddenly the favorite. Or bones...can't give the one a rawhide if both are together or you will have a fight.