Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

Josh runs into walls too. DH gets embarassed and says I have to be more careful watching him or someone is going to call CPS on us. He said the same thing you said, "How many kids actually run into walls?" But Josh really does, LOL.

What is Dragon Con?

[Gwenn]

I was about 1/2 an hour later getting home than usual today, and when I walked in the door the dogs were there to greet me, as usual. DH said Nero thought he heard me driving up about 1/2 an hour before (so my usual time) and went to the door so DH followed but I wasn't there. Then DH tried to get the dogs to go outside, but Nero wanted to stay in the doorway and when he did go outside he was looking for me through the fence! When I got home he (Nero, not DH) gave me a big slobbery kiss on the ear. I feel so loved.

[Gwenn]

Facebook is advertising a bra called "lipo in a box." It comes in sizes B-G and bands 32-44. Does someone who wears a 32B bra really need "lipo in a box?"

[demigraf]

Mandy, that's funny. In truth, from what I understand about lipo, it "works" better for people who are not overweight but just have trouble spots. So maybe it could work for a flat-chested buddha bellied person.

Erin - http://www.dragoncon.org/ - neato! I would really love to do the belly dancing workshop. I have a bad lower back, and I find that when I dance along to the belly dancing on Exercise TV, it heals the area. I had this one masseuse who told me a medical anthropologist once researched low back pain in certain tribes of African women and found lower incidences of it (relative to Western society) because of a natural sway they have in their hips when they walk. I thought that was interesting and try to swing my hips a little when I can remember to. It looks funny when my rhythm is off and I'm running for the train or something. Remember that Steve Martin/Lily Tomlin movie where they share a body down the middle? "Your foot/my foot/your foot/my foot". It looks a lot like that. LOL.

I wanted to recommend a book in here called "A Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz - the guy who wrote The Four Agreements. I don't know why I'm only remembering to share this now. I've been trying to remember for a couple weeks now. http://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Love-P...3569181&sr=1-1 ... oooh and looking on Amazon, I'm seeing other books by him I want to read. Both the "Mastery" one and "4 Agreements" are winners IMHO. On another note, I just finished SuperFreakonomics today (after checking it out of the library and returning it unfinished twice before). Fun read. Some surprising stuff about global warming in the last chapter. The chapter about the economics of prostitution was interesting too. Did you know it's more dangerous to drunk walk than it is to drunk drive? With caveats of course, but that's the type of fun statistical analysis that goes on around those guys.

These stories of little ones almost getting hurt are sending me the chills. Maybe it's because Bodhi got really hurt last Friday when I stupidly let him walk around with a cup that had a hard plastic straw, and in a footed jammie suit too big for him that I knew better than to let him wear. I tripped him in it with the cup in his mouth and he badly cut the back of his throat on the straw. I felt like such an idiot. He cried about the throat pain most of the day and I could see a blood blister at the back of his mouth. :/ And the day before that, I picked him up from preschool daycare, and he was sleeping in the teacher's lap. It was 5 o'clock. She told me she'd gotten in at 2 and he was asleep from that time until 2:45. And then later again he crawled up into her lap and slept from 4:15-5. Totally uncharacteristically sleepy. He was fine and playful when we got home, but I was bothered in the middle of the night when I woke and realized I never bothered to ask or even wonder "did he hit his head at some point today?" I hate it when I'm a crappy mother. I am still mad at myself.

Maybe it's because of the recent pitbull incident that I've been clicking through to all these other "small news" stories, and the stuff that's been happening has been terrifying and disturbing, particularly when it has to do with children getting hurt. I don't even want to repeat the headlines because they have just been gruesome lately, and I have been walking around disturbed. I think I should stick to the political analysis stuff like I normally do, although that makes my blood boil too. Hmmmm, I guess I'd better stick to my favorite magazines about crafts and celebs and fashion and decor then.

Los Angeles was fun over the weekend. It was incredibly sad to see my great aunt, though - the one that my mom basically used as my nanny from age 0-5. She's in a home for patients with dementia, and she's 83 with a host of other health problems. I'm not sure she was physically able to pick her head up off the pillow. I just held her hand the entire time I was there and she kept whispering my name and "my darling" all the while. It was the first time since having Bodhi that I'd visited her without him, so I could give her my full attention. It was heartbreaking. She's buried deep inside her head now, and I could only imagine how hard she has to try to express herself. And how lonely it must be in that house, being the only female and having no one to talk to her. I was crying openly while I held her hand, and I made sure to thank her for her contribution to my life.

Do you guys think I should hire someone local to go and visit her every week? I hate it that I'm so far away from her. I'm also wondering if I can find a way to relocate her up here too. I'm having a lot of guilt about her being in that home if that isn't apparent, not that I'm sure I have the power to make any decisions for her. I don't have DPOA or anything like that for her.

OK. I'm going to bed. Again. I fell asleep already tonight for 2 hours in Bodhi's bed when I was putting him to sleep.

Oh yes, but on the comma thing, I was always taught that a comma shouldn't lead before an "and" unless you're separating 2 complete sentences (independent clauses). So yeah, "snakes, snails and puppy dog tails" was how I learned to write laundry list/series type of things in grammar school. However, "The sun was high in the sky, and the air was warm." needs that comma, at least according to Mrs. Franken from grammar school. (I'm just noticing now how it's funny that they call those academic years "grammar school", as if you're not learning multiplication tables at the same time. ) I am seeing all these websites now that are telling me that I was taught wrong about the comma preceding "and" in a series, but it just looks weird to me now.

[daylilies]

Facebook is advertising a bra called "lipo in a box." It comes in sizes B-G and bands 32-44. Does someone who wears a 32B bra really need "lipo in a box?"

Yes. My belly is sadly out of proportion with my boobies

Dragon Con looks cool! I bet DH has heard about it, but I don't think I've ever heard him mention it.

[missychrissy]

I was about 1/2 an hour later getting home than usual today, and when I walked in the door the dogs were there to greet me, as usual. DH said Nero thought he heard me driving up about 1/2 an hour before (so my usual time) and went to the door so DH followed but I wasn't there. Then DH tried to get the dogs to go outside, but Nero wanted to stay in the doorway and when he did go outside he was looking for me through the fence! When I got home he (Nero, not DH) gave me a big slobbery kiss on the ear. I feel so loved.

Facebook is advertising a bra called "lipo in a box." It comes in sizes B-G and bands 32-44. Does someone who wears a 32B bra really need "lipo in a box?"

I'm assuming it's more than a bra? I need something done with the backs of my thighs, they're a mess!

I ashamed at how wasted I got yesterday. I missed the only two buses that go to my town and my boss had to drive me home. I think I'm at least an hour out of his way...in one direction. I even passed out in his car.

[daylilies]

Wow Chrissy! I hope you aren't too hung over today.

[daylilies]

DH and I had a couple drinks last night...I had to liquor him up in order to talk to him about the cruise and he said if I could get one of the cheapest rooms I could go!

[Bridget]

Ohhh, Chrissy I have been there done that! Hope you feel ok today.

Kate, lol that you had to get him drunk first.

Myles, I'm so sorry about your aunt. And hugs to B getting hurt. You are a great mom and stuff like that just happens. Yesterday when the kids and I were on a walk, Kai wanted to cut through some county land to get to our yard and he begged me to do it alone so I said ok. So this is hard to explain but I was walking with Savana and the stroller holding Sawyer on the street and I could see Kai running parallel to us through the trees and wilderness that run up to ours and our neighbors house. The only time I couldn't see him was when he got behind our house and I was in the driveway. I yelled, "Kai! Where are you?" and I heard him say, "On the deck!" so I got Sawyer out of the stroller and walked around the house where I saw Kai running back through the neighbors yard to where we had been. (Is this totally confusing?lol) Point being, he was crying because he thought when I yelled his name that I didn't know where he was and that he had done something wrong so he was trying to go back and was just very confused and upset and I felt like a total arsehole. It sucks to make mistakes that cause them pain but it's impossible to get through this life without doing it.

So Mark leaves tomorrow to go to that wedding. It leaves me with a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. We had a serious discussion about all of his indiscretions and incidents of lying stem from him being drunk. So he has promised not to get drunk. He says he will enjoy a few drinks but will stop before he gets intoxicated. I can tell within seconds of speaking to him if he's drunk so I let him know that he if he is unreachable for a long period of time that I will assume he is drunk and therefore broken my trust for the last time. What will be will be I guess.
It's going to be very hard for Kai since he goes to bed with his dad every single night and he is very much a child who thrives on routine and adores his time with his dad. When I mentioned this to dbf he said, "Oh, yeah. I never even thought about that! I feel really bad now" That is so incomprehensible to me that he didn't think how his leaving would affect the rest of us, especially his children. I told him that is why I wouldn't dream of leaving for something trivial when the children are so young. He sat in his chair just staring into space for a long time so I think I believe he really and truly did not think about these things. I cannot imagine how it must feel to be so absorbed.

[missychrissy]

wow Bridget. The concept of not thinking of the kids first is foreign to me as well. I hope the trip is event-less.

[Gwenn]

Wow, I almost feel bad for him sitting there and suddenly realizing that he was doing something that would hurt his family. Almost, but not quite. That is too bad.

I went to another training this morning and heard a psychologist present about child development. Really excellent and he said some great stuff, but what I liked best is that he sort of summed up the "tasks" of different stages of early childhood in a few words. He said the "task" of an infant was to learn that others could be trusted, the "task" of a toddler was to learn that they have a self separate from others and to develop autonomy, and the "task" of a preschooler was to learn to take initiative and do things independently, as opposed to learning to be helpless. I really love how well that sums up pretty much everyone and what they did or didn't learn.

DH and I have had a few heavy conversations about STC recently. I don't really have the energy to get into it all but as DH said afterward, we had some "drama" the other night. I know he wants a baby but I just feel that I want one more than he does and his priorities are not necessarily mine. I asked him please to not make certain career choices with the military until after we had a chance to explore the RE, and now today when I came home he said he was feeling depressed and stuck. I feel awful.

[Gwenn]

So we had a birthday dinner for my mom and I gave her her egg I bought from Katy! She was thrilled and since she has it now, I'm going to post the pics Katy sent me here. It's very similar to one she made that I loved because the colors reminded me of AZ and the flower made me think of my mom (she first told me what they were when we were driving through the AZ desert together) so Katy made a beautiful and completely AZ egg! Such a beautiful gift and my mom is really touched.

From the front:


And the side:

[Gwenn]

ETA: whatever the problem was, it's gone now.

[3andMe]

I see two pictures. It's beautiful!

[Gwenn]

Whoa, I now see two pictures, too. Isn't it gorgeous?

[AmeriBrit]

Wow, that's beautiful, Mandy!

[daylilies]

Very nice!

[missychrissy]

DH and I have had a few heavy conversations about STC recently. I don't really have the energy to get into it all but as DH said afterward, we had some "drama" the other night. I know he wants a baby but I just feel that I want one more than he does and his priorities are not necessarily mine. I asked him please to not make certain career choices with the military until after we had a chance to explore the RE, and now today when I came home he said he was feeling depressed and stuck. I feel awful.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I feel bad for your dh too. I hope this black cloud dissipates and leaves you both soon.

Was it you that said her dh got all excited about a baby food making processor?

That egg is really phenomenal. I'm beyond impressed. Katy-you do excellent work. How do you display something like that?

[daylilies]

Oh by the way, Tuesday was Josh's second to last swim class of the session. His teacher recommended we take that class again but said he might change his mind and let him take the one where I don't have to go in with him. I hope he gets to move up! We'll find out today.

[Cosmosmom]

Wow, I almost feel bad for him sitting there and suddenly realizing that he was doing something that would hurt his family. Almost, but not quite. That is too bad.

I went to another training this morning and heard a psychologist present about child development. Really excellent and he said some great stuff, but what I liked best is that he sort of summed up the "tasks" of different stages of early childhood in a few words. He said the "task" of an infant was to learn that others could be trusted, the "task" of a toddler was to learn that they have a self separate from others and to develop autonomy, and the "task" of a preschooler was to learn to take initiative and do things independently, as opposed to learning to be helpless. I really love how well that sums up pretty much everyone and what they did or didn't learn.

DH and I have had a few heavy conversations about STC recently. I don't really have the energy to get into it all but as DH said afterward, we had some "drama" the other night. I know he wants a baby but I just feel that I want one more than he does and his priorities are not necessarily mine. I asked him please to not make certain career choices with the military until after we had a chance to explore the RE, and now today when I came home he said he was feeling depressed and stuck. I feel awful.

I almost but not quite feel bad for him too. I just don't think that parenting comes easily and naturally to some people.

I wanted to b*tch out DH for "forgetting" to do Cosmo's morning ear medicine like 2 days in a row. I wanted to say how do you think that I can leave you alone with the baby while I'm at work when you can't even remember to do the dog. Really I should have called and reminded him. Or put a note on his computer. But of course I can't say that to him as he already worries more than enough about not being a good enough dad (his dad sucks big time, his step dad was abusive...not great role models there....but I know that he is very different from both of them). So I held my tongue. I really do think that he will be a very good dad.....but I suspect it is not going to come as naturally and easily and he might need guidance from me (my dad was pretty good but he also needed some guidance from mom).

That is a great way to think of the early stages. I know DH isn't that into babies at all....he likes toddlers and up much better. Like his cousins little girl is almost 2 and he thought she was really cute and funny. But I'm glad that we are going to start out with a newborn and will be there to create that trust.

I think that it's common for both to want a baby but one (usually the woman) to want it much more. I know for sure that is our case. I know he wants one but not like I do and why I have done the majority of the work for the adoption. I did make him write his own autobiography though.
We had a number of times of drama dealing with this....but the worst was this past new years eve. My BFF had just had her baby like 2 days before, another girl was pg at work, I started drinking heavily and just basically had a major meltdown that resulted in him also crying because he couldn't stand seeing me so hurt and not being able to fix it. It was after that we got started on our current route. Which we at first were going to start in July/August but I got antsy and talked him into the March/April home study group.

Isn't the RE appt in like a week or two? I don't think that it is unreasonable to ask him to wait until at least after that and you guys can see if the issue is something small and easy to fix. Waiting a few weeks or a month doesn't mean that one is stuck forever.

[Cosmosmom]

Very beautiful egg!!!!!

Keeping fingers crossed for Josh! I was just looking at swimming lessons and thinking how much I looked forward to doing them with the baby once we have him/her. I guess that we can start them at 6 months old....which is my plan unless baby has a lot of ear problems. My mom started me that young but not my sister because she has a lot of ear problems.

Getting out of work almost 3 hours early today! Going to the dentist which hopefully is just a cleaning (never had a cavity yet and I'm almost 33!). After that going to home to clean. Dh was going to start cleaning during the Brewer game this afternoon. Tomorrow morning is the home visit!

[missychrissy]

Kate, I hope he moves up!

Jennifer, I'd be happy for you getting out 3 hours early, but since you're going to the dentist that's really not fun. I hope your teeth are as happy and healthy as they always have been.

I have 1 tooth that has a cavity. It started when I was 7 and even though I had it filled the cavity has spread and needed additional filling 2 other times. I'm not sure what the deal is there. But other than that my teeth are still good and strong.

[Bridget]

I have a cavity now (my first one!) and I need a root canal, or something, on the tooth I already had the root canal on. But we have no dental insurance and we are broke so I just keep hoping everything will hold out.

We went to the county fair yesterday. Last year when we went there was this booth with balloon animals all over it so the kids ran up and asked if they could have one. The woman said, "First can I tell you a story about baby Jesus?" I was annoyed because nowhere on the booth did it say it was a church so it was like they lured kids in with the balloons. Even if I was a believer it would be up to me to tell my kids any bible stories, not some stranger at the fair. Savana said "No thank you I already know that story about baby Junior" so it turned out fine.
But yesterday Savana was saying the whole time she wanted a balloon and when she saw the booth with balloons she asked me if she could get one and I said yes without even thinking or remembering last year. Well it was an anti abortion group. Her and Kai grabbed balloons that said "celebrate life" and "we are all god's children" because I wasn't going to say no to the balloon but it really, really annoys me that they target children for things like that. I mean, abortion?? Regardless of where you stand on the issue, I find it hard to believe that anyone discusses abortion with their young children.

Dbf left this morning. I almost feel relieved. Whatever happens now is completely out of my control.

[daylilies]

Josh's teacher said it was up to us. He thinks Josh is ready but said if we wanted another class to experience the security of having me with him we could do it again. I chose to move him up. I think the longer I'm there, the harder it's going to be to move on. He's good with letting the teacher hold him and they don't do anything really different in the next class up. They just do the same things without the parents.

So it doesn't start until Sept. 12 but I'll take him to the pool alone just to keep him familiar with it.

My heart really hurts for Gwenn and Mandy's struggles with attaining a baby. I wish it were an easy decision and process for both of you.

Bridget, I hope his trip is uneventful. Boo on the balloons, I agree that is really sleazy to promote that kind of stuff on a child's balloon...it reminds me of that group that protests soliders' funerals all the time and how they rope the kids in. *shudder*

I got my first cavity about a year ago. The worst part of the filling was that **** needle..I almost passed out when I saw it coming at me with no warning

[demigraf]

Wow. Maybe it's PMS, but that egg is so beautiful, it made me cry. no joke. amazing work, Katy, and what a beautiful gift, Gwenn.

Work has been so hectic and I have so much to do that I just up and decided to work from home part way thru the day yesterday. and I might do it again today. I don't know if that's ok, but no one seems to be watching me or told me not to.

Bridge, I hope this weekend blows by uneventfully. are you going to call and keep in touch while he's away?

Mandy, I'm sorry you fought w/ your dh. Jennifer is right that there seems to be a constant imbalance between men/women over wanting children more. I think it's in our DNA. I remember finding out I was pg, and being surprised how blasé Dh was about the news. I wanted to ask him to be happier for me, get excited about it, and I found his reaction confusing. Maybe it's normal for men to be les enthusiastic about fatherhood. but then something clicks eventually and they fall in love with their kid. I know with my dh it didn't happen until after B was 1 and dh was starting to sleep w/ him at night.

Kate, i hope Josh gets good advice that's appropriate to his real swimming ability. If he has to repeat the class, that might be the best way for him to develop real confidence in the water. I just hope his teachers are good at measuring stuff like that. Bodhi starts some lessons in 2 weeks. He did really well at my friends' pool over he weekend - at least he let me dunk him and he almost let me float him on his back, supported. This weekend we're going to the kiddie pool at Stanford University that is huge and is no deeper than 3 feet. I hope it's nice and hot. The weather here has been ... uninspired.

I love the "developmental tasks" way of looking at things.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, I'll be thinking of you.

[girlwonder]

Thanks, guys! I'm always up for a commission if anyone is interested! Or just one of my pre-existing ones. Good for Christmas or Mother's Day usually. I can make them ornaments as well.

Mandy (or Amanda? - I know you don't like being called one of those names, but I can't remember which - maybe I will just call you Gwenn) - I hope that you and your dh can get it all figured out. It is hard to work as a team on something that important, but I think you will be able to get to a place where you both feel good.

Jennifer - hope your home visit goes well!

Chrissy - you know why.

Kate - congratulations about swim! I would do the one where you aren't in the pool with him - JoJo does a lot better in that one that she did in the one where I am in the pool. More able to participate and follow directions.

Myles - I hope you will be able to work from home more. I feel that I am actually more productive at home than I ever am at an office. And don't have to waste time on commuting, getting dressed, talking with co-workers, etc.

Bridget, I hope you have a good weekend with your kids. As you said, it is out of your hands. Are you going to spend any time with your dad/brother?

How's it going, 3andMe? Are things any better or are you still in a holding pattern at home?

I am feeling rushed again. Christmas is coming down on me like a Mack truck right now I think I will be doing that show I did last year that was just awful and I barely broke even. I feel that I have a better idea of what price point to aim for (cheap) and how to set up better. Plus, I don't think that my dh will be in the hospital with a bleeding kidney or that I will be sick with strep like I was last year. Right? Knocking on wood.

[girlwonder]

That egg is really phenomenal. I'm beyond impressed. Katy-you do excellent work. How do you display something like that?

Oh, I have lucite stands that the egg sits in or I can make them ornaments. For ornaments, I have wire hangers that they can hang off or of course can go on a tree. For an egg that sits, I am getting either glass domes with walnut bases or small square glass boxes. For a collection or 3 or more, I like them in a bowl. I have to make an order pretty soon for the wire hangers and domes - ugh: I hate spending $1000 without knowing for sure that I will get it back. Especially when I am having to borrow it from my mom. Oh well, I guess that's just business.

[Bridget]

I can't believe you mentioned Christmas! Didn't it just end?

I will be in touch with dbf the whole time. Unfortunately my dad and brother are both going out of town this weekend. My dad was going to come over for dinner tonight but his work has him in late so he won't be able to make it. Who needs adult interaction anyway right?? I'll get it here!

[Ky'sMom]

Katy the egg is just gorgeous!! I can see why your mom loved it Gwenn it is such a beautiful, unique gift.

So sorry about your argument with your DH Gwenn. I also agree with Jennifer that some men just aren't as gung-ho about getting PG. My DH was not for either pregnancy and we planned Elle and it took us 8 months to conceive her. He was just really blase' about it, but you would never be able to tell now. He just adores her even when she is being little miss attitude.

I also hope you have a good weekend with the kids Bridget and I truly hope your BF can stay lucid and not get intoxicated. I can't believe he didn't even think about how his trip would impact the kids. His actions seem so frustrating, similar to my DH. I hope he at least tells you how grateful he is to have you in his life. My DH frequently tells me that he doesn't know what he would do without me and I am the best thing that ever happened to him. It makes his idiot moments more bareable.

I feel lucky to have never had a cavity and I hope I never get one. I am still happy I don't have gum disease. I only recently started going to the dentist. I hadn't been since I was 5 before this year. It was kind of embarrassing and I would get upset at my mom since I know we had 2 types of dental coverage when I was a kid and she never took me. She was just lazy in that reagard IMO. But after I asked her about it she said that she just didn't think it was important. She had never been either, neither had her own mother until she had to get all her bottom teeth pulled. I'm like "duh" she got her teeth pulled and gum disease because she never took good care of her teeth or get regular cleanings. My mom is only 48 and needs to have all of her teeth pulled now due to gum disease but she can't afford to. She is in a lot of pain. She doesn't have insurance either and now that she knows the ills of not having good dental care she is afraid of developing heart disease. She has very severe gum disease. I'm happy I was a flossing nut and still am to an extent so the only thing the dentist said I needed was to get my wisdom teeth pulled.

Erin