Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

My opinion about pot is very different. I'm not totally against legalizing it, but it's not something I want any of my kids doing on a regular basis. Similar to alcohol consumption...if they go out occasionally with their friends and have a good time (after 21 of course!) I won't think bad about that at all. But if they're throwing back a 6-pack every night, well, I'll feel very differently about that. I view pot as a similar thing...occasional use is no biggie (other than it's against the law right now) but I don't want pot heads. I'm sorry, but I don't know any daily use pot-heads irl that accomplished anything in their lives.

[missychrissy]

I know Bobbie has experimented in the past. I was disappointed but she's a teen and sometimes that comes with the territory. At least she talked to me about it. Jesi's use, however, was way beyond experimental and even she realized it was a problem for her. That's why I signed her up for help.

[Bridget]

I am so glad Jesi is doing so well! That's great news, Chrissy.
Some of my pothead friends are the smartest and coolest people I know. It may be hard to believe but really, the two in particular that I'm thinking of were practically 4.0 college students and both of them are very successful and productive people that continue to use regularly. I also have family members that smoke regularly and you probably wouldn't even know it because they are very responsible and intelligent people. I honestly think it's a great way to deal with anxiety for some people. That said, I certainly don't want my children smoking it in highschool. I think there is a level of maturity that comes with it's use. Same for alcohol. Now alcoholism scares me. It's rampant in my family and with my history of alcohol abuse I really hope my kids don't go down that path.

[missychrissy]

I guess if you saw the negative side effects of chronic pot use like I do, you'd feel about it like you do about alcoholism. Different drug, same devastating results. I'd rather my kids didn't play with the fire.

Lots of professionals can drink with dinner every day and not be an alcoholic. That doesn't mean I want my kids drinking daily, even as an adult.

[Bridget]

I guess if you saw the negative side effects of chronic pot use like I do, you'd feel about it like you do about alcoholism. Different drug, same devastating results. I'd rather my kids didn't play with the fire.

Lots of professionals can drink with dinner every day and not be an alcoholic. That doesn't mean I want my kids drinking daily, even as an adult.

Yes, totally. I agree with all of this. We all are results of our own life experience. I'm not minimizing the seriousness of your daughter smoking pot. I wouldn't like it either.

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy I understand what you are saying. I didn't mean that it was OK for young people to smoke like that. I have no problem with legalization as long as it is properly regulated and available only after a certain age, same as alcohol. I also have no problem with occasional use. Some people can not just occasionally use though, same as alcoholics. I know some pot heads that are very successful with Masters Degrees and I know some that have dead end jobs. I think it depends more on the person and there reaction to it than the drug.

Also, a key word you used is "chronic" To me a pot head is defined as someone who smokes on a daily basis. Not neccesarily someone that smokes all day everyday. Most of the pot heads that I know, smoke at night before they go to bed. To me, thats not chronic. BUT it is still daily use (which personally I find pointless, but to each there own) There is a difference. And I'd rather be around a pot head than an alcoholic anyday Than again this just stems from my personal experience

[Smplyme89]

Yes, totally. I agree with all of this. We all are results of our own life experience. I'm not minimizing the seriousness of your daughter smoking pot. I wouldn't like it either.

Me either I'm sorry if it came across that wya. I'm multi tasking and not always good at expressing emotions via the forum

[missychrissy]

I'm very anti-drug anything, even prescription. I've been thinking about anti-anxiety medication for a while now, but I really hesitate because I don't want it to become something I 'need' to get through rough patches in life.

I took a year of alcohol & drug classes with the intention of becoming a counselor, and i worked in an alcohol & drug office for 4.5 years. My perspective is vastly different. My point of view is if you need to take anything 'to take the edge off' then it's a problem. Hence my own hesitation at getting anti-anxiety prescription from a dr. I'd never do anything illegal, so pot isn't even a consideration for me.

[Smplyme89]

Just out of curiousity Chrissy, do you feel the same way towards alcohol?

Getting on the anti anxiety medication is a completely personal decision, but I can say that my mom got on one (can't remember the name for the life of me) but when she started taking it she became a completely different person. She used to freak out over every.little.thing. She was getting to the point where she was getting physically ill Now she still has her days, but 95% of the time she is much more in control of her anxiety.

[missychrissy]

Just out of curiousity Chrissy, do you feel the same way towards alcohol?

Absolutely. A substance is a substance. I'm all about mental health and being mentally healthy without drugs as much as possible.

I'm also the last person to take her kids to the dr. They have to be sick for 4 days without any sign of improvement before I call the dr. Unless, of course, it's really severe (like a temp of 105+ that won't come down), or if they have a bone sticking out of their skin. You know, obvious that it needs immediate attention.

[Smplyme89]

I agree Chrissy, I believe in letting your body try to deal with the sickness before pumping it full of antibiotics. I never understood people running to the doctor for there kids when they have a sniffle or a slight cough I think thats part of the reason taking N back and forth to the doctor is bothering me so much, I tend to think most docs are quacks Even though his have been awesome

[missychrissy]

In your case you're absolutely correct to get to the bottom of it! I would too. I've only been lucky in that none of my kids have had a chronic illness of any kind. Jessica's weekly "pot-appointments" was the most intense treatment any of my kids have had. They were necessary though.

If she grows up and has a smoke here and there with friends, I won't think anything of it. I just don't want her dependent on it. Or any of my other kids. Or dependent on anything nor anyone either.

[Smplyme89]

In your case you're absolutely correct to get to the bottom of it! I would too. I've only been lucky in that none of my kids have had a chronic illness of any kind. Jessica's weekly "pot-appointments" was the most intense treatment any of my kids have had. They were necessary though.

If she grows up and has a smoke here and there with friends, I won't think anything of it. I just don't want her dependent on it. Or any of my other kids. Or dependent on anything nor anyone either.

I know it needs to be taken care of, but that doesn't keep me from being annoyed by it!

You remind me of my mom all the time, I can't get over it She raised me the same way and is quite proud when people comment on how stubborn and independent I am

[Ky'sMom]

So glad to hear that Jesi is doing better! I hope she can remain sober and I do agree with Christina that she needs to stay away from her pot smoking friends to remain solidly sober.

Also, I agree with you about pot being a devastating drug as well. My mom was a pothead, my dad was too until he grew into more dangerous drugs like heroine, crack, cocaine, LSD and pretty much every other drug out there. But weed was always his primary drug, that and alcohol and I have a very bad opinion of it and know through quite a few people in my life that it has the potential to be just as devastating as alcohol if abused.

My brother, the one with the lying girlfriend and who is a liar himself, is a pothead and really it is amazing the transformation he has gone under from smoking it. I love my brother and he is a kind, generous person, but he is just....the only thing I can think of is he is not there anymore. He is numb and I know that underneath it he is more than likely depressed and weed is his anti-depression/anti-anxiety drug. He didn't even start smoking until he was 24. We both said we would never smoke it because of how dumb our parents used to act when they did it. We didn't want to seem as dumb as they did and he admits that now he is dumb like that. He spends most of his money on weed. He makes around 50K a year, doesn't have a bank account, he lives in a house paying $200 a month for rent and can't even keep current in that. He doesn't have a license but drives around all the time under the influence. My brother was such a great guy before he started smoking regularly and I actually miss him and am always hoping and trying to encourage him to give up smoking so much.

I also do not like drugs of any kind and I feel that perscription drugs are more of a problem in a lot of ways than marijuana. Sooooo many people are on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds and I also feel most doctors are quacks and out for money and the main reason so many people are on these drugs is to line the pockets of drug execs and doctors and insurance companies. But I am not going to get into all my beliefs on perscription drugs or anti-depressants/anxiety drugs especially because I know so many people here on APA use them and I wouldn't want to offend them. But I just don't like drug use, ESPECIALLY in children so I am so happy that Jesi is doing better and I hope that she will continue to do well.

Erin

[missychrissy]

I think me & you share a lot of views in this Erin. I'm all for medication when necessary...it's figuring out when it's really necessary versus too lazy to do some internal work that gets me. I'll take anti-anxiety medication to get through a particularly rough patch (which I am going through) but I will not do it for life. I'll do a lot of soul searching first. And work on me. An independent-of-any-drug me. I also think if someone is taking Attivan (or the like) every day, they're not dealing with the issue. Use it to get through the worst of it, but be in counseling to learn to live without it. That's my philosophy anyway.

Jesi is switching friends. Well, she has already but she also made the choice to stay away from the charter school where all 'those' friends are, as well as the temptation and easy access to pot is. She'll be going back to her good public school this September and I'm extremely proud of her because I was truly leaving it up to her. Her counselor is convinced she's making healthy choices and knows what she's about. I tend to agree with him.

[missychrissy]

I hope I don't sound offensive. I'm only talking about what works for me and what my own hopes are for my kids. What others do really isn't my business. I only have one rule about my druggie friends (and some family)---don't do it at my house or near my kids.

[missychrissy]

I was just called for a face-to-face interview with the place I did the phone interview with last Thursday! It's not till next Friday at 2:00.

[Smplyme89]

That is great news Chrisy!!!!

[Smplyme89]

Erin I am really sorry to hear about your parents Both my parents smoked while I was growing up as well, although they never transferred into other drugs thank goodness. My parents were never "hardcore" pot heads like some I knew though. They didn't spend there entire paycheck buying weed and forego things that we needed. It was always a social thing for my mom and a little more of a habitual thing for my dad (although my dad was a POS it was for different reasons than the pot)

I am really really sorry to hear about your brother as well My brother has followed a similar path and it kills me. He was strung out on pills for a while, but has quit the pills and "only" been smoking pot. I'd rather that than the pills anyday. He's living his life moving from house to house while his gf and baby stay at another place It just kills me to watch him destroy his life (he's only 18) and there being nothing I can do...

[Smplyme89]

Now that I think about. I've been surrounded by pot my entire life. Everyone (except for a VERY small few) I know personally are smokers. My husband was a heavy, heavy smoker when we got together. Took me some time to get him to realize that he could do better for himself and that he didn't need to be stoned everyday to be happy! It's such a "normal" thing in my area that I suppose my outlook on it is different. I don't particularly care what people decide to put into there bodies as it has no direct effect on me. Than again, that'll be a whole nother issue when N gets bigger if I catch him smoking

One of my biggest deciding factors in wanting to move is to get N away from all the negative influences here. Between the town full of potheads, DH's thieving family, my druged out wacko family, and just the general consensus of "nothing" this town imminates makes me want to leave so bad!

Ah, maybe one day....

Anyway, I'll stop hoarding and posting so much... I'm sure youre all tired of listening to me

[missychrissy]

...a little more of a habitual thing for my dad (although my dad was a POS it was for different reasons than the pot)

How do you know? I'm not trying to be argumentative, but it's quite similar to what Jessica's counselor discussed with us last night. Daily use pot-heads do have more notable mood swings than when they're not on pot. They get angry faster-whether it's because of a chemical imbalance in the brain due to the pot or a slight bit of irritability associated with withdrawal-like symptoms is debatable, but it's clearly there. Jessica's one and only physical fight happened while she was using pot daily. imo, that's just verification that it does alter mood, even if you're not stoned when you fight/argue.

Another 'symptom' for Jessica is that for the first time ever she failed some classes and had to take summer school. Because she hated Global she opted to say "screw it, let's get high" and did just that. Now that she's not smoking, she's thinking, "well, I hate global but I need it to graduate so I'll do it for that reason." She's already making better choices for herself.

They're just two examples specific to her, and everyone reacts differently, but you cannot put a chemical into your brain and not have an adverse reaction to it. For every action, there's a reaction. If people are ok with that, then that's fine. But I don't think they should be in denial about what they're doing to themselves or their families. And again, I believe that of any/every chemical, not just pot.

[missychrissy]

Now that I think about. I've been surrounded by pot my entire life. Everyone (except for a VERY small few) I know personally are smokers. My husband was a heavy, heavy smoker when we got together. Took me some time to get him to realize that he could do better for himself and that he didn't need to be stoned everyday to be happy! It's such a "normal" thing in my area that I suppose my outlook on it is different. I don't particularly care what people decide to put into there bodies as it has no direct effect on me. Than again, that'll be a whole nother issue when N gets bigger if I catch him smoking

One of my biggest deciding factors in wanting to move is to get N away from all the negative influences here. Between the town full of potheads, DH's thieving family, my druged out wacko family, and just the general consensus of "nothing" this town imminates makes me want to leave so bad!

Ah, maybe one day....

Anyway, I'll stop hoarding and posting so much... I'm sure youre all tired of listening to me

That's really tough, and becoming a parent certainly changes what you find acceptable. Most my friends in school were pot-heads but as soon as I had Bobbie I cut ties with them. I didn't smoke myself, but I didn't care that they did it. I still don't really care, but I get irritated when they say it's 100% harmless. Just like alcohol-it can be fun (I'm sure) and does have benefits but it's not harmless.

Anyway, having Bobbie made me want to get away from it and all people associated with it too, so I can totally understand your feelings there.

[Smplyme89]

I understand where you are coming and I do believe there is some validation to what you are saying But my dad had issues WAY beyond pot. He was neglected, abused, locked in closets, left hungry, all while watching his mom (and himself) get the living crap beat out of each other. Mentally, he is a shattered man who learned how to cope by becoming heartless in alot of ways. He quit smoking something like 2 years ago give or take. It forced him to confront those feelings, emotions, and get past it the best he could. He's better now, except when things get to him and he goes on a drinking binge It still doesn't change the fact I have no respect for the man, but I'm hoping he keeps himself straight so that he can be a grandfather to Nolan. I've already made him aware that the first time he yells, throws things, etc anywhere in the vacinity of my son he will never see him again. He knows that I'm not kidding, after he threatened my life I didn't speak to him (and barely my mother for 3 years) Just recently (over the past year or so) I've allowed him to come back into my life (and move into my home) so I think I've done a pretty good job at letting by gones be by gones, but that is THE last time he ever gets a pass from me.

ETA: I like it when your argumentative, it makes me think Honestly, you ladies have such intellectual conversations that half the time I just keep my mouth shut, because I don't want to sound like an idiot

[missychrissy]

That's so sad-both for him and for you. I'm glad you're strong enough to draw a line in the sand (essentially) and say this is where the crap ends.

And I really don't mean to sound argumentative. I was just curious about the part I quoted before. The whole thing interests me and I'd love nothing more than to actually see cat scans of people's brains while they're high and compare them to when they're not...things like that.

If there was any $ in it, I would be a CASAC right now. But unfortunately I wouldn't have earned any more than I did as an administrative assistant plus I would have had student loan debt as well so I went after my 2nd interest. Computers. And in many ways computers are easier. I don't get emotionally involved in their lives lol

[AmeriBrit]

I always feel like such a square around people because I am very anti-drug, too. The only person I know that smokes pot is my BIL's oldest brother. I've never been friends with anyone who's done hard core drugs. My brother started off on pot back in the day and moved on to all sorts of stuff. He then became an alcoholic when he got off the drugs. He actually quit drinking a few years ago, though, because they did a random test on him at work (he works in a factory as a supervisor) and he lost his job. They sent him to rehab and gave him his job back but he still gets tested every now and then, I think. So, he has turned his life around in that aspect. He still sponges off my parents, though, and expects them to pay his mortgage, car insurance, buy him groceries, etc. I feel bad for my parents that they can't retire because they are still supporting their 35 year old son! And he (my brother) really doesn't like me and tells people that I think I'm better than everyone (because I don't take their money like he does). That's family for ya.

I guess I'm one of the few people who've been to Amsterdam and not had a space cake!

Not to change the subject or anything, but I have to share this Travis funny with y'all. We were in the kitchen eating supper tonight and we had the radio on. A song came on that had they lyrics, "All the things you said, running through my head, running through my head, this is not enough....(and then something like, 'I'm losing my miiiiind.') Travis looked at me and said, "That lady is losing it?" I laughed and said, "yeah." A few minutes later, I heard him singing, "I'm losing my miiind" over and over....LOL!

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy there is NO doubt in my mind that marijuanna has a drastic effect on the brain. What little I can remember from the drug and alcohol course that I took was that it blocks the seritonin(sp?) receptors in your brain, so that the only way you can feel happy is to smoke, snort, drink, etc....

Ash that is such a cute story!!! What a fun age, I can't wait

[missychrissy]

Travis!!! He sounds so stinking adorable!!!

And he (my brother) really doesn't like me and tells people that I think I'm better than everyone (because I don't take their money like he does). That's family for ya.

If I only had a dollar for every time I've heard that. Not only from family, but former friends that still smoke weed.

[Cosmosmom]

And I really don't mean to sound argumentative. I was just curious about the part I quoted before. The whole thing interests me and I'd love nothing more than to actually see cat scans of people's brains while they're high and compare them to when they're not...things like that.
l

I don't know much about pot. I have never done it, have never been around anyone doing it....I think maybe a few people I know have done it before but never around me and maybe not something now but in the long ago past.

But I do know that addiction affects different people differently. In some people, the brain scans from food are the same as those of drug addicts (though believe it was heroin in the study?). But not everyone's brain lights up for food. I'm thinking maybe pot might be similar? Same thing with alcohol.

[Gwenn]

Wow, lots going on this morning! Chrissy, I agree with you about pot and drugs/alcohol in general. It's why I rarely drink alcohol (maybe a couple times a year, tops). I just don't like to lose control of myself.

I did take anti-depressants for about 18 months but I feel the same way you guys said, that I wanted to use it as a tool to get me through a situation and learn to cope. I just don't think it's healthy to be dependent.

My parents have never used drugs, but my grandmother suffered from dementia and chronic pain and according to one nurse had become addicted to prescription morphine. It really contributed to her decline and she died in her 60's. My mother doesn't have those issues but she is the type of person who takes an OTC pill for everything, and I mean everything. I will mention I have a headache or a slight cough and she asks if I want to go to the emergency room. For a headache, seriously. I just hate that about her and that's part of the reason I really prefer not to take anything at all unless I know for a fact it's needed.

[AmeriBrit]

I just got off the phone with my mother and she chewed me out for being sarcastic on fb. I'd put a status update about being really happy that she'd sent me some clothes for my birthday and they were all really nice and fit great. Then someone said they wished their mom bought them some clothes, so I went back to them and said my mother must be making up for all the years she dressed me in yard sale clothes....that's just my humor, but it's also true. (She'd send us to school with uncombed hair as well but that's another tangent I could go off on). So, tonight, she was like, "I saw what you put on facebook...you always had clothes for school, you know." (I think in her mind she has rewritten history since she was drunk for the most part of my childhood and she doesn't like that I call her out on some of her actions). Seriously, woman, I said thanks and the clothes are lovely....get over it....Argh!