Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

I don't expect the behavior to stop but I sure didn't expect it to start so early, either, LOL
I just think it's disrespectful and it's starting at such an early age, I'm worried! Already eyerolling and telling me to be quiet at 4!

omg I know exactly what you're saying! For us, it started as soon as Bobbie went to kindergarten and I couldn't believe it! She had never showed any signs before. Unfortunately, kids learn a lot of bad things from their peers. Conner learned his from his older sisters. They will pretend argue and call each other 'stupid' in fun, but he doesn't get the innuendo and says it when he's really irritated. I've talked to the girls about that, and they do try to limit it but...well, they're teens.

[missychrissy]

Savana is very rude to dbf but it has gotten better. She does it to me sometimes and I try to be cool if I know she is just overtired or really upset. But there was a period of time where it was out of hand and we made a rule that any sass talk earned 2 minutes in her bedroom. She stopped relatively quickly after that.
OMG I feel strict!

Kai is also really rude but I handle him differently because he doesn't respond at all to timeouts. I will just model for him how he needs to speak to me. That usually results in him screaming "FIIINE!!!" and then saying it kindly -ish. He's a trip. But then I tell him thank you because at least he's trying.

You? Strict? bwahahahaha!

Sometimes I wonder if we were stricter with the girls. It's really hard to remember. And since they turned out so well (imo!) I'm definitely more relaxed with Conner than I was with them. I do wonder if I'm being too relaxed sometimes.

Being a mom is just so hard. You never quite know with certainty if you're doing it right.

[Ky'sMom]

Just got back into town from DH's family reunion. It went pretty well except for the "service" at the end of the reunion in which they asked everyone to raise their hands if they believed the Bible was "the word of god" and I was probably the only person who didn't raise my hand. I wanted to roll my eyes about them even asking such a question but didn't. Luckily no one commented about it and didn't seem to notice except for DH's uncle who is a pastor and who was giving the "service." He said he would speak directly to those who didn't raise their hands (i.e. Me) and afterwards kind of gave me the cold shoulder. Oddly enough, DH didn't even go to th service because he drank so much last night with his family that he had a horrible hangover and was vomiting. Also it is odd that the uncle who gave the service is a former pimp and drug dealer who ignored all his kids except the youngest who is only 15. He is 73. I love DH's family but they if they start trying to evangelize me due to my honesty at their feel-good-us-against-them-Christian-soldier-family-reunion-service, I see problems in the future.

But other than that we had a great time. The reunion was at an indoor waterpark and I got to go and pick up my nephew from Ohio for a month in the same trip, since the reunion was in Columbus this year. He is excited to spend a month with us this summer as he has never been outside of Toledo.

We are excited about him being here as well but I found out before picking him up that he cannot read. He is 8 years old and had to be held back in kindergarten and they are probably going to hold him back again for the next school year. His mother was not clear on that, and she is a liar so I really don't believe anything she says anyway. All my nephews are such wonderful little boys. The one who is visiting me is actually one of my favorites because he is not a complainer like the oldest and is really friendly, affectionate (we call him the greeter of the family as he hugs everyone who comes into the house), funny, silly, and just a great kid all around. He told me that kids make fun of him at school because he can't read and the teacher talks about him as well and he hates school because of it. I am going to go and get some Bob's Books and try to get him through the 1st and 2nd sets to see if he can improve over the month this summer. His mom said she thinks he has a reading disability, and maybe he does but she NEVER reads to any of her kids. The 2 older boys have a different mom who read to them a lot and made sure they were on track in school. The oldest is actually a grade ahead in school. The mom of this nephew though is just, really I can't even describe her because I do feel bad for her. She says she is stupid and she never did well in school and she thinks her son may have taken after her. I asked if she had him assessed for any learning disabilities and she says he should be in the next school year but really she does not work, she doesn't even do housework and she leaves the kids at home with the older boys (my brother has custody of all 4 of his sons) to watch all day. She really doesn't interact with them at all but she buys them all kinds of crap and spends tons of money to get her hair and nails done. I don't see why she wouldn't hire a tutor or something to help her son out or spend some money and get him assessed (which she wouldn't have to do anyway since they are on Medicaid and the school system will do it for free). It is really aggravating. I am hoping to at least get him to read simple books before he leaves though but without the continued practice, I don't think it will make much of a difference.

Erin

[Bridget]

Erin I am so glad your nephew will be with you this summer. Reading that the kids make fun of him just breaks my heart.

ETA: Chrissy! I really do think I am strict, just in a nice way lol

[daylilies]

Josh doesn't respond to timeouts either. If we send him to his room he gets all upset for a couple minutes and then we hear him playing up there. We send him up for 4-5 minutes, per the rule of 1 minute per year, since he's 4 and a half we're trying to eke it up to 5 minutes but it really doesn't do anything except give DH and me a breather for a minute and make Josh forget what he was upset about to begin with, which I can't decide if that's good or bad.

Have fun with your nephew Erin-maybe you can give him some of the attention he needs.

[Bridget]

I totally busted dbf b****ing about me to his friend this weekend. It all started because my bff had planned to come and spend the day here with her two kids yesterday. Then she texted me in the morning and wondered if I'd want to meet halfway at her cousins and go to this public pool. Well I wasn't feeling comfortable taking all three kids by myself since Savana and Kai don't have much experience in the water and cannot swim at all and I'd obviously have Sawyer in my arms the whole time. So I asked dbf to come and of course he was all pissy about it. He ended up saying he would go only if we leave when he is ready to leave. He then went on to say that whenever we go somewhere and he's ready to leave that he tells me and I just ignore him or say we are not ready yet. This is often true. I think it's rude and selfish of him to say, "Let's go. I'm ready to leave.", when it is clear that the children and I are enjoying ourselves and not ready to leave at all. He would get bored at the pool in like an hour no doubt and the kids could stay for at least twice that. I tried explaining to him that when you are a parent you suck it up so your kids can enjoy themselves.
Anyway, my friend and I decided just to stick with the original plan and she came over. Dbf was out on the deck with his friend and the ac was on so the doors were all shut but when I went to the kitchen I could read his lips and he was clearly talking about the discussion him and I had about my ignoring his desire to leave places. He was all animated and angry acting about it. I then opened the door and asked him what time he wanted to eat and his face was hilarious when he heard my voice. So I came back in and told my friend and within seconds he had followed me in and started offering to make lunch and totally kissing my arse because he didn't know if I had heard him or what. My friend and I were laughing so hard about it. Finally I casually asked him when no one else was around if his buddy had any groundbreaking advice on dealing with my *****iness. He stuttered around for a minute and I just laughed and walked out of the room. He spent the day making it up to me and was great with playing games with the kids so my friend and I could relax so it was for the best I'm thinking. When the day was over he gave me a kiss and said, "I love you and I'm sorry. I swear I don't talk **** about you."

[daylilies]

LOL I'm glad DH doesn't have friends over to the house, I'm sure he'd be talking smack about me too. I know he discusses some things with the guys at work but what can I do? If he wants to vent about how I'm not 'domesticated' (ie I don't spend all day cooking and cleaning), whatever.

[missychrissy]

Erin, I'm so glad your nephew has you in his life. I'm sure his summer with you will do him a world of good. It will give him a start and probably open up the door to the joy of reading. What could be better than that? I just love you and how you look out for all the kids in your life. My heart ached for him too when I read that the kids tease him and even his teacher talked about him. Poor boy. You'll show him that not everyone is like that and reading isn't a scary thing. I hope his school does do the assessment next year for him.

Bridget, you always amaze me with your approach to your dbf. I try to envision myself in the scenarios you describe and I'm afraid Rich would have been knocked flat backward out of his chair if it were us in that situation. I feel very lucky that even when I am an unreasonable b1tch Rich doesn't worry about it. He certainly doesn't complain about me to anyone. Ever. I love that about him. I wish I could say the same about me never complaining about him.

[Bridget]

I guess that is just so small compared to some of the crap her pulls. I know he needs to vent sometimes too. Just such a shame he's always wrong.
If I had heard him call me names or say anything hurtful it would have been different. But from what I could tell he was just telling his friend what he told me.
But now that I have that hindsight it is starting to make sense to me that this friend acts a little scared of me. I wonder what else dbf has said.

[missychrissy]

But now that I have that hindsight it is starting to make sense to me that this friend acts a little scared of me. I wonder what else dbf has said.

Jesi's counselor actually suggested that if Rich couldn't do counseling that he get someone outside of our family that he could vent to. It is mentally healthy-as long as they're not being abusive, like you said.

The worst thing Rich will say about me is that I'm a handful. One time my brother said, "I don't know how you put up with it" after I'd had a really bad stinking day (this was years ago) and Rich just said that it didn't bother him because he knew I didn't mean it and that I once I got over it whatever it was was behind me. Except for the drinking I don't really nag about anything. I don't think. I'll have to ask Rich though for sure

Right now I'm feeling like I've been witchy, but I expected it because the whole house thing really stresses me out. Rich will say something and I get all worked up. I feel like he wants to take the long, hard way to accomplish something and we're already running behind schedule. I'm trying to keep it together, but...meh, sometimes I'm not successful.

Today he talked about taking the cupboards out, primering & painting them, then putting them back. I'm like, why? We're getting brand new ones in a few months. We're going to try and buy a used sink for the kitchen as well and I already got the new (cheap) faucet to use in the meantime. He was going to install it today...I was like why? I'm buying a different kitchen sink this week. Can't we continue using the bathroom for water till I get a different sink and then install the faucet?

I found a fridge for really cheap-just to get us through. It opens on the wrong side. He talked about buying new handles and hinges to make it open the other way. Again, why? It's just 6-8 months!!

The worst one-the one that finally made me start ranting at him-was when he suggested that we buy an old, used furnace in questionable condition and spend time (and probably money) installing it. I'm like...WHY!!!!!?????? If we can't repair the one we have, we're already planning on just using those oil filled radiators through this winter and we'll have a brand new one installed next spring. WHY would he add all that work to the list of things we have to do? He doesn't know how to install a furnace. I'm sure it would take more than 1 day...and he has zero vacation days left to use.

He's making me freaking crazy. That's when I said, "I feel like I always have to be on top of you to keep you on track" but he only caught the 'on top of you' part and had to respond with, "I wish you were" with that look. Unfortunately, it made me lol and then I wasn't so pissed any more.

[Gwenn]

Erin, that breaks my heart about your nephew. Even if you can't get him reading (and I hope you can), I really hope you can teach him to love reading and give him a good example of a grown-up who loves to read. I get so sad when I see kids whose mothers are more concerned about themselves than their kids.

Bridget, I would be so pissed if I caught DH *****ing about me!

[Ky'sMom]

LOL at your DBF Bridget. That would have cracked me up too actually. Luckily DH is not one for words when it comes to our relationship outside of b!tching to me so I don't worry about catching him talking ill of me to others. I don't doubt that he does or has though because he can get pretty chatty when he is drunk. But from what I hear he always compliments me with his drunk-speak in more ways than I would like actually.

DH has lots of gripes about me too. He thinks I am too non-chalant about things, hardly anything gets to me and he doesn't like that because he likes to bug me sometimes (for some reason unknown to me), he thinks I am vain because I compliment myself a lot (but no one else gives me compliments so I give them to myself), he thinks I'm not "womanly" because I'm not into fashion or getting my hair done or painting my toenails. He thinks I have a "smart mouth" (I tell him thanks for that compliment). He thinks I am too soft with the kids, other times he thinks I am too tough (he is confused). I don't really listen to much of his b!tching anymore and it is pretty amusing a lot of times the things he comes up with. Oh, and he thinks I'm a know-it-all even though I assure him that I only know a bunch of useless information, which is what I truly believe about my random knowledge of random subjects. He also always thinks I have some sort of ulterior motive behind a lot of my actions that have to do with "getting him." This is the funniest of all to me. He got really mad when I told him he really isn't all that important and I don't spend my time sitting around, fingers pressed in evil anticipation of watching my devious plans unfold regarding making his life miserable. I actually laughed until I cried when he told me this. He said it hurt his feels, my laughter, and the comment that I don't think of him as much as he thinks I do and he is not the most important thing in my life.

Chrissy, that is hilarious about you being on top of him!!! My DH would have totally focused on that as well. Such dirty minds.

Erin

[demigraf]

Well played, Bridget. Well played.

Erin, the pastor gave you the "cold shoulder"?!? That was his way of speaking with you about not raising your hand? Way to spread the word, buddy.

I confess, right now, I am in bed with the most adorable little button of a 1 year old baby girl right now. My girlfriend is visiting in town with her baby, and had a terrible stomach pain similar to an infection she had 6 weeks ago. DH took her to the ER. She co-sleeps with her little one, and we co-sleep with Bodhi after 3 am. So I'm with the little ball of cuddliness right now and am just keeping my fingers crossed Bodhi doesn't wake up until Steve gets back. I don't know what I'll do if I have two crying little ones to handle on my own.

I feel like a bit of an A-hole, actually, because my first reaction to my friend's onset of sickness was to be annoyed with her. I thought she was exaggerating for the attention. I was sort of annoyed by her company to be honest, because, even though we're old friends, we're not like-minded in a lot of ways. She is very princess-like, and frail, acts helpless, and has a passive aggressive way of getting people to do things for her. Plus, she's always going on about how she has the cutest baby in the world, and how much everyone oohs and aahs over the baby, which is very offputting no matter how adorable her little one is. And she's been barely hiding her annoyance with Bodhi and his toddler energy when comes anywhere near her precious little one. We went on this walk to the beach today, and she got tired on the last hills up to my house and instead of asking for help, said "feel free to push the stroller any time." I almost ignored her statement or said, "ok, I'll feel free." But I am too nice, so I pushed the stroller home for her. It wasn't like I didn't need the exercise anyway. So when she started getting sick, she was doing a lot of moaning, writhing and crouching on the floor, and I had already gotten into bed. I felt like she was trying to make us pay attention to her by being overly dramatic. I even tried to catch Steve's eye a couple times to show him my irritation and mouthed the words "Long night" to him. Now I feel like a jerk. I hope she's ok. I packed Steve an ER support care package before he left, which included cookies, puzzles, magazines and water.

Oh good. And now DH is back, so I can go to sleep. Sweet dreams, all.

[Bridget]

Yowzers, Myles. I can understand your annoyance! Especially the part about acting annoyed with Bodhi! Wtf? So, what did they say at the ER?

[demigraf]

The doctors say it was an ovarian cyst. She's much better today, and that's good. We're off to go surfing and she'll join us later with the baby. She has to stay longer than planned because a family member passed away, so I feel extra guilty about being irritated.

[missychrissy]

Aw Myles I can see myself behaving exactly the same way. And honestly, her irritation with Bodhi and her laziness/crabbiness about pushing the stroller uphill doesn't really do anything to make her endearing to anyone. I feel your reactions were totally called for.

Jesi gets those cysts and it has put her to the floor in a ball, so I know they're extremely scary and painful. But that doesn't make Jesi act like a 'baby' the rest of the time. You know what they say about people that cry wolf. She sounds like a needy person, so it would make it hard for anyone to take her seriously when there really is a painful issue going on.

[Gwenn]

Myles, don't beat yourself up it. She does sound annoying, and it would have been hard to tell she really was sick.

I confess DH and I bought ourselves a joint anniversary gift. It's our 5th anniversary this month (on the 15th) and we usually each get the other a gift. Well, DH has been spending a lot of time on craigslist looking for a stove for our kitchen and he found an estate sale with vintage 1930's furniture. Our house was built in 1938 and we have a table that is art-deco style in the dining room. He found a glass-front cabinet that is just perfect for the room and matches the wood in our dining table. We decided to buy it for each other as our anniversary gift. And, apparently the traditional 5th anniversary gift is supposed to be wood. We also bought two end tables and a mirror to go over our fireplace. I'm so thrilled. It wasn't pocket change, but it was really cheap compared to buying antiques at an antique shop or even reproductions.

Here's the cabinet:


The tables:


The mirror:


They also had a 100 year old Steinway grand piano that I would have loved, but we weren't looking to spend 10K+ on a piano that we have no space for. I really, really wish we could have got the piano, though.

[missychrissy]

Wow-very, very nice!! I love estate sales

[AmeriBrit]

That's some cool stuff, Mandy! I've always liked older things but my DH insists that everything is new and modern. He's like that with vacations as well-prefers New York City and places like that whereas I like places with lots and lots of history.

Myles, your friend sounds like a case! I don't have many real friends because I just don't deal well with people like that. When I used to work at the office, if anyone ever broke down in tears (which seemed to happen a lot), I would just feel so awkward. I think I'm better and more sympathetic now that I'm a mom, but back then I didn't have the time for stuff like that.

[Ky'sMom]

Nice pieces Gwenn!!! Very cool. I love antiques and vintage furniture. I've never been to an estate sale even though I have always wanted to do so, but I am cheap and am always thinking of excuses not to go so I can save or spend money on something more pressing.

Erin

[Bridget]

Gwenn, love the new/old stuff. Totally my style.

Myles at the risk of sounding like a cold hearted biatch, try not to feel guilty about being annoyed by your friend. When bad things happen to irritating people it doesn't make them any less irritating, does it?

And as long as I'm on a roll here...I am very annoyed by my neighbor. She is newly divorced and this is her weekend/summer home. She has hired dbf to do some things around her house like putting in some new windows and some landscaping. Now whenever we are outside she's asking him to help her with something. Just now she called because she is stranded on her boat in the middle of the lake and needs a tow. Wtf? I have 2 kids in the bath who need their hair washed, a fussy nonstop nursing baby, and dinner that needs preparing. I told him to tell her no. But he says he can't just leave them stranded and went. I think he should have told her no or she will never figure out she can't just have him at her beckon call. One time last summer we were having a family party on the deck and she had the nerve to come over and ask Mark to fix her toilet. Grrrr.
I have another killer headache so that's not helping my tolerance level.

[missychrissy]

Is it possible he uses that as an excuse to get away from domestic responsibilities? I hope she pays him at least for all these little emergencies she has.

[Bridget]

Is it possible he uses that as an excuse to get away from domestic responsibilities? I hope she pays him at least for all these little emergencies she has.

She doesn't! And I wouldn't put that past him but in this case he was really annoyed too. And he wasn't actually helping me with anything...yet lol. I had every intention of putting him to work though.

[missychrissy]

She doesn't! And I wouldn't put that past him but in this case he was really annoyed too. And he wasn't actually helping me with anything...yet lol. I had every intention of putting him to work though.

Oh that's just BS. If I were him, I'd tell her, "Yeah, I can tow you off the water. For $50." Or whatever a reasonable price for something like that would be. I finally had to do that with doing computer work for my friends/family. They thought that I enjoyed spending 10+ hours working on their computers for free and didn't hesitate to call/request all the time. Now that I charge they only ask 2-3 times a year.

His time is valuable too. AND it's a holiday. Extra expensive, imo.

[Gwenn]

I get what you are saying about her asking him to do a ton of irritating things every time he goes outside, but I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say he did the right thing to help her when she was stranded on a lake, so long as she was really stranded. The rest of it, I agree with you.

[daylilies]

She was probably a needy wife and doesn't know who to turn to or how to help herself now that's she's divorced. I know lots of women from my womens group who really stepped up when they got divorced-learned how to use tools and build things and fix things etc. but some women just don't get a clue.

[Bridget]

I get what you are saying about her asking him to do a ton of irritating things every time he goes outside, but I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say he did the right thing to help her when she was stranded on a lake, so long as she was really stranded. The rest of it, I agree with you.

Ahh, I know he couldn't leave her out there. It's just annoying.

[daylilies]

Hey I just noticed-happy birthday Christina!

[AmeriBrit]

I hope you had a fun birthday, Christina!

Bridget, I remember you talking about that woman before; it sounds like she needs to have some boundaries set.

As for me, my arthritis has flared up in my wrist and I'm in pain all through the day. I feel like it's so unfair to only be 29 and be suffering with joint pain like this! Any how, that's just me feeling sorry for myself. (I broke down crying a few nights ago because I realized that there hasn't been a day that I have not had some kind of joint pain in a good few months. DH was sympathetic and he thinks the doctors should do more than prescribe pain meds, but I don't think they can do anything else. I might actually look in to accupuncture to see if that helps).

I have to try to tidy the house today while Travis is at daycare and before I go up to school to do my volunteering in the afternoon....so I better log off here to get some things done.

[Cosmosmom]

There were rules-if they ever demanded or threw a fit about getting something that meant they would never get it. And I mean never...not even months later for their birthday. Never.would.get.it.

.

This was SOOO my mom. In a store, we could ask for whatever we wanted nicely. If mom said no, we might try asking again....and if she said no again, that was THAT. If we asked a third time or threw a fit....we would NEVER get what we wanted. And we didn't....mom was hardcore so we knew that if she said something or threatened something, she was true to her word.


One nice thing though is mom was into bribes. So before going someplace, she would explain what was expected of us....and IF we behaved, we could get something (usually small), go out for a treat, or do something fun like the park or whatever.