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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #20731

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    Gwenn, I think that is one of the reasons I am so upset right now - I really think that I may have to cancel my birthday party because of them.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  2. #20732
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    In that case, I would definitely reschedule my birthday party.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post
    Gwenn, I think that is one of the reasons I am so upset right now - I really think that I may have to cancel my birthday party because of them.
    Could you just keep the babysitter and be up front about your reasons for doing so? I just don't think it's right that you should have to cancel your party because they are irresponsible.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #20734

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    So they would presumably drink at dinner and then drive her back to the hotel?
    I don't think you should have to cancel your birthday either. I think dh should tell your inlaws that this isn't a good weekend and reschedule their visit.

  5. #20735
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    Katy, in the end, you'll do what's right for Jo Jo and it might cause upset and hurt but you'll be doing the right thing!

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    Oh, and on a tangent, I have to say it's a little bizarre that in the space of two days I've been invited to join both a Secular group and a Catholic moms group, when I am neither secular, Catholic, nor a mom!

    Well, I suppose that depends on your definition of Secular.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #20737

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    Hooray! I caught up on you guys!

    Boo, for me having no time left to post anything except Katy, hun, first off Happy Birthday. And secondly, I agree with Bridget that your ILs sound like a poor bet for the safety of your kids. Your dh should back you on that, and tell his mom it's not a good time for them to come. What a nightmare for you. I'm sorry!

  8. #20738

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    LOL Mandy!

  9. #20739
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    Katy, I think your dh could benefit from counseling or Al-Anon. It is not healthy that he's turning a blind eye to the danger his parents present to the safety of their grandchildren. He's learned to 'ignore' it and just go with things, but that's really not the proper way for him to deal with it. He's just lucky something didn't happen to him. Heck, they're very fortunate that nothing worse has happened thus far. If he won't see an Al-Anon type counselor, I highly recommend you do on your own. They're a great source of information for dealing with situations just like you described.

    I'm very sorry. I know this isn't easy for you at all. It's very unfair.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #20740

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    I'm really sorry this is stressing you out so much, Katy.

  11. #20741
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    I confess that I just contacted the obgyn office to schedule an appointment. I'm waiting for them to get back to me.

    I really hate going to the doctor as well. I tend to avoid it if possible although I don't have anything against doctors. But I've been avoiding this for too long and I need to see if there are any problems, and perhaps they can refer me to an RE if they feel it is necessary. My experience with doctors after my m/c was so bad I'm still upset about it.
    Wish me luck, guys. I'm kind of scared to go now.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  12. #20742

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    OMG! nkotb's musical director/arranger just messaged me a couple times on twitter! I follow him, and I noticed that he replies to a lot of people who message him but he almost always uses their real name. So I asked him if he only replies to people he knows by name (and I said "If that's the case, my name's Kate" LOL) and he said no, it's just that he tries to use their real name if he can see it in their profile. Isn't that sweet? He went on to say he doesn't actually "know" many of the people who message him.

    He's so talented, I love the mashups and arrangements he uses in the shows and he played keyboards at Joe's show on the cruise and it was awesome. Squee!

  13. #20743

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I confess that I just contacted the obgyn office to schedule an appointment. I'm waiting for them to get back to me.

    I really hate going to the doctor as well. I tend to avoid it if possible although I don't have anything against doctors. But I've been avoiding this for too long and I need to see if there are any problems, and perhaps they can refer me to an RE if they feel it is necessary. My experience with doctors after my m/c was so bad I'm still upset about it.
    Wish me luck, guys. I'm kind of scared to go now.

    Big hugs. As you know, I completely know where you're coming from. I hope everything goes fine and that you have a good experience (as good as an obgyn appt. can be, anyway).
    I just got a letter today in fact that my OB appt. has to be rescheduled. That sucks because I'm actually almost a year overdue already.

  14. #20744
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    Thanks. That's cool about your nkotb twitter!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #20745

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    I'm sorry, Gwenn.

    That's cool about the twitter, Kate!

    And Chrissy - I caught up a bit and am so very sorry about your daughter's trouble. It just keeps piling up on you.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  16. #20746
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I confess that I just contacted the obgyn office to schedule an appointment. I'm waiting for them to get back to me.

    I really hate going to the doctor as well. I tend to avoid it if possible although I don't have anything against doctors. But I've been avoiding this for too long and I need to see if there are any problems, and perhaps they can refer me to an RE if they feel it is necessary. My experience with doctors after my m/c was so bad I'm still upset about it.
    Wish me luck, guys. I'm kind of scared to go now.
    Good luck Mandy. I hope you have an entirely different experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    OMG! nkotb's musical director/arranger just messaged me a couple times on twitter! I follow him, and I noticed that he replies to a lot of people who message him but he almost always uses their real name. So I asked him if he only replies to people he knows by name (and I said "If that's the case, my name's Kate" LOL) and he said no, it's just that he tries to use their real name if he can see it in their profile. Isn't that sweet? He went on to say he doesn't actually "know" many of the people who message him.

    He's so talented, I love the mashups and arrangements he uses in the shows and he played keyboards at Joe's show on the cruise and it was awesome. Squee!
    How exciting!!

    Quote Originally Posted by katycat24 View Post
    And Chrissy - I caught up a bit and am so very sorry about your daughter's trouble. It just keeps piling up on you.
    Thanks-we're all ok now. I think it was a 'lesson learned' for Bobbie. I'm confident she'll never try anything like that again. I don't know if it was her idea or her friend's and honestly I don't care. They're both really good girls.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #20747
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I confess that I just contacted the obgyn office to schedule an appointment. I'm waiting for them to get back to me.

    I really hate going to the doctor as well. I tend to avoid it if possible although I don't have anything against doctors. But I've been avoiding this for too long and I need to see if there are any problems, and perhaps they can refer me to an RE if they feel it is necessary. My experience with doctors after my m/c was so bad I'm still upset about it.
    Wish me luck, guys. I'm kind of scared to go now.
    Good luck Mandy! I really don't like going there. I have now decided I'm going every three years since I have never had an abnormal exam/pap. I never saw an RE but did go to the IF clinic and was seeing someone who specialized in that (and someone I work with professionally so that was kind of weird). The couple months I tried clomid to see if it would give me longer cycles, I was in there like every two weeks getting ultrasounds and triggers. Never did find anything wrong though I did stop going before the HSG....we already had spent enough since insurance doesn't cover it and were already talking about adoption.

    Are you going to the same place or someplace different? I once saw an obgyn that was so rude to meet and rough, I filed a complaint....seemed he couldn't find my ovaries because of my weight and size....even though when I had been 100 lbs heavier, I never had someone who couldn't find them and was that rough. Of course I never saw him again!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #20748
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    I'm going somewhere new, that a coworker recommended. She had her first child in another state (WI, actually) and her second here and said she actually really preferred this clinic and doctor to the familiar one from back home, which surprised her. I checked the doctors and clinic out through google, too, and they all have high ratings on the rate-your-doctor sites. So, I'm hoping for a better experience this time.

    I've also had a change in insurance and we now have access to a better insurance provider network. Previously we had an HMO network and part of what made me so angry when I had the m/c was the network issue. My old doctor said she would refer me out to a MFM specialist immediately when I became pg because of my blood clotting issue, and then resume care once they released me. When I got my BFP, my old doctor was out of town and unavailable. I actually called this new clinic then and explained my situation, and they said the same thing, and since I was a new patient they wanted me to start with the specialist (I pay extra for a plan that doesn't require a referral to a specialist, because of my condition). So I did that. There are 2 MFMs in my city. Called the first clinic, didn't like them AT ALL and could not get the receptionist to understand why I wanted to see the MFM. She kept trying to schedule me with the OB and wouldn't listen when I said I had an OB and needed the MFM. So I gave up and called the second clinic, who totally understood why I wanted to see the specialist and what my issue was, started to schedule me, and realized they didn't accept my insurance. So I had no choice to go back to the first one. When the appointment came, I had already m/c and despite the fact that my appointment was with the MFM, he sent an OB in to see me. She consulted with him, but he didn't even talk to me face to face. The OB who did see me told me to my face that the m/c had nothing to do with my MTHFR despite the fact that it is known to cause difficulty with implantation (and many women on here have had repeated m/c and later been dx with MTHFR).

    I haven't researched it yet, but I am hoping with the new insurance it will cover the "good" clinic.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #20749
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    I just checked, and I am covered for either clinic through this new network!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  20. #20750

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    Yay!

  21. #20751

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I just checked, and I am covered for either clinic through this new network!
    Great news!

    I awoke without a headache so already ahead of the last two days!

    I'm teaching myself to play the penny whistle so I can teach Savana and Kai. According to the kit I purchased, it's a great way for children to become familiar with the pentatonic scale setting up a learning foundation for other instruments. Of course when I told dbf he said, "Why waste your time? You and I are not musical so our kids are going to be either.
    Of course I thought of you all immediately and the discussion we had in here about unsupportive partners.
    Anyway, I told him that if he could show me concrete evidence of that statement being true, we could discuss it further but until then, hush.

  22. #20752
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I just checked, and I am covered for either clinic through this new network!
    I'm so glad! Your experience sounds awful. I'm glad you don't have to deal with them any more.

    Quote Originally Posted by bridgetwu75 View Post
    "Why waste your time? You and I are not musical so our kids are going to be either."
    Oh goodness!

    I'm glad you're headache free. Have you seen the dr yet?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #20753
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    Yeah Mandy!!!!

    Um, so you don't have to have musical parents to be musical. Neither of mine can sing or play anything.....yet I played viola for like 12 years....including almost making it to state competition in 9th grade (by 10th grade I had a car and wanted to hang with friends instead of practice LOL).....and playing Carnegie Hall in NYC with the chamber orchestra. My sister also played viola but not as long as I did. But she can really rock out on Rock Band.

    I have to say that is one nice thing about adopting....we can't project our ideas of genetics on them. Like I would probably be inclined to think that a bio kid of ours would not be an athlete....especially if it took after me. Dh is better than me and likes sports....but overall we were most definitely not jocks in school. We suck at art but artists do run in my family (sister, uncle, aunt)....so that one I could maybe see. Nobody in our families is great with singing....so that would be a shocker.
    I do think that genetics do play a role at least to a point in things I would consider "talents" but of course sometimes it comes out of nowhere.
    But with adopting our baby....who knows what kind of talents our child might have. We might get to explore and encourage things that I wouldn't have thought about trying so much with a bio kid of ours.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #20754

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    Yeah, that seems very irrational, Bridget.

  25. #20755
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    Neither of my parents can hold a tune either, and my sister cannot recognize if a note is flat or sharp or even off by more than that, but I play flute and guitar and even though I don't have Jennifer's musical resume, I definitely have more talent for it. I was able to coast by without practicing much and still get away with seeming like I'd practiced - it came naturally to me. Plus, even if there isn't much natural talent, learning music is good for brain development!

    ETA: I'm also really good at languages, and I'm not sure if it's connected or not.


  26. #20756
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lydia View Post
    ETA: I'm also really good at languages, and I'm not sure if it's connected or not.
    It is. There was some study done about parrots--we all know they can mimic people, but they also do understand and can use words or phrases in the correct context. And they dance. Researchers found that there's a direct link between the two.

    I got my raise notification. A whopping .53 cents. I'm still a good $3+ dollars an hour less than what other computer support entry level positions are offering as a beginning wage. Oh, and the big boss added a note that he's looking forward to expanding my duties in the coming year. Yeah right. I hope I find something else really soon.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #20757
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    I think that there might be a connection there too. My BFF (also a Jennifer and also played viola...how we met!) has more natural talent than I do. I played well, long as I practiced but have a horrible sense of rythm. I cannot just read the music and play it. I need to hear it before I can play it.
    I took French for something like 6.5 years. It wasn't too hard for me until it came to more complex grammer (which I never really learned in English and I was in honors classes).
    My friend was a better viola player than I ever was and I was the one who did private lessons for a while. She at least used to be able to speak German (went there in college for a semester), picked up French just on her own, can speak Spanish (her dad is hispanic but never spoke spanish with them as kids), and since her Dh is Hindu, she has at least some knowledge of that being spoken.


    Chrissy...that just sucks. I really hope that you can get into one of those other positions!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy...that just sucks. I really hope that you can get into one of those other positions!
    Thanks Jennifer. One did appear today, so I applied for it. I swear I feel so hurt and undervalued (not to mention taken advantage of), I'm the closest to tears at work that I've ever been. I just might let loose and have a good bawl when I get home.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #20759

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    Sometimes a good cry helps. I'm sorry you feel that way

    Today was Josh's last day of school. I felt bad because most of the other parents showed up with big gift bags for the teachers and I only had Josh make them cards and gave them each a $10 Target card. Oh well...

  30. #20760
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    It sounds like a fine gift to me Kate.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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