Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

This really bugs me. I mean it was his friend who stayed...so HE should have been the one to give up extra food and scrounged in the kitchen after his friend left. Or HE should have said, well friend it's been nice hanging but gotta go have dinner with the family. See ya later.

I too agree. My brother come over sorta unexpectedly and I had already started dinner. It happened to be a dinner that was already going to be 'just enough' for us. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I chose to eat something else and pretended for my brother's sake that I preferred the alternative anyway. I didn't mind him having dinner with us, and he always helps Rich out with stuff when he's here, so the least I can do is feed him. But because he is my brother, I felt it should be me that went without. It's just manners.

[missychrissy]

On another topic, let me vent a little. It's going to sound so petty but I just want to say it, whine a bit, get it out and get over it.

Last week my brother texted me while I was at work on Mom's behalf (she doesn't like to call me at work if it's not an emergency). She was asking if she could get $25 early because she wanted to buy a pizza and was out of cash. I texted back "Yeah, sure" and I totally forgot about it. Rich got the money out of the bank and gave it to her when he picked Conner up.

So when I paid her on Saturday, it was the full amount. She didn't say anything. Just took the money. It irritates me because she knows I'm paying for two places right now and money is so tight for us. I know it always is for her, but god. Rich & I are both working full time and we don't have spare money for a pizza for ourselves, much less to buy for someone else.

She has the mentality of a teenager, I swear to God. Sometimes it's more than I can stand.

[Ky'sMom]

Don't have a lot of time, but just wanted to know about your DBF Bridget, if he wants things so clean and he is a much better organizer than you are, why doesn't he come up with a plan to organize the house and be the primary cleaner-upper (made up word there!).

I told my DH this and he shut up about cleaning up and organization because he is too lazy to do all that. I don't get complaints about it anymore so I am happy.

Erin

[3andMe]

Hmm, from the past couple of days, Katycat, have you ever given JoJo benadryl? It's a mild antinausea effect and might help (if it works the normal way) as a calming and drowsy med for car trips. For some children it can cause a hyper effect though. You could also try the sea bands wrist bracelets if it's carsickness causing the panic, or stopping at playgrounds, or playing CDs with stories for distraction, or look up road trip games.

Mylah, I go through periods (no pun intended) of being hungrier than normal, but I don't associate it with hormonal surges. I just get into habits and those habits or urges get more and more habituated and then they're really hard to stop. Like recently I've been hungrier than normal, and I've given into the snack cravings more than usual, and the more I indulge myself the more I get in the habit of thinking about food and snacking and different kinds of good food and what could I be eating right now and all of a sudden I'm eating a ton. I need to stop. Now that I'm feeling all depressed and emotional I'll probably want to eat more, though.

[Gwenn]

Lydia, I am so sorry to hear of your communication issues with your DH. It hurts to think that you have to hold back from sharing your thoughts and feelings with him. In my experience that is what keeps me most closely connected to the people I care about and without that, it would be very difficult. The greenhouse thing would really bother me.

DH and I had an argument tonight and I'm just left wondering what is happening. I think DH has a lot to cope with at the moment. To begin with, I mentioned a while ago that he had a job interview. They called him for a second interview and then wanted to do a polygraph test, which he called to schedule. Before he did the test, the company called to say they had lost two big accounts and couldn't afford to hire someone for this position, so they weren't hiring anyone at all. Then, DH made a connection with someone he knows who is in the process of starting up a new branch within his company and wants DH to build the business up for him - generate leads, oversee operations, everything. It's a great opportunity in theory but at the moment he would be commission only. I think DH is a little torn about it, wanting to get in on the ground floor but a little concerned that he will put in a lot of hard work for nothing.

In addition, which I don't think I've mentioned, he broke his foot a couple of weeks ago (hurt it initially when working out, then actually broke it by tripping over an extension cord and landing on the injured part of his foot). He's been clumping around in a walking cast but DH being DH, he only wears it part of the time. I think he was on his foot too much when we went to the mall the other day and he was complaining about it a little bit.

Whatever is going on, he snapped at me 3 times today for seemingly ridiculous reasons. First, because he was telling me something about this potential job, and I made a comment that he didn't like, and he snapped that he didn't want to talk to me about it. Then, this evening (and I could tell he was in pain) he made some dessert and I was in the bathroom when he finished and he started yelling at me about being in the bathroom. Then after that, he turned on the TV and went into the other room and started reading something to me off his computer, which I couldn't hear over the television. I really hate when he does that. So I called out to him that I couldn't hear him and he got really angry about it. I really don't know what the problem was, honestly I think he's just in a lot of pain and worried, but he came out and said later that I sounded really mean and angry when I shouted to him and he didn't like when I used that tone of voice. I genuinely don't know where he was coming from, but I can't help but wonder if there was something in my tone or if he's just turning the whole thing back on me.

None of this is that big a deal in the greater scheme of things, but it's really got me questioning both of us and how we communicate, too.

[Bridget]

So sorry to everyone who is having their feelings hurt by the men in our lives.
Lydia, I would be really upset about the lack of communication too. In fact, I do always get really upset when dbf makes decisions like that without talking to me.

Gwenn, I wonder if your dh is just stressed about other things and taking it out on you? Not that that makes it okay at all. And for the record, it is one of my hugest pet peeves when dbf talks to me from the living room while I am in the kitchen cooking with the oven fan on. I have told him several times that I cannot hear him in that situation but he continues to do it and then, like your dh, acts like I'm the one being rude when I say, "I can't hear you!"

Dbf got rear ended by our elderly neighbor yesterday right on our street. She shouldn't have been driving any longer. In fact, just last week she told dbf she has a degenerative eye disease and was surprised they still let her drive. It made me so nervous to see her behind the wheel of the car.
Anyway, now dbf is complaining of neck and shoulder pain. I so hope he just takes himself to the dr to see what's up instead of complaining about it for weeks on end.

[missychrissy]

I've always been pretty adamant about not dissing my dh, and overall I consider him my best friend. I feel very confused and alone right now.

I'd be furious about the greenhouse. Especially how he said he'd rather do it than discuss it with you. I would feel betrayed.

For the longest time I wouldn't mention things that were going on between me and Rich online either, but then the pressure got to be too much for me to keep to myself, and I felt a lot like you described-alone and confused. I think it helps to let it out. Even if we can't say 'do this and everything will be perfect' at least you're not keeping it all bottled up inside.

And I think we're all wise enough to know that these things happen, even in the best of relationships.

None of this is that big a deal in the greater scheme of things, but it's really got me questioning both of us and how we communicate, too.

to you too. I suspect that Bridget is right, he's taking his stress out on your because you're there, and you're safe. I'm sure he doesn't mean it. I hope things can smooth out soon.

[missychrissy]

Eek Bridget, do you think she'll lose her license now?

[The10Eels]

I confess I am highly disappointed with sesame street.

I haven't watched it in years, and watched it with audri this morning. During "abbys flying fairy school" they were talking about counting sheep when you have trouble falling asleep. So the girl says a spell about wanting fairy sheep and the sheep that appear have very "gay" voices, and talk about fashion shows, etc.

I'm seriously thinking about writing a letter.

[daylilies]

That's very strange about Sesame Street, Ash. They're usually pretty careful (from what I remember and what I've seen in recent years, anyway)

What is it with guys talking to us from different rooms? DH and Josh both do it and it drives me crazy.

About the greenhouse--it made me think of that saying, it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

Today was Josh's preschool field day. It was super cute. I'll post some pictures eventually.

[missychrissy]

About the greenhouse--it made me think of that saying, it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

Today was Josh's preschool field day. It was super cute. I'll post some pictures eventually.

That's true about begging forgiveness, but I think when it comes to your spouse a certain amount of respect is warranted.

I can't wait to see the pics!

[daylilies]

Oh yeah, I didn't mean to imply that that makes it right!

[missychrissy]

I know you didn't. I was agreeing with you.

[daylilies]

better be

[missychrissy]

Can I just say, I think that Cornell could do a better job of keeping the bathrooms and their placement next to each other more consistent. I'm on the 3rd floor and up here the women's bathroom is on the right. I just popped in to a restroom on the 2nd floor and realized a little late that it's the reverse down there.

[daylilies]

Oh yes I'm all for bathroom consistency.

[missychrissy]

Oh yes I'm all for bathroom consistency.

[Gwenn]

Can I just say, I think that Cornell could do a better job of keeping the bathrooms and their placement next to each other more consistent. I'm on the 3rd floor and up here the women's bathroom is on the right. I just popped in to a restroom on the 2nd floor and realized a little late that it's the reverse down there.

Whoops!

Eek about your neighbor, Bridget. Seems like you should see what can be done about her license.

[Bridget]

The officer that handled the accident, according to dbf was appalled that she was still driving. I guess he was kind of scolding her which actually made me feel really sad for her and I explained to dbf that people in her position often don't realize what a danger they are. I know in my mom's last few months she really was angry that my dad would not let her drive. She was taking heavy narcotics but still felt like she would drive just fine. And my mom was a very responsible and considerate person. She just wasn't thinking clearly.
My neighbor actually totaled her car so i'm quite sure her driving days are over. They think that she may have stepped on the gas instead of the break because she actually seemed to speed up as she got closer. Dbf was pulled off the road and the guy whose house he was parked in front of was leaning in the window talking when he saw her coming and jumped out of the way. They said that after she slammed into the truck she backed away and hit a tree behind her. I am just so glad it wasn't worse for her or anyone else.
Dbf has just returned from the dr and they took xrays and told him he has arthritis on the whole left side of his body. I know nothing about arthritis but the dr he saw said it could be the cause of his headaches, numbing in his hands, etc. I would love to see an end to his aches and pains because they make him very grouchy.

Dbf did tell her that if she needed to go to the grocery store once a week or had an appt, to feel free to knock on our door and he would give her a ride.

[missychrissy]

Dbf did tell her that if she needed to go to the grocery store once a week or had an appt, to feel free to knock on our door and he would give her a ride.

That was very sweet of him to offer.

[Bridget]

That was very sweet of him to offer.

Wasn't it though? I gave him a hard time and asked him if he was trying to get in the will. Totally kidding! That is completely my borderline inappropriate humor in real life. I keep it in check online because it's too hard to convey the humor. I would just seem evil.
We had a good laugh about it.

[Gwenn]

Made me laugh! And that was sweet of him.

[missychrissy]

I think that's hilarious, and absolutely I something I would say to Rich if I were clever enough to think of it in time!! With me, it's hit or miss whether I can be witty on the spot or not.

[Ky'sMom]

Glad no one was hurt in the accident! My great grandma go in a minor fender bender when she was about 82 and it scared her so much she never drove again. All she did was hit a curb and she did the same thing they think happened with your neighbor, hit the gas instead of the breaks.

My DH and I have way too many issues to mention on this forum and most of them are very appalling and some of the things he says are truly disgusting IMO and at times we dont' communicate very well. But on the whole I also consider him my best friend (he told me a few weeks ago though that he doesn't see me as his friend, which is one of the appalling things that he says, may not be much to some, but I was very hurt about that. We have been together for 12 years and been through a lot together and that made me have a bad 30 minutes, that comment. He thought about it later and apologized and tried to explain it away, but I am one of those people who don't believe explanations and will take what is said first, no kidding, no other comments.

Anyway, I was coming on here to gripe about him. DH is such a big baby whenever he is sick or has an ache or pain and he just cannot do anything and it really gets on my nerves. Maybe this is a man thing or something I don't know. But he stubbed his toe really bad on Monday night and was going on and on about how painful it was. I told him if it was broken they would just tape it and give him a pain pill. I also told him if he wanted, I would take him to the urgent care center since it was a holiday and I didn't want to pay an ER co-pay for a freaking stubbed toe. He said never mind and ended up going to the doctor on Tuesday and there wasn't anything wrong with his toe, just a stub (like I told him!) they didn't even give him any pain pills even though he was talking about how excrutiating it was. Fast forward to yesterday, he took Ky to the park to play basketball. While running, he heard his knee pop. He couldn't put weight on it and was whining all night, couldn't get up or make his plate or do anything but sit and watch the NBA finals. I ask him again if he wants to go to urgent care, they are open until 9pm, it was only 7pm when he came home that was enough time to take him there and get out and back home by 8 since our urgent care center is really quick and efficient and only $25. Again he doesn't want to go. This morning he is whining and moaning, says he needs my help to get in the shower, blames me for him recently giving away a cane he found 5 years ago because I complained about him having too much junk in the house (he does) . He would have kept it if I hadn't been complaining and would have a cane to use (never mind the huge ugly wooden "table" it's not really a table, it is one of those round wooden spools that hold cables and wires at construction sight, so it is garbage and I have been complaining about it for 8 years that takes up way more room than a freaking cane, that he also found in the garbage and brought home, in the closet, so I told him this and shut him up about that). He then wanted me to take some PTO hours off of work so that I could take him to the doctor's. He gets upset because I have a business meeting this morning and cannot take off any hours, plus I have limited PTO hours and we are planning a few trips and I want to make sure I have enough to go on the trips and still take time off for the holidays and his brother's wedding in November. I truly don't understand why he just didn't let me take him to the urgent care center when we weren't busy. Also he is wasting our money going to the doctor for bruises and sprains. He called and told me that there was nothing wrong with his knee, just like I told him there wasn't. He is now going to have them give him an MRI to check it further because the pain is just too much. It is laughable and ridiculous at the same time.

Okay, had to get that kind of funny but true to my life events out! Sorry so long!!

Erin

[Bridget]

Oh my, Erin. I am annoyed at your dh reading that. And it sounds sooo much like dbf. Even after this accident he is walking all stiff like and not turning his head but turning his whole body. Even this morning he made me my morning smoothie and actually winced when he handed it to me.
I don't know if it's all men but I do think women are biologically wired to handle pain better since we have the babies. I mean, does anything hurt more than that?

[daylilies]

Speaking of SO's in pain, my husband just called me to ask me to look up his Dr.'s number online. He had a knee injury as a kid that was never properly treated and he still has problems because of it. You know it's bad when he bothers to call the doctor. Usually he just pushes on through. I'm the one who's the wimp when it comes to pain, which is interesting considering how many surgeries and recoveries I had to put up with as a kid and I wasn't a big complainer back then.

[Smplyme89]

You know... I stalk you ladies all the time, would you mind if I bugged ya'll every once in a while

[Bridget]

You know... I stalk you ladies all the time, would you mind if I bugged ya'll every once in a while

Please do! The more the merrier.

[Cosmosmom]

Hi!

And big to all of you having DH issues. I almost feel guilty that I don't have more of those. I mean I could complain about lack of passion...probably been 4-6 weeks since the last time...but honestly after more than 4 yrs trying to get pg, I'm good going without. I get lots of hugs, kisses and snuggles so long as that is there, ok by me. The working opposite shifts puts a crimp in things....and than I was out of town one weekend, had company the next two weekends so not so much opportunity there anyway.
I did really worry a lot that DH was going to bail on the adoption. Giving up the money is hard for him and I know being a dad while something he wants, scares the crap out of him. And I really know he didn't want to go through the process of adoption where you do in a way feel like you are buying a kid and having to sell how awesome you are. But since March/April when we said ok we are doing this for real and used the PTO to sit in the classes for 4 days....and he's barely said a peep about my scrapbook shopping spree (maybe he doesn't quite realize how much I have spent since I have spread it out a bit? ).....well I have stopped questioning if he was going to pull out of this on me. I did tell him all along that if he really didn't want to, just say so and I would drop it. Having us be solid was the most important thing.

[Gwenn]

I'm the one that is a wimp about pain in our family. I cannot tell you how many injuries DH has had since I've known him, including multiple fractured ribs, hands, feet,etc. Sometimes it's from martial arts or working out, and sometimes just stupid stuff. He has a very high pain threshold and pushes himself to the limit. Once he waited a few days to go to the ER for a broken bone and the doctor there told him to his face that he must have been doing drugs because nobody could possibly stand the pain without taking something. DH absolutely does not do drugs and he was so offended he didn't follow up with treatment. He doesn't whine about pain, but I can tell when it is really bad because he gets cranky. He is coming to terms with the fact that he is getting older, now, and his body can't heal the way it did when he was younger. I really do worry that he will push himself too far.

TTC with a broken foot hasn't been much fun, either. Just had to whine for a moment there.

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