Erin, you amaze me. A panic attack could never get the better of you.
I've often marveled at people that can jump from planes or other high places and I've secretly told myself that if it were my job or my life (and of course my children's lives!) were at stake, then I could do it. I'd just...do it. So, I can see where you husband can say that. While I haven't been able to put my own self to the test, I like to think I'd manage.
Jennifer-yikes about the price of scrapbooking! But like someone else said, you're going to have a child to create more scrapbook for yourself.
Kate-I hope your friend is ok. I can understand your dh's fear, but I never think of those things myself either. I would have called her back from the house phone too.
I am so sorry to do this again but I have to vent or I will explode. Please excuse the length and the fact that it is laden with run on sentences.
Dbf has been fishing all day in the back yard. The only redeeming thing I can say about that is that he took the kids (and had a buddy with him so the kids are just running around down there but they do love that) Our house is a mess. I was working all day and during nap I folded and put away laundry. I come up after all the kids go home I come up to a very messy house, I start to clean and mention to him at one point when he comes up that the house is very messy and he says he thought I was going to have the cleaning woman do it. The woman that cleans my daycare we had doing the house with money my mil gave me for that purpose. That money is gone so I use her very sparingly as we are so broke right now but sometimes I get in over my head and I NEED her to come. But when he is not working it is beyond ridiculous for us to pay someone to clean our house. He should do it!! How can he not do it and let me do it after I'm up 4 times a night with Sawyer and work a full day. When do I get to relax???
So anyway, his friend is still here when I call for dinner so of course I have to invite him even though I didn't really prepare enough food. There were 5 of us and 5 burgers. I cut one burger in half for the kids. I always do that just in case they don't eat a whole one so it doesn't go to waste. But they often do eat it. I tell dbf AT LEAST 3 times a week to slow down when he's eating and DO NOT eat all the food before the children are finished. He eats really fast and it's crazy all of a sudden the children or I will go for more and he's eaten it all. Who does that???
Savana asks for more and when I go to get more they are gone and I'm like WTF?? And he says "Sorry." So then Savana asks me to make her more food and dbf just starts heading back down to the water. I tell him he should make the kids more food since I prepared dinner for all of us and he ate theirs and do you know what he said??? You won't believe this.
"You should know I always eat 2 burgers."
AND WHAT?? I should have made more? WITH WHAT? It's all we have! He had a friend here. How was I to know that??
I am just so sick of him. He left me here with a crying, hungry baby and two pb&j wanting children. He went to go clean the fish. I had to throw peanut butter on cold bread with a screaming baby under one arm. Finally I'm nursing Sawyer and the other two are getting ready for bed. The kitchen is a horrible mess and I dare him to come up to this house and say something about it.
Hold. Me. Back.
Last edited by Bridget; 06-01-2011 at 06:36 PM.
I'm sorry Bridget, I won't hold you back. I wish I was there. I feel like I could tear into him myself. But the truth is, as your friend I wouldn't. I'd just clean your kitchen and give you a break. You soooo deserve one. You know you deserve better than this Bridget. All his issues are his issues, and the most aggravating part (for me) is how he turns these things around to somehow be your fault. I hate that.
I wish I had really helpful advice for you.
I'm laying in bed now with Savana and Sawyer sleeping. He cleaned the kitchen. When I mentioned that he should really clean the house on his days off he says he's catching fish, feeding the family so it's like a day's work. I knew he would say that.
Here's the thing. I am very unorganized. I'm working on it but it's genuinely hard for me to keep order. I'm not lazy, just cluttered. I want to be better not for him but for me because I know it would make things easier for me. So he throws that out there tonight that he's the only one in the house who is organized and it's not fair for him to always be cleaning messes that aren't his. But I'm constantly working. I'm doing his laundry, cooking his meals, scrubbing a toilet he uses. So, it's all equal if he has to pick my socks up, or pile my books for me, or hang my towel up, you know?
Just why would you not lend a hand when you have one to lend?
Last edited by Bridget; 06-01-2011 at 07:41 PM.
DH seems to think I can read his mind too or magically compensate for being short on something. Did you explain to him that you didn't have extra because you didn't plan on his friend being there?
I'm sorry, but if someone is hanging around who isn't invited to dinner, I give them hints that they're not invited. Maybe I'm just a *****.
The photo ops for the cruise were just leaked...I hope they're still editing the pictures because I look freaking horrible in mine. I don't know if it's the light, or the dress, but I look very pregnant. I'm seriously thinking of asking for some money back if that's what it's going to look like. I really wanted a great photo op since I lost 20 lbs. since the last one I was in.
I confess I feel kind of like a hypocrite lately...
Quite a few of my IRL friends are pregnant, and due about now... and practically everyone is telling them to ask to be induced... I am finding myself more and more agitated at it, and want to say something, but don't want to offend my friends, or be TOO snarky...
The thing that makes me feel hypocritical is that I was at the point in my pregnancy with Audri that I wanted to ask about induction, but was too scared. So I tried Castor oil... and all it did was give me the sh!ts, and cramps. Cramps which caused my water to break, but didn't induce contractions/labor. I was put on pitocin, which didn't work and lead to a section. It was exactly opposite of what I wanted, and don't want that for any of my friends. I realize that not everyone has the horrible experiences with pitocin that I did, but the whole thing has made me a real believer in "baby will come when baby is ready"......
Anywho... here is a convo that just happened, and really infuriated me....
Pregnant friend who is 39 weeks --
Dr. Appt today: nothing new to report. Not surprised. Everything is healthy and very normal though, very thankful thus far.
- Dummy - does she weigh 10 pounds yet?
- Random dumb girl - Good to hear, but you should just ask to be induced now since your due date is so close, that way you have more time with DH! :O)
- Dummy - bring on the pitocin!
- Awesome - Being induced is not fun at all! I was induced with R and my labor was SO much harder than A's labor!!
- Me - Pitocin is the DEVIL
- Dummy- Okay fine have a 12 pound baby. Lol
- Irritating- I am all about pitocin K! That way you don't have to rush to the hospital and everything is so much more relaxing! But I didn't have an all natural child birth, may be harder too do girly!
- Me- You musta had good drugs if a pitocin labor was relaxing!
- Irritating - @Ashley, i had the epidural and didn't feel a thing till the pushing, I didn't realize I was fully dilated till they told me I needed to push lol..
Ashley-that stuff drives me bonkers too. I try not to even comment either, but I agree with you, it's hard. And I've had two c-sections myself so I know what you mean about feeling like a hypocrite. But I think that's part of life experiences and learning. If we didn't have others to share their stories, then we wouldn't know. So if you have an opportunity to educate then I think you should.
With Jesi I begged for a c-section in the midst of my transition stage. I had a lot going on though...I was 18, Rich & I were broke up and he had refused to come with me. I was alone and scared...and my obgyn just closed the chart and told his assistant to prep the OR. I immediately regretted it, but was too scared to say, "No, I don't really want a c-section!"
Ironically, just 10 minutes after I was wheeled into OR Rich showed up.
Ashley....I agree with Kate, the OP didn't ask for those comments. I don't believe that pitocin is the devil...and that it has it's place. Like my bff whose water broke...but labor just wouldn't start. They waited and waited and waited....but eventually the risk of infection was getting too high and that baby needed to start coming so it wouldn't end in a c-section. Or if there was some other health issue going on like mom's bp was getting too high.
But for a pg that is progressing fine....I definitely agree that 39 weeks is not the time for pitocin.
Those other girls comments were weird and just plain wrong.
Bridget I have a thing with worrying about not making enough food.....and tend to overcompensate. Thank god we don't mind eating leftovers. But how wrong of him take more food before the children are done! Maybe he should take over making dinner and trying to figure out exactly the right amounts to make.
Clutter drives my DH insane....so I do try to not leave too much of it around. But he does most of the cleaning...I do laundry and kitchen/cooking. I told him from day one that if we both worked, we both cleaned. I do think though that he is not going to be as involved in childcare as I will be. If I'm not home, he will be fine. But if I am home, I will probably do most of the work. Playing yes and he might like giving bottles....but really he's not that into babies and is more interested in preschool years and up.
Kate....I thought of you last night! I am not familiar with the geography of your state or where you are in it but was relieved to see you on here this morning. I certainly don't think of MA when I think about tornados.
Last edited by Cosmosmom; 06-02-2011 at 09:21 AM.
So I think that we finally decided on a picture for the resume letter. This is a one page letter that will be the first thing that the birth parents will see. It will have the letter from us and a family picture. Based off this, they will decide if they want to see our portfolio or not.
There were two we were back and forth on. This one is the one that every other person likes better. Both will get used, the bottom one will just go in the portfolio.
And this is the one that I like a just a little bit better.
Here's another one that is going in the portfolio (we have about 26 pages to fill and most will have two pictures to a page). Trying to show our home, us as a couple, our family/friends, and hobbies...basically an idea of what life would be like with us.
Took this one at easter....family tradition of homemade frosted cutout cookies.
I like #3, Jennifer. And you and your DH are really cute. I know you have your age in your siggy, but for some reason, I always pictured you looking older than you appear in the photos. Perhaps because you sound so mature in your written words.
I'm gonna write more when I get off this train and up to my desk. Lots to respond to, but I hate hate hate typing on my phone if I don't have to.
Aw, Jennifer I the picture of you and dh! I like the 1st of the 3 pictures of your house best, but they're all really, really nice so I only like it a smidge better. And that's really just because you can see your doggie clearly. She gives it a nice, homey feel.
I hate typing from my phone as well.
I like the third house pic best, and I agree I like the second family photo better. Cosmo looks like he's terrified in the first pic, LOL
Thanks for thinking of me--we're about 2 hours east of Springfield, where the tornado hit, which is way in western MA, but there were warnings up near Concord which is about an hour north of us and where I lived in my preteen through teenage years. I don't think anything ever hit there though.
I'm way on the southeast coast of MA, only about half an hour from Providence, RI.
So I cropped my photo op pic to just show me and Danny, my birthday twin ;) It's not so bad that way. I know I shouldn't be whining about a bad pic when it was such an awesome experience but I wanted that picture to kind of symbolize a lot of things for me, and I'm bummed that it turned out so bad. It looks terrible if you crop the whole thing to a head and shoulders pic too because we had some wild variations in height...LOL
But Danny's short, so I liked how this turned out.
Wait. I think I like #1 better, Jennifer, because Cosmo is in it. It was hard to see on my phone, but now I'm looking at a regular screen.
Bridget, your DBF's behavior yesterday was just plain appalling. I think you should go on strike with everything you do for him, I really do. Make him cook his own meals and do his own laundry and see how he likes it. That whole excuse that "he's the only one in the house who is organized and it's not fair for him to always be cleaning messes that aren't his" is bogus. Those messes that aren't his are usually the result of PARENTING.
I am totally the disorganized - okay, the messy - one too between me & DH. I hate the way he makes fun of me for losing things all the time - usually my keys or my phone. But a part of the disorganization comes from thoroughness on my part. And part of his "organization" comes from impatience on his part. He'll rush to get things done, but half-asses his way through them. Steve is fine cleaning up by putting things into random little piles. When I clean, I also want to sort and put things into proper places,so sometimes I have to stop cleaning when it's only halfway done. And I also like to really wipe things down/disinfect while I'm cleaning too. So that's why it takes me twice as long. We used to have these epic battles over whether or not I could hire a cleaning helper (paid out of my own discretionary fund), me being in favor of it. And he'd tell me I was just too lazy and should be doing it myself. But the thing is, I've never seen him clean the bathroom. He can tolerate a thin layer of dust and grime on everything as long as it appears to be tidy. So I usually am the one who ends up doing it and that's why it takes me longer to get around to cleaning, because I know I have to make time for doing it the "right" way. I'm sure there's a happy medium in there somewhere for both of us.
I feel like I could go on and on about all these little unresolved conflicts for a few more paragraphs, but my main point is that I just wanted to say I understand where you're coming from, Bridget. It's easy for an outsider to say from afar that the guy's a jerk, that the unfairness to you is obvious, and you should kick him to the curb. But he must have his good qualities too if you chose him, and when you're actually in the relationship, there's a lot more give and take. The stakes for your family are high too. All these small battles to fight can be exhausting; I can totally see why problems persist (for both you and me). If I stopped to talk through and correct every little bump, I would feel like a complete nag.
kate, I'm sorry that H is having mental health problems. It's tough to be there for someone who is experiencing delusions and weird outbursts. Having dealt with "crazy" quite a bit, I feel like the best you can do is maintain a presence in that person's life, and do what you can to encourage that she gets professional help. You do need to have your "shields up" a bit when dealing with someone who's not making sense, though. From my experience, it's hard to not to start feeling crazy yourself if you're around that person long enough.
ash, I think I know where you're coming from. Pitocin is a medical intervention, and those girls were recommending it for non-medical reasons. That's a very frustrating attitude we see a lot of in relation to childbirth.
Myles...you made my day. Especially since this morning I was trying to pluck yet another white hair from my bangs.
Kate...that is funny....Cosmo wasn't terrified but I do think that she was kind of irritated. I had my sister taking pictures and we ended up with like 40 of them in various poses in different rooms. I think that she was totally over the whole thing. But it was so difficult to get a picture where DH wasn't making a goofy face or Cosmo wasn't throwing her head back or looking the wrong way.
And you look cute in the cropped picture.
Cosmo is pretty good at finding her way into pictures. I know we had to get a hobby one and I like to crochet...just so happens my current one is a baby blanket ;) Got me all set up and took pictures. Afterwards I realized that Cosmo was lying right along side me on the couch. Where I am, she usually is.
And I just have to brag for a second about my grass....I cannot believe how beautiful it looks this year. It was just end of May last year when we had it hydroseeded.....and last year it looked awful....sparse, full of weeds, and it is hard to keep it fully watered since we didn't do inground sprinklers and the back is pretty big. I expected it to take several years to look this good.
Now to just get a second battery for the lawn mower since DH can only get 65-70% cut on one charge......
I look at my BFF and her DH....he's a good guy but OMG it would drive me batty if I had to be married to him. And I'm pretty sure that my DH would be boring for her. Both are good guys...who have faults. Just different ones.
I really do not believe that dbf and I are well suited for one another. He are so different. I'll be totally honest that I didn't get to know him that well before I started having babies. He was fun and sexy and in my life at that time, that was enough for me. I never stopped to imagine how that would bode in a life outside of the beaches and nightclubs of Hawaii. It all started on that dam Cinqo de Mayo tequila soaked trolley ride.
Jennifer, I lol'ed at Cosmo in that first picture. He does look terrified. He is really cute though.
I love the picture of you in the kitchen with the cookied. Very mommy-fied.
LOL. Cinco de Mayo with tequila does sound like a thin thread to hang a whole family off of. Then again, you two have made it this far with 3 kids, so the rope has probably thickened quite a bit since then. That's nothing to be sniffed at. (My friends used to call me Cinco de Mylah, btw.)
This may seem like a random observation, but Kate & Jennifer, you both have nice cheekbones in your photos. I always envy faces with defined bone structure, as mine is quite doughy. Not that I hate my face or anything, but grass is always greener.
And Jennifer, your grass is especially greener. LOL.
I confess... you know those Weight Watchers commercials where there's that furry orange "Hunger Monster" that looks a lot like the guy that Bugs Bunny used to torment in the cartoons?
Well, I'm being visited by my furry orange hunger monster in a very big way at the moment. It always happens this way 2-3 weeks before I get my period. My appetite is insatiable right now. Yesterday, DH & I went on a middle-of-the-day date to see The Hangover 2 while B was at his preschool. I ate a giant chicken burrito in the theater with some tortilla chips, and made it most of the afternoon on just tea. But then I picked up Bodhi at 4, ate all the leftover "veggie sticks" (which are really more like potato chips) in his lunchbox. Then at home, I proceeded to eat a bowl of leftover pasta BEFORE putting a roast in the oven, which I later ate with DH along with rice, soy beans in the pod, and zucchini bread for dessert.
This morning, 2.5 hrs after my usual breakfast, I went into the office kitchen and made myself a big fat slice of raisin bread with a thick layer of cream cheese. It's awful, because I feel like I have this bottomless pit inside me, and it doesn't matter what I eat, I just want to keep grazing all day. I usually eat until my stomach hurts from having too much in it.
I'm supposed to be trying to lose pounds right now, after another 10 lbs crept up on me in the time it took me to get used to a new job and move houses. So today and yesterday is a setback from the progress I'd been making. At least the hungry period is a little predictable. I expect it to peak in a day or so and then remain fairly high, but controllable until Aunt Flo arrives. The couple of weeks following AF are the best for me in terms of having a normal, regular appetite.
Do you ladies have fluctuations in hunger based around your "clock"? Mine seem insane.
My one excuse for the slice of raisin bread is that I've started taking dance classes in the middle of the day. Really hard ones, with lots of jumping and sweating, so I do need the extra calories. But a granola bar probably would have done the trick too at a third of the calories.
All I can say is, now I want raisin bread. Mmm, raisin bread.
I was eating like crazy at work for a while. My "new" child find position involved a lot of desk/computer time, which is a very different experience from pulling kids all day. I found myself grazing a lot, just because I could and it seemed like such a luxury. My last full day at work, I ate a cup of yogurt, a slice of homemade cake someone brought, a few pieces of candy we had lying around, my lunch consisting of a half sandwich, kettle chips, and an apple, iced tea, and then my coworker took two of us out for gelato to celebrate and I had two scoops of amaretto gelato. Then my same coworker had a party for us that night and we had chimis, fruit salad, veggies, and chocolate. I felt like such a pig. I don't normally eat like that, but I suspect I have put on a few pounds since moving positions.
Bridget, I'm so sorry about your issues. I just can't imagine taking food away from your children. I was so annoyed about it I actually brought it up with DH! And now I have DH interested in your daycare, which amuses me. But I have to say, I hate, hate, hate the way people split up things like your mess/my mess when you have a family together. You work the clock around for your family, the least he could do is pick up a sock now and then.
Jennifer, I think the first picture is the best of your DH, but Cosmo looks terrified. You and Cosmo look better in the second one. I like the first house pic best. I'm glad I'm not making a scrapbook. I have very few pictures of DH and I!
Thanks for the compliments about my niece and nephew. Someone commented about B's eyes. They are beautiful, and I don't know how they wound up hazel. We were all sure they would turn brown by the time she was in elementary school. They were green when she was a baby.
Luckily we have 13 years of being together so had better pictures to choose from than I thought at first. I did avoid putting any in though of me at my heaviest! Well except the wedding one but it's a group shot so I'm hidden somewhat from what my true size was. Dh hates having his picture taken but I make him anyway.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
You guys talked a lot while I was gone! We went to the beach, but it was so windy we had to come away from the water and play on the playground. Josh met a very nice boy and they played for a long time. I'm usually a little anxious around slightly older boys because sometimes they are too rough or they don't want to play with littler kids but this one was very nice and smart. It was a nice time.
Nice cheekbones! Thank you! I'm glad I lost some weight in my face.
I have very strange hunger patterns. I did great starting from last August until Christmas and then I went on a sweets binge which was really weird because I don't usually do cakes and cookies. I kind of tapered off from that after a couple months but I haven't been on as good a diet since then as I was last summer. It doesn't seem to have a lot to do with the time of the month. I guess I figure I'm so close to my goal weight, I don't need to be so strict anymore.