Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

I see. Weren't you dating someone a little while ago? That still going on?

[The10Eels]

I honestly don't know right now...


I came home with sick babies last night, and apparently he was irritated that I hadn't been over there in a while... He sent me two texts...

1) "I take it you changed your mind about coming over...."

2) "I'm sorry, but I just can't handle this. I can't handle always thinking that you are blowing me off to be with some other man. And if you are i'd hope you would be decent enough to tell me. I just can't go on with this mind set. Maybe we should just end it."

[daylilies]

Aw...sounds like the jealous type. That's not good. You should have said 'i'm at home with my sick children, you can come over and see if you want'

[demigraf]

"They r gettin big"

Wow. B should have so much more to say than that, and I hope he just can't find the words. I don't know the half of what went down with you and B, but I would have expected him to be a little more happy, a little more appreciative of being able to see his daughters faces.

He never bullied her again. It had been going on for 4 months at that point. I'm not sure if I'd do it again because I was a different person then (and listened to Rich's conservative ways more than I do now!) but I admit...it worked. That's why I say sometimes you have to just judge each situation on its own merits. I never would encourage fighting, but I know I did once and it appeared to be successful.

I hope I never have to do it again. Talk about feeling helpless-I felt at that time that I didn't have a choice about sending her to school (didn't know how homeschooling worked). The law forced me to put her in a situation where she was being hurt each and every day and the school's attitude about it was, "What do you want us to do about it?" I still hurt when I remember how bad that was for me as a mother. And I still hate that elementary school...hopefully they're all new administrators because that's where Conner will be going in September.

Ugh. It sounds like you took care of the situation the best you could. I would have bitter feelings about that school too, given the way they handled that situation. Yeah, I hope there's been a culture shift since then for Conner's sake.

Anyway, I know I'm not thinking 100% objectively about the Bodhi school situation, since, as I mentioned before, so much of my feeling about it are tied up in my wish that I were still staying at home with him. If anything, I can at least see that this isn't a situation that's cause for alarm just yet. I mean, he just repeated a phrase he learned from somewhere. "Get outta here" might've come from a teacher or some book they read to him. So I'm just going to keep observing things.

I'm also feeling kind of stomach fluey today, so that might have something to do with any melodrama you might feel coming from me.

Myles, I'm glad you asked ;) I'm not ready to shut up about the cruise, but I didn't want to bore you all. This is a long story.
...
H talked to M and said 'she's been hanging out with us, can she switch photo op groups and be with us?' M kinda rolled her eyes and said Fine. Later on M told me H knew her group was already short (I didn't know, I thought it was full except one or two which isn't hard to fill) and that H screwed her over even more on purpose.

So the Joe picture isn't the issue, I just think it would be salt on the wound if M, K and A knew about it (they are all Joe girls)

Ack. I wouldn't give them too much more thought, since it doesn't sound like you have to deal with them too much anymore.

Heck, Mandy or I can be your "M", Katy can be your "K", and the two Ashes can take turns being your "A" from now on. And we're all thrilled that you got the pic with Joey. LOL.

Sometimes drama can be fun, though. Especially when a story ends with the "villains" getting a small comeuppance like yours did.

I'll admit. I'm one of those who doesn't like tattling. I have picture of a matador hanging in my living room and it's within earshot of me at all times,so if it's serious I hear it. We call him Duke and that's who they tattle to. They do know though that if it is about feeling unsafe or someone hurting someone else they need to tell me. The tattles though that are tattles just to tattle. I'll let Duke handle those.

Very inventive approach, Lacey! I like it.

Did anyone ever read "Mexico" by James Michener? There's this one scene in it where a journalist asks a retired bullfighter why he doesn't fight anymore. And the retired guy shows him a picture of him being charged by an enormous black monster of a bull. The journalist points out it was the biggest, scariest bull he ever faced, and vanquishing it was his crowning moment. The retired matador says something like, Look at the size of him. Those eyes. Those horns. There is no way a lowly man like me should have survived a fight against a beast like that. So now when I think back on the fight, it makes me more and more afraid.Every year, the bulls of the mind get bigger.

That probably doesn't have anything to do with anything. But I just always liked that line from the book.

And what better way to circle back to our topic on bullying than to tell a story about a bullfighter?

I have to vent about one more thing. My kids manners leave a lot to be desired. And I can't help but blame dbf. ...when dbg said, "Give me a bite Savana." She said "No Dad." and he told her she was being selfish. I tried to stay quiet but after the third time of him saying, "Gimme a bite.", I said, "You should try asking nicely. Or you should back off and let her enjoy her meal and then if there is any left you can have it." He responds, "I did ask nicely and that didn't work. I want a bite now because by the time she decides that she is finished it will be cold and I won't eat it cold and then it will be wasted."
So Savana said, "Yes Daddy, you are being selfish". He looks at me , and says, "She calls me that because of you correcting my behavior just now." I'm like, "She calls you that because you called her that."
He gets up and stats ranting about how he wanted a bite and he is still hungry and "they" should learn to share and she will never finish and then it will be wasted.
OMG I was just wishing I had a magic wand to zap him away for the night. I told him he should be ashamed of his behavior and he acts just the way the children act that I am forever trying to correct.
... I wish he'd just apologize. It would really do the children well if he'd own up to his mistakes.
Ah, sorry so long. It's been a long week.

Oh, bridge. I think your DBF and Erin's guy and my guy would be quite a threesome to watch, since like Erin's DH, my Steve sounds like he has some of the same "ways" about him that Mark has too. I attribute it to my FIL, who could be confused for Archie Bunker on a good day. DH grew up around that man's grumpy negativity for so long that he probably thinks it's the norm. I often wonder if, at times that DH sounds like he's being a blowhard to me, he thinks he's just having a normal conversation. But then again, it doesn't help his case much when the same guy who's being a jerk one minute turns around and acts like a wounded victim the next when someone gives the same sort of pigheadedness back. You have my empathy, sister!

Does he ever own up to his mistakes, or is that something particularly hard for him?

Joshua has learned the art of sarcasm We were at a pizza place today and they have a coloring area and a wall to tack up your picture. I said "Do you need help?" and he said "Does it look like I need help?"

Lovely.

Is it really lovely, kate, or were you just being facetious?

[demigraf]

I honestly don't know right now...


I came home with sick babies last night, and apparently he was irritated that I hadn't been over there in a while... He sent me two texts...

1) "I take it you changed your mind about coming over...."

2) "I'm sorry, but I just can't handle this. I can't handle always thinking that you are blowing me off to be with some other man. And if you are i'd hope you would be decent enough to tell me. I just can't go on with this mind set. Maybe we should just end it."

Geez, Ash, that's kooky talk! What's behind all that paranoia?

[missychrissy]

I mean like unintentionally kicking, like little kids just bouncing around.
Joshua has learned the art of sarcasm We were at a pizza place today and they have a coloring area and a wall to tack up your picture. I said "Do you need help?" and he said "Does it look like I need help?"

Lovely.

Yeah, that would be the flip side 'cause there are certainly kids that freak out and 'tattle' even over silly little incidents that occur accidentally.

Ash-I can't believe that's all B had to say. And wtf about that guy? Goodness!

[missychrissy]

Anyway, I know I'm not thinking 100% objectively about the Bodhi school situation, since, as I mentioned before, so much of my feeling about it are tied up in my wish that I were still staying at home with him. If anything, I can at least see that this isn't a situation that's cause for alarm just yet. I mean, he just repeated a phrase he learned from somewhere. "Get outta here" might've come from a teacher or some book they read to him. So I'm just going to keep observing things.

We're never objective when we're thinking about our own kids, so don't feel bad about that.

I must twirl things around 800 ways from Sunday and still have doubts about how I did something or wishes that this could be another way. At the ends, like you kind ladies have pointed out, my girls have some really great, wonderful, really commendable qualities so I can't have messed up too badly.

I'm sure you'll do at least as well with Bodhi.

[daylilies]

Josh just scared the crap out of me...
I went up to take a shower. I went into my room after, got dressed, put away some laundry...I had my back to the bed, and I heard BREATHING. I froze and listened. Yup, breathing. I turned around and Josh was in our bed. I can't believe I puttered around for like 10 minutes before I saw him.

[The10Eels]

Wow. B should have so much more to say than that, and I hope he just can't find the words. I don't know the half of what went down with you and B, but I would have expected him to be a little more happy, a little more appreciative of being able to see his daughters faces.

Yeah.. I told him in October after Charlies bday that I stopped sending him pics because he never let me know that he even got them.. so why should I waste my messages (even though they are unlimited) if I dont even know if he is GETTING the messages...? much less if he appreciates it

Geez, Ash, that's kooky talk! What's behind all that paranoia?

He was hurt pretty bad in a previous relationship, and is as you said, paranoid...

we talked a little today, and I asked if I ever gave him reason to "think the worst?"

and his response... "No I guess not. I have had feelings like that for many years with who ever i'm with. When I was hurt in the past I just bottled it up. IDK. All I know is I am seeing something in you that Ive never seen in a woman. and there is nothing worth loosing you over. I guess I just want to know if there is security in this. Are we lovers, is this going to last long term? Or am I just looking in the wrong place? I feel like I am not getting any younger, and I want a wife at some point and to live a happy family life."

Ash-I can't believe that's all B had to say. And wtf about that guy? Goodness!

I sent the same pic (its the one in my siggy) to B's dad, and he wrote back right away -- "Thank you Ashley!!!"

[Bridget]

I just don't know how B's heart does not just break in two that he's not seeing those beautiful faces on a regular basis.

[3andMe]

Lydia, the twins sound so mature.

You catch me posting the good stuff. Today when we left preschool Claire burst out crying in front of three teachers and two parents when she asked me if she could get a blood test and I told her no.

[Bridget]

You catch me posting the good stuff. Today when we left preschool Claire burst out crying in front of three teachers and two parents when she asked me if she could get a blood test and I told her no.

Still, though. There is something mature about having a tantrum over a blood tesr!

[missychrissy]

Josh just scared the crap out of me...
I went up to take a shower. I went into my room after, got dressed, put away some laundry...I had my back to the bed, and I heard BREATHING. I froze and listened. Yup, breathing. I turned around and Josh was in our bed. I can't believe I puttered around for like 10 minutes before I saw him.

omg-that's hysterical!

we talked a little today, and I asked if I ever gave him reason to "think the worst?"

and his response... "No I guess not. I have had feelings like that for many years with who ever i'm with. When I was hurt in the past I just bottled it up. IDK. All I know is I am seeing something in you that Ive never seen in a woman. and there is nothing worth loosing you over. I guess I just want to know if there is security in this. Are we lovers, is this going to last long term? Or am I just looking in the wrong place? I feel like I am not getting any younger, and I want a wife at some point and to live a happy family life."

I sent the same pic (its the one in my siggy) to B's dad, and he wrote back right away -- "Thank you Ashley!!!"

B's dad sounds like a good guy. I bet he really did appreciate getting those pictures.

As for the bf, I do feel for him but he has to understand that you just got out of a relationship. Plus, you're a mother of two very young girls. How do you feel about him? When he said that, did you melt or get a little anxious?

I just don't know how B's heart does not just break in two that he's not seeing those beautiful faces on a regular basis.

No kidding.

You catch me posting the good stuff. Today when we left preschool Claire burst out crying in front of three teachers and two parents when she asked me if she could get a blood test and I told her no.

omg-she's too much!!

This is probably borderline TMI to share, but I thought it was funny. I was explaining the Rapture to Rich the other night because he didn't really know what it was all about. After a few seconds of silence, he assured me I'd be experiencing a rapture of sorts on Saturday.

[daylilies]

ROFL Chrissy!

[missychrissy]

I confess I really need to work on how I let myself get so worked up about everything we have to do this summer. I just spent 10 minutes ripping at Rich...not like it's his fault, but listing all the stuff we need to do. It was triggered because he said he has to work tomorrow.

At some point, he's going to have to tell them that he won't be working Saturdays. I cannot possibly do all that we need to do without him there. This Saturday we have people coming to our current house to look at it and while I'm happy for our landlords that there is so much interest, I'm mega stressed about keeping the place clean and presentable AND getting work done at our old house at the same time.

The kids help. Rich helps. My brother even helps. I can't let go of the anxiety I feel whenever I think about all that needs to be done. It makes me b1tchy and I don't like it. I'd like to get to where I could actually enjoy the renovation process...but I'm afraid I'll actually be a witching woman throughout the whole ordeal.

[missychrissy]

Everything I need to do this weekend:

I have to clean, take Jesi to Saturday school, stop at Home Depot/Lowes to get doorlocks and mold/mildew cleaner, go home & clean some more. Pick Jesi up at noon. Be done and out of there by 3:00.

Then go shopping (dropping the dogs off at our old house) and time it so i'm done & returned after the people look at our house

Hopefully Rich will be done with work and at the old house and can install the door handles as I don't have a clue while I do our weekly shopping.

We need to make sure the main breaker is turned off at our old house because we're having the power turned on next week (we hope)

Rich needs to finally get that car fixed and running and we need to open the camper/clean it/take pics/ and list it on craigs list for sale.

I should get my Christmas lights off the house...but that can wait till during the week if it would only just STOP RAINING! Heck, the camper could have been done this week if it would have been nice out, but it's rained every day this week.

\rant.

[demigraf]

Chrissy - I'm sorry you're stressed. One of the mamas here on APA once told me that productivity is doing one thing at a time, most important thing first, and I like that. You'll get through this, hun! It's understandable that you'd snap a bit if you didn't feel like Rich was as "invested" in your task list as you, or treating everything with the same amount of urgency.

Is there any way you can hand the camper assignment completely over to the girls?

[demigraf]

Ash - that last note from your current fella was pretty touching. Do you feel like you'd want to give it a go with him?

[Ky'sMom]

I am tired and kind of stressed just reading about all that Chrissy!!

Erin

[missychrissy]

Chrissy - I'm sorry you're stressed. One of the mamas here on APA once told me that productivity is doing one thing at a time, most important thing first, and I like that. You'll get through this, hun! It's understandable that you'd snap a bit if you didn't feel like Rich was as "invested" in your task list as you, or treating everything with the same amount of urgency.

Is there any way you can hand the camper assignment completely over to the girls?

Thanks. I know I need to focus on one thing at a time, but I'm so afraid of forgetting something terribly important. I'm just freaking myself out. And it's not that Rich isn't vested...he has responsibilities at work. I wanted to chew his boss out!! We have to get together and schedule what days we're going to do what and get those days off officially from our employers. My boss just dropped a bomb on me that he's taking every Friday off through the month of June. I'd like to swat him.

And no, the girls can't handle the camper. I can't even set it up alone. It's an older (1995?) pop-up and it takes 2 people to pull out the beds and then place the poles underneath it. Well, Rich can do it solo by resting the heavy bed on his back, but I wouldn't want the girls trying to do it themselves. I don't think I even know the order everything has to come out in. If you don't do it right, the canvas will rip from the seams.

Once it's up, they'll help clean. Like I said, they do help with everything...it's just the organizing, planning and delegating it all that is getting to me. I could never be a manager. I'd be a b1tchy one.

[missychrissy]

I'm determined to find a way to get through this as cheerfully as possible...without being b1tchy. God help me.

[girlwonder]

Chrissy, I know how you feel. Some days are hard because there is simply more to do than is possible. I'm sorry. I guess the best thing is do what you are doing - organize, list and prioritize, then knock out the things that MUST happen today, and leave the rest for tomorrow or for someone else to do.

I am having the same feeling right now - I completed a big commission, put one last coat of varnish on and realized this morning that I will have to do it all over again because one egg fell over while drying and dried itself to another egg and when I took them apart, the commission egg was the one that lost a piece right out of the side. Ugh. Seriously about 6 hours just gone, plus a week of varnish drying time. I was early and now I am barely going to get this finished by deadline.

I never used to worry about time, but it is the only thing that matters now. I have a hard time even reading these days because I have so much to do and the thought of sitting down and reading seems like wasting time. Terrible.

I read a story in the NY Times this morning about families in which the parents believe that the world will end Saturday and the kids don't. How on earth do you choose to believe in a god that will deny your kids heaven, but you can get it. And you just say "It makes me sad, but oh well." Sunday is going to be a challenging day for those families. But I am sure that there will be some sort of convoluted explanation of miscalculation to cover over the fact that you were just going to throw your children over in favor of this mean god. ugh. upsetting.

[missychrissy]

Oh no! I'm so sorry about the egg At this point, it would be something like that that would make me burst into tears.

I feel a good cry coming on...it's just a matter of what will trigger it. I hope I'm not at work when it happens. Rich always makes me feel better when it happens. Truthfully, I think that's what I need and then I can get it out of my system and start looking at this as a positive thing.

As for the kids/end of times thing...I seriously believe it's abusive to make younger children afraid on that level. It really bugs me that people think it's ok to terrorize their children in that way.

[demigraf]

Yeah, wow. I've been thinking of this whole rapture business as such a joke, that I never stopped to think about the poor little children who get roped into the madness.

Katy, what a bummer about the egg!! I sure do wish I were there to help you mamas out (not that I would be any help with creating a gorgeous art egg, katy, but I could bring you refreshments)


chrissy, I say go for it if you need to have a good cry. If you want, I can sing "Send In the Clowns" for you or anything from "Les Miserables". Those songs always make me cry.

[missychrissy]

I wish I knew something that would trigger the crying. Maybe it'll happen when I walk into our old house tomorrow...I still haven't seen it yet and am totally trusting my husband and brother that it's salvageable.

Speaking of my brother, he called & asked if I could take him to ER tonight after work because he thinks he injured his ankle. Well, he did injure it. He fears it's broken. I told him he was taking pretty extreme measures to avoid helping us with our old house & moving.

[daylilies]

Chrissy, we all need a good cry sometimes. I wish I could help you. I like to plan and hand out things for people to do (I can't execute a plan myself but I can write one up and make someone else do it)

[daylilies]

Oh, and maybe this will make you laugh-a new friend on the cruise was talking about the blockhead afterlife (blockheads are what nkotb fans are called)
She said blockhead afterlife is like the end of Titanic, we will all come back to the cruise ship and we'll each have our favorite new kid of our own. There won't be any fighting over them because we'll each have our favorite. It sounds pretty nice.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and maybe this will make you laugh-a new friend on the cruise was talking about the blockhead afterlife (blockheads are what nkotb fans are called)
She said blockhead afterlife is like the end of Titanic, we will all come back to the cruise ship and we'll each have our favorite new kid of our own. There won't be any fighting over them because we'll each have our favorite. It sounds pretty nice.

That is funny!

[daylilies]

Oh by the way I was at Toys R Us and I overheard a woman asking an employee about a special chair because her daughter has spina bifida. She was the cutest little girl. I didn't want to intrude, but now I really wish I had said something to them.

[missychrissy]

I've been too shy to speak up and then later regretted it too Kate.