Secular Confessions

[Ky'sMom]

Growing up, we always had cars in our yard. We used them as toys. In the summers, we used to run the water hose on the back of cars (especially the old long pimp cars like Pontiac Bonnevilles) and would use them like a slip and slide (would start on top of the car and slide down the trunk!) I had a real hillbilly upbringing.

That is hilarious!! Sounds like a ton of fun too!

We rarely had a car at all so my childhood memories of transportation vehicles are walking miles and miles and being really happy when we were lucky enough to be able to get on a bus.

I hope Bobbie sorts out her "path" Chrissy. I am so not looking forward to teenage-dom. Though I do have a semi-plan for the kids with college, etc. Ky already knows that he will be going to a trade school before college in case he decides college isn't his path. That way he will be able to get a job and not have to depend on anyone else to support him (mainly me). Elle will do a trade school as well and they can go to whatever college they want and I hope they will want to go. But of course plans go by the way side once the time comes and usually all hell breaks loose so the plans are really just ideas.

And Bridgett, my DH has said that in front of people too. "Where's my plate?" or "When are you making my plate?" after I have already started eating and got the kids situated with their food. He hasn't said it since last summer. My response always involves asking him if he has some sort of illness or ailment as I thought he was capable of making his own plate. Plus, my DH is a horrible complainer, I actually did used to make his plate years ago when we first met because I was just nice like that and if I was making a plate for me, I'd be nice and make one for him too at the same time. But he would complain about how much or how little of something I gave him and the type of plate and where everything was placed on the plate, so I stopped doing that for him after a few months. Other women ask me when I am at their homes if I am going to make his plate too. I tell them that he can make his own plate. My MIL thinks I'm a strange kind of woman because I don't make DH's plate or do certain things for him (like put up his laundry, he used to complain about that too so I stopped). But she is really man focused and cares a lot about pleasing a man in any way she can. I figure it is just a generational thing, but really my grandma was older than her and my grandma was never like that.

Erin

[missychrissy]

I hope Bobbie sorts out her "path" Chrissy. I am so not looking forward to teenage-dom. Though I do have a semi-plan for the kids with college, etc. Ky already knows that he will be going to a trade school before college in case he decides college isn't his path. That way he will be able to get a job and not have to depend on anyone else to support him (mainly me). Elle will do a trade school as well and they can go to whatever college they want and I hope they will want to go. But of course plans go by the way side once the time comes and usually all hell breaks loose so the plans are really just ideas.

And Bridgett, my DH has said that in front of people too. "Where's my plate?" or "When are you making my plate?" after I have already started eating and got the kids situated with their food. He hasn't said it since last summer. My response always involves asking him if he has some sort of illness or ailment as I thought he was capable of making his own plate. Plus, my DH is a horrible complainer, I actually did used to make his plate years ago when we first met because I was just nice like that and if I was making a plate for me, I'd be nice and make one for him too at the same time. But he would complain about how much or how little of something I gave him and the type of plate and where everything was placed on the plate, so I stopped doing that for him after a few months. Other women ask me when I am at their homes if I am going to make his plate too. I tell them that he can make his own plate. My MIL thinks I'm a strange kind of woman because I don't make DH's plate or do certain things for him (like put up his laundry, he used to complain about that too so I stopped). But she is really man focused and cares a lot about pleasing a man in any way she can. I figure it is just a generational thing, but really my grandma was older than her and my grandma was never like that.

Erin

I've always told my kids they will go to college. I've raised them to expect that it is a natural flow in life. Of course, I can't make them, but if they don't go I'll be very disappointed. The last I talked to her, she was willing to take a few core classes and 1 or 2 electives in subjects she's interested in. She has time to decide on a degree program, and really it is subject to change. I reinforced that it's ok to change your mind.

As for making a plate for dh...oh my goodness. I can't even remember the last time I made Rich's! I have, on rare, special occasions. Like if he's sick or was just working really hard outside or something. I'll make his plate while he washes up. The truth is, Rich makes my plate for me quite frequently. I'm convinced I'm spoiled now. I don't ask him too, and it's not all the time, but if I'm busy with housework or budgeting/bills and dinner gets done, he'll bring me a plate and coffee made just the way I like it. It's just something he does that I don't really think about. Till now. I'll have to tell him he's wonderful tonight.

[AmeriBrit]

We also had one of those big old style bath tubs with feet in the back yard that we took bubble baths in in the summer! (As many kids as we could fit in!)

I ocassionally fix my Rich a plate if I'm feeling extra nice. And he does the same for me but most of the time I just shout out "dinner's ready, come get it!"

I really hope Bobbie gives college a chance. I think what she's doing is the best way to go about it if she doesn't know what she wants to major in. I got my Associates degree in liberal arts at a community college and then transferred over to the local private college to finish off my BA. I'm glad I did it that way.

[Bridget]

Rich is a doll.
And I will say that I actually used to make dbf's plate a while back. He'd be playing poker on the computer and couldn't get up to leave his game. But I'd bring him his plate and he's say, "Did you put red pepper flakes on it?" or "Can you bring me the ketchup?" and that rubs me the wrong way. I felt like he should just say thank you and get up and get whatever else he needed. Now that I have an infant added to the mix and I'm lucky if I can sit down and eat, I feel like he should be helping me help them and not for one millisecond expect me to get something for him. I made the whole flucking dinner! Without my brother i'd have been holding a baby and doing it one handed.
Dbf's crazy in the way that when we are at dinner at someone else's house, if I don't flat out ask him to help, he will get himself a plate and sit down and eat while I'm getting plates for the kids. And he will wolf down his food, and then sometimes notice that I haven't eaten yet so to redeem himself in front of everyone he will say loud enough for everyone to hear (trust me, my family notice this stuff. We joke about it all the time.) "Baby, can I get you a plate?" to me.
I don't want him to get my plate. I like to get my own, as I have since I was old enough to hold a plate. I would so rather he helped me help the children. It's just common decency.

Erin, it's hard to believe how similar our men are in many different ways. And you and I are alike in many ways too. I wonder how it would be if the four of us were all hanging out together.

[missychrissy]

We also had one of those big old style bath tubs with feet in the back yard that we took bubble baths in in the summer! (As many kids as we could fit in!)

I ocassionally fix my Rich a plate if I'm feeling extra nice. And he does the same for me but most of the time I just shout out "dinner's ready, come get it!"

I really hope Bobbie gives college a chance. I think what she's doing is the best way to go about it if she doesn't know what she wants to major in. I got my Associates degree in liberal arts at a community college and then transferred over to the local private college to finish off my BA. I'm glad I did it that way.

Oh that outdoor bathtub sounds like so much fun!!! I almost wish we could do something like that for Sydney & Conner to play in

I yell 'dinner's ready!' too Maybe I'll surprise Rich & make his plate as well.

That's exactly what I told Bobbie she could do-get a liberal arts degree to start with. She said last night that she's mostly afraid of having a quiet little life and not doing or contributing anything. I couldn't help but tell her that without college, her chances of doing just that were far greater. I said that college will offer opportunities for her to give back and feel fulfilled that just having a job cannot.

Rich is a doll.
And I will say that I actually used to make dbf's plate a while back. He'd be playing poker on the computer and couldn't get up to leave his game. But I'd bring him his plate and he's say, "Did you put red pepper flakes on it?" or "Can you bring me the ketchup?" and that rubs me the wrong way. I felt like he should just say thank you and get up and get whatever else he needed. Now that I have an infant added to the mix and I'm lucky if I can sit down and eat, I feel like he should be helping me help them and not for one millisecond expect me to get something for him. I made the whole flucking dinner! Without my brother i'd have been holding a baby and doing it one handed.
Dbf's crazy in the way that when we are at dinner at someone else's house, if I don't flat out ask him to help, he will get himself a plate and sit down and eat while I'm getting plates for the kids. And he will wolf down his food, and then sometimes notice that I haven't eaten yet so to redeem himself in front of everyone he will say loud enough for everyone to hear (trust me, my family notice this stuff. We joke about it all the time.) "Baby, can I get you a plate?" to me.
I don't want him to get my plate. I like to get my own, as I have since I was old enough to hold a plate. I would so rather he helped me help the children. It's just common decency.

Erin, it's hard to believe how similar our men are in many different ways. And you and I are alike in many ways too. I wonder how it would be if the four of us were all hanging out together.

Bridget-I wholeheartedly agree that he should be helping you prepare the kid's plates, without being asked, and especially since you have an infant.

I have never complained about anything Rich brought me, and I'm sure he hasn't either on the rare events when I did make his plate. Talk about unappreciative. I think that chaps my hide more than him expecting it done. I wouldn't ever do it again, either, if it was complained about.

[demigraf]

My DH is so weird, in that sometimes he gives me the same stupid, entitled attitude that some of your men are giving you, where he expected me to do something for him and gets pissed off that I didn't read his mind. Then, at other times, though, he's way too pushy with his help. For example, he always tries to put food on my plate, which does not go over well because I am admittedly a bit of a control freak about the portions that go on my plate (I usually want more. LOL). Or he anticipates that I want something, so he gets the thing and tries to hand it to me while I'm still busy doing something else. And then when I tell him to hold off a bit, he stands there looking irritated at me for making him wait with it in his hands, when I never asked him for it in the first place.

Sometimes when I think about it too hard, I get really alarmed and worried at my husband's inability to think things through. I have to reason with myself that it's actually pretty rare for people to use logic when balancing their needs against the needs of others. It was a habit I had to learn, and even with practice, I can't say that I'm fair 100% of the time or don't put my needs before others, or project my "bad day" onto other people.

Ash & Kate, I hope you both had super-fun birthdays.

chrissy, firstly, I think the "redneck garage" made perfect sense. It only looked a little bit low to me, like they had to stoop. But I guess that wouldn't matter if they were bent over the engine block most of the day. Connor is unbelievably big now. He looks like a 7 year old boy! (Remind me again, please: Who's Tim?)

Secondly, with Bobbie, have you tried telling her to just give it a shot for a semester or two? Sometimes it can be convincing to say to a person who refuses to try something that they should first see for themselves before outright refusing it. There was this pretty good Japanese saying I learned at Toyota (they had this Eastern-infused business practice philosophy called "The Toyota Way"); it sounded something like "Genji Gin Butsu". I know I just butchered the language, but loosely translated, it means "Look. Go. See." In a nutshell, it stresses the importance of actual experience over imagining how something will play out to inform your decision. If Bobbie gave college a try, at least she could say she actually experienced it before making a decision.

Another thing for her to think about is... if she's so concerned about her "path", she needs to understand that in a sense, she's closing off her options more - making things harder for herself - by not going to college than by going for a little while. For better or worse, college is a door-opener for people. I wish our economic reality didn't make financial stability so dependent on formal education, or that there weren't a societal stigma against people without college degrees, but it is the way that it is. And it always makes me a little sad to see the way people struggle financially/professionally when they lack the education. It's fine for Bobbie to make her own decision, but I would just try to help her make an informed decision so she better understands the stakes when she goes ahead with whatever she chooses.

Ash, tell us more about the volunteering you'll be doing.

[demigraf]

Oh, yeah, and Erin... I've had to use 3 jogging bras at once too. I am actually not all that well-endowed - I'd say I'm average - but my 'flop-factor' runs pretty high. LOL.

[missychrissy]

Tim is my brother and my expert mechanic. They (my brother & husband) are working on the transmission, so most of the work was from underneath the car. I talked to Rich a couple hours ago and they were getting ready to lift it and bolt it in place. He was anticipating that taking 3-4 hours. It's raining really good out there where I am; I'm hoping it's not where they are.

Conner is tall. He's just 4.5!

I did talk to Bobbie about just taking 1-2 semesters as well, and that by not getting a degree she'd be limiting herself. She was ready to go for it after I talked to her, but it gave me a scare to hear her having doubts. She's my academic all-star! If I can't convince her to go to college, I have no hope for the other 2 girls!

Oh, yeah, and Erin... I've had to use 3 jogging bras at once too. I am actually not all that well-endowed - I'd say I'm average - but my 'flop-factor' runs pretty high. LOL.

omg! You crack me up!

[demigraf]

Chrissy, I thought about all I'd said about college above. I have to admit I often wonder if I'd gotten more out of it if I'd taken a year off to work first. I had no idea what "real life" was like, and so I took my education for granted, cared more about my social life and new freedom than I did about my studies.

Perhaps it could work for Bobbie to try to get into a school now, defer her acceptance for a year and work a little before going to college. You'd have to work something out so she's really experiencing what it means to support herself, but in the end, she might appreciate her education more that way. She could say she "Genji Gin Butsu'ed" what it's like to make it for herself on her own. ;) Just throwing that out there.

[missychrissy]

I really, really don't want them taking any time off. 1 year can easily slip into 9 or 10, like it did for me. I don't want that for my kids. I know I don't have a choice, but I'm not going to support them if they don't go to college. I made up my mind about that when they were very little. If they're in school, I'll help with car expenses, food, cell phone bills and other incidentals. If they're not in college, I will not help them financially at all. I really won't bend on that.

[Bridget]

My parents had the exact same stipulations, Chrissy. I think it's very fair. Generous, actually. Watch out though, my brother took about 8 years to graduate.

[missychrissy]

My parents had the exact same stipulations, Chrissy. I think it's very fair. Generous, actually. Watch out though, my brother took about 8 years to graduate.

I don't worry about Bobbie 'taking advantage' as much as her sisters (and perhaps Conner). She wasn't giving me the details about her upcoming prom because she feels guilt about us spending money on her. I've tried to reassure her that prom expenses are totally budgetary items that parents take into consideration and plan for. She's a nut about some things. She already feels guilty eating 'our' food because she's 18...but only since 4/18!

I think I'm more excited about her upcoming prom than she is. We're going next Sunday to shop for dresses, and she told me yesterday she doesn't need shoes. Why? She fully intends on wearing her converse sneakers. Ok, I'll let that one pass. I don't get it, but whatever!!

[Bridget]

Okay, I have a real confession. I still check dbf's email on occassion. I hate that I do it and I wish I didn't but I can't help it. Some of you may remember that it was in his email account that I found the emails that were clues he had cheated on me. At that time I was actually just looking for contact info for some doors we were trying to buy. I wasn't suspect.
And I don't think I am now either but there's always a part of me that will wonder about what I don't know and will never know and if he can ever be fully trusted again.

Okay, SO. A few days ago he showed me a picture of a german shepard that someone was selling. I said without hesitation absolutely not to a dog right now. We just rehomed our beloved cocker spaniel before Sawyer was born because he had bit Kai. We are not ready to be dog owners. It would be incredibly irresponsible of us to get another dog. It is actually a really huge pet peeve of mine when people do that.
Well, I just checked his email and he is in contact with the owner of this dog and expressing interest in meeting the dog.
Ugh. And I can't even say anything because then he'll know I'm checking his emails and, frankly, I'm embarassed to be doing it. But I am angry that he is going ahead with this.
I hate that I always feel like I'm the biatchy party pooper in the relationship. But NO effing way should we be getting dog. I don't have it in me to care for more creatures right now. And I don't need dbf spreading his attentions any thinner.
Sorry to be such a complainer these past few days.

[missychrissy]

You're hardly a complainer Bridget. I'd be furious at him too. What are you going to do?

[Cosmosmom]

She's just getting anxious and putting pressure on herself to pick the 'perfect' career, right now, and one that will be fulfilling for her throughout her life. I'm talking to her, via chat, and getting things sorted out. It's so hard to not get emotional and write back "WTF ARE YOU THINKING!!!!??? You're going to college, period!!" But I haven't. lol

As for your dbf, I almost wish your brother would have said something. Did your dbf at least have the sense to look shamed after he said that? Actually, I'm surprised you didn't say something. I can only imagine how that would go down in my house!

That is what you go to college for....at least the first year or two to try to figure out what kind of job you want. I would suggest that she not expect to find the perfect path and perfect career or one that is super fulfilling....I think that just sets one up for disappointment. I have a friend like that who is way into "career" and thus pretty disappointed that her's isn't her passion in life.
My view is one needs a job because we need money. I would rather be doing something that I like well enough and don't hate coming into work....and for that I needed college. And i like my job but it is NOT my passion in life and it is NOT what fulfills me.

And I can say that I'm so much more content and happy with my life compared to my friend.


as for fixing plates, I will sometimes fix DH's and I always fix cosmos (for her medicine she gets a little of what we have at dinner). But not all the time and certainly not if he expected it. usually it's because I made just enough instead of lots for leftovers....and what to make sure that we each get the right amount. LOL

[missychrissy]

I always fix Cramer's plate

How's your convention going Jennifer?

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy mine had basically the same rules...I got a lot of help and support while in college. But I also had three more rules...no smoking, no credit cards (mom knew i wasn't ready and colleges were crawling with cc companies trying to give us them), and I had to get decent grades.

I did take five years for undergrad but I LOVED college. Wasn't until the third year either that I had a major and stuck with it. I think that I tested the waters in about 6-7 majors before I stuck with one.

[Cosmosmom]

OMG I am so tired. Didn't see an sections for this afternoon so taking a break in the hotel room. Very tired of being downtown and eating out and really looking forward to seeing DH and Cosmo tomorrow.
Definitely been some interesting sections though and nice networking. Probably will not go for a couple of years again. Next year is Seattle and 2013 is Boston.

So yeah basically no weekend and the next two we have family visiting.

And I am very tired of paying $3 for a bottle of water and I will not drink twin cities tap water I will only drink tap at home, Milwaukee, Kenosha or Chicago area.

[demigraf]

Okay, I have a real confession. I still check dbf's email on occassion. I hate that I do it and I wish I didn't but I can't help it. Some of you may remember that it was in his email account that I found the emails that were clues he had cheated on me. At that time I was actually just looking for contact info for some doors we were trying to buy. I wasn't suspect.
And I don't think I am now either but there's always a part of me that will wonder about what I don't know and will never know and if he can ever be fully trusted again.

Okay, SO. A few days ago he showed me a picture of a german shepard that someone was selling. I said without hesitation absolutely not to a dog right now. We just rehomed our beloved cocker spaniel before Sawyer was born because he had bit Kai. We are not ready to be dog owners. It would be incredibly irresponsible of us to get another dog. It is actually a really huge pet peeve of mine when people do that.
Well, I just checked his email and he is in contact with the owner of this dog and expressing interest in meeting the dog.
Ugh. And I can't even say anything because then he'll know I'm checking his emails and, frankly, I'm embarassed to be doing it. But I am angry that he is going ahead with this.
I hate that I always feel like I'm the biatchy party pooper in the relationship. But NO effing way should we be getting dog. I don't have it in me to care for more creatures right now. And I don't need dbf spreading his attentions any thinner.
Sorry to be such a complainer these past few days.

I totally feel for you, Bridget. I know how exhausting it is to feel like you have to be the grown-up all the time in the relationship. You wouldn't have to feel like the party pooper if your DBF weren't always throwing so many "irresponsibility parties". It would be a really, really bad thing if your DBF completely disregards your decision on the dog. I truly hope he just doesn't feel he can back out with the owner without meeting in person. If not, and if he goes ahead and gets the dog... wow, I'd consider that a pretty serious "F' you" and feel like something has to be done.

Sometimes I think about what my dealbreaker would be with my DH. So far, I've sort of refused to come up with a laundry list of items that would cause me to leave him, because to do so feels like I'm placing conditions on him, and I'm still trying to do the whole "unconditional" thing. Sometimes I wonder if I should have one, though. Or rather, I'm pretty sure I do have one (everyone has a list of dealbreakers), but I don't acknowledge it. I just don't want to come anywhere near the stage where I contemplate us not being together, and I confess it's come dangerously close in recent months.

Do you ever feel that way, Bridge?

[Ky'sMom]

Oh, yeah, and Erin... I've had to use 3 jogging bras at once too. I am actually not all that well-endowed - I'd say I'm average - but my 'flop-factor' runs pretty high. LOL.

LOL!! I am very well endowed with a huge flop factor!

I would be peeved about the dog too Bridgett. My DH (when I was PG with Ky) went and got a dog after we agreed not to get one. I came home from work and DH was all excited and showed me the puppy and acted as if we had not had the conversation about waiting to get a dog. I would confront him about it. But my DH knows that I check his email, facebook, and text messages and voice mail messages too if I am in a nosy mood.

And Chrissy, I will have that rule as well, no support unless you are in school after graduating 12th grade. I will also expect good grades (preferably at least a 3.0, though DH says a 2.8). I would also like them to live on campus since I feel if you live on campus you have a greater chance of graduating on time.

Though I am not all against not going to college immediately after high school. If a year or semester were spent doing something educational or volunteering then it would be okay with me. I guess since I did go to college right after high school and honestly, I didn't like it. I felt that it was basically just a ploy to get young people in debt so they could get a job making 20K a year. I originally went to college in 1997 but didn't graduate until 2008. I really enjoyed it when I went back and was and am still grateful that my DH was very supportive in me doing so as I know without him I would probably never have had the opportunity to go full time and do 2.5 years in 4 semesters. So I guess I do think that like Myles said that sometimes you don't appreciate the education you receive from college, but regardless, I think it is important to go. You can't even work as a receptionist with some companies now-a-days without a degree.

Erin

[demigraf]

I confess I was just an A-hole to this girl I work with.

She has a pretty disorganized mind, and is a poor communicator. And yet, since the technology team she's on is made up of largely outsourced, English-as-a-second-language speakers, she has probably some of the best English in the group.

Anyway, so she's been wasting our time in meeting after meeting. I provide the team with a formula - say, for example, a+b = c. And there are all sorts of other complex variations of it. But she has spent the last 4 weeks focusing on just the most basic aspects, repeating the same scenario, just with different numbers: "So if a were 2 and b were 5, then c would be 7, right? OK, now if a were 4 and b were 6, then c would be 10, right?" Then she starts asking me not about whether her understanding about the formula is correct, she'll start questioning the formula itself: "Are you sure it's not a-b = c?"

That's a super over-simplification, but my point is, she's missing the really important questions she should be asking. She should have the fundamentals down by now, and building on them with the more complex variations. Instead, she's been stuck on them for maybe 6 weeks now. And when the team misses its deadline, I'm afraid I'm going to get implicated in the blame somehow, because I didn't answer enough of her obvious questions fast enough.

It has been absolutely maddening. And NO ONE stops her from asking such obvious questions. She's been given free reign to run the meetings and waste my time. I've openly (nicely) lectured the team on how unproductive our sessions have been. I've pointed out the timeframe we have to work with, and I've suggested the pace they're working at will make them miss their mark. I can't get through. They nod their heads a lot and then turn around and go back to the same time-wasters.

So anyway, she just chatted a question at me. And I misunderstood it, and spent about a half hour lecturing her about the right way she should have asked the question. i.e. "You need to go back and cite my provision in the spec to me if you're going to question it", In going back and reading the transcript of the chat, I see I misinterpreted 1 or 2 things she'd said, and I myself wasted a good 10 minutes of discussion with my interpretation. My basic complaint about her still stands. The team needs stronger communicators, and she is too inexperienced to be leading the discussions they've entrusted to her.

But I was a bit of a jerk and feel I should apologize for the 10 minutes I wasted.

Don't you hate it when you make a small error and were wrong about, like, 25% percentage of a disagreement? It just makes it harder to make your case for the remaining 75%.

[AmeriBrit]

I'll let you guys know how the volunteering goes after tomorrow! I am so nervous! Eeek. I have to get enough classroom experience to be able to support my application and to get a good grasp of how the classroom works; I'm applying for a program that allows you to teach (and be paid as an unqualified teacher) while you are mentored to gain qualified teaching status. Primary schools are a lot similar to US ones but the terminology is different so I think I just need to dive in and just spend a lot of time in the school to get the feel of things.

Bridget, I would be really upset if my DH did the same to you about the dog. If he doesn't know that you look at his e-mails, I guess it would be hard to bring it up but if he really thinks he wants the dog, I can't imagine he'd just bring it home one day....at least, I hope he doesn't do that to you!

Chrissy, over here the "gap" year is very popular; a lot of the kids take a year out after high school to travel and then go to college, but I think a lot of that has to do with the culture. People are up in arms now because they're de-socializing education (ie, it will be more like the American system where you have to pay a loan to go to school). Me being the American see nothing wrong with people having to pay for college but it's such a new concept here that people can't get their heads around it.

[Bridget]

Myles, do I ever feel like we are close to ending things? All the time. Do I ever wonder what my breaking point will be? I've drawn so many lines in the sand that he has crossed it's not even funny. I never imagined myself ending up with a man like him. A lot of my friends have expressed to me before that they are so surprised I ended up with him because I was a take no sh!t kind of girl my whole life.
When I found out we were having another child I knew we really had to try to make it work. And most of the times things are better. Having Sawyer has brought somewhat of a balance to our home because I physically cannot do everything I was doing before. So he's stepped up a bit.
The problem is that the core of who he is will never change. And i wonder all the time if that's something I can live with.

[demigraf]

Myles, do I ever feel like we are close to ending things? All the time. Do I ever wonder what my breaking point will be? I've drawn so many lines in the sand that he has crossed it's not even funny. I never imagined myself ending up with a man like him. A lot of my friends have expressed to me before that they are so surprised I ended up with him because I was a take no sh!t kind of girl my whole life.
When I found out we were having another child I knew we really had to try to make it work. And most of the times things are better. Having Sawyer has brought somewhat of a balance to our home because I physically cannot do everything I was doing before. So he's stepped up a bit.
The problem is that the core of who he is will never change. And i wonder all the time if that's something I can live with.

and just a big squeezy to you. Whether or not to stay is a really, really tough question for you to answer, and I TOTALLY have asked myself the same question before. If your next steps were obvious, then you'd have made them by now.

Anyway, don't think you're any less of a take-no-s#|+ type of a girl because you're trying to make this work with your DBF. It's very mature and admirable, actually. I know it can't be easy, especially if you're doing much of it for the sake of your family. It takes a lot to keep being the forgiver. Just know that we're all here to listen to you and help you sift through the BS he keeps putting you into. And your kids have you for a mom, so I'm pretty sure they can weather just about any situation with flexibility and strength.

[daylilies]

Help! I'm stuck at Philly! I was supposed to be on like a 6:30 flight to Boston and it has been pushed back to 8:15.
I did not sleep at all last night- the party went until around 5:30 and then it was not really worth it to sleep and just be super groggy so I have caught some winks on the plane and that's about it. Because I'm getting back so late, DH is leaving Josh at his mom's house and we're going to pick him up on the way home. Not sure why we can't just keep him there overnight but anyway.

The cruise was overall amazing and it's already been confirmed there will be another one-time to do some puppy dog eyes LOL

[3andMe]

Don't you hate it when you make a small error and were wrong about, like, 25% percentage of a disagreement? It just makes it harder to make your case for the remaining 75%.

I know exactly what you mean.

Bridget, I would save the contact information for that dog owner, on the off chance dbf brings the dog home. That way you can contact him on your own and tell him it was a mistake, and take it back, without talking to dbf about it, if you want, as he did to you. And don't let him get the kids involved in a fait accompli. If he brings it home, prepare to say something like "That is nice that you are letting this dog stay here overnight, but we'll have to take it back to its home tomorrow, and we can talk later tonight about the best way to do it." Compare it to checking a book out from the library or something if the kids are upset. At least you have some foreknowledge.

I took a year off from school before I started college, despite being nearly a straight-A student. I didn't really have motivation, but being on my own and working for a year made me want to go back to school. I found myself doing my friends' homework and reading their textbooks for fun, which made me realize I really liked learning and even if I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I could take classes just for the sheer love of learning and figure out a direction from there. Because it was my own decision, I think I did a lot better in college than I would have if my parents had pushed me before I was ready.

[Ky'sMom]

Forgot to remind you all in case you didn't know....the world is going to end next week!!! Someone on the street and a billboard down the block told me so. May 21st is supposedly the end of the world. It just has to be on a Saturday too, and since I sleep in every Saturday, I might just sleep through it.

Erin

[Bridget]

Shoot. I was really looking forward to eating beer brats with my dad on saturday. Hopefully the world won't end until later in the evening.

[Gwenn]

Hi, everyone! So much to catch up on. Good thing I have a few days left until the world comes to an end.

On the subject of men, DH and I had the following conversation this afternoon.
Me: When does the cat need to see the vet again?
DH: I think the vet said she wanted to talk to us over the phone after a month and to bring her back in after 6 weeks. So in about 3 weeks.
Me: But her appointment wasn't last week. It was much earlier than that.
DH: It was 3 weeks ago. So we'll see them again in 3 weeks.
Me: So you need to call next week.
DH: Why is that?
Me: Didn't you just say the vet wants to talk on the phone after a month and see her again in 6 weeks?
DH: Yes.
Me: So next week is when she wants to talk to us.
DH: I guess.

Ugh. How is it he can track events, time, and plan to the smallest detail when it's his own interest, but if it comes from me (or the animals apparently) he loses all track of time and detail?

[missychrissy]

......everyone has a list of dealbreakers...

If I have any, I'm not aware of them. I guess on a subconscious level we all do, but I know I've put up with far more from Rich than I would from anyone else in this world. Maybe that's what love is, and where the 'unconditional' part comes in? Right now we're in a good place, so I won't rant and rave about him, but I do feel lingering bitterness way down deep for some of the stuff he's pulled.

Don't you hate it when you make a small error and were wrong about, like, 25% percentage of a disagreement? It just makes it harder to make your case for the remaining 75%.

oh my goodness, ain't that the truth! It's like the one time you're wrong about something, no matter how minor, then all your other valid arguments go right out the window. It's very frustrating.

Chrissy, over here the "gap" year is very popular; a lot of the kids take a year out after high school to travel and then go to college, but I think a lot of that has to do with the culture. People are up in arms now because they're de-socializing education (ie, it will be more like the American system where you have to pay a loan to go to school). Me being the American see nothing wrong with people having to pay for college but it's such a new concept here that people can't get their heads around it.

Ash, I caught a piece of the news on that. One report said that they were up in arms because they were going to have to pay something like $14,000 for a 4 year degree. I did feel bad for them because I can understand how it would be really frustrating when you're used to having that covered...but on the other hand, my 2 year degree cost me nearly 30,000 (7,000 per semester). A 4-year degree was going to cost Bobbie 120,000 after her $40,000 scholarship....so it is a bit difficult to empathize with them.

Bobbie is going to the same community college I went to, so she's looking at nearly 30,000 in debt unless she can get some grants/scholarships to help her out. And she does want to go...she's just having a little anxiety about the 'end of her childhood'. She's very studious and has always wanted to go to school throughout the summer. Taking a break would be a mistake for her, and even she acknowledges that. She might take one after her 2 year degree...we'll see.

The problem is that the core of who he is will never change. And i wonder all the time if that's something I can live with.

The cruise was overall amazing and it's already been confirmed there will be another one-time to do some puppy dog eyes LOL

I'm so glad you had an amazing time!!! I can't wait to hear all about it!

Forgot to remind you all in case you didn't know....the world is going to end next week!!! Someone on the street and a billboard down the block told me so. May 21st is supposedly the end of the world. It just has to be on a Saturday too, and since I sleep in every Saturday, I might just sleep through it.

Erin

I saw an event on Facebook that encouraged people to actually hide at noon on the 21st so that those that believe start getting concerned that they were left behind. I actually lol'd when I read it. If I knew someone that believed it, that's the sort of thing I might do.