Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

I dress like a bum...I have no problem wearing sweats and a t shirt all day. Until recently I never wore makeup either. I started getting compliments from other moms when I did though, so now I try.
I may start dressing sort of business casual on a daily basis too. I don't feel comfortable in a dress all day though. Yesterday I put one on to show DH 3 hours before he was going to come home and I ended up taking it off.

Today I saw a baby squirrel in my yard. It looked cold and lost and I tried to call animal control to see if there was anything I should do. I couldn't reach anyone, and I was running late to pick up Josh. I decided if it was still there when I came home, I would call again. I came back and it was gone and there was a big squirrel running around. I hope it took the baby to safety.

[Cosmosmom]

Oh and what the heck with gym teachers???? The one class I ever walked out of was a gym class. I was only 9 and the a-hole stood there and MOCKED me while I was having my first asthma attack. Went to the principle crying (once I got a drink of water and managed to catch my breath) and called my mom and she was livid but they couldn't get rid of him because of tenure. I went from 2nd grade not being good at gym and liking it to third grade when we got the new teacher and I have basically HATED exercise since. Pretty much an A student except the C's I barely managed to get in gym.
He is one of two people I have personally known in my life that I have a intense hatred of.

[Cosmosmom]

Well if I'm not at work and I'm at home, I'm a bum too. No bra and in knit yoga pants. Once good thing in the winter is I have my coat on so just go to the store in my yoga pants and jammy tops. Summer I can't get away with it though and have to actually get fully dressed.
I think that the last time I wore a dress was my wedding. Oh wait I wore a dress to my MIL's wedding too. But not much since. I'm much more comfortable in pants.
And I don't wear makeup either. Probably last time was 4.5 years ago maybe. I wear glasses and just wasn't seeing much difference with makeup on and feel like it's better to not wear any. Plus my DH doesn't like makeup and he looks at my face a whole lot more than I do.
But I am into my hair.

I dress like a bum...I have no problem wearing sweats and a t shirt all day. Until recently I never wore makeup either. I started getting compliments from other moms when I did though, so now I try.
I may start dressing sort of business casual on a daily basis too. I don't feel comfortable in a dress all day though. Yesterday I put one on to show DH 3 hours before he was going to come home and I ended up taking it off.

[daylilies]

WTF?
I really don't recall any horrible teachers except the one I mentioned a while ago who dumped out my desk.
We had really strict ones (like the English teacher who'd take off points for the day every time you said "like").
I was excused from most of my gym classes because of my limited physical abilities. I hated the parts I was able to take part in. The word "team" still gives me a little anxiety.

[daylilies]

DH commented the other day that he likes the length of my hair. I said "Funny, I was just thinking about getting it cut." He likes really long hair.
Josh and I go out a lot, so I can't say we're at home much. At least when it's not winter.

Well if I'm not at work and I'm at home, I'm a bum too. No bra and in knit yoga pants. Once good thing in the winter is I have my coat on so just go to the store in my yoga pants and jammy tops. Summer I can't get away with it though and have to actually get fully dressed.
I think that the last time I wore a dress was my wedding. Oh wait I wore a dress to my MIL's wedding too. But not much since. I'm much more comfortable in pants.
And I don't wear makeup either. Probably last time was 4.5 years ago maybe. I wear glasses and just wasn't seeing much difference with makeup on and feel like it's better to not wear any. Plus my DH doesn't like makeup and he looks at my face a whole lot more than I do.
But I am into my hair.

[missychrissy]

When I had to dress for work every day, I wore short skirts. I was <30 then though There wasn't an official dress code there either. My supervisor used to pick up some cute ones that she'd find at various yard sales for me. The only thing that was ever said was when 2 adolescent boys were overheard talking in the hallway after group one day. One of them said "that secretary has nice legs." Hartless (my boss) tried to 'talk to me' about it, but there wasn't anything he could do since there was no official dress code, and other women also wore short skirts.

I've worn a somewhat short skirt with tight black leggings here, but since my job involves crawling around on the floor sometimes, I've only done it once. I like to dress up and I find wearing skirts/heels all day is fun.

[Cosmosmom]

Well I wanted to dress like Cher in Clueless when I was in high school. But didn't have the body for that.

DH likes my hair better curly/wavy and it's natural color. Though I told him that when it gets more grey's in there, I'm coloring it. Will be close to my natural but probably a bit more red (looks red in sunlight but brown inside). And right now I do wear it mostly more straight/wavy because it's getting too long and heavy so the curls aren't there. I'm growing it down to my rear because I want to donate to locks of love....BUT when they cut off like 9-10 inches, I still want long hair.

When I do go out in public when not at work, it's just a t-shirt and jeans or in the winter a sweater and jeans. I just think that those are normal clothes. I do have one pair of capri that I use in the warmest part of the summer. I will only wear sleeveless if I'm out in my yard and I don't do shorts in public usually. But we don't have many days above 90 up here.

[missychrissy]

Well I wanted to dress like Cher in Clueless when I was in high school. But didn't have the body for that.

Who does?

I admit, there's a naughty side to me that still likes to dress like a tramp. Especially when I go out. Short skirts, low cut blouses. I figure--why not? I may as well rock it while I still can. It's not about self esteem (or lack of it) for me either. I just like the way I look when I get gussied up like that. So does Rich.

[Ky'sMom]

I used to be a tomboy but enjoy dressing up now. Even though most of the time I think I dress rather frumpy. I get kind of depressed if I don't wear a dress at least twice a week.

And Myles, it's good to know that overstock has an easy return policy. I am crazy about return policies and always keep boxes. I found a nice table on the site and may go ahead and get it. I just threw away our box for our new 50 inch TV (it was a HUGE box that I made DH put in his closet LOL). We kept it along with the packaging for 60 days because the slip said if the TV broke within 60 days we could exchange it for one as long as we had the original box and packing material. DH thought I was nuts. But he was nice enough to take it to a retail store outside of the neighborhood for me to throw in a dumpster so that people in the neighborhood wouldn't know that we got a new TV. We brought it home at night during a thunderstorm so I know no one actually saw us bring it in the house unless they were holed up in the abandoned school across the street spying on us with binoculars.

My mom did have talks like that with me Chrissy. She told me how crappy men were, how crappy some jobs were and how I should always remain true to myself since a lot of the people I would meet in my life would try to demean me, especially as a teenager. My grandmother told me the same things and we had some great conversations about men. My dad told me how to behave around police officers and what to do and what not to do if pulled over or questioned. I have already had talks to Ky about how flirty girls can be and how as he gets older and cuter and stronger that some people will try to latch onto him or use him or speak ill of him/tease him just to make themselves feel better. I tell him all the negative things you hear other people and kids speak about are not true because at the core he is a wonderful person. I have had talks like this with him since he was probably 6, even ones about girls and if he plays sports they will try to latch onto him for popularity. Or that some girls may even try to seduce him as he gets older in order to get pregnant. I talk to him a lot about seducing and sex now-a-days. DH is too embarrassed to talk about sex so I tell Ky the same things my dad told me and my brother when we were kids. Though I don't think that highly of my parents actual parenting of me and my siblings, they were very vocal about sex, relationships, injustices, codes of behavior, and especially how other people (men especially) including peers and adults would say dumb, demeaning, and hurtful things. I am happy that they didn't shelter me from such advice and I do feel that Ky has benefitted from me speaking to him about these things. But he is just a little kid still so I have yet to see how well it will hold up once all those adolescent hormones start a raging. I will admit though that I teared up when his teachers told me that they were impressed that Ky never lets any of the name calling or silly things in general that his classmates say to him, bother him at all. They like to talk about him because he is always doodling, but he just tells them, "that's what I like to do, if you're going to talk about it and don't like it, then stop looking at what I'm doing." I was very proud about that as instilling in him to be true to himself and resist peer pressure is one of my biggest goals of parenting both my kids.

Erin

[AmeriBrit]

Erin, your Ky sounds like an amazing little boy! You should be proud.

I love wearing dresses and wearing make up. I wasn't always like this though. I dressed like a tom boy (went through the whole Nirvana grunge phase) in high school. People from high school have said they would not have recognised me if they didn't know who I was. Some times I think I like myself too much. My mom always says I have enough self confidence for at least 3 people. Lol.

[AmeriBrit]

Erin, your Ky sounds like an amazing little boy! You should be proud.

I love wearing dresses and wearing make up. I wasn't always like this though. I dressed like a tom boy (went through the whole Nirvana grunge phase) in high school. People from high school have said they would not have recognised me if they didn't know who I was. Some times I think I like myself too much. My mom always says I have enough self confidence for at least 3 people. Lol.

[missychrissy]

Some times I think I like myself too much. My mom always says I have enough self confidence for at least 3 people. Lol.

Nothing wrong with that!

[demigraf]

Erin, you are so awesome. I think your parents and grandparents did very well by talking frankly with you about specific situations you could find yourself in, and it's just cool that you're passing it all onto your children. I hope I can be so influential on Bodhi when he becines a better talker/listener. (The other day, he told me he doesn't "do hugs"... but then he hugged me.)

I love it that your dad taught you about how to talk to POs when you get pulled over. I went to a talk hosted by a mommy group given by an organization called Kidpower. They are pretty cool about building confidence and safety skills in children. Anyway, I remember one of the things they said was that people retain what they learn more by doing than by just being told how to do it. (The only other thing that instills higher retention is actually teaching something, btw). Anyway, so their program puts kids in simulated situations and has them actually rehearse what to do. They actually had us stand up in our seats and practice putting out our hands and verbally defending ourselves against a potentially threatening stranger. That seems like a pretty good way of teaching to me, and it sounds like your dad had the natural instinct to do some of that with you.

And about Overstock, last night, I opened a box of bamboo blinds I'd ordered from them. They were beautiful. I know I paid something like $12-15 for each of them, and one of them still had a sticker on them from Bed, Bath & Beyond for $59.99.

[demigraf]

Some times I think I like myself too much. My mom always says I have enough self confidence for at least 3 people. Lol.

I have that problem too. In fact, I think I suffer from an unrealistically positive body image. The empirical data definitely doesn't add up to how "hot" I see myself sometimes.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah not me. My DH LOVES that movie though...one of his favorites. Whatever

Yeah if I could rock it, I would probably dress up like that once in a while when going out (not that we go out much!) and I'm sure that DH would enjoy (than again maybe he wouldn't like his wife getting that kind of attention from others?)....though thankfully he likes the librarian look. :LOL: I don't usually do a bun, though I could pretty easily, but I totally rock out my glasses.

Who does?

I admit, there's a naughty side to me that still likes to dress like a tramp. Especially when I go out. Short skirts, low cut blouses. I figure--why not? I may as well rock it while I still can. It's not about self esteem (or lack of it) for me either. I just like the way I look when I get gussied up like that. So does Rich.

[Cosmosmom]

I think that I'm in the "thinks highly of herself category"....except that mine is in general, not just looks. I'm not delusional and realize that "hot" is not me. I'm cuddly and cute, have nice hair, and according to DH my eyes sparkle. But I think that I'm a pretty great person....nice, loyal, positive most of the time and pretty smart. I just wish that my DH had a quarter of my self-esteem.....I have to be strong enough and positive enough for both of us.

Erin, do you think that some of that prep with your parents was due to race? It was interesting to me that in our adoption group, two couples already have a child, one hispanic and one black and they are both in the minority program....but were both really offended after a video we watched where adult adoptees of minority backgrounds expressed some anger at their white adoptive parents.....and in part it was because they were not prepped for things like being pulled over the police. The race thing is something that we really had to talk about together....if we were still in Milwaukee, it wouldn't have mattered to us. But when we moved here, a town of about 70K, I was told more than once by old people that it's such a nice friendly town and a great place to live and oh there aren't any black families in town, that if you see someone who is black, they are a drug dealer or student on athletic scholarship. OMG I had never experienced that before....I have always lived in diverse places and gone to diverse schools. My jaw actually dropped when I heard that the first time. I have since come to find out that it's not true at all, we do have black families in town but yeah it would not be shocking at all if I heard that the police stop rate was way higher.
I like the idea of preparing boys....I would especially worry about a son who was around that age of 18 and making sure that he didn't labeled for life as a sex offender depending on state laws.

What my mom did prep us on was weight. She knew that would be an issue, though I got off very easily compared some and the bullying that goes now in the news. I was told that in our family a person can either sink or swim, your choice....and our family is full of swimmers. I would be one who would say, take a picture it lasts longer, if someone was staring or something. And really at school, if someone did say something about weight, like one idiot who liked to call me whale.....I knew I was way better than him and way smarter and in 10 years, I would be the one with a good life.....and I am.

[daylilies]

Jennifer, I found it kind of funny that you said "whatever" when you were talking about your DH liking Clueless. LOL
I feel hotter than I am. I look at pictures and think wow, that's what I really look like? Although it's getting a little better. I actually like some recent pics of me and I'm interested to see what the cruise pics come out like.

I just called animal control about the baby squirrel. I don't know if they can do anything, but I saw it sitting, shivering in the yard again with no adult squirrels around. I just feel sad for it. It let me get pretty close and didn't move. I had to leave a message.

[missychrissy]

Aw Kate. That poor squirrel! Can you get it and put it in a box or something?

[daylilies]

I was afraid it would bite me and I was afraid of the mommy squirrel coming out of nowhere and attacking me LOL
She called me back and told me to take it in to the animal hospital, so I got a neighbor to help, got a box and he coaxed it in and I covered the box with a towel. I took it in and they held onto it. It wasn't injured. The lady there told me they know people who take in wild animals and rehabilitate them and they would call someone. She said it was less than a month old

Josh was upset though-he thought we were going to take it home and keep it.

[demigraf]

Aww, sweet Josh. I'm sorry he was disappointed that he didn't have a new squirrel pet. Little does he know his mom really did that baby squirrel a solid, kate.

I think Clueless is one of the most quotable movies of all times! Remember my grumpy friend I told you girls about? I shared our chat session one time? That was like our favorite movie to come home to and pop in the VCR(!) after a night out at the bars. I still have a crush on Paul Rudd today.

[AmeriBrit]

I just learned something today that I thought was cool enough to share-the indent that is under your nose is there because that's the last place your face fuses together when you're a fetus. Cool, huh?

[daylilies]

I just learned something today that I thought was cool enough to share-the indent that is under your nose is there because that's the last place your face fuses together when you're a fetus. Cool, huh?

Whaaat? That's wild.

Paul Rudd is a cutie. He's like John Cusack-they don't really age, LOL

[missychrissy]

I was afraid it would bite me and I was afraid of the mommy squirrel coming out of nowhere and attacking me LOL
She called me back and told me to take it in to the animal hospital, so I got a neighbor to help, got a box and he coaxed it in and I covered the box with a towel. I took it in and they held onto it. It wasn't injured. The lady there told me they know people who take in wild animals and rehabilitate them and they would call someone. She said it was less than a month old

Josh was upset though-he thought we were going to take it home and keep it.

Josh. Glad someone took him.

After Jesi's appointment, we got home to a livid Rich. He was yelling "look at this sh!t!" and thrust a paper in my face. I wasn't even all the way in the door, still had my backpack with laptop and winter coat on, keys in my hand. I couldn't even understand what I was looking at.

Apparently, on one of the very few outtings we've let Jesi on she got caught riding in the front seat of a car without her seatbelt on. The fine is $105.

I'm angry on so many levels...mad at Rich's approach. Mad that Jesi would ride in a car without a seatbelt. Mad that we have to pay this freakin fine when money is already tight.

[daylilies]

Oh no I'd be pissed too. At both of them.

[missychrissy]

I honestly don't know which one I'm more upset with.

[Ky'sMom]

I would be pissed too! I would be afraid at what could have happened to Jesi but pissed at her dad's response probably more.

And Jennifer, I do think it has to do a lot with race. We got a lot of police talks, some not all that great since my dad was a petty criminal. But I also have a couple of cop uncles and they made sure to let us know, along with my dad, that black boys especially get harrassed more by police. I don't know if that is statistically correct, but I do know that in the time I have been with my DH he has been accused of being the perpetuator of a crime at least 10 times. So on average once a year, and he has even been arrested for committing a crime he did not do but was let go because he was at work during the time that the theft took place. DH doesn't have a criminal record other than that arrest.

I am always afraid that Ky will get hemmed up by the police and have already told him, even at the age he is now, that if the cops pick him up and put him in a car and take him to the police station, that the only thing he is to say is "call my mom/dad." I reiterate this often but in my heart I think he would freak out if he was picked up by police. I have spoken on it before on APA, but I was arrested when he was 4 on some crazy charges. We filed suit and won a settlement out of court, but Ky still remembers it and is kind of afriad of police officers. They took our dog that day and euthanized her and Ky is still upset about it.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Oh God Erin that just breaks my heart. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. How unfair.

My dad talked to me about the police, but our situation was very different. I had to call the police on my mom when I was about 8 for the first time, and a number of times after that. Back then our community didn't have 911 so I had to memorize the whole number.

The police were there to help us, but not all of them are in it for that reason. There were a number (2 or 3 that I can remember) that took advantage of my mother's illness and used her for sexual gratification while they were on the clock. One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder can be promiscuity, and my mom had that. Sometimes she'd call the police herself because she'd be feeling down and blue (depressive episode). She had many of their personal extensions-they knew her well and her situation. There were a few that would 'help her feel better' that way.

In having those discussions with Dad, it did come up about how to act if I was ever out as a teen or adult and was pulled over or questioned. Dad's advice was always to be polite and answer their questions...unless I was actually being charged with a crime of course. I could remain silent.

Thinking about the police and remembering being very young and a few of them going in my parents bedroom for a while..I wonder why I'm not more messed up than I am. I wonder how I grew up to not hate cops. I couldn't imagine my own kids going through that.

[Gwenn]

I am absolutely exhausted. I want to reply to all of you but I'm tired so I know I'll forget something.

But I totally sympathize with Josh about the squirrel. I always wanted a squirrel when I was a child. I'm so glad you got it help.

Chrissy, sorry about Jesi. Yuck.

Ashley, I knew that about fusion! I took a whole course in cleft palate and craniofacial disorders and we had to learn about embryology. New, related cool fact: children born with cleft lip and/or palate always have either right, left or bilateral clefts. Midline clefts (a cleft along that line under your nose) are "not compatible with life." That phrase gives me the creeps big time.

I've had a rough time at work lately in some ways. I adore it, but I've had a lot of rough families. Parents who openly admit to being meth addicts, parents who are illiterate, parents whose children qualify for services (and need them) and the parents thank me for getting their child help and then never send the child to the classroom so no help is ever provided ... makes my blood boil.

Recently we had a "fair" at work where we had an opportunity for parents to come in and see what we had to offer kids in the community. A local agency donated a ton of used books that we could give away to families and we had 2 full boxes left over. Today we saw a little Native American girl off the reservation. Absolutely adorable, but I don't think anyone ever spoke to her. She looked through the books we keep on hand for evaluations and there was one with a soft, fuzzy duck. When she saw it, her mouth dropped open in adoration - it was the cutest thing you ever saw. My co-worker sat down with her and went through those boxes of donated books and filled a whole shopping bag with books for her to take home. Her mother is illiterate - couldn't even read the registration form. I wonder if the child has ever seen a book before. I felt so good giving her all those books. They couldn't have gone to a better home.

[missychrissy]

Recently we had a "fair" at work where we had an opportunity for parents to come in and see what we had to offer kids in the community. A local agency donated a ton of used books that we could give away to families and we had 2 full boxes left over. Today we saw a little Native American girl off the reservation. Absolutely adorable, but I don't think anyone ever spoke to her. She looked through the books we keep on hand for evaluations and there was one with a soft, fuzzy duck. When she saw it, her mouth dropped open in adoration - it was the cutest thing you ever saw. My co-worker sat down with her and went through those boxes of donated books and filled a whole shopping bag with books for her to take home. Her mother is illiterate - couldn't even read the registration form. I wonder if the child has ever seen a book before. I felt so good giving her all those books. They couldn't have gone to a better home.

and You never know how such a simple thing may make a tremendous impact in her life.

[Gwenn]

Erin and Chrissy, you are breaking my heart. I hate that either of you had to go through any of those things.