Secular Confessions

[Bridget]

On the spectrum of "Sensitive & emotionally intelligent" ----> to ----> "strong and take charge", I wonder where "dances enthusiastically to wife's songs about humanoids" falls? LOL.

I guess it falls in the spot that allows him to be a **** sometimes and get away with it. I love that! You guys are cute.

[Ky'sMom]

I am sorry. Poor Savana - to feel so sad to lose something and then to be judged as bad for feeling sad. Ugh. That breaks my heart. I hope she never feels like her feelings are not valid.

I was thinking the same thing. Poor Savana.

I confess we got a diagnosis as to my aunts myserious illness today. ( a week after she passed).

It was Guillain-Barre Syndrom, and the kicker -- totally treatable if caught in time.

It has the same symptoms as her MS, so they had no clue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guillai...C3%A9_syndrome

So sorry they did not do the spinal find out before she passed. I hope your mom is doing okay.

Myles, what you say makes a lot of sense. Dbf couldn't be more alpha. And it is his manly manliness that attracted me to him in the first place. Added to the fact that he overcompensates for being very insecure. I think he wishes I was a starry eyed sensitive chick as well.

My DH is the same Bridget and I was also attracted to his manly manliness LOL. I actually say that to him sometimes, that he is my manly man and his manly manliness is very strong on a particular day. He thinks I'm nuts. But he is also very alpha male and is always trying to fix things and is kind of ignorant about emotions and feelings. He will turn off a movie or something we are watching together if it gets emotional, touchy-feely things make him uncomfortable. My DH has admitted that he wishes I were more of an old fashioned love your man all the time, do whatever he says, agree with everything he thinks kind of a woman. But I am nothing like that at all.

Even if your DBF is a manly man, I don't like what he said to Savana about her egg. He should have just left her alone or offered to give her a hug and tell her it was okay. My manly DH melts away a lot of his ruggedness with Elle, he is very sensitive with her and I'm happy that she has that affect on him.

Erin

[demigraf]

I don't know whether to laugh at this or be annoyed at him. I suppose I'm a little of both, and now very curious about his take of you.

Yeah, I can totally laugh about it now. However, it was a little irritating to read about myself through his lenses, especially since he got it so completely wrong, and had obviously bought into his own distorted version of events. It was also infuriating because I could almost feel him trying to continue the argument with me ... years after we'd broken up.

My version of the story is that we were at my aunt's 60th birthday party. A bar was set up right next to the stage, and guests were getting up on it to make roasts and toasts and sing songs for my aunt. In the meantime, the Ex had his back turned to the room, visibly trying to charm the 50-something lady bartender into giving him some free drinks. It was a small crowd, and it was very distracting and rude, the way he was ignoring all that was happening on the stage, but right there. His behavior caused a stir the next day with my family, with my dad and grandmother both telling me I needed to talk to him about it. Somehow, all that was lost in his book version. In his story, I was the insecure and jealous girlfriend, unable to stand even the sight of him talking to "granny"... as if he had been trying to get into her "sweet social security checks".

I think it was my fault for buying the book and reading it anyway. I returned the book to the bookshop the morning after reading it the night before. I also stopped anonymously frequenting his advice blog. Not so much because he bugged me (which he sometimes did with anecdotes he'd tell his readers that I knew falsely represented me), but because his followers started to get on my nerves.

I do believe in the old addage about not peeking "into a keyhole lest ye be vexed". I peeked into a keyhole and I got vexed. Lesson learned.

[daylilies]

LOL at the roof Cylon and the song
I'm so sorry about your aunt, Ash

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry, Ashley. It must feel terrible to know that now.

[Gwenn]

Ashley, I am so sorry to hear about your aunt. How is your mother handling this?

On the subject of men, my DH is a very take-charge, traditional type guy and lots of times I feel like he completely misses my emotions. For example, last night I was irritated about my sister and when I came to bed I was ranting (just a little) about it. Instead of just hearing me out, he kept asking me to stop mid-rant, which made me more irritated and I just wanted to rant more.

But - we were in the grocery store this weekend and as we were walking by the dairy case I noticed a young man in a wheelchair. I almost stopped to ask him if he needed help but looked like he knew what he was doing and I didn't want to offend him. A minute or 2 later I heard him ask DH if he would get him a carton of eggs because he couldn't reach into the case. DH went through and opened 2-3 egg cartons to check for broken eggs and find just the right one to give to the man. I'm not ashamed to admit I almost cried watching it. So far a manly man he has a great sensitive side. So long as he's not tired and irritable.

[girlwonder]

Hey Mandy - I came across this blog the other day and I don't know why, but I thought you would be interested in it. Maybe because you work with people who have issues with communication.

http://mindpop.net/

[Gwenn]

Very cool, Katy! Thanks for sharing!

[daylilies]

I always hesitate to help people in wheelchairs too unless they're obviously struggling. I'm not in a wheelchair but having gone to a number of summer camps and support groups with peers and adults who were, or who needed crutches, I know they can be fiercely independent and sometimes in denial of their different needs. They don't want to be pitied or treated differently, but sometimes the extra hand or a taller person is nice.

[daylilies]

Oh by the way I completely forgot Josh's spring pictures were today. Between his week off being sick and then vacation last week I completely forgot when it was. He went to school wearing a black long sleeved shirt that says Choo Choo and has a train on it. Really spring-like, right? LOL

[Gwenn]

I always hesitate to help people in wheelchairs too unless they're obviously struggling. I'm not in a wheelchair but having gone to a number of summer camps and support groups with peers and adults who were, or who needed crutches, I know they can be fiercely independent and sometimes in denial of their different needs. They don't want to be pitied or treated differently, but sometimes the extra hand or a taller person is nice.

Yes, that's my experience, too. I'm happy to help but I'm hesitant to step in unless I know it would be welcomed.

[girlwonder]

I simply ask if someone needs any help if it looks like there might be some difficulty (kids, disability, elderly, whatever). I worked at the MS Society when I was younger and one of the clients there said that was how she liked it to be handled. That she should be asked politely if she needed help and she would answer according to her need. I don't think I've ever had anyone be rude to me. But maybe I have just been lucky?

[Gwenn]

No one has been rude to me, but many have a very independent spirit and don't like it when people think they aren't capable of doing something they do every day. They don't mind you offering to help, but sometimes they're a little hurt that you thought they needed help. People vary, of course, I've known some who are just the opposite.

[missychrissy]

I do believe in the old addage about not peeking "into a keyhole lest ye be vexed". I peeked into a keyhole and I got vexed. Lesson learned.

No kidding. He sounds like one of those guys that can justify any of their behavior, no matter how inappropriate or hurtful it is.

On the subject of men, my DH is a very take-charge, traditional type guy and lots of times I feel like he completely misses my emotions. For example, last night I was irritated about my sister and when I came to bed I was ranting (just a little) about it. Instead of just hearing me out, he kept asking me to stop mid-rant, which made me more irritated and I just wanted to rant more.

Ouch! I'm hyper-sensitive to that sort of thing.

It was nice of him to look for a good dozen for that guy though.

No one has been rude to me, but many have a very independent spirit and don't like it when people think they aren't capable of doing something they do every day. They don't mind you offering to help, but sometimes they're a little hurt that you thought they needed help. People vary, of course, I've known some who are just the opposite.

That's what I got from my Americans with Disabilities class...the lesson I learned was it's best to not offer assistance unless it's really clear that they need help.

[girlwonder]

I don't ask someone who is obviously either capable or determined to do it themselves. Only those who are visibly frustrated or with body language somehow are communicating that they are open to help.

[missychrissy]

That's what I try to do too.

[Gwenn]

I don't ask someone who is obviously either capable or determined to do it themselves. Only those who are visibly frustrated or with body language somehow are communicating that they are open to help.

Yes, I try to look for that, too. That makes the most sense to me. If I see someone who is showing that body language, I will offer to help.

[daylilies]

I'm seriously about to ask this chick on twitter what is wrong with her. NKOTB and the Backstreet Boys are performing together on Dancing with the Stars and all she can do is ***** about it.
I'm not looking forward to hanging out with this girl on the cruise and I'm afraid to ask any of the other girls what they think of her for fear of them turning around and telling her I don't like her. She's so freaking negative.

[missychrissy]

Oh no Kate I hope she doesn't ruin the trip for you. I doubt she'll get away with being that negative in front of everyone though without looking like the ass. Maybe she's just having a bad day?

[daylilies]

Nope, nearly every single thing she says on twitter is negative. and she uses it quite a bit. It's either about not losing any weight (she has lost something like 165 lbs but I guess she's going for that last 10 or whatever), or something negative about the backstreet boys, and I don't think she understands that supporting the new kids doesn't have to mean bashing somebody else...I really hope that if she's like that on the cruise, somebody who is closer friends with her will speak to her. I've only met her once.

[daylilies]

Oh, and something that kind of makes me is that she won't fit into her cruise clothes if she doesn't lose like 3 more lbs...and I just don't understand that because she's so tall, and skinny already, how the heck is 3 lbs going to make a difference?

[daylilies]

I don't usually talk behind people's backs like this, but I just have to get it out. I was on twitter exchanging messages with friends during DWTS and she just wouldn't stop. I was seriously about to message her but I know I'd regret it. Don't want to start drama.

[missychrissy]

She sounds like a piece of work. 3 lbs isn't going to make her suddenly fit in those clothes. She's delusional if she believes that.

If she's uber annoying, just do your best to avoid her as much as you can.

[daylilies]

Yeah, I don't respond to her when she's negative, and I try to engage her in positive conversation when I can. Who knows what kind of body issues or other issues she has. =/

[missychrissy]

And it's ok Kate, we know you're not catty. I totally believe she must be one of those that has to complain 24/7--one of the types we complained about in general. They're just exhausting to be around. I really hope she doesn't ruin your cruise for you.

[daylilies]

Actually I am, I talk about you secular girls all the time. "I can't believe what my heathen friends said today..." ;)

[missychrissy]

lmao!!!

[Gwenn]

Actually I am, I talk about you secular girls all the time. "I can't believe what my heathen friends said today..." ;)

[Bridget]

Oooh, I wish more people would refer to me as their "heathen friend".

[Gwenn]

I don't know if any of you care, but I downloaded Scrivener (a writing program for my mac) and it's the coolest.thing.ever. I'm in love. Sorry, just had to share.