In the past Rich has said things that I told him made it all worse and that if he couldn't be helpful he needed to keep his mouth shut.
When the girls were really little, he used to pull that "I'll give you something to cry about" crap. omg would that ever light me on fire! DUH! They do have something to cry about, that's why they're crying!! He hasn't said that in years and years, but I still get mad just thinking about it.
I never handled it tactfully...it would turn into an argument because I'd freak out on him.
DH says that too, "I'll give you something to cry about" and not only is it an empty threat because he never hits Josh, but it's just so hurtful. It's not just with Josh that he does that though. He thinks anyone being openly emotional is faking it or too sensitive and he just brushes it off. I'm sure it comes from how he was raised.
I am sorry. Poor Savana - to feel so sad to lose something and then to be judged as bad for feeling sad. Ugh. That breaks my heart. I hope she never feels like her feelings are not valid.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
TBH, I guess that I am in the rude category. I just don't think that it would occur to me to help a person with kids at the airport. In my experience, the few times I tried to offer help, it was not well received. So now I mostly just only offer to help if I am at work as that is part of my job and people don't look at you strange if you are asking them if they need any help and you have an employee name tag on. Otherwise I just mind my own business when not at work.
Plus for a couple of years I have basically tried to mostly avoid babies and little kids as best as I could....and when I couldn't avoid, I would try to ignore. Only been the past two months or so when I can look at babies and smile at them or their parents (except at work where I would fake it because well it was work).
I'm sorry for those of you having sister issues. I'm so lucky there in that mine is my best friend other than DH. Thank god they get along really well because she has even come on vacation with us a couple of times. When we do have our baby, she is going to be the godmother as well being named legal guardian for our baby, our dog or dogs at the time and any money will go to her for the baby....we will definitely do a will for that. She is so excited for us to have a baby....and even said she would have one for us if we wanted. Even growing up we didn't fight all that much...just minor stuff like when I was 16 and really cool and she was 11 and really not cool (or so I thought LOL). I would do anything for her.
In a way I'm a bit sad because DH doesn't have that and I am pretty sure that our child will be an only child. I do not see us going through adopting twice due to the money.....and of course nothing says siblings will get along or even like each other. Only way we will have two kids will be if we somehow got pg after the adoption but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.
There are too many people who pretend to just not notice other people when they're in need and that just makes me sad. When I first started working at my current workplace, one of the things you have to do when working at the office is to spend a day in a store with the colleagues and help bag groceries, shadow a shelf stocker, that sort of thing. There was a woman that bought a cart full of groceries and then was struggling to carry 2 big boxes of diapers out to her car, so I asked her if she wanted me to help her carry them out. She was so appreciative. Everyone else just stood there. I hate that.
If it was something like maybe opening a door, yeah that I tend to do. Something more involved, probably not. I wouldn't want some stranger helping me with a child involved and so there is a good chance that I wouldn't even think to offer. And people tend to get very snippity when you insinuate that they are not handling their kid or dealing with it well. So that I probably would just ignore under most circumstances unless the parent seemed super friendly. And to top things off, I am on the more shy side in person so I don't generally go up and strike conversations with strangers. And for a number of years, I will cop to being jealous and bitter....I figured your kid, your problem....and wished that I was in their shoes instead.
At work though, totally different story. I'm all about customer service. I force myself to smile, say hi, say can I help you find anything if they look lost (we just opened a new building so things are VERY different).
As for some parents getting snippy-that's true. Some do. Even being a mom, I had a woman lash out at me because I left the line I was in to open and hold the door she was struggling to get a stroller through. I just said, "Sorry" and got back in line. I figured she had more issues than just fitting a wide stroller through a manual door.
When Conner was freaking out on the plane, one older lady came up to us and offered to hold him. She stood rocking him back and forth for the longest time. I had tried, but he just kicked and shoved at me and carried on even louder. Anyway, when she had him all soothed and returned to me, she said she had a little boy once but lost him to cancer. She said, "Enjoy him as much as you can, even in the difficult moments." I sat there fighting back tears after...not because of the stress or my failure to comfort my own son, but because I at least had my son to give me fits. I try to remember that when he's really testing my limits.
God, Chrissy. That is a beautiful story. I'm wiping a tear.
I would not expect someone to help me with the kids so much as the rest of my load. It was never that my kids weren't behaving. One time I asked the flight attendant on duty how I could get to the shuttle with Kai in the ergo, Savana asleep in the stroller, a diaper bag, my nursing pillow, and Savana's little carry on and she pointed to the steps. I asked if there was an elevator and she said they close it down after a certain time of night. There were several people standing around some that actually worked there and they were just looking at me! I started to turn Savana's stroller to pull it backward down the steps, then stopped and decided to run everything else down first while leaving her up. When I sprinted down and dropped everything and sprinted back up, one of the luggage loader guys saw me from outside and came rushing in to help me get Savana and the stroller down the steps. The rest of those people could seriously kiss my arse. What if I had been in a wheelchair? Would there still have been no elevator?
Thank goodness that life balances out generally because there have been countless times that strangers have helped me at different times in my life.
That would have aggravated me. I'm sure it's against the law for them to not have handicap accessibility. It's just a matter of time before someone with a wheelchair will come at the 'wrong' time.
I'm always offering to help people-like getting things from high shelves in the store, or the really heavy, 50 lb bags of dog food. If they look like they're having a hard time, I'll say, "Can I help you with that?" I just think it's common courtesy, and it has never made me late for anything, ever!
And this is why I never traveled alone with the twins. Dh kept asking me to meet him places when he traveled for work, and when I talked to airlines and they told me they couldn't do a thing to help me and that if I needed to change one baby and the other one was sleeping, I'd have to take both to the tiny airplane bathroom with me (no changing in the seats), I said forget it. And I soon found out when traveling with dh that a lot of planes don't even have changing tables. Can you imagine trying to balance yourself and two babies in a tiny bathroom, while changing a poopy diaper? Very difficult.
Last edited by 3andMe; 04-26-2011 at 11:34 AM.
I changed mine right in the seat.
But me trying to use the bathroom was a trip, let me tell you.
Oh, what a touching story, chrissy. *teary-eyed*
bridget, my DH totally misinterprets the terms and phrases I use and tries to throw them back at me too. It is so **** frustrating, I know! Your poor little Savana. She has such a delicate heart. It's so sad that Mark considered her crying a "poor choice". You don't choose your emotions, you choose how to react to them. And she reacted so beautifully. I think Mark is like a lot of guys out there, actually, who are very uncomfortable with showing emotion because they think it makes them weak.
My ex is a sort of dating "expert". It's how he makes his living anyway (and that includes using episodes from our relationship as chapters in his books where I'm the cautionary tale). As much as I disagree with his interpretation of our relationship, he still makes some great points (and I am grateful at least he doesn't mention me by name). One of his essays has to do with the tradeoff between masculine traits and feminine sensitivity in a guy - how it's very rare to find them both in a man. From what I've observed that's unfortunately pretty true. The more "strong and take-charge" a guy is - two arguably desirable traits, the less nuanced he is when it comes to emotions. Anyway, I guess the takeaway is that it's apparently unrealistic to expect both in your male mate. Is your man a bit of an "alpha" type, bridget?
I can only imagine men make a tradeoff along similar lines with women. I know I lean towards more logical thinking, and DH doesn't get a lot of feminine vulnerability from me as a consequence. Sometimes I think he wishes I were more of a sensitive, nostalgic chick.
Last edited by demigraf; 04-26-2011 at 11:55 AM.
I confess we got a diagnosis as to my aunts myserious illness today. ( a week after she passed).
It was Guillain-Barre Syndrom, and the kicker -- totally treatable if caught in time.
It has the same symptoms as her MS, so they had no clue.
Ash, I'm so sorry! Did they find this out during an autopsy?
Oh, gosh, Ashley, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's just seems so cruel. How are you and the rest of your family doing?
Oh Ash! How devastating! I'm so sorry.
Myles, what you say makes a lot of sense. Dbf couldn't be more alpha. And it is his manly manliness that attracted me to him in the first place. Added to the fact that he overcompensates for being very insecure. I think he wishes I was a starry eyed sensitive chick as well.
I cannot believe your ex references you in the book! That would make me crazy!
I wouldn't mind some more take charge in him....BUT I love the sensitive side and wouldn't want to give that up.
And now for the clumsy transition to a completely separate (and entirely goofy) topic, I've been meaning to share this with all the BSG fans we have in the room for awhile now:
We have house Cylon!! He lives on top of our chimney and swivels around in the wind, making this totally cool sci-fi sound effect.
In fact, practically every house in my town has a Cylon on the roof. I finally got around to snapping a photo and posting it online. I'm gonna love him, and pet him and call him Eli.
And while we're on the subject, I might as well share that DH and I have a little song we've sung ever since Season 1 of BSG. It goes like this:
(*** sung in a robot voice and with clapping ***)
I am a Cylon
I like to party
I am a Cylon
I rock my body
I made it up, but DH gets all funky to it when he dances along.
On the spectrum of "Sensitive & emotionally intelligent" ----> to ----> "strong and take charge", I wonder where "dances enthusiastically to wife's songs about humanoids" falls? LOL.
How is your mom?
Myles, you crack me up, woman! I kind of cheated on the BSG thing and read all the episode synopsi on the SyFy website because I was impatient to know what happened....but I'm still watching the real show, of course.